‘Bersaba,’ he said as I turned away.

But I lifted my hand and waved farewell, keeping my back towards him.

I went into the house.

Richard was in the hall.

‘You have been riding … alone?’ he said reproachfully. He looked anxious, which pleased me, but it appeared to be merely a brotherly anxiety.

‘I only went to Longridge Farm and Luke Longridge rode back with me.’

‘You visit them frequently?’

‘I like their company.’

‘You should tell him to take care. There’ll be trouble for that man one day if he persists in writing those pamphlets of his.’

‘I do tell him. He will take no heed of me.’

I could not bear to remain there with him, for I was afraid that I would say something reckless. Was it just possible that he did not know?

That afternoon he left Far Flamstead. It was true that there was trouble in the north. One of the reasons there was so much disquiet in the country was due to the fact that the King was taxing the nobility and the gentry heavily, and the City of London had refused to give the money for which he was asking. Richard said it was desperately needed for the army and that the King was justified in his demands. Luke, on the other hand, believed that the King had no need of an army and that if he had not tried to interfere with Scotland’s religion there would be peace in the north.

I was aware of Angelet’s relief at his departure. Much as she admired him and, as she would say, loved him, she was happier when he was away and the burden of her duty could be cast aside.

She regretted the fact that she had lost her child which would, she once said, ‘have made up for everything’. I pinned her down then and boldly said: ‘Which means that you dread the nights in the big bed, is that it?’

‘How crudely you put it, Bersaba,’ she said, ‘and considering you are not married yourself and know nothing of these things, how can you talk about it?’

‘There are some things a spinster can understand,’ I retorted.

‘You won’t be a spinster long and then you will know for yourself.’

‘The point is,’ I replied, ‘you want the babies, you’ll endure the discomfort of pregnancy, but you dislike the initial necessity.’

She blushed and said: ‘Y … yes. I wish it didn’t have to happen like that.’

That was enough.

She spent her nights in the Blue Room. Her excuse was that she liked to be near me because it reminded her of old times.

‘Why, if we left our doors open we could talk to each other,’ she said wistfully.

It was an excuse to escape the big four-poster in the room they shared, and she wanted to forget its existence as she could in the peace of the Blue Room.

So we went on with the dull life which was so because Richard was not there, and we talked of him now and then and wondered how he was faring.

‘There is so much trouble nowadays,’ said Angelet, secretly hoping that while it did not become awkward it would keep Richard away from Flamstead for a while.

‘Let us hope that these matters are soon settled,’ I replied, fervently meaning it so that he would come back to us.

We went over to Longridge Farm once or twice and were made very welcome. When Luke was there he always singled me out and talked to me. He was always intrigued by my views on any subject and I had to admit that I enjoyed our talks; they were a substitute in a way for my aching desire for Richard. I was aware that he was falling in love with me and that he was a little disturbed by those longings which I knew so well how to arouse in him. I didn’t spare him either. I wanted to prove his theories wrong. I wanted to show him that he would be as eager to partake of the pleasures of life as I would.

There were days when the rain fell continuously and the house seemed gloomy. Hallowe’en came and we talked of Carlotta and wondered how she was faring now. I remembered how I had hated her and wanted to kill her—or someone else to kill her for me—and how at the last minute I had saved her. That showed me that I who thought I knew so much about other people did not even know myself.

I remember the last day in October very well. Perhaps I felt restless because there was so much mist in the air and it blotted out that landscape, so that even I accepted the fact that it would be unwise to go out riding.

In the afternoon I went to the bedchamber and looked at the bed and in a moment of folly I lay on it, after having pulled the bedcurtains. I thought then of the night I had spent there and tried to relive every minute of it again and to recall what he had said, and what I had replied. We had spoken little. There had been no need for words and I had to bear constantly in mind that I was supposed to be my sister.

And then suddenly I heard a movement outside the curtains. The slight click of the door, a soft footstep. Someone was in the room.

The first thought which flashed into my mind was: He has come back.

He would find me lying on this bed and he would know then what he had suspected … for suspect he must have.

But there was no escape. If someone was in this room, and that someone pulled aside the bedcurtains, I must be seen.

I could hear my heartbeats. I lay there waiting … and then the curtains were pulled back and Angelet was looking down on me.

‘Bersaba! What are you doing?’

I sat up on one elbow.

‘Oh, I was just wondering what it was like to … to sleep here.’

‘Whatever for?’

‘Well, you sleep here … sometimes, don’t you?’

‘Well, naturally I do.’

‘I just wanted to see, that’s all.’

‘I knew someone was here,’ she said. ‘For a moment I thought …’

‘That Richard had come back?’ I asked.

‘Y … yes.’

‘You look relieved.’

‘Bersaba, what a thing to say!’

‘Well, it’s true, isn’t it?’

I was laughing now—I felt like an observer outside the scene. This was typical of us. I was caught in an awkward situation and I turned the tables promptly and placed my sister in it.

‘You’ve guessed, I know, that I don’t like—’ she waved her hands—‘all that … I know it goes with marriage and has to be accepted.’

I jumped off the bed.

‘Well, now I know what it’s like to sleep there. Cheer up, Angelet. The Blue Room is very nice … and peaceful, and I am in the next room.’

She turned to me and hugged me.

‘I’m so glad you’re here, Bersaba.’

‘So am I,’ I answered.

And arm-in-arm we went out of the room.

This helped to placate my conscience a little. All I had done was save Angelet from what she disliked and in doing so I had pleased myself and Richard. I had flown in the face of convention; I had committed sins and forced Richard to do the same … very well, that was admitted; but it had not brought ill to everyone.

I wasn’t easy in my mind, of course. I knew what I had done and it was no use my advising others to face the truth if I didn’t face it myself.

That night when I had said goodnight to my sister and lay in my bed I could not sleep, because I kept going over that moment when Angelet had found me on the bed; and from there my thoughts went to Carlotta and how I had tried to stir up people against her. There was no doubt that I was a very sinful person. Then I wondered what Luke Longridge would say if I ever told him of all the sins I had committed. He would despise me of course and probably forbid me to enter his farmhouse where I might contaminate his sister. I think I should have enjoyed luring him on to some indiscretion to prove that none of us was as good as we thought ourselves to be and that those who wore the cloak of virtue so ostentatiously might well be the ones who had most to hide.

I don’t know why I thought about Luke Longridge. There was only one man who interested me. I wanted to be with him so much; I wanted to make him admit that he knew that I had come to him at night; I wanted him to scheme with me as I used to scheme with Bastian. I wanted to hear his voice saying impatiently ‘When, when, where?’ as Bastian used to.

And yet I could still think of Luke Longridge.

As I lay there sleepless I fancied I heard strange noises in the house.

Boards creak, I told myself. It is nothing.

Suddenly there was a violent noise as though a great cauldron had been thrown across the room. I fancied it was coming from the direction of the kitchen. I got out of bed and wrapped a robe around me.

I went to the stairs and listened. That was a sound of scuffling … Someone was in the kitchen. Undoubtedly something was going on down there.

Angelet had come out of her room. She gave a cry of relief when she saw me.

‘What is it, Bersaba? I heard … noises …’

‘Something is happening down there,’ I said. ‘Let’s go and see.’

I called out: ‘Who’s there? What is it?’

Mrs Cherry appeared. She looked distraught. ‘Oh, it’s nothing at all, mistress. It’s just some of the pots as had not been put up right.’

I said: ‘It sounded like a cauldron being thrown across the floor.’

‘These things make a terrible noise.’

She stood facing us on the stairs, almost as though she were barring our way.

‘It’s all right now,’ she went on, looking at Angelet. ‘Cherry’s putting them up again. Secure this time. One of the men … you know … Put up anyhow … then we gets this scare in the night.’

Cherry appeared. His face was pale and his eyes looked shifty, I thought. ‘Begging your pardon, me ladies,’ he said, ‘I am that sorry. It was one of them … as didn’t put the things up right. Mr Jesson will have something to say about this in the morning.’

There was Mr Jesson and behind him Meg and Grace.

I had the odd impression that they were banding together to stop our advance. It was a stupid notion which had come to me because of all those mock battles. The military tradition was strong in this house.

‘I should go back to bed if I were you, my ladies,’ said Mrs Cherry. ‘I’m right down sorry you was disturbed.’

Angelet said, ‘It’s all right now then, is it, Mrs Cherry? They won’t fall again?’

‘As right as rain,’ said Mrs Cherry cheerfully.

‘I’ll have something to say to somebody in the morning, I promise you,’ said Jesson.

I turned to Angelet: ‘On that promise,’ I said lightly, ‘I think we should go back to our beds.’

‘Good night, me ladies.’ There was almost jubilation in the cry.

‘Good night,’ we said.

We went back to the Blue Room first.

‘Oh dear,’ said Angelet, ‘I was just getting off.’

‘Only just? My dear sister, don’t you sleep well?’

‘I haven’t lately. I wish I could. I hate lying awake at night.’

‘You slept very well on Mrs Cherry’s special cure for toothache,’ I said.

‘Oh that … yes, for hours and hours.’

‘You had such good sleeps then that must have been very refreshing. You know what it was, don’t you? The juice of the poppy.’

‘I wish I could sleep like that every night.’

‘You would if you took the cure.’

‘One shouldn’t though, should one? It’s all right when you have a raging toothache, but you shouldn’t take it just because you can’t sleep.’

‘I’m not troubled with sleeplessness. I might if I were, perhaps, just now and then when I wanted to be certain of a good night’s sleep.’

‘If it were here now I’d have a dose.’

‘Shall I ask Mrs Cherry for it?’

‘She’s gone to bed now.’

‘She won’t be asleep. I’m sure she would be delighted. She has a bit of conscience about the noise. They all have. Did you notice how uneasy they were?’

‘They were worried about waking us.’

‘I’ll ask Mrs Cherry in the morning … if you can get through the night.’

‘Of course. I’ll sleep in time.’

‘Mind you,’ I said, ‘you will have to be cautious with this stuff. It won’t do to take it often. Only at certain times. I’ll be your doctor and prescribe when you need it.’

‘Oh Bersaba, it is good to have you here.’

‘I hope you won’t change your mind.’

‘Change my mind. What do you mean?’

‘About having me here. I’m really the bad girl of the family. I’m not like you, Angelet.’

I interrupted her as she started on the old story of how I had saved Phoebe’s life and Carlotta from the witch hunters. I said: ‘It’s time we were in bed. Try to forget all this excitement and sleep. I’ll do the same.’