Kristen Ashley - Rock Chick

“I’m callin’ it in,” he answered in a no-nonsense cop tone.

Uh-oh.

“Can we take the plants back to Rosie’s first and call it in from there?”

Hank stared at me incredulously, as if I’d just asked for permission to run the world and make every Tuesday International Pink Champagne Day.

I guessed that was not going to happen.

“Okay then, can the police take the plants and leave Kevin? They aren’t his plants, he’s just looking after them as a concerned environmentalist.”

Hank put his hands to his hips.

I sucked some air into my nostrils and then let it out. “How much trouble is he in?”

“Indy, do you have any idea how much this shit is worth?”

I looked around. I’d seen pot, I’d been around people smoking pot, I’d even shared a few joints myself in my wild past, but I had no idea.

“Uh, no,” I answered.

“He’s in a lot of trouble.”

I was afraid of that.

We followed the pot path back to Ally and The Kevster. The Kevster looked freaked. Ally had clearly cottoned on to the seriousness of the matter.

“What are you gonna do?” she asked Hank.

He walked right by her and out the door, pulling out his cell.

“This isn’t good,” I said to Ally.

“Why’d you bring a cop here?” Kevin whined.

“He’s my bodyguard, I keep getting shot at and kidnapped,” I told him.

The Kevster stared at me, this news always brought the same amazed look to everyone. Then again, it was amazing.

Then Kevin said, “Tim’s dead. I heard it on the news. Rosie fucked us all.”

This was true, quiet, little Rosie, the Coffee Guy, had fucked us all.

“Why did you bring the plants here?” Ally asked the million dollar question.

“Dude, I’m a pothead. This is the best pot in Denver, in Colorado, maybe in the world. It would be a crime to let it die. I did my duty to the pot, I pay the price. I have no regrets,” The Kevster was getting dramatic in the face of incarceration. I thought that was a good way to go.

“Tell me about this guy who came today. What’d he look like?” I asked.

The Kevster shrugged. Obviously, a future of using the toilet with an audience made scary guys seem less scary.

“He was one that came before, but without his partner. Dark hair with some gray, big guy. I saw him out the window, he looked angry.”

I turned to Ally, she raised her brows and I nodded.

Pepper Rick.

“When was he here?” Ally asked.

“This morning, it wasn’t even light yet. Bangin’ on the door, bangin’ on the windows, shoutin’. Freaked me out, I didn’t leave my bedroom and your card was on my fridge. I waited for, like, ever. Then I had to pee and I grabbed your card and the phone on my way to the bathroom. I called you after I peed.”

That was a bit too much information.

Unfortunately, Pepper Rick was probably long gone. I had to call Lee anyway, he was hunting and this was information about his prey.

I walked outside and saw Hank talking to a couple of uniforms, one was Jorge Alvarez who was soon supposed to sit the detective exam and, according to Malcolm, would likely be Chief of Police one day.

His partner was Carl Farrell who Ally had made out with after an F.O.P. hog roast. Carl had a bachelor’s, majoring in biology and political science and was now studying forensics. Carl was tall, big, blond-haired and blue-eyed. Carl’s hair was always a bit of a mess, Carl had a killer, dry sense of humor and Carl had a way of looking at you like he knew what you looked like naked. In other words, Carl was very sexy. If I hadn’t been so hung up on Lee, Ally’d have had competition for Carl.

I waved to Jorge and Carl as they walked inside. Jorge shook his finger at me mock-angrily. Carl grinned, then winked as he walked by.

Hank headed toward me.

I was about to call Lee when my cell rang.

I flipped it open.

“Hello?”

“Hello yourself, woman. You comin’ to get me, or what?”

It was Tex.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“They’re lettin’ me out and won’t let me walk or take a taxi.”

I thought about this. He was at Denver Health and it was at least five miles from his house. Crazy Tex roaming the streets whacked out on pain killers did not sound like a peaceful afternoon for Denver.

Two more cop cars angled in, followed by a Channel 9 News van.

Great.

The pot jungle was going to be big news.

“When are they releasing you?” I asked Tex.

“Ten minutes ago.”

“I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

I flipped the phone shut and Hank stared at me. “What now?”

Ally came out of the house just ahead of Jorge, Carl and The Kevster.

Or, I should say, Ally sashayed out of the house with a knowing smile on her face and Carl followed staring at her ass, a knowing smile on his face too.

Another cop car angled in and Channel 7 News jockeyed for a parking spot. Jorge tossed Hank his cuffs as he passed us, escorting Kevin to the squad car.

“Come visit me, Rock Chicks,” Kevin shouted, luckily not holding any grudges. “Bring brownies!”

“You take him brownies and I’ll kill you,” Hank said.

I ignored his threat. “Do you have to stay here?”

“No, I briefed Jorge. They have it covered. We’ll go into the station later to give our statements.”

“Good, we have to go get Tex from the hospital. They released him ten minutes ago and he needs a ride.”

Hank was shaking his head again.

“We’re not goin’ to Tex’s house. There’s strong physical evidence that suggests he has tear gas and grenades. I don’t even want to think about what we’ll find in his house. I’ll have to call the ATF and those guys are nuts.”

“Then don’t come in,” I suggested.

“Indy –”

I pulled out my trump card.

“He took a bullet for me.”

That did it.

“Lee owes me big time for this,” Hank muttered as he walked to his SUV.

My cell rang as we pulled away from the curb.

The display said, “Lee calling.”

“Hey, I was just gonna call you,” I said.

“The office phoned, you’re all over the police-band.”

Oopsie.

“I kind of led Hank to a house full of pot plants and he went all cop on me.”

Silence.

“Lee?”

“Why aren’t you at the condo?”

“Duke called, he opened the store. There was a Mini-We-Want-Rosie Riot. We settled that and then The Kevster called and told us someone was at his house, scaring him. I thought it was my kidnapper, Pepper Rick and it was. That’s why I was gonna call you because he was at Kevin’s early this morning banging on the door. I thought you’d want to know.”

Silence again.

“Lee?”

“Where’s Hank?”

“He’s driving, we’re on our way to get Tex and take him home. The hospital released him.”

“Let me talk to him.”

I looked at Hank. Hank looked unhappy.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Why?”

“I think he’s kinda mad at you.”

“Let me get this straight, he’s supposed to be lookin’ after you and he takes you to a house where your kidnapper was, just hours ago, and he’s mad at me?”

Yikes.

“I guess the feeling’s mutual.”

More silence.

“I kinda talked him into it.”

“Yeah, I suspect you’re good at that.”

“If it makes you feel better, he’s already threatened to kill me.”

I heard the sigh before, “Be safe, for Christ’s sake.”

Then he hung up.

When Hank swung in the SUV, Tex was at the Emergency Room entrance, sitting in a wheelchair, his arm in a tight sling, a stocky guy in scrubs and clogs standing behind him.

Tex pushed himself out of the chair as we walked up to him and he shot a filthy look at the guy in scrubs.

“Fuckin’ wheelchairs. Fuckin’ orderlies,” Tex groused.

“I’m not an orderly, I’m a nursing assistant,” Clog Guy said and from the look of him, there was no way I’d disagree. He could be anything he wanted.

“Whatever,” Tex muttered and his eyes settled on me. “What’d I miss?”

I ran it down for him with a little more detail than what I did for Lee, the riot, Kumar’s prehistoric mother-in-law, the Kevster call, kidnapper sighting, pot plants, police and two news vans.

“Fuckin’ A, darlin’,” he said to me.

“Fuckin’ A,” I replied, “now what?”

Tex lumbered to the SUV. “Now, we feed the cats.”

We went to Tex’s house, he changed clothes and we fed his gazillion cats and cleaned out five litter trays. It wasn’t the most pleasant job I’d ever done in my life but the kitties were appreciative. Tex made us stay long enough to give them cuddles, dangle feathers and jiggle laser lights because, according to Tex, it was important to keep their minds and bodies active.

Luckily, there were no stockpiles of firearms and explosives on display.

When we started to leave, Tex followed.

Hank stopped and turned.

“Where are you goin’?” he asked Tex.

“With you,” Tex answered.

“I don’t think so,” Hank replied.

“You think you can protect Little Miss Calamity here all by yourself?” Tex scoffed, jerking a thumb at me.

Er, excuse me? Little Miss Calamity?

“You have your arm in a sling,” Hank returned.

“Listen man, I been on this block for twenty years without leavin’ except to go to the fuckin’ dentist when I had a toothache in 1998. I got off it last night and for the first time in years, I feel free.”

Hank considered this.

Hank was a tough guy but he’d always been somewhat of a soft touch. The only fights he ever got into where when people were teasing the unpopular kids at school or saying shit about girls that he knew wasn’t true (these girls were usually Ally and me). When he was a kid, he used to bring home the lame dogs and damaged birds. I always thought that Hank got into the cop business far less to serve than to protect.

“Lee owes me big time for this,” he repeated, giving in.

We walked down to Kumar’s and stocked up on junk food and got the makings for a late lunch. Then we went to the station and gave our statements about the happenings on to The Kevster’s pot farm. Then we went to my house.

Stevie and Tod were in the front yard mowing, weeding and pruning. Kitty Sue was taking in the sun on my front porch in my old, weathered butterfly chair that once had a bright-turquoise canvass seat that was now a bluish-gray. Marianne Meyer was sitting on my front step playing with a baby and Andrea was chasing after a toddler who was streaking across my side of the lawn while two more of her kids were rolling around in the grass looking like they were trying to kill each other.

Hank parked across the street from my duplex and we all walked up to the house. Everyone stared at Tex, for, even without the night vision goggles, he was a sight to see.

Then Marianne’s attention focused on me.

“Well?” Marianne asked.

“Well, what?” I retorted.

Marianne threw up her hands. “Does Lee have the bow off your panties?”

Grr.

Tod and Stevie came up, saving me from having to answer.

“Kitty Sue told us you were kidnapped last night,” Stevie noted with concern.

“Again,” Tod put in.

Before I could say anything, Kitty Sue called from her chair, “Why didn’t you tell me Tod was performing tonight? You know I like to see Burgundy do her thang.”

“What’s this about panties?” Tex broke in.

“Do you think we could turn the hose on the kids? It’s so hot and they’d love it,” Andrea shouted from across the lawn, struggling to get a pair of shorts on the streaker.

“Oh, by the way,” Kitty Sue said, getting up from the butterfly chair, “we’ve decided to go out for pizza before Tod’s show, all of us. Won’t that be fun?”

Everyone was staring at me and I was at a momentary loss. Okay, it wasn’t as if I’d lived an uneventful life. My life was pretty active and kind of exciting but all of it had been controlled. This was out of hand.

Ally, as she had many a time, saved my bacon.

“Marianne, it’s none of your business so quit asking and go get yourself laid, for God’s sake. Hank, get the hose and turn it on those monsters before they tear up the yard. Tex, go upstairs and lay down for awhile. Mom, help me make everyone a sandwich.” Then she shoved forward, taking our shopping bags, opened my house with her key and went in.