"Something happened to me tonight when I thought you were in danger. I wasafraid," Reese confessed quietly. "All I could think was that I had to get to you. Nothing ever mattered so much-" She reached a hand tentatively to touch Torys hair.

Tory flinched. "Dont Reese," she choked. "Dont touch me right now."

Reese moved closer, her voice husky with concern. "Why? What is it?"

Tory tried unsuccessfully to contain a sob, her own conflicting feelings overpowering her defenses. "Because I want you so much it hurts, and I wont be able to stand it if you touch me," she said in a strangled whisper. She tried to focus out the window into the darkness, searching for the familiar, anything to keep her from coming apart.

"And you think I dont want you?" Reese rasped, her breath constricting in her chest. She was leaning so close her words ruffled Torys hair. Her stomach churned with emotions so powerful she ached.

"God, Reese, dont play games with me!" Tory cried, turning to face her at last.

Reese cupped her face gently with both hands, her eyes burning into Torys. "I have never been more serious in my life," she breathed softly as her lips found Torys.

It was a kiss like none Tory had ever experienced. Questioning at first, tentatively seeking, then bolder as Reese pulled her deep into a swirling vortex of sensation, finally ending in something as tender as a prayer. Tory didnt feel as if she had been simply kissed; she felt as if she had been worshipped. When Reese lifted her lips away, Tory cried out at the loss. Her hands were twisted in Reeses shirtfront, and Tory clung to her, gasping.

"Whered you learn to kiss like that?" Tory said unevenly when she could draw breath again.

Reese laughed shakily, pulling Tory against her chest, burying her face in her hair. "I have no idea where that came from. But I can tell you this. I want to do it again, and I dont ever want to stop."

"God, youre beautiful," Tory whispered. "And youre scaring me to death."

"Why?" Reese questioned gently, pressing her lips to Torys forehead. She wrapped her arms around her, wanting to feel all of her near. Reese groaned softly, closing her eyes.

Tory trembled. "I want you to make love to me, Reese - so much I feel as if Ill come apart if you dont. And Im terrified of wanting you so much. You dont know how you make me feel-"

"I know how you make me feel," Reese said hoarsely, her hands stroking Tory's neck, her collar bones, moving closer to the full curve of her breasts with each caress. "And I know with absolute certainty that I want you."

Tory pushed away from her, although it took every ounce of her will power to do it. She was shaking with the effort of not touching her. Her lips felt bruised, and she was swollen to the point of pain with desire. But for the sake of what little sanity she had left, she needed time. She knew instinctively that if this woman made love to her, her life would never be the same. "Reese Conlon," she whispered softly, "I do not intend to sleep with you in your patrol car."

Reese laughed unsteadily, grasping Torys hands to keep her near, but accepting her unspoken request for time. Every instinct in her body urged her to kiss her again, every cell cried out to touch her, but she would not unless welcomed. She brushed a kiss against Torys palm.

"Tell me when I can see you again," she asked frantically.

Tory tenderly brushed the dark locks back off Reese's brow, loath to let her go. "Ill see you in the dojo, just like always," she said softly as she slipped from the car. "Now go back to work."

She watched until the red taillights disappeared around the bend toward town, fearing that Reese had just left with a piece of her heart.


Chapter Fifteen

"Are you just getting up, or havent you been to bed yet?" Catherine asked as she walked out onto the rear deck. Tory was hunched over in a canvas deck chair, her feet curled up under her. Jed lay beside her, asleep. The dawn was moments old; the tentative shafts of sunlight had yet to dispel the clouds that hung over the harbor. Catherine placed a cup of coffee in her sisters hand and pulled a chair up beside her. She stretched her legs up to the rail and waited.

Tory sipped the hot brew gratefully, shifting from her cramped position. She must have been there for hours, but she couldnt recall now what she had been thinking. "What time is it?" Tory asked at length.

"A little after five."

Tory groaned. "So soon?"

"I take it youve been out here all night?"

"Not all of it. I had a call about one."

Catherine studied her in silence. The dark circles under her eyes werent just from a few hours lost sleep. She had sensed something amiss with her sister since the moment she arrived.

"Whats going on, Tor?" she asked gently.

Torys instinctive reaction was to deny any problem. She was horrified to feel her eyes brim with tears. She was just so damn tired - of sleeping alone, of waking alone, of being alone! She passed a trembling hand across her face, desperately searching for composure.

"Talk to me, Tory. Please!" Catherine implored.

"I dont know where to start," Tory managed.

"Is it work? You know you could use some help here -"

Tory shook her head. "No. I wish it were. That I know how to handle."

"Youre starting to scare me, Sis," Catherine said softly. "Youre not sick, are you?"

"No! No, Im fine." She laughed a little shakily. "Actually, Im a mess, but Im not sick. Its -oh, God- how can I explain this? Its a woman. I mean, Ive met this woman, and -and I have absolutely no idea what Im going to do!"

Catherine regarded her intently. "How long has it been, Tor? Since theres been someone?"

Tory fought back tears again. She fixed her gaze on the harbor, willing away the memories. "Four years - since K.T. left me."

"I still want to kill her!" Catherine muttered.

"God, I dont want to do this again!" Tory cried.

"How serious is it?"

"I dont know! I dont know anything! Im not even positive shes gay!"

Catherine blew out a breath. "That tall, gorgeous cop."

Tory looked at her in surprise. "How did you know?"

Her sister shrugged. "Because for a minute there she made me wish I were gay. Shes charming, and sexy as hell. And because I saw the two of you dancing. She held you like you meant something to her. She held you like she cared."

"Oh, Jesus," Tory sobbed, "now you have made me cry!"

Catherine got up to search for tissues, and returned with the entire pot of coffee. "Here," she said, handing Tory the box of Kleenex. She poured them both more coffee, letting Tory shed the tears she needed to.

"Have you slept with her?" Catherine asked when Tory regained her composure.

"No," Tory admitted softly.

"Want to?"

"I hurt, I want her so badly."

"Jesus, god, Tor - does she know?"

Tory shrugged. "Not exactly. I didnt want to admit it to myself, and then last night -" Her voice faltered as the memory of Reeses touch stirred her like a caress.

"What!? Last night what?"

"She kissed me. I mean, we kissed - "

Catherine expelled another long sigh. "That ought to be some indications shes gay, dont you think?" she queried with just a hint of laughter in her voice. Her laughter died as a haunted look flickered across her sisters face.

"Tory," she said gently, "tell me whats really happening here."

Torys hands clenched around the clay mug while she struggled for words. Haltingly she gave voice to her fears.

"I havent wanted anyone in so long. I dont mean sex." She looked away, blushing. "Although come to think of it, I havent wanted that either. Ive made a good life for myself here. Ive been happy. Now all I can think about is her. I cant look at her without wanting to touch her. Its like Im another person. I dont even recognize myself! Then, when she kissed me! Its as if I was suddenly living someone elses life! All Ive been able to think about was how she made me feel, how her breath brushed against my neck, how her hands seemed to reach inside of me. Im losing my mind!"

She stared at her sister, her expression agonized. "What if it doesnt mean anything to her, Cath? What if its all a mistake? How will I bury all these feelings again?"

Catherine slid her chair closer, removing the cup from her sisters unconscious grasp. She took Torys hands in hers.

"Tory - honey, youve been sleep walking the last four years. You think youve been happy, but its more like youve been numb. Those of us who love you know that. I dont know a thing about this woman, but for her to move you like this - there has got to be something there. I dont know if she deserves someone as wonderful as you, or even if she has the good sense to know how lucky she is that you want her. But I could kiss her myself for making you feel this way. God knows, I never want to see you hurt again, but Tory! Youre not in someone elses life. Youve just come back to your own!"

"I dont know if I want these feelings, Cath," Tory whispered. "Im afraid to trust her, afraid that Ill be wrong again. I trusted K.T. completely, and I was so wrong!"

Catherine smiled sadly. "Some things we cant chose,Tory. Sometimes our life just finds us."

Tory was silent a long time. At last she gave her sister a tremulous smile. "I sound like a lunatic, dont I?"

Catherine laughed. "You sound like a woman mad with lust! What are you going to do?"

Tory grimaced. "I wish I knew. Im almost afraid to see her again. Im afraid I might have imagined last night. And Im just as terrified that I didnt!"

Catherine chose her next words carefully. "Are you in love with her?"

"I cant think about that, Cath, I really cant."

"You might want to before you sleep with her."

"I know," Tory whispered softly.

**********

"Brianna! Wait a minute after class, will you," Reese asked when she and the teenager finished their training.

Brianna looked uneasy, but nodded her assent. She followed Reese through the breeze way to the house.

"Sit down," Reese said, gesturing to the stool by the counter. She poured them both orange juice and took a seat next to her student.

"Bri," she began, "has anyone been hassling you, or any of your friends?"

"What do you mean?" Bri mumbled, uncertain of the conversation, still uncertain of any adult. And as fair as Reese had been, she still worked with her father!

"Is anybody giving you a hard time about being gay?"

Bri snorted in disgust. "Shouldnt you be asking who hasnt hassled us?"

"How? What are they doing?"

She wasnt yet ready to believe that Reese was really on her side, as much as she wanted her to be. She tried so hard to be strong, especially when Caroline was with her. She had to be able to stand up for them, didnt she? Deep inside she feared that if Caroline saw her uncertainty, and her vulnerability, she would leave her. Bri looked at Reese directly for the first time. Reese just looked back at her with eyes filled with concern. Bri took a deep breath, and took a chance. Sometimes it was just too hard to be alone.

"Most of the kids at school who know about us just avoid us. All of a sudden we dont get invited any where any more. Some of them make noises when we walk by, or call us names under their breath. Nothing you can really call them on. They just make it real clear that we dont belong. Theres not that many of us - at least not that I know about. Some of the guys are pretty obvious. You know, kind of faggoty. A couple of them have been beat up."

"Who beat them up?" Reese asked, her voice like flint.

Bri shrugged. "Some of the jocks. They were mostly showing off, I think."

"Has anyone bothered you?"

Bri looked away, shaking her head noncommittally.

"Bri?" Reese persisted gently.

"Not exactly. Theres a guy who had the hots for my girlfriend. He tried to push me around once."

Reese forced down the surge of anger. "What happened?"

"I kicked him in the balls."

Reese would have smiled if the situation werent so serious, and so intolerable.

"And that was that?"

Bri shrugged again, her expression nonchalant. "So far."

"Have you heard of anyone being followed, or threatened by a bunch of guys in a truck?"

"No." Bri stared at her suspiciously. "Whats going on?"

"Im not sure anything is going on," Reese admitted. "Two boys were bothered last night by some men in a drive by thing. Im not sure it was because the kids were gay. But it worries me. Ask around among your friends. If theres gay bashing going on, I want to know."