Julie Garwood - Saving Grace

Gabriel was having disconcerting thoughts of his own. His cunning plan to overwhelm his bride while her defenses were down had been turned around on him. Hell, she'd overwhelmed him. He'd never lost his discipline so thoroughly with any other woman, never, ever felt this vulnerable, and he began to wonder what she would do if she knew she had such power over him. He scowled just thinking about it.

Johanna moved to the side of the bed. She reached for her robe before she stood up. She kept her back to her husband while she put the garment on. Her shoes, she remembered, were near the door.

And still she hesitated to leave. She couldn't understand her own mind. She felt miserable now and lonely, and she couldn't imagine why she wanted to weep. Their lovemaking had been wonderful, yet now she was filled with new uncertainty. Nay, she didn't understand this change in her, but she imagined she would have the rest of the dark hours to think about it. She doubted she would get any sleep, and by morning light she would have worked herself up into a state of exhaustion.

Gabriel looked as though he'd already gone to sleep. She tried to be as quiet as possible as she made her way to the door. She was just reaching for the latch when he stopped her.

"Where do you think you're going?"

She turned to look at him. "To the other chamber, m'lord. I assumed that was where you wanted me to sleep."

"Come back here, Johanna."

She slowly walked back to his side of the bed. "I didn't mean to wake you."

"I wasn't asleep."

He reached for the belt of her robe. His voice sounded only mildly curious when he asked, "Why do you want to sleep alone?"

"I don't want to," she blurted out.

He used the sleeves of her robe to pull the garment off.

She was shivering with the cold. That observation amused him. He thought it was damned hot in the chamber. He pulled the cover back then and simply waited for her to get into bed again.

She didn't hesitate. She climbed over her husband. Gabriel put his arms around her and pulled her close. The side of her face rested on his shoulder. He pulled the covers up, let out a loud yawn, and then said, "You will sleep in this bed with me every night. Do you understand, Johanna?"

She bumped his chin when she nodded. "Is it usual in the Highlands for husbands and wives to sleep together?"

He gave her a roundabout answer. "It's going to be usual for you and me."

"Yes, m'lord."

Her whispered agreement, given so quickly, pleased him. He tightened his hold on his bride and closed his eyes.

"Gabriel?"

He grunted his reply.

"Are you pleased you married me?"

She was sorry she'd asked the question the minute the words were out of her mouth. Now he would know how vulnerable she was feeling and how horribly insecure she really was.

"The land belongs to me now. That pleases me."

He was a brutally honest man. She thought she should probably admire that trait. She didn't though, not tonight. She decided she wanted him to lie to her and to tell her he was happy to have her for his wife. God, she was becoming daft. She didn't want to be married to a man who would blatantly lie to her. No, of course she didn't.

She knew she wasn't making any sense. Surely exhaustion was the reason she was having such foolish, unimportant thoughts. What did she care if he wanted her or not? She had gained exactly what she had set out to gain when she married him. She was free from King John's tentacles. Yes, she was free… and safe.

She had gotten exactly what she'd bargained for, and so had he. The land now belonged to him.

"You're too soft. I should have preferred a strong, tough-skinned woman."

She was almost asleep when she heard his comment. Since she didn't know what to say in reply, she kept silent.

Another minute passed before he spoke again. "You're too tender for life here. I doubt you'll survive a full year. I probably should have preferred a more robust, unemotional woman. Aye, you won't last a full year here."

He didn't sound particularly disturbed by that possibility. She tried not to take exception. She wasn't going to try to talk him out of his opinions either. Arguing that she was indeed a very strong woman with every bit as much endurance as any of the Highland women would have been useless. Gabriel had already formed his opinions and only time together would prove to him she wasn't a summer flower. She really did have stamina. She had already proven to herself she was a survivor. In time she would prove it to him. "You're a timid lass. I probably should prefer a woman who was more forceful."

It took a supreme act of will to keep silent. She had asked him one simple question. A quick yes or no would have been sufficient answer. He seemed to be taking delight in listing her faults though. She could hear the laughter in his voice. Her husband, she was learning, was a bit rude.

"You have daft opinions. I should probably prefer a wife who always agreed with me."

She started drumming her fingers in irritation on his chest. He put his hand on top of hers to stop the telling action.

Johanna let out a loud yawn. It was a deliberate hint for him to let her go to sleep. A thoughtful husband would have ceased his litany of insults immediately.

Gabriel wasn't particularly thoughtful. "The least little thing frightens you," he remarked, remembering the expression on her face when she had first seen his wolfhound. "I should probably prefer a woman my hound would be afraid of," he added.

The heat radiating from his body made her drowsy. She draped one of her legs over his thighs and scooted closer.

"You're too thin by half," Gabriel said then. "The first northern wind will blow you over. I should probably prefer a big, strapping woman."

She was too sleepy to debate with her husband. Outrage took too much concentration. Johanna fell asleep listening to her husband as he continued to list her countless flaws.

"You're terribly naive, wife," he said when he remembered she had told him the year-round warm climate appealed to her. She had believed her brother's outrageous lie.

"Aye, you're naive all right," he said again.

Long minutes passed before Gabriel decided to finally answer her question.

"Johanna?"

She didn't answer him. He leaned down, kissed the top of her head, and then whispered, " 'Tis the truth, I am pleased I married you."

Johanna awakened to the sound of pounding. A crash followed. She thought the roof had caved in. She bolted up in the bed just as the door opened. Gabriel walked inside. She grabbed hold of the covers and pulled them up to cover her chest.

She knew she looked a sight. Her hair hung down over her face, obstructing her view. She clutched the covers with one hand and brushed her hair back over her shoulders with her other hand.

"Good morning, Laird MacBain."

He found her attempt at modesty amusing, considering the fact that he'd stroked every inch of her body during the night. She was blushing, too.

"After last night, I don't believe you need to be embarrassed with me, Johanna."

She nodded. "I will try not to be embarrassed," she promised.

Gabriel walked over to the foot of the bed. He clasped his hands behind his back and frowned at her.

She smiled back.

"It isn't morning," he announced, "but afternoon."

Her eyes widened in surprise. "I was exhausted," she blurted out in defense of having slept half the day away. "I'm usually awake at dawn, m'lord, but the journey here was very tiring. What is that pounding noise I'm hearing?" She added the question in an attempt to turn the topic away from her laziness.

"The men are working on the new roof above the great hall."

He noticed the dark circles under her eyes. Her skin was pale. He was sorry he'd awakened her. Then the hammering started again, and he realized that noise would have shaken her awake anyway. Gabriel decided he shouldn't have allowed the work on the roof to begin today. His bride needed rest, not distraction.

"Was there something you wanted, m'lord?"

"I wanted to give you your instructions."

She smiled again, an indication, she hoped, of her willingness to take on whatever duties he wanted to give her.

"Today you will wear the MacBain plaid. Tomorrow you will switch to the Maclaurin colors."

"I will?"

"You will."

"Why?"

"You're mistress here over both clans and must try not to slight either faction. It would be an insult if you wore my colors two days in a row. Do you understand?"

He believed he'd been very specific. "Nay," she replied. "I don't understand. Aren't you laird over both clans?"

"I am."

"So you are, therefore, considered everyone's leader?"

"That is so."

He sounded terribly arrogant. He looked arrogant, too. His presence was… commanding. He fairly towered over the bed. And yet he'd been so incredibly gentle last night. The memory of their lovemaking made her sigh.

"Now do you understand me?" he asked, perplexed by the wide-eyed stare she was giving him.

She shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts. "No, I still don't understand," she confessed. "If you're…"

"It isn't your place to understand," he announced.

She hid her exasperation. He seemed to want her agreement. He wasn't going to get it. She simply continued to stare at him and wait for his next outrageous remark.

"There is one more instruction I would give you," Gabriel said. "I don't want you to concern yourself with work of any kind. I want you to rest."

She was certain she hadn't heard him correctly. "Rest?"

"Yes."

"In heaven's name why?"

He frowned over her incredulous expression. It was apparent to him why she should rest. Still, if she needed to hear his reason, he would give it.

"It's going to take you time to recover."

"Recover from what?"

"From your journey here."

"But I've already recovered, m'lord. I slept the morning away. I'm fully rested now."

He turned to leave. "Gabriel?" she called out to stop him.

"I asked you not to call me by that name."

"Last night you demanded I say your name," she reminded him.

"When?"

She immediately started blushing. "When we were… kissing."

He remembered. "That was different," he told her.

"What was? Kissing me or demanding I say your name?"

He didn't answer her.

"Gabriel is a fine name."

"I am through discussing this," he announced.

She didn't know what to make of his behavior. She decided to put the matter of his name aside for the moment. He was reaching for the door latch and she wanted to ask him something before he left. "May I go hunting this afternoon?"

"I've just explained I want you to rest. Don't make me repeat myself."

"But you aren't making any sense at all, m'lord." He turned around and walked back to the side of the bed. He looked irritated, but only mildly so. He didn't intimidate her. The realization popped into her mind all at once. She smiled in reaction. She didn't under stand why she felt that way, but she did. She was actually speaking her mind, too, and that was a pleasant first in a long, long while. It felt… liberating.

"I've already explained I've recovered from my journey here," she reminded him.

He clasped her jaw in his hand and tilted her head back so she would have to look into his eyes. He almost smiled when he saw how disgruntled she looked.

"There is another reason I want you to rest," he announced.

She gently nudged his hand away. She was getting a crick in her neck looking up at him. "And what might your reason be, m'lord?"

"You're weak."

She shook her head. "You mentioned that opinion last night, husband. It wasn't true then and it isn't true now."

"You are weak, Johanna," he repeated, ignoring her protest. "It's going to take you time to build up your strength. I'm aware of your limitations, even if you aren't."

He didn't give her time to argue over his decision. He leaned down, kissed her, and then left the chamber.

As soon as the door closed behind him, she threw off the covers and got out of bed.

How could her husband form such unbending opinions about her character so quickly? He couldn't possibly know her limitations. He hadn't known her long enough. It was unreasonable for him to draw any conclusions about her.