Rexanne Becnel - Scandalous Weddings

Helen couldn't fathom why she still lay abed when daylight flooded the room. Then Alex's big form moved between her and the window to block the blinding sun. And it all came flashing back to her: seeing Jamie's injury, feeling queasy and light-headed in the moment before all went black.

Alex must have carried her upstairs to her own bed. She blinked at the square canopy with its plain blue curtains. The sheets felt smooth and cool to her perspiring skin.

His face taut, Alex towered over her. "How are you feeling?"

Her head ached. Her palms felt cold and clammy. Worst of all, her stomach churned. Determined not to show weakness, she pushed herself upright. "I feel perfectly fine-" A rush of nausea overwhelmed her.

Luckily, he had the chamber pot ready. Through her misery, she felt the gentle stroke of his hand on her brow. He murmured something soothing, but she felt too wretched to pay attention. When she was done, he handed her a glass of water. "Rinse your mouth," he ordered.

She meekly obeyed. Then she lay back with her eyes closed, mortified that he had seen her at her worst.

Something deliciously cool came down on her forehead. She groped to touch it. A damp cloth.

The mattress dipped as Alex sat down on the edge of the bed. "Now," he said, "how do you really feel?"

"Better."

"And what do you suppose is the source of this illness?"

She had a suspicion she knew. But he looked disgusted, and she didn't feel strong enough to ward off his attack. "There's a family with the croup-"

"You dinna have the croup." He grimaced as if he'd choked on a dose of bitter medicine. "I would guess, Lady Helen, that you're pregnant."

Pregnant.

Rather than face his ill humor, she closed her eyes again. She had wondered about her unsettled stomach. And her monthly time was late by a few days. She had hoped and prayed, and her prayers had been answered with a baby.

Despite her physical discomfort, she felt a great surge of joy. Their lovemaking had started a new life inside her. They would be a family now, and Alex could not send her away. Because in nine months-no, eight-"she would give birth to his baby. The sheer wonder of it lent her strength.

"In late June," she said, opening her eyes. Her happiness blossomed into a smile. "So much for your knowledge of fertility."

His mouth twisted scornfully. "Aye, I blame myself for this mistake. I should ha' turned you out when you came crawling into my bed. You're the last woman I'd choose to be the mother of my bairn."

His cruelty withered her smile, and she placed her hands over her womb. "I won't have you calling our baby a mistake. Nor will I let you drive us away with your malice."

"Understand this," he said coldly. "Once the bairn is born, I dinna care if you go back to England. But you'll leave the child here with me."

"I will never abandon my own baby."

"So you say. But time will tell the truth."

The frigid contempt on his face chilled her soul. Just love me and I'll stay forever, she wanted to whisper. She had a dismal flash of their future together, a life without tenderness and joy, without shared happiness in the birth of their baby. Alex was determined to push her out of his world.

And she was just as determined to stay.

From that emotionally charged moment onward, Alex refused to allow Helen in his surgery. Flora would assist him when necessary, he said. Helen should not expose herself to disease and risk harming the baby. She felt too ill to argue. Besides, she had developed an aversion to strong odors. One whiff of the herbs and medicinals on his apothecary shelves would send her running from the room.

So she slept late each morning and took a nap each afternoon. In between, she nibbled on dry toast and sipped weak tea until she could get out of bed. She kept her mind off her queasiness by sewing baby clothes, helping Miss Gilbert with the mending, and planning renovations for the house.

Helen also devoted a few hours each day to writing a journal about her travels, describing the delights of touring a Turkish bazaar, the excitement of mountain climbing in Switzerland, the romance of boating on the canals of Venice. Someday, her child would read these adventures and know there was a vast world beyond these starkly beautiful Highlands.

She wished she could share her experiences with Alex, too. But he wanted nothing to do with her-_v except at mealtimes when he bullied her into eating a few bites of bland food to keep up her strength.

He spent his waking hours either in the surgery or visiting patients. At times, Helen might have thought she lived alone except for the clothing he left for Flora to launder or the tramp of his footsteps on the stairs at night.

Then, on a cold, crisp evening in late November, he came to her in the drawing room, where she sat reading on the chaise by the fire. Her heart turned over at the sight of his bluntly chiseled features, the muscled body she yearned to be held against.

He announced his intention to leave on the morrow for Edinburgh to attend a series of medical lectures. "The journey is too far for you," he said. "You'll remain here."

The mere thought of riding all day in a jolting carriage was enough to make her stomach rebel. "How long will you be gone?" she asked softly.

"A few weeks. Perhaps longer. And dinna think to run to England. I'll expect a letter from you once a week to prove you're still here."

It was on the tip of her tongue to ask tartly if he would reply to her correspondence, when he turned on his heel and strode out of the room.

Irked, Helen went to bed. After a restless night, she awakened at dawn to the realization that she was playing his game. He wanted to make her angry-so he could prove her to be a heartless lady.

Well, she wouldn't let him depart for Edinburgh without a kiss. She would forget her pride and melt this terrible coldness between them. She would show him that despite his ill humor she meant to stay.

But she rose too quickly and suffered a bout of illness. By the time she felt able to run down the icy stairs, hastening out into the blustery morning, her husband was already riding away on his big black horse.

He never even looked back.

Alex delayed his return until well into the new year.

The medical lectures had ended the third week of December. Yet he dallied in the city, tending to business concerns and visiting acquaintances. He hated to admit it, but a part of him ached to spend the holidays with Helen, taking care that she ate during the feasting, making certain she stayed inside during the bitterly cold weather. His concern was only for the bairn, he told himself. Toward his wife he felt nothing but resentment.

And lust.

He lay awake at night in the rooming house and thought about her. He thought about the silkiness of her hair against his skin. The snug velvet glove of her body enclosing him. The soft joyful cry she made when she climaxed. He wanted her with shameful ferocity.

He was a bloody coward, he knew, for lingering in the city. A blasted fool for fearing the effect his wife had on him. Despite all his reasons to despise Helen, he found himself looking forward to her letters. He had expected a few terse lines of complaint, but instead she wrote pages describing the minor illnesses that Flora treated in his absence, recounting amusing incidents in the village, and making light of her own infirmity.

The more Helen breezed over the state of her own health, the more he wondered if her condition had worsened. He imagined her lying in bed, frail and wan. One morning in early February, he read in a medical journal the case history of a pregnant woman who had died from an inability to eat. That very same day he received an unusually brief letter from Helen. If a few sketchy notes was all she could manage, she must be on a decline.

Heedless of the ice and snow, he rode hard for home, arriving late in the afternoon, the winter sun a dying spark beyond the ashen hills. The house shone like a beacon in the gathering dusk. The ground-floor windows glowed bright yellow except for the drawing room, where something covered the glass, a faint luminescence shining from within.

Flora would never light so many candles. Something must be wrong.

In the stable, Jamie didn't come running to take his mount. Cursing in the darkness, Alex led the horse into an empty stall, gave him a quick rubdown and a handful of oats. Then he dashed toward the house.

The kitchen was deserted, too. An enticing aroma eddied from a bubbling pot over the fireplace. A bowl of half-peeled apples sat on the long wooden table, as if Flora had been called away from her baking.

Something must be terribly wrong.

He saw visions of Helen wasting away to nothing. Helen gasping her last breaths. He'd been bloody daft to stay away for so many weeks.

Alex stormed down the corridor toward the front of the house. The chatter of voices pulled him to the drawing room. So did an odd, acrid odor.

He skidded to a halt in the doorway.

The furniture had been pushed into the center of the room and draped in dust covers. Holding a bucket, Cox balanced on a ladder and daubed the wall with a brush. Wielding another brush, Jamie crouched at the baseboard while Flora directed him. Half the walls bore the familiar dull brown; the rest shone a sunny yellow. Nearby, Miss Gilbert and Helen conferred over swatches of fabric, their heads bent together, one gray, the other golden.

The wee mongrel raced toward him, tail wagging, claws clicking on the wood floor. But Alex had eyes only for his wife.

She looked up and saw him. Her lips parted first in surprise and then formed a smile that turned his insides to mush. She bloomed with health, her cheeks glowing pink and her eyes bright. Her sky-blue gown showed the slight mound of her pregnancy.

She dropped the swatches and hastened toward him. "Alex! You should have sent word you were coming home."

A slow burn crept over him. He felt like a daft auld woman for worrying. "You were ill when I left," he ground out. "And you dinna say much in your last letter."

She stopped a few paces away. "I was too busy to write more. But I'm perfectly fine now. In fact, I've been eating rather too well." Laughing, she caressed her belly. "Soon you'll be thinking you wed a cow."

Nothing could be further from the truth. She embodied a fantasy with her lush breasts and fertile curves, the delicate beauty of her face framed by spun-gold hair. He wanted to carry her straight up to bed and slake his need. Even worse, he wanted to cuddle with her all the long, cold night.

The others crowded around him. "Is not our lady looking bonny?" Flora said, her hands clasped to her gaunt chest.

Jamie said, "On Hogmanay, I fetched the cream from the well for her."

"She hasn't been ill a moment since," Miss Gilbert added.

Alex knew the old custom. The cream was the first water drawn at midnight on the New Year. Drinking it brought great luck to a person.

"It's amazing," Helen said, beaming at the others,, who clearly adored her. "I cannot thank you all enough."

"Dinna be daft," Alex said. "You passed the first three months, that's all. 'Tis nature you should thank, not superstition."

She wrinkled her nose. "Whatever the reason, I feel wonderful after that beastly sickness." She slipped her hand through the crook of his arm. "Come, Alex. I want to hear all that you've been doing."

The last thing he needed was to be alone with his wife. Her radiance drew him like a lodestone. He ached to laugh with her, to share in her natural joy, to let down his defenses. But then she would plunder the most vulnerable part of himself when she left.

She pulled him through another doorway. The morning room too had been renovated. The walls were painted a soft moss green to complement the new striped chairs and rosewood tables. Green and gold draperies framed the tall windows. The cozy aura invited him to sit down and stretch out his cold feet to the crackling fire.

He remained standing. "I dinna give you permission to refurbish my house."

"Our house," she said. "And you weren't here to voice an objection." With the loving care of a wife, she removed his wool scarf.

Her floral scent, the brush of her breasts, nearly drove Alex mad. He stomped away from her and jerked open the buttons of his overcoat. Knowing he sounded petulant, he said, "I liked the house the way it was."

"With chipped paint and nary a stick of furniture?" She smiled slyly. "Dinna be daft, Alex."