“I haven’t had a lot of girlfriends. Getting out for a night alone…rarely happened. I enjoyed myself, and yet the pleasure of it made me sad that I missed time and friendships over the past years.”

She tried to say it plain and simple. No blame, because there wasn’t a place to put blame anymore.

Daniel turned her to face him. “I can see that. It’s almost a teeter-totter, or as if you’ve been given something and then had it taken away. You didn’t know how much you’d miss it because you’d never experienced it.”

Beth sighed. “You’re a wise man, Daniel.”

He shook his head. “Not really. Just, well, it’s nothing like what you’ve dealt with, but I know…”

This time when he paused, Beth was the one to touch his chest and get his attention back from where she’d lost him. “What’s going on in your head?”

He spoke slowly. “I don’t know that it’s the time for that talk. You warm enough?”

“Tons warm.” She rested her head on his chest and synchronized her breathing with his. “Daniel, am I a terrible person for being a tiny bit jealous that Jaxi’s pregnant?”

He sucked in a quick gasp. If she hadn’t been touching him so intimately, she probably wouldn’t have noticed. “I don’t think you could do anything that would make you terrible.”

Beth clung to her inner fears, refusing to voice them. She might have said they were going to open up more, and she was trying. Even the confession she’d just made was hard enough.

Other secrets were staying buried and dead.

“I am jealous. Just a little bit of me.”

“Doesn’t make you a terrible person. You got your reasons, and that’s facts and life. If you want to know…” He let out a long slow breath. “I understand, maybe not for the same reasons, but I’m a bit jealous myself.”

“You are?”

He cupped her face, his glove warming quickly against her skin. “Well, not that I want morning sickness and a big enough belly I can’t see my toes, no. Maybe I should have said I’m jealous of my brother, but that could sound as if I wish I’d knocked up Jaxi, and that’s not it either.”

He was trying to reduce the stress, she understood where his lighthearted words came from. A laugh escaped in spite of the burning inside. “I can’t have any more babies.”

His smile vanished. “Damn, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have been joking around. I—”

She covered his mouth with her hand. “You didn’t know, and I get it. But I wanted you to know. It’s awkward, but it’s a part of my life. I had a miscarriage after Robbie. It was bad, and I…”

Her throat choked up tight.

He squeezed her again, pushing out the pain and allowing her to hide her face. Or was it for his own sake? She wondered a moment later when he spoke toward her ear, his face buried against her neck. “I can’t have kids, I mean, not get anyone pregnant. Caught the mumps last winter and it did a number on my system.”

The pain inside intensified, but now it was for his sake, not her own. “God, Daniel. I’m so sorry.”

She’d thought there was no way a man could possibly understand—but she’d been wrong. It was there in his touch, the tender way he surrounded her as if guarding her from more harm. Sharing his own hidden hurts, his unanswerable desires. She held his head against her, breathing in the same air. The warmth from his lungs heated it, leaving only a slight bite of the icy weather around them to bring in refreshing cold.

They stood for the longest time. Snow slid off branches, landing with plops beside them. Beth sighed then leaned back even as his arms held her cradled against his body.

For today, she thought they’d both had enough sharing. “Well, that was a shining way to end the day.”

He laughed, a low rumble filled with sympathy and caring. “Oh, Miss Beth. Don’t you apologize for letting me in on one of your secrets. One of your precious memories and hurts. I’m so honoured right now you trusted me.”

Trust. It was coming. “Me too. Thank you for letting me know.”

Daniel stroked a finger down her cheek, brushing away a tear she didn’t realize had fallen. “Life goes on.”

That truth contained both pain and hope. “It does seem strange to be so happy for someone and still have this ball of hurt wrapped up inside.”

“And there’s not much a person can say to make it easier. Well-intended platitudes cut like a knife.”

She nodded then shivered, unable to stop it from showing.

“That’s our signal it’s time to head in.” He put a hand on her back, ready to aim her down the path to the house.

“Wait.”

He stopped, confusion on his gentle face. She reached up and cupped his cheek, pressing her lips to his and kissing him. Putting her heart behind it. When she pulled away, he didn’t say anything, just smiled and guided her home.

Chapter Fifteen

The dishwater swirled down the drain. The constant yattering of the boys as they dried the dishes and wiped the table felt comfortable, and Daniel spotted the silly grin he wore in the hall mirror as he scooped up the littlest one and tickled him en route to the living room.

“Okay, partners, your mama will be home in a couple hours, so let’s make sure we’ve got everything shipshape. Lance, you got the list?”

“We’ve done it all.” He held out the paper and pointed. “Homework, supper, dishes, chores.”

“Everything?”

Lance nodded. Robbie squirmed out of his arms and climbed on the couch, bouncing up and down excitedly. “We get to play more games.”

Chaos ensued. Beth was due back from her teachers’ development field trip by nine. Daniel had been honoured when she asked him if he wanted to step in and take the boys for the day. Her placing that kind of trust in him was humbling and made him feel very hopeful about the future. Yet after a full day with all three tykes, he was ready to admit he was exhausted. “Where do you kids get your energy from?”

They’d played hide and seek outdoors in the snow and the trees. Nathan discovered one of the cats had a new batch of kittens, the family hidden in the far recesses of the barn. Throughout the day, while helping the boys make forts in the bales of the loft and chasing the rest of the barn cats in circles, Daniel had flashbacks to his own childhood. Roaming the countryside with his brothers like a wild creature during the hours of freedom between chores.

Robbie leapt off the couch and tackled him. Then all three boys were on him, wrestling him down and tickling him as he laughed out loud at their antics.

The roughhousing calmed eventually, and Daniel guided them into playing a few final board games. He lit the fire and happily accepted the book Lance passed him. The kid’s dark eyes bored into him for a minute, like he was offering a challenge. Daniel glanced at the tome in his hands and chuckled to himself. Another test. Lance seemed to be all about the tests.

“Farmer Boy. Awesome story.”

Lance frowned. “Mom said we had to read it, but it’s a girl’s book.”

Daniel let his mouth hang open in an exaggerated fashion, playing it up for the kids. “You’re joking, right? Haven’t you read the rest of the Little House books? When we were all kids, my daddy sat us down every Friday evening for reading time, starting with that series.”

“Really?”

“Really. They ain’t books for just girls. Heck, the experiences that family had were tough and exciting. I know when I heard some of the things they lived through it always made me real grateful for all the comforts of home I got to enjoy. And thankful for treats like ice cream in the freezer instead of only once in a blue moon.”

Daniel settled on the couch and started reading at the bookmark. Robbie nestled against him, and Lance and Nathan plopped on the floor. Every time he glanced over, Lance’s thoughtful expression made him wonder what the hell was going on in the kid’s head.

Two hours later he finally had them tucked into bed, and a brand-new appreciation for why Beth was often tired when he called her. The phone rang, and he laughed as he spotted the number on the display.

“Evening, darling.”

“Hey, Daniel. We’re running late, and it’s going to be an hour still before I get home. Everything okay?”

He collapsed into the La-Z-Boy chair in front of the fire, kicking the foot extension out and relaxing back with a groan. “Everything’s great, but you are getting a massage the next time I see you. How the hell do you do this every day, woman?”

Her sexy voice lowered a notch. “Welcome to my world. Oh, and I’m totally accepting your offer, I need the massage so bad. My feet are killing me. I swear they made us walk every inch of the Tyrrell Museum. I’d sit through a million meetings before going on another ‘teachers’ field trip’.”

“Your leg sore?”

“Amazingly, not too bad. I think all the walks we’ve been taking have strengthened it.” Static cut in on the line and she spoke quickly. “I’ll see you at home as soon as I can.”

Home. Home with him where she belonged.

He rattled around the house for a bit, now too keyed up to stare into the fire and relax. The past couple of days they’d tried a few times to get together to talk, but it was like the kids had radar and woke up right when the discussion got deeper than sharing growing-up stories. There were certain things neither of them wanted to discuss in a public coffee shop or over the phone. Daniel sighed.

Tonight he intended to ask if Jaxi’s offer of babysitting was a possibility. See if Beth was willing to go on a retreat, just the two of them, for a couple of nights. Not only to get to make love without pulling strings, but to talk—really talk.

A creak on the stairs sounded with a low whimper hard on its heels. A little head poked around the corner, Nathan’s big eyes staring at him.

“Nathan? What’s up, bud?”

“I’m thirsty.”

Oh Lord. Daniel got him a glass of water and led the kid into the living room to sit in front of the fire. Of course, this probably meant he’d be up right around the time Beth got home, having to pee.

Kids.

Daniel sat back in the recliner. Moving slow and staying silent. Whenever he’d tried to stay up past his bedtime that was what his daddy had done. Made it seem peaceful and quiet. To a seven-year-old, boring.

Nathan perched on his heels and sipped slowly, his gaze darting around the room and returning again and again to Daniel. There was almost nothing left in the glass and still he milked it. Daniel scratched his face to hide his grin.

“You ready for me to tuck you in again?”

Nathan put the glass down on the coffee table and turned those big eyes on Daniel. “I’m scared to go to bed.”

Daniel frowned. Now what was going on? “Something wrong with your room? Did you know that’s the room my brother Blake used to sleep in? It’s a nice big space, and you’ve got Robbie in there to keep you company.”

“Not that.” The tyke surprised him to pieces by crawling into his lap and tugging on his shirt. “Bad dreams.”

Ahh. “Like there’s something…” Maybe giving the kid ideas wasn’t the best way to go about this. “What kind of dreams?”

“Of my daddy.”

Fuck. For all the time they’d spent together, it had shocked him how seldom the kids ever mentioned their father. Hell, at their age his daddy had been the center of his universe, and every waking minute he’d been home from school he’d tagged along, trying to keep up. Looking back he probably got in the way more than he helped, but Mike had never said a word.

“You miss him?”

Nathan stiffened in his lap. He swung his head up and glared at Daniel. “Can I ask you something?”

“Shoot.”

“You ever hit someone? Like punch them and hurt them?”

Daniel chuckled. “I’ve got five brothers. You tell me, you ever scuffle with Robbie or Lance?”

Nathan’s face folded into a frown. “Well, that’s different. They deserve it.”

“I expect they do, sometimes. I know my brothers certainly do.”

“You ever hit a girl?”

“Hell no. I don’t have any sisters, but I still can’t imagine hitting one.” The memory of Sierra planting the kiss on him in the bar crossed his mind. “They can be very annoying creatures at times, girls, but I’d never hit one.”

“What if a girl asks for it?”

Daniel frowned. What the hell kinda question was that from a seven-year-old? “You mean like teasing you? You still need to treat them nice, even if they call you names. Even if they poke you.” He leaned over and lowered his voice. “I know at times it just don’t seem fair, but if you can learn it now, it’ll make things a whole lot better when you get older.”