“Rush.” Her voice sounded pained.

I lifted my head from her lap. She stood up and began unsnapping her shirt. I sat there, afraid to move, as she slowly began taking off her clothing, removing each piece carefully and with purpose. I didn’t understand, but I was afraid to speak. If she was changing her mind, I didn’t want to ruin it.

Once she was completely naked, she walked over and straddled my legs. Grabbing her waist, I buried my face in her stomach. I could feel my body trembling from having her this close, but I didn’t know what it meant. I couldn’t assume it meant that she forgave me. She had just said she could never love me.

“What are you doing, Blaire?” I asked finally.

She grabbed my shirt and tugged at it. I lifted my arms and let her pull it off. Then she sank down in my lap and grabbed my head and kissed me. That sweet, intoxicating taste that was Blaire filled me, and I sank my hands into her hair and held her to me. I was afraid she would change her mind. She didn’t have to love me; I just wanted her to let me love her like this. It would be enough for me.

“Are you sure?” I asked, as she rocked against my erection.

She just nodded.

I picked her up and laid her down on the bed. Then I removed my shoes and pants. When I was equally naked, I held myself over her and stared down at her. She took my breath away. “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. Inside and out,” I told her. Then I kissed her everywhere I could, every inch of her face, before pulling her bottom lip into my mouth.

She lifted her hips and opened her legs, but I wasn’t ready yet. I didn’t want to hurry this. I wanted to savor her. She was meant to be savored and cherished. She was meant to be loved and cared for. I would do that for her. Even if she didn’t love me, I could make it enough for both of us.

I ran my hands down her body, memorizing every part of her. I didn’t want to believe this was a good-bye. I didn’t think Blaire would end it this way. But the fear was there, and I couldn’t get enough of her. “I love you so damn much,” I told her, and I lowered my head to kiss her stomach.

Her legs opened wider. I glanced up at her, knowing that I had to ask this time. She wasn’t promising us a tomorrow.

“Do I need to wear a condom?” I asked, moving back up her body.

She nodded, and I felt what was left of my heart crack even more. She was putting a barrier between us. I reached for my jeans and got the condom out of my wallet, then slid it on. Blaire’s eyes were on me. My cock twitched from her attention.

I ran my hands up the insides of her thighs. No one had ever been here but me. No one had touched her but me. “This will always be mine,” I said, wanting to mark her permanently. I lowered myself until the tip of my erection nudged inside her. “Never been this good. Nothing has ever been this good.” I swore, then filled her in one hard thrust. She wrapped her legs around me and cried out. My battered heart beat wildly against my chest. This was home. Blaire was my home. I hadn’t realized how alone I was until she came into my life. I moved inside her slowly, not taking my eyes off her face. I wanted to see her eyes as I made love to her. That was what this was for me. I was making love to her body. This wasn’t a fuck. This was me showing her how much she owned me.

She slipped her legs higher on me and wrapped her arms around my neck.

“I will always love you. No one will ever compare. You own me, Blaire. My heart and soul are yours,” I told her as I rocked inside of her. I brushed a kiss against her lips. “Only you,” I promised her. It would always only be her. She was my life now.

Our gazes locked, and she cried out. Her orgasm squeezed me tightly, sending me spiraling off after her. When the pleasure slowly faded, I looked at her, and I knew. Her eyes were telling me what I had feared. This had been her good-bye.

“Don’t do this, Blaire,” I pleaded.

“Good-bye, Rush,” she whispered.

I refused to accept it. I couldn’t let her do this. “No. Don’t you do this to us.”

She let her legs fall away from my body and go limp. Then she dropped her hands to her sides and turned her face away from me. “I didn’t get a good-bye with my sister or my mom. Those were final good-byes I never got. This final good-bye I needed. This one time between us with no lies.” The hollowness in her voice sliced me open.

I grabbed the sheets under my hands. “No. No. Please, don’t,” I begged.

She continued to look away from me and lay limply beneath me. How could I fight for someone who didn’t want me? Someone who hated me? I had no chance of winning. I had done everything I knew how to do. But she didn’t want me. Not now.

I pulled out of her and reached for my clothing. I disposed of the condom, then numbly went through the motions of putting my clothes on. She wanted me to leave. And I was just supposed to walk out of this room and leave her. How the fuck could I?

When I was dressed, I turned to look at her. She sat up, pulling her knees up to her chin to cover her nudity.

“I can’t make you forgive me. I don’t deserve your forgiveness. I can’t change the past. All I can do is give you what you want. If this is what you want, I’ll walk away, Blaire. It’ll kill me, but I’ll do it.” I would do the only thing I could do: give her what she wanted.

“Good-bye, Rush,” she repeated, and she dropped her gaze from me.

I would leave my heart here. My soul, too. She owned them. I was empty without her. I would never be the same. Blaire Wynn had changed me. She had shown me that I could love with an all-consuming love and get nothing in return. I would never love again. She was the one. She was it for me. With one final look at the woman I loved, I turned and left the room, closing the door behind me.

When I stepped out into the night, I let the rest of my tears fall.

Loving someone you don’t deserve isn’t easy. It hurts like hell. But not one moment of my time with Blaire would I regret.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

When I wrote Fallen Too Far, I never imagined it would be the beginning of such a popular series. Going back and revisiting the beginning with Rush and Blaire was so much fun for me. I tried very hard to give readers new scenes and moments they missed in Fallen Too Far. I loved getting into Rush’s head in this book. I hope it makes all you Rush Crushers happy.

I need to start by thanking my agent, Jane Dystel, who is beyond brilliant. The moment I signed with her was one of the smartest things I’ve ever done. Thank you, Jane, for helping me navigate through the waters of the publishing world. You are truly a badass.

The brilliant Jhanteigh Kupihea. I couldn’t ask for a better editor. She is always positive and working to make my books the best they can be. Thank you, Jhanteigh, for making my new life with Atria one I am happy to be a part of. The rest of the Atria team: Judith Curr for giving me and my books a chance. Ariele Fredman and Valerie Vennix for always finding the best marketing ideas and being as awesome as they are brilliant.

The friends who listen to me and understand me the way no one else in my life can: Colleen Hoover, Jamie McGuire, and Tammara Webber. You three have listened to me and supported me more than anyone I know. Thanks for everything.

Getting Rush “right” in this book was so important to me. Having two beta readers who loved Rush and who I thought “knew” him were very important: Autumn Hull spent endless hours helping me search for the right cover model for Rush and cheered me on as I brought Rush’s story to life. Natasha Tomic is the creator of the “Rush Crush” slogan and the “Peanut Butter Scene” reference. So I felt like she knew him as well as I did. Thank you, girls, for your support. Always!

* * *

Last but certainly not least:

My family. Without their support I wouldn’t be here. My husband, Keith, makes sure I have my coffee and that the kids are all taken care of when I need to lock myself away and meet a deadline. My three kids are so understanding, although once I walk out of that writing cave they expect my full attention, and they get it. My parents, who have supported me all along. Even when I decided to write steamier stuff. My friends, who don’t hate me because I can’t spend time with them for weeks at a time because my writing is taking over. They are my ultimate support group and I love them dearly.

My readers. I never expected to have so many of you. Thank you for reading my books. For loving them and telling others about them. Without you I wouldn’t be here. It’s that simple.