Lifting a hand, he tapped the tips of his fingers to his temple and jerked his hand out at the same time leaning into me and shouting, “You’ve totally lost your goddamned mind!”

“You know I haven’t,” I snapped.

“No,” he clipped as he turned. His movements rough with suppressed anger, he stalked to my jeans, still talking. “What I know is, I wasted a goddamn year on a lunatic. Jesus. Fuck me,” he bit out, bending and tagging my jeans. He turned and tossed them to me, continuing, “You hide it well, Ally. All that fucking crazy under all that hot. You had me snowed, thinkin’, you allowed me to dig deep, I’d get the warm and sweet with the hot, not a hot fuckin’ mess.”

I’d caught my jeans and I had nothing to say to that remark but no chance to say it before he prowled by me, his anger now at such an extreme that his movements were fluid as his adrenaline flowed.

And he kept talking.

“You wanna go. Go. Be my guest, honey.” He bent and grabbed his own jeans, tugging them on and not looking at me. “You want this over, you get it, ‘cause now, with this, I see I’ve wasted a year on your bullshit, and honest to Christ, I never wanna lay eyes on your jacked ass again.”

Ouch.

That hurt.

No, that wasn’t right. It killed.

But I took his invitation.

And not only because it was the only option open to me.

Also because it was the smartest.

As fast as I could, I dressed and made sure I had my phone and all my belongings (not that I came with many, Ren dragged my ass there in another Italian hotheaded tizzy).

But I knew Darius and Brody were staying in the same hotel, I just didn’t know their room numbers and I needed to get from here, to one of their rooms, then home, and fast (my pick, Darius).

But at the door, because he didn’t get me, I decided before we were over, he was going to fucking get me.

Hand on the knob, I turned to him, dredging up what had been haunting me for over a year. Something that had killed the hope I had for my own kickass Rock Chick fairytale. Something that taught me the death of hope was the worst thing you could experience.

I saw he was pulling his shirt over his head and started, “That night, beer and bourbon and you liking the Bears?”

He yanked his shirt down and twisted only his neck so his burning eyes locked on me but he didn’t turn to face me.

I sucked in breath as his gaze boiled away my flesh.

Then I did what I always did. I pulled it together, straightened my spine and held his eyes.

“The next morning, I woke up happy. So happy I was fucking smiling. It was the best date I ever had and it wasn’t even a date.”

That muscle in his jaw jumped but he didn’t say anything.

I didn’t need him to.

My voice quieter but no less emotional, I laid it out.

“Naked with you in your bed, smiling to myself and happy, you pressed into me, curled your hand around my breast and said Ava’s name in my hair.”

I watched his face blank even as his chin jerked back.

“So think what you want but I know I’m not jacked,” I whispered. “That, Ren, when a woman lies naked, thus exposed, in a man’s arms, when all she’s thinking about his him, and he calls her another woman’s name, that’s how she knows.”

And with that, I was done.

I turned, whipped off the chain, twisted the handle and pulled open the door.

I got it open halfway before Ren’s hand landed palm flat on the door. I was pulling but he was stronger. Thus the doorknob slipped out of my hand and the door slammed shut.

Before I could take a breath, I was pressed front to the door with Ren’s heat pressed in behind me. Further defeating any chance of retreat, his hand snaked across my belly and his arm turned to iron.

Great.

“Let me go,” I snapped.

His lips came to my ear. “Baby—”

“Let me go!” I shouted, trying to yank away but his other arm wrapped high across my chest and he held me tighter, closer, his lips not leaving my ear.

“I was unconscious,” he whispered.

I jerked harder but he didn’t let go.

So I gave up but didn’t give in. I strained against his hold, rested my forehead against the door and waited for this to be over.

“Listen to me,” he urged.

I closed my eyes and stated, “You tell me, the situation was reversed, you wouldn’t think the same damned thing.”

“I was asleep.”

I opened my eyes. “Bullshit. You were into her. You’d fought over her that night. You took her back through that whole thing, even after we had our thing.”

“I see this, honey. I get you, why you’d think what you’re thinking. But you gotta listen to me.”

God!

Why couldn’t he ever let it be over?

“Say it so I can get gone and this can be done,” I hissed.

His arms gave me a gentle squeeze. “Come sit on the bed with me.”

I jerked against his hold again, clipping, “Fuck no.”

“All right, Ally, baby, calm down.”

I went still, not because he told me to, just because I needed my strength. I was holding on by a string.

When he didn’t go on, I ordered, “Just say it so I can go.”

I heard and felt him draw in a deep breath.

Then he said, “I get you’re not in the place right now that what I’m gonna ask is gonna be easy, but I need to give you what you need and some of it isn’t going to be what you wanna hear. What it is gonna be is honest.”

I closed my eyes again and clenched my teeth.

“Are you gonna stick with me and hear me out?” he asked.

I opened my eyes and snapped, “Just get it done, Zano.”

“All right, honey.”

God.

Sweet.

Someone kill me.

“I was into her,” he admitted quietly and my throat closed. “But that night, beer, bourbon and me tellin’ you I like the Bears was not about her. It was about you and me. Then you snuck away and I get that, Ally,” he said the last swiftly, his arms going tighter as he felt my body go solid. “I get why you’d do that. But I didn’t get it then. I thought it was something else, honey, and you know what I thought it was.”

“Yeah, you came over to my place in the middle of the night and made that perfectly clear,” I reminded him.

“I also apologized,” he reminded me.

Crap.

He did.

I shut my mouth.

“So yeah,” he continued gently as well as cautiously. “I had feelings for Ava and I had to work through those. But, Ally,” his arms gave me another squeeze, “she was with another guy. Deep in it with him. I had no shot. I knew that. We’d never been out on a date. I hadn’t even kissed her. I was definitely never in love with her.”

“You took her to Carmine’s,” I reminded him.

“That wasn’t a date, honey,” he told me. “And you know it. I took her to dinner and took her home to Stark. A man taking a woman to dinner and dropping her off with another man is not a date.”

Okay, I had to give him that.

“I thought we’d connected,” I found myself whispering then I found I couldn’t stop doing it. “We were naked. You were holding me. And you were thinking about her.”

“She had a lot of shit happening around her, and I was involved. So it’s not surprising that shit was swirling in the back of my head. But I wasn’t thinking about her. I wasn’t in control of my thoughts. I was unconscious.”

“You just said you were into her,” I reminded him.

“And I found another woman I was into, we had a great night, the fuckin’ best, and she blew me off. A man did that to you, you had no idea why, how would you react? What would you think?”

Oh crap.

That made sense.

And he thought that night was the best?

“Can we stop talking pressed to the goddamned door and move to the bed?” he asked.

“Let me go,” I demanded softly.

“Ally—”

“Please let me go, Ren.”

His arms got tight before they went loose and I stepped away.

I turned and saw him standing there, eyes on me, but they weren’t pissed. Not even close.

They were warm and concerned.

I closed my eyes against that beauty and dropped my head.

I had one way to explain this and make him let me go. Only one.

Was I going to use it?

I opened my eyes and lifted my head.

I was going to use it.

“For Lee, it was Indy.”

He did a slow blink before he asked, “Baby… what?”

“For Lee, it was Indy. Only Indy. It had always been Indy.”

Understanding moved through his features and he made to come at me but I lifted my hand to him and he stopped.

I dropped my hand. “Eddie screwed everything that moved, but I swear, the minute he got a load of Jet, he was gone.”

“Ally, let me—”

I cut him off. “I think you know I could go on.”

“I know,” he said quietly.

“I want that for me,” I shared.

“Honey,” he started carefully, “you weren’t my first.”

“I wasn’t your first several things,” I replied.

“I wasn’t in love with her, Ally. Baby, I hadn’t even kissed her,” he told me.

“Yeah, Ren. But that doesn’t mean anything. I know because I fell for you before you kissed me. It was just that I knew I’d done it the morning after.”

His head jerked, his brows shot up, but his eyes stayed locked on me.

Then something moved over his face I didn’t quite get, but it was more than a little alarming, and he growled, “Come here.”

I had to get this done and get the hell out of there, so I shook my head. “No, I—”

“Ally. Get. Your ass. Over here,” he ground out and I blinked.

Then my spine straightened again.

“Zano, don’t you—”

“Fuck it,” he bit off then he was on me and half a second later he was on me as in, I was on my back in the bed and his body was covering mine.

Macho Alpha Maneuver!

How had I not seen it coming?

“Zano!” I shouted, shoving at his shoulders

The shoving at the shoulders and shouting gig didn’t work in the slightest (then again, it never did).

But this time, it was because Ren was focused.

Like, really focused.

“You’re in love with me?” he asked.

“Well, I was,” I snapped.

“So you were in love with me and then you spent a year sleeping practically every night at my side, every morning eating breakfast with me, even though you thought I had feelings for another woman, and you’re not in love with me anymore,” Ren replied immediately.

That sounded absurd.

Still, I was realizing that maybe I’d landed myself in hot water and perhaps silence was the key to the hungry Italian hothead that was lying on top of me not making a meal of me.

Ren didn’t need me to participate in this discussion and give him more fodder to chew me up and spit me out.

I’d already given him plenty.

I would know this when his eyes narrowed and he noted, “A year I’ve been busting my ass to get in there and the whole fucking time I wasn’t just in there, I was in there.”

I kept my mouth shut and just gave him big eyes. Indy cuted her way out of things. She was good at it. It even sometimes worked on Lee.

I’d never tried it but I figured now was as good a time as any.

He took in my big eyes and didn’t find them cute.

I knew this when he declared, “Christ, you’re a pain in my ass.”

He stopped talking.

I didn’t fill the void.

He didn’t either.

Finally I couldn’t take it anymore and asked, “Can I go find Darius now?”

“No you fuckin’ can’t go find Darius now,” he answered and I shut my mouth again. “Jesus, Ally, you just told me you’re in love with me.”

“Uh… I think I said was.”

“So you’re not in love with me?”

I didn’t answer that.

“Ally,” he growled.

God!

I knew one thing, he never let anything go so I had no hope in hell of him letting this go.

And since I was letting it all hang out it was time to go for the gusto.

But carefully.

“I didn’t say that,” I whispered.

Instantly upon my words, his eyes got heated. It was his angry heat warring with a totally different kind of his heat and he verbalized these conflicting emotions by sharing, “I don’t know whether to fuck you or turn you over my knee.”