‘Oh I dursen’t say that, Mistress Bersaba.’
The suspicions were spreading fast, I thought exultantly, and said: ‘Give it to me. I’ll take it to her room. I’ll say a prayer as I cross the threshold. That’s what you have to do isn’t it?’
‘I do believe so, mistress, but it would be hard to bring myself to …’
‘All right, don’t worry. I’ll take it.’
I seized the kerchief and went to the room which I knew to be Carlotta’s. I knocked, and as there was no response I opened the door cautiously and went in. On the bed lay her nightgown, silk with a thousand frills. How beautiful she would look in it with her dark hair hanging about her shoulders. A soft perfume hung about the room. The fact that it was temporarily Carlotta’s had changed it subtly.
I went quietly to the bed and picked up the nightgown. I held it against me and imagined that Bastian was coming in and
I was his bride. Then the picture changed from me to Carlotta and the wild misery seized me.
I was suddenly aware of being watched. I turned sharply. The door of the ante-room was open and Ana was standing there.
‘Is there anything you want—’ she asked in her halting English.
‘I brought your mistress’s kerchief which she had dropped. There it is on the table.’
Ana bowed her head. I felt foolish standing there holding the nightdress about me, so I said: ‘It’s beautiful, this nightdress.’
‘I make it,’ said Ana.
‘Congratulations. You must be a magician with your needle.’
The dark eyes seemed to be probing my mind. I felt mentally exposed, as though this woman read what was in my mind: all my hatred of Carlotta; all my desire for revenge.
She came forward silently and, taking the nightdress from me, laid it on the bed.
She’s uncanny, I thought. It’s almost as though she knows what’s in my mind. And she will be a watchdog.
The next day I disobeyed orders and again rode out alone. I didn’t want anyone with me because I wanted to think. Revenge! It filled my mind, and I thought how clever I was to have formulated a plan which would exonerate me while it utterly defeated my enemy. All my love and longing for Bastian was lost in this new emotion.
I had not gone very far when I noticed that my mare seemed to be going lame, so I dismounted and discovered that she had cast a shoe. By good fortune I was less than a mile from the smithy, so I decided to take her along without delay.
I talked soothingly to her as we went along and in a short time we arrived. Neither Angelet nor I enjoyed our visits there, for the smith was not the most pleasant of men. He was a man of considerable height and girth, and we always said that the Devil must look something like him when he stood over his furnace, looking as though he would like to cast into it all the sinners of the neighbourhood to their eternal torment.
Thomas Gast was a fierce man; he preached every Sunday in one of the barns not far from the smithy, and a number of the villagers went to hear him—not so much to agree with his doctrines as to shiver at his fierce language. For Thomas Gast was a Puritan. He believed that pleasure was sinful. I used to misquote to Angelet: ‘There is more joy in Thomas Gast over one sinner who earns eternal damnation than a thousand who repent in time.’
My parents were uneasy because of his fiery preaching which they feared might bring trouble to the neighbourhood. They believed that every man had a right to his opinions on the manner in which God should be worshipped, but it seemed to them the wise way was to keep one’s thoughts to oneself. Thomas Gast was not like that. He was a man who believed firmly that Thomas Gast was right and everyone who disagreed with him in the slightest detail was wrong. Moreover, he was not content to leave them in their ignorance. He would chastise them with words and—if he got the opportunity, as he did with his own family—with a leather strap.
He had ten children—and they and their poor little mother lived in fear lest they incur his wrath by an ill-chosen word or some action which could be construed as sinful.
He was a most uncomfortable man, but, as my father said, the best smith he had ever known.
When I took in my mare he looked at me with disapproval, I presumed because I was wearing my riding-hat at too jaunty an angle, or perhaps my contemplation of revenge had made me appear to cherish a zest for life. However, my appearance displeased him.
I told him what had happened and gently he examined the horse. He nodded grimly.
‘If you could please shoe him right away I’d be glad,’ I said.
He nodded again, looking at me with his bright black eyes. I could see the whites round his pupils, which made him look as though he was staring like Grandfather Casvellyn—and a little mad. He was a fanatic, and when people carry their fanaticism as far as he did, perhaps that could be construed as madness.
I said, ‘It’s a beautiful morning, Thomas. It makes you feel good to be alive on such a day.’
It really wasn’t good at all with Bastian’s deceit so recent, but there was in me a grain of mischief and I knew that anyone’s finding pleasure even in God-given nature would fill Thomas Gast with the desire to rant.
‘You should be thinking of all the sin in the world,’ he growled.
‘What sin? The sun is shining. The flowers are blooming. You should see the hollyhocks and sunflowers in the cottage gardens. And the bees are mad with joy over the lavender.’
‘You’re a feckless young woman,’ said Thomas Gast. ‘If you don’t see the blackness of sin all around you you’ll be heading for hell fire.’
‘Well, Mr Gast,’ I said mischievously, ‘so many of us are. You seem to be the only one who is without sin. You’ll be very lonely when you get to Heaven.’
‘Don’t ’ee joke about matters as is sacred, Mistress Bersaba,’ he said sternly. ‘You be watched and all your sins be noted. Never forget that. All your jesting mockery will be recorded and one day you’ll answer for it.’
I thought then of lying in the woods with Bastian, and I knew that Thomas Gast would consider this a cardinal sin which could only earn eternal damnation, and for a moment I trembled, for there was something about Thomas Gast which made one believe, while one was in his company, that there might be something in his doctrines.
I watched him, his strong face flushed by the furnace, his gentleness with the horse—the only time he was ever gentle was with horses—and he began to declaim as though he were addressing an audience in the barn. The day of judgment was coming. Then those who now strutted in their finery would be cast into utter despair. The torments of hell were beyond human imagination. He licked his lips.
I think he saw himself as one of God’s executioners—a role, I decided, which would suit him very well.
I grew weary of his diatribe, and interrupting it I said I would stroll off and return when the horse was shod.
So I left the smithy and looked at the gardens in the little row of cottages. There were six of them—all built of the grey Cornish stone which was a feature of the countryside; they had long gardens in front and a patch behind in which most of them grew vegetables or kept a goat or a pig. But the front gardens were full of flowers, with the exception of the blacksmith’s. He grew vegetables in his, and at the back, pigs were kept. I had been inside the cottage once when the latest Gast was born and my mother had sent Angelet and me over with a basket of good things. Everything in the house was plain and for use, not for ornament. The girls of the household—there were four of them—always wore black garments with collars tight at the neck; so did their mother. Their hair was hidden by caps so that it was not easy to tell which was which. Angelet and I were always sorry for the Gast children.
As I came round by the cottages I saw one of the girls in the garden; she was weeding. I had heard that they all had their tasks and if these were not done to their father’s satisfaction they were severely beaten.
As I approached I called good morning and the Gast girl straightened up and spoke to me. I looked at her steadily and guessed her to be the eldest girl. She was about seventeen—my age. I noticed how she took in my riding-habit, which must have seemed as elegant to her as Carlotta’s did to me.
‘Good day, mistress,’ said the girl.
I was very curious to know what life was like lived in the blacksmith’s house. I could of course imagine to a certain extent, and I pictured myself in such a position. If I had been his daughter I would have defied him, I was sure.
‘You work very hard,’ I said. ‘Which one are you?’
‘I’m Phoebe, mistress, the eldest.’ Her eyes filled with tears, and I said suddenly: ‘You’re unhappy, aren’t you?’
She nodded, and I went on: ‘What’s wrong?’
‘Oh, don’t ’ee ask me, mistress,’ she said. ‘Please don’t ’ee ask me!’
‘Perhaps there’s something we could do.’
‘Ain’t nothing you could do, mistress. ‘Tis done, more’s the pity.’
‘What is it, Phoebe?’
‘I dursen’t say.’
Strangely enough, as I stood there looking at her I was aware of some understanding between us. And I thought: It’s a man.
Then I thought of Bastian, and all my bitterness came back to me and a bond between this girl and myself was forged in that moment.
‘Of course,’ I said, ‘your father sees sin where others see ordinary pleasure.’
‘This be true sin.’
‘What is sin?’ I said. ‘I suppose if it’s hurting other people … that’s sin.’ I thought of myself leading Carlotta to her death. That was the blackest sin of all. ‘But if no one is hurt … that isn’t sin.’
She wasn’t listening to me; she was caught up in her own drama.
I said gently: ‘Phoebe, are you … in trouble?’
She lifted woebegone eyes to my face, but she did not answer and the fear in her face reminded me of Jenny Keys.
‘I would help you if I could,’ I said rashly.
‘Thank you, mistress.’ She bent down over the earth and went on weeding.
There was nothing I could say to her. If what I guessed might be true then Phoebe was indeed in trouble. I had seen that in her face which I believe Grandfather Casvellyn had seen in me. Did girls change when they took a lover? Was the loss of virginity apparent in their faces, I wondered, for I was absolutely certain that Phoebe had had a lover and that now she was faced with the consequences.
The consequences. A child! Then I was overwhelmed by the thought that it might have happened to me. ‘I will marry you when you are old enough or before if necessary,’ Bastian had said.
There had been a certain recklessness in our loving, for we had not to consider the consequences too seriously. I knew that my parents, shocked as they might have been, would have given me love and understanding. So would Aunt Melanie, and Uncle Connell being the man he was would laugh and say Bastian was a chip off the old block.
How different for poor Phoebe Gast. To wear a ribbon, to undo a button at the neck on a hot day, to wear a belt which might hold in the waist of those shapeless black smocks they wore—that would be sinful. But to have lain in the fields or the woods with a man …
I went back to the smithy. The mare was waiting for me. Thomas Gast looked more like one of Satan’s henchmen than ever and I could not stop thinking of poor Phoebe Gast.
Yesterday I overheard two servants talking. I had come in from the stables and they were dusting in one of the rooms which led out of the hall. They could not see me so I sat down and listened because what they were saying interested me. One of them was Ginny and the other Mab, a girl in her middle teens who had a reputation among the servants as one who was ready for adventure, and had an eye for the men.
As soon as I caught the name Jenny Keys I had to listen.
‘She truly were,’ Ginny was saying. ‘White she was but white can turn to black … and it could have been that was what happened to her.’
‘What did she do, Ginny?’
‘Her did lots of good. Why, if I could have gone earlier to her I’d have been spared my shame.’
‘But you wouldn’t have been without young Jeff for the world.’
‘Not now. But then I would.’
‘How was Jenny Keys brought out, Ginny?’
‘You mean how was it known what she were. I’ll tell you something. One day two of the servants from the Priory went down to see her. ’Twas just a love draught they wanted. There was this stable man who wouldn’t look at one of them and all she wanted was to turn his eyes to her. And what did they see? Right there in Jenny Keys’s lap was a toad … a horrible slimy toad … but ’twas no ordinary toad, they did say. There looked out of his eyes something as told them he were the Devil in toad form. They shook with trembling both of them and then they turned on their heels and ran for their lives. ’Twasn’t long after that one of them took sick and she swore ’twas some- thing that toad had sent out to her—for he weren’t no ordinary toad. He were what they do call her familiar, and that showed Jenny Keys was a witch.’
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