“This I really can’t believe,” Lady Irving said with measured calm, lying prone with her hands pressed over her eyes. “You love your sister’s affianced husband. Why not? So you turn down a perfectly eligible match. Even better. And she also throws away her chance of a match. Certainly, it all makes perfect sense up to that point. But then you go to his house.”

She removed her hands from over her eyes and turned her head to look at Julia. “There you lose me. Because I cannot imagine why you would do such a thing.”

“I wanted to be with him,” Julia answered in a small voice.

“I’m not even going to ask if you mean what I think you mean,” Lady Irving said, her voice sounding defeated. “Judging from your now-understandable reluctance to face us yesterday evening, and the comment in the newspaper about the state of déshabille, I assume you mean exactly what I think you mean.”

She sighed and raised herself up to a seated position again. Her eyes, when they met Julia’s again, were now filled with sorrow rather than anger. She reached out for Julia’s face. Julia flinched, expecting another swat, but Lady Irving only grazed her cheek gently with her fingertips as if memorizing her features.

“Foolish girl,” she said, her voice choked. “Foolish, foolish Julia. I’m very sorry for you.”

She sighed again. “I can’t blame you too much; probably not as much as I should. We all love. We’re all human. Those among us who are luckiest love their spouses; others find love elsewhere.”

Her eyes watered with emotion, and she dashed an impatient hand across them. When she moved her hands, she looked older and very tired, and Julia realized that her aunt was speaking from her own decades of experience.

Her voice choked, her gaze unfocused, the countess explained, “Did you think I loved Irving? Of course I didn’t. He was much older, and he wasn’t handsome, and he couldn’t dance or speak prettily, which was what I cared for as a girl. But my mother reminded me that, as the daughter of a mere baron, I could do much worse than wind up a countess. And thus the Honorable Estella caught herself an earl, by sitting attentively next to him when he talked about his cursed hunting dogs and horses, by allowing him to kiss her with his loose mouth, and by agreeing with everything he asked of her.”

She looked Julia pointedly in the eye. “Everything.”

As Julia stared at her aunt in amazement, the countess continued in a stronger voice, “Being his wife was the price I paid for being a countess, for having a social freedom and financial independence such as I had never known as Miss Oliver. And when I say social freedom, I mean it. I could say what I wanted, be with whom I wanted, go where I wished. I wouldn’t trade that for anything.” Her mouth quirked wickedly. “Especially since an apoplexy carried him off only five years after our marriage.

“Still,” Lady Irving returned to the subject at hand, “the ton follows a set of unyielding rules by which we must abide. I followed them until I was wed; you haven’t. It may be unfair, but there is an unbreakable rule that a young woman, unlike a young man, must engage in no scandalous behavior before her marriage. Nothing that smacks of impropriety, or of being too fast. And certainly no carnal acts.”

She stifled the beginnings of Julia’s protest with a raised hand and a shake of her head.

“No, you must listen to me. What you have done is not quite so wrong as the paper made it seem, since there was no infidelity involved. Still, I am afraid there will be no recovering from this. I must take both of you back to the country at once. In time, Louisa may overcome the scandal, though I am afraid it will be at your expense. All the world currently believes the engagement was broken as a result of your behavior.”

The countess mused for a moment. “If you are willing, we will allow that impression to stand. I believe you owe it to your sister to give her whatever help you can at this time.”

“Of course,” Julia agreed eagerly. Her sense of chagrin, of having wronged her sister, was so great that no atonement seemed too great. Louisa should recover. She should have another chance for happiness.

Lady Irving nodded her approval, and continued. “Very well. As for you, I am afraid your social life is over. You will never be able to come back to London. Possibly you will never be able to marry at all.”

These words fell onto Julia’s ears with the heaviness of stones. Dumbly, she nodded her understanding.

“Unless. .” Lady Irving was struck by an idea. “If Matheson will marry you, all will eventually be forgiven. There will be a scandalous amount of talk at first, but soon enough it will be replaced by the next on dit.”

“He did offer for me,” Julia replied, feeling a spark of hope. “I left him with the understanding that I intended to accept.”

At her aunt’s skeptical expression, she explained, “I was. . um, a bit overset by the events of the day. But I am sure he has the impression that I would like to marry him. I believe I was clear enough about that.”

“Then we must confirm that impression,” Lady Irving said with decision. “The sooner the better. If a notice of your engagement can be placed in tomorrow’s Post, we’ll be well on our way to dealing with this unfortunate situation.”

She paused, then continued in carefully measured tones, “Of course, if we can’t achieve that, we will need to leave town. I hope you understand.”

Julia nodded. James would agree, happily. He’d said so himself. “Yes, but I am sure there will be no problem.”

Lady Irving motioned for Julia to bring her lap desk and drew out paper and pen. “For all our sakes, I hope not. Would you like to write the note, or shall I?”

“I will,” Julia offered. She quickly composed the following note, her handwriting large and untidy with agitation:


My dear James,

I am sure you know of the scandal that has broken this morning concerning us all. This may be remarkably forward of me, but I hope you won’t mind if I tell you that I would dearly love to accept the offer you made me yesterday.

I am sure you know that that is my fondest wish, regardless of circumstances, although currently our situation makes a speedy betrothal (and wedding) desirable.

Please let me know, as soon as possible, your answer. I rely on you, and hope to see you very soon.

Yours, with love,


Julia


She showed it to her aunt, who nodded shortly and folded it up within a blank sheet of notepaper to hide Julia’s message before sealing it. “It’ll do. I’ll have it taken to his home at once. If he’s a gentleman, which I believe he is, we should hear back within the hour.”

Chapter 29. In Which Louisa Finds Out


Julia’s penance continued as soon as she left her aunt’s room. She felt she owed it to Louisa to tell her everything before her sister should find out from someone else.

Louisa already knew, though; Julia could tell that as soon as she entered the library and saw her sister sitting blank-faced on the sofa, leaning over with her elbows resting on her knees. She looked up at Julia when she heard the door open to admit her, and her expression instantly changed to one of worry. She stood and rushed over to Julia, wrapping her in a tight hug.

“My poor darling,” she said in a soothing voice. “I’m so, so sorry. I blame myself.”

Julia gaped at her for a second, stunned at this response. “What. . what?”

Louisa pulled back, her hands still on Julia’s shoulders. She looked guilt-stricken as she explained, “Simone brought me a paper this morning and I saw that terrible item. I know it’s all a misunderstanding, but it’s all my fault. If I hadn’t asked you to give the letter to James. . oh, dear. I know you only went because I was so insistent and you wanted so badly to help me.”

She sighed, her eyes defeated, and sat down hard again on the sofa, slumping. “I didn’t imagine you would go over to his home, but how were you to know that isn’t exactly good ton? So they’ve put this terrible insinuation into that scandal rag, when it was all perfectly innocent. It’s ridiculous, but it will sound very bad to anyone who doesn’t know the truth.”

She straightened up and took Julia’s hands in hers, looking determined. “I promise you, I will do whatever I can to straighten things out. I’ll take all the responsibility upon myself, and will tell everyone I meet the truth.”

Her voice faltered as she added, “That is. . I haven’t spoken to Aunt Estella yet, but I swear she shall be the first to know. Perhaps she can undo everything; she has powerful friends. I only hope this unfortunate item will not affect your relationship with Sir Stephen Saville. I know he’s rather a stickler, but I’ll explain the situation to him as well.” She offered Julia a watery smile. “He may not ever forgive me my social trespasses, but he won’t think the less of you.”

Julia simply stared at Louisa through this whole impassioned recital, swaying with shock where she stood. She simply couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Louisa had put entirely the opposite construction on everything that had been intended by the scandal item. She blamed herself, she trusted Julia, she thought only of how her own supposed faults might have hurt others.

It made Julia feel much, much worse than if Louisa had refused to speak to her. Or yelled at her, or slapped her.

But that simply wouldn’t be like Louisa to react in that way. Louisa’s way was always to look out for Julia, and to protect her however she could, regardless of her own inclinations. That’s what she’d done since they were children; that’s why she’d come to London. And that’s what she was proposing to do again now — to sacrifice herself so that Julia could recover socially.

Not for the first time, Julia was struck dumb with disbelief at Louisa’s selflessness. She was too good; Julia wasn’t worthy of a sister like her.

But she would try to be.

Louisa still sat looking at her anxiously, awaiting Julia’s response to her apologies and assurances. Oh, dear. This was going to be really difficult, but it had to be said. Her sister deserved the truth.

Julia sat on the floor in front of Louisa and leaned her head on her sister’s knee, so she wouldn’t have to look her in the face or trust her own legs to support her as she spoke.

“It’s not your fault,” she began, then took a deep breath for courage. “Louisa, the item is true, in everything it implies. It’s not your fault. It’s ours — mine and James’s. And that ass Xavier’s,” she couldn’t resist adding.

A pause succeeded her words; then Louisa said blankly, “Xavier’s? What has he to do with anything? I don’t understand.”

Julia explained the situation as quickly as she could — how she’d sent the letter, how Sir Stephen had proposed, how she’d wanted to talk to James to work through her confusion, and how he’d read the letters and come to accept Louisa’s decision. She left out the part about how she and James had already admitted their love for each other on the previous night; it might be cowardly, but she justified it with the thought that it might hurt Louisa further.

Instead she said, “And when I was there, it just. . just happened. It wasn’t planned, but I wasn’t sorry for it. The only thing is, as I was leaving, Lord Xavier saw me, and apparently he’s blabbed everything to the papers. Not that it’s any of his business, damned scandalmonger,” she grumbled.

For once, Louisa didn’t admonish her for her language. She simply began stroking Julia’s hair slowly. Julia waited for an agonizing minute for her to say something, but when Louisa remained silent, Julia raised her head to look at her sister’s face.

It was nothing like what she would have expected. Louisa’s gaze was far away, her expression quiet and considering, but a small smile played about the corners of her mouth.

“Louisa?” Julia asked hesitantly.

The older girl’s eyes snapped into focus and turned toward the face of her seated sister. “I’m still trying to believe it,” Louisa said. “It’s all rather ridiculous, wouldn’t you say?”

Ridiculous? That was the word James had used too, and Julia was no less surprised this time.

“I mean,” Louisa mused, “you loved him all along, didn’t you? I should have seen it; I should have been able to tell. And here I was pushing you toward this other man you couldn’t care a pin for, when all the while I was becoming certain of how wrong it is to marry without love. To marry for logic, and propriety, and security. It’s just not enough, is it?”