He gave that exaggerated bow which always irritated me. "If it is not Miss Ann Alice herself! Well, who would have thought of meeting you here... and what a joy... alone! I am surprised that it is allowed."

"It is early morning, and I am older now, you know."

"And as beautiful as ever."

"Are you staying in Bath, Mr. Featherstone?"

"How formal! I had hoped I would be Desmond to you. Yes, a brief visit. And what do you think of Bath?"

"Very beautiful. I like the rocky wooded hills and the architecture is most elegant."

"And you like to mingle with the beau monde?"

"Not particularly."

"I wish I could see you alone. There is so much I want to say to you."

"I see nothing to prevent your saying it now."

"There is so much to prevent me. You for one thing."

"I have asked you to speak."

"If only you would like me a little!"

"Why should my likes or dislikes interfere with your powers of speech?"

"It is such fun to be with you."

"I daresay if you are staying here you will meet my family sooner or later. People here seem to get to know each other quickly and many know each other before they arrive."

"Ann Alice."

He had come close to me and gripped my arm. I shrank from his touch as I always do.

"Better not tell your stepmother... that we met like this, eh?"

"Why not?"

"She er... she might not approve."

"I don't have to get her approval before I speak to people, you know."

"I am sure of that, but on the other hand ... just don't mention it."

"It wouldn't have occurred to me to. I shall probably have forgotten it by the time I see them again."

He looked at me reproachfully and then laughed.

"I don't think you forget me quite as easily as you pretend," he said.

I flushed, for he was right. Even now I have those odd dreams about him and they could easily fill me with disquiet. Now there, even in the open meadows, he could make me feel uneasy.

"I must go," I said. "Goodbye."

"Goodbye. I wish..."

But I did not give him time to say what he wished for I hurried off.

I think about him a great deal. He had been very earnest when he asked me not to tell my stepmother I had seen him.

I thought then: She does not want him to pester me. She really is trying to protect me.

That was another reason why I should try to like her.

I was glad when the visit to Bath was over.

Almost immediately after we returned my father had one of his attacks—a little worse than before. My stepmother wanted to call in the doctor, but my father said it was not necessary. He had been told it was due to overdoing things and it was obvious that the visit to Bath had been too strenuous for him.

However she did call the doctor, but that was after my father had recovered slightly. She said she was anxious and wanted him to see a physician. So to please her he agreed.

Apart from the visit to Bath and my encounter with Mr. Featherstone there seems to have been nothing worth recording, and I suppose that is why I did not think of my journal until today.

So now I sit here biting my pen and thinking back. Have I missed something important? Events should be recorded at the time they happen. That is the only way of getting the real truth. But looking back, I cannot see that there is anything of any great significance that I should remember.


February 1st 1792

Another long lapse. I am clearly not meant to be a diarist. I suppose my life is really so uneventful and it is only when something unusual happens that I remember my journal.

Something has happened. Today my stepmother told us about Freddy.

I have noticed that she has been preoccupied for some little time. My father noticed too because he said to me: "Do you think your stepmother is well?"

He was quite anxious.

"Why do you ask?" I said.

"She seems... a little worried."

I admitted I had noticed it.

"I have asked her and she says all is well."

"Perhaps we have imagined it."

Apparently we hadn't because today it came out.

I was having tea with them which my father liked me to do. He wanted continual confirmation that I was fond of my stepmother. I have heard him tell people that we get along splendidly. "It was the best thing for Ann Alice as well as for me," he says.

He deludes himself and as I don't want to disillusion him when he mentions this in my presence I just smile and say nothing.

I wonder why she decided to speak of it in front of me. After all this time I am still suspicious of her and at times I think I look for motives which don't exist.

Then suddenly when she had poured out the tea and I had taken my father's to him and accepted my own, she burst out: "There is something I want to tell you."

"Ah," said my father, "so there is something."

"It has been on my mind ... for some time."

"My dear, you should have told me."

"I didn't want to worry you with my personal troubles."

"Lois! How can you say such a thing! You should know that I am here to share your troubles. When I think of how you have looked after me."

"Oh that," she said. "That was different. That was my duty and what I wanted to do more than anything."

We waited. She bit her lip and then she rushed on: "It's my sister-in-law ... she died... a month ago."

"Your sister-in-law! You didn't say ... I didn't know you had a family."

"Her death was rather sudden. I didn't hear until after the funeral."

"My dear, I am so sorry."

She was silent for a little while frowning slightly. My father looked at her tenderly, eager to give her time to explain as she wanted to.

"My brother quarrelled with my father and went off. He never came back and it was only when he died that we knew he had a wife. Now she is dead and she has left ... a child."

"That's sad," said my father.

"You see this little boy is an orphan and... well, he is my nephew."

"You are going to see the child?"

"That is what I wanted to talk to you about. I'll have to go up there, you see. I'll have to do something about my nephew. I can't just leave him. Heavens knows what will happen."

My father was looking relieved. I don't know what he had been imagining was wrong.

"Why don't we both go. Where is it?"

"It's in Scotland. I think I should go alone."

"Very well, my dear. As you wish."

"I've got to find some solution for the boy." She lowered her head and crumbled the cake on her plate. "I have wanted to talk to you for some time ... and I haven't really been able to bring myself to do it. It's worried me a great deal."

"I knew there was something," said my father triumphantly. "Well, what is it, Lois? You know I'll do everything possible to help."

"I—er—want to bring the boy here. You see, there is nowhere else. It might mean an orphanage ... and I just can't bear the thought of that. He is, after all, my nephew."

"My dear Lois, is that all! You should have told me before. This is your home. Of course your nephew will be very welcome here."

She went over to my father and knelt at his side; then she took his hands and kissed them.

He was very moved. I saw the tears in his eyes.

I suppose I should have been moved too. It was a very touching scene. But all I could think of was: How theatrical!

I had the notion that I was watching a play.


March 1st

Little Freddy Gilmour arrived a week ago. He is a small pale boy, rather nervous and very much in awe of my stepmother. He looks at her with a kind of wonderment as though she is some sort of goddess. She has two worshippers in the household now.

I liked Freddy from the moment I saw him. He is eight years old but looks younger. I said I would teach him and my stepmother is very pleased. She has grown quite warm towards me and it is due, of course, to Freddy.

I feel I have another brother—although he is so much younger than I. Charles was never a real brother to me. He always looked down on me because I was so much younger. I don't feel in the least like that towards Freddy. I am beginning to love him even though he has been here such a short time.

He seems to be very grateful to be in our house, so I imagine life was not very pleasant where he was before. When I speak to him about his mother he is noncommittal and clearly does not want to talk of the past. Perhaps it is because she is so recently dead. But when he mentions Aunt Lois he is really reverent.

Even morning when I awake I think of what I am going to teach him and it gives a zest to the day. He is very bright but I can see that few attempts have been made to educate him. He wants to learn and is always asking questions.

My father is absolutely delighted—with me, with Freddy, and of course, he is besotted about my stepmother.

He is glad Freddy has come because it has pleased Lois so much.

It seems we are a very happy family.


April 3rd

I have been too busy to think about my journal and it is only now that something really important has happened that I remember it.

This is the most exciting thing that has ever happened to me.

I have met Magnus Perrensen.

It all came about in a most casual way. Papa announced at dinner a little while ago that a fellow cartographer of Scandinavia had written to him about his son.

"A very enthusiastic young man according to his father. He has just returned from an expedition in the Pacific. It seems he is interested in the practical side of map making."

"I have always thought that must be the most interesting part," I said. "To discover new places and actually work out the distances between this and that point."

"You take the romantic view, my dear," said my father indulgently. He turned to my stepmother. "We shall have to entertain him. I

daresay he will be a little lonely. Masters can find him a decent lodging in Great Stanton for his father would like him to stay for a while to study our methods. I have already spoken to Masters and he said that he has an extra room in his house and he thought Mrs. Masters might be glad of the extra money, in which case he could stay at their house. He may be with us for some little time."

Masters was the manager of the Shop—a very efficient person who always seemed to think there was nothing in the world to compare with the importance of making maps.

"Masters is quite excited at the prospect," went on my father. "Perrensens have quite a reputation. They are specialists in sea charts. He is very eager to meet the young man—particularly as he has just returned from this journey. We want to make sure that we give him every opportunity to study what we are doing here—and no doubt he will put us wise to the progress which is being made in his country."

"That is what is so pleasant about map makers," I said. "They all help each other. There does not seem to be the same rivalry that there is in other professions."

My father laughed at me.

"I wish your brother were here," he said.

I nodded. It was a long time since Charles had gone away. We knew, of course, that on voyages of discovery such as he was undertaking men could be away for years. But it did seem a very long time since he had gone.

"I daresay he will come home unexpectedly," said my stepmother. "I wonder what he will say to find me installed here."

"He'll be delighted I'm sure," my father assured her. "He has plenty of good sense."

"I hope he makes lots of new discoveries," I put in. "Places hitherto unknown ... great tracts of land on which no human foot has ever trod before."

"Ann Alice is very romantic," said my father smiling from me to my stepmother. "Let us hope that Charles will soon be with us."

"I hope so," I said. "Freddy is enormously interested in the maps. I took him into the Shop when we were in Great Stanton yesterday. Masters was quite impressed with him. He kept saying, 'Good lad. Good lad.' I have never seen Freddy so excited."

My father looked blissful.

"He is rather bright," murmured my stepmother with pride.

"He is indeed," I added.

"Ann Alice is very happy because she has a little brother," said my father.

I looked up. My stepmother's eyes were on me. They were very bright. There might have been tears there. And on the other hand one could not be sure.