Carly Phillips - Secret Fantasy

He forced a grin. “So there are two of you.” He caught his choice of words and shook his head, needing to rephrase. “You may be twins but you’re too unique to be alike. Too special.” And that truth wasn’t forced.

“Thanks.” Gratitude filled her eyes and she finally met his gaze. “Gillian, my sister, she’s more outgoing, so much less reserved.” Her voice trailed off and Doug knew she’d just recalled their time in the storm. Her lashes fluttered, her stare shifted and a faint blush stained her cheeks.

“Hey.” He reached out and touched her chin, giving her no choice but to look him head-on. “What happened between us? It was supposed to give you good memories to replace the bad ones, not make you too embarrassed to be with me.”

Her flush deepened. “It’s just that…”

“Say it.” He pushed her, curious to hear what caused her discomfort and withdrawal.

She let out a breath of air. “It’s like I asked and you provided. And you got nothing in return.”

Did she really have no idea? He’d been so affected by her orgasm he’d nearly come just watching. He’d never reacted so strongly to a woman before, never cared so much about someone else’s pleasure, his own be damned.

And the one thing he knew without question was the feelings crowding inside him and begging for release weren’t going to be easily controlled. “That’s not the way I remember it.”

“You’re telling me it wasn’t one-sided?”

It was time for a revelation of his own. “We both have our fantasies, Juliette.” What had he said to Merrilee? I need to know I can put a woman before myself.

At the time it had been a line to get him in the door and pair him with Juliette, though admittedly the words had held some truth. But in kissing, caressing and giving to this woman, Doug had learned-not only that it was possible to put her first physically, but that he wanted to put her first emotionally as well.

She leaned forward, ready to listen.

And he was ready to tell her. He hadn’t expected to reveal his fantasy to Juliette, but she made him want to open up and share. “I recently hurt someone I cared about. I hurt her badly. From her perspective, I was using her and I suppose she wasn’t far from wrong. So now I want to prove I can put a woman’s needs before my own.”

Curious green eyes met his. “And will just any woman do?”

“No way.” He shook his head. “And no way are you just any woman. Not to me.”

She splayed her hands on her thigh, fingering the silken material. “But you can’t deny things were one-sided. And I have to know-was it because you were using me to prove a point?”

“No more than I assume you’re using me for reasons relating to your own fantasy.” He laughed. “You are a stubborn one. Technically, yes, it was one-sided. But…” He paused deliberately.

Long enough for her curiosity to win out and for her to glance up. “But what?”

Doug leaned forward until they were inches apart. “But…” He reached for her hand. “You’ve come to mean a lot to me in a very short time. And I enjoyed watching you. And I enjoyed listening to you. Did you know you make these little sounds? Sighs, gasps, moans of pleasure?”

Her pupils dilated. A flush spread from her neck up her cheeks. Her mouth opened in a small O then closed without making a sound. Heat flooded his system and he broke into a sweat. In reassuring her, he was arousing himself all over again.

It was probably his punishment and penance. To be so close to the woman he desired and know he had to keep his distance, for her sake as well as his own. Because to make his fantasy come true-to be able to look himself in the mirror and to see he could put a woman, this woman, before himself-he couldn’t go further. Couldn’t sleep with her. Even if doing so would fulfill a fantasy of another kind, his conscience and soul were at risk. And so was his heart.

But he forced himself to concentrate on her needs. “And those sounds?” He drew both himself and her back to the point at hand.

“Yes?” The word came out a barely audible gasp.

“They turn me on.”

Juliette swallowed hard. He was doing it again, she thought, dazedly. Soothing her. Easing one kind of distress while creating a new one of an entirely different sort. He was so obviously setting out to convince her that her pleasure had been his as well.

And he was convincing. Enough to relax her and loosen her inhibitions again. To remind her that as much as he needed to prove to himself he was a decent person and could put someone else’s needs first, she’d promised herself something as well-that she’d take this one week to break free and be herself. That she’d experiment, with no constraints, problems or reporters to hinder her inhibitions.

She’d trusted Doug to give her ultimate pleasure once before. Modesty and shyness wouldn’t help either of them now. “Doug?”

“Yes?”

She grasped on to the short length of time they had left on the island-the time they had left together-and marshaled the courage she needed. “Are you still turned on?”

He sucked in a deep breath of air. The “yes” came out in a drawn-out hiss, one he couldn’t hold back, though he’d obviously tried. She’d take it as an affirmative answer.

Grasping on to the ends of the white towel, she pulled him close. She inhaled his potent, masculine scent, and her body, already on the edge, reacted. Her nipples tightened and desire coiled deep in her belly-both familiar and welcome reactions to this man.

Familiar. In a short time he’d become more familiar and endearing than her ex-fiancé ever had been. Why had she been willing to settle for less? “Let me take care of you this time.”

She spoke the words at the same time she covered his mouth with her own, using the movement of her lips and the vibration of speech to make her point. To arouse him with her words and her touch, just as he’d done to her.

His hands gripped her shoulders and she felt his indecision in the way he kept the kiss light and his hold on her firm, preventing their bodies from touching intimately. Just because Juliette now knew what caused his hesitation didn’t mean she’d allow him to turn her away. Testing her feminine wiles, testing him, she teased his lips with a light flicker of her tongue.

She obviously made her point because his heartfelt groan resulted in a change-their kiss became the deepest, sweetest one she’d ever known. Juliette figured she’d made headway. And when he matched her move, dipped into her mouth with his tongue, she stopped thinking at all.

SWEET HEAVEN. And that’s where he was. Losing himself in her warm, wet, willing mouth once more. Warning bells were ringing hard, but he couldn’t bring himself to heed them. Doug didn’t break the kiss as his hands slid from her shoulders and around her back, settling on her waist. Barriers, even silken ones, were no longer acceptable and he lifted the flowing material so he could caress her soft skin.

She stopped him with a firm grip on his wrists. “Your turn, remember?”

Her voice broke through the haze of desire, bringing him back to reality. He didn’t want anything from her.

He swallowed a curse. He might lie to her but he wouldn’t lie to himself. He wanted anything and everything she had to give. He just couldn’t let himself take. “I told you I didn’t expect anything in return.” His voice sounded rough to his own ears.

“I know that. You gave because you wanted to, even if you were proving a point to yourself. Now I want to give back.” She drew a deep breath, one Doug knew for certain was for courage, and then placed her hand on the front placket of his jeans.

He gritted his teeth. She must have sensed his aching need because she cupped him more firmly and slid her palm down then up again in an excruciatingly slow but tantalizing movement. Certainty combined with endearing hesitancy showed in her face as she felt, tested and learned his shape and contours. His body came alive beneath her touch and he barely held himself in check.

“Are you going to deny you like that?” she asked.

He couldn’t admit or deny. Need and arousal collided inside him, fast and intense. “I think the hard evidence speaks for itself.”

She laughed, the sound light and easy, despite their serious conversation and the fact that they were both on the edge. But when she reached for the button on his jeans, Doug knew he had to call a stop. Now, before things went too far. But he also knew he’d be hurting her if he turned her away.

Although he’d explained his fantasy, she was still vulnerable and she’d never completely understand why he stopped so soon. Considering how badly he wanted her, he was having a hard time understanding it himself-and he was in possession of the facts.

Holding back, not taking what she offered and losing himself inside her willing body-Doug didn’t recognize the man making the sacrifice. He hadn’t done many things in his life to be proud of, Doug thought. Obtaining and printing facts by any means possible, even if they revealed others’ failings, hardly qualified him for sainthood.

Yet here he was, denying himself what he wanted most, what he wanted even more than the information she possessed, because it was best for Juliette.

She was new and special and brought something good into his life. In an ironic way, he owed her for that, Doug thought. And this was the only way he could repay her.

She flipped open the button on his jeans and her fingers grabbed the zipper next. He inhaled, wondering how to stop her.

“Remember I told you I was engaged?” Her voice and the topic she chose took him by surprise, but he managed a nod.

“What I didn’t tell you was there were no sparks.” She released his fly and the rasping sound echoed in his ears.

He clenched his fists at his sides.

“No excitement.” Her hands went to the waistband on his jeans. “No real desire.”

She paused-thank God-because he needed to hear everything she said, words as well as inflection, and he couldn’t do that if she was undressing him. And he couldn’t stop her or the topic of conversation would turn and he’d never get this insight into Juliette.

Insight he wanted for personal, not professional, reasons. No agenda involved. He wanted to hear what she had to say because he needed to know the source of her pain. And he wanted to make it go away. Not because it was his so-called fantasy, but because he was on the verge himself.

On the verge of falling for her, hard, deep and fast. A first he had no clue how to handle. “I can’t imagine any man not wanting you.” He spoke, Doug realized, with his heart. And that particular organ began to pound harder inside his chest.

She bit down on her lower lip. “Then don’t imagine it, just trust me. He didn’t want me. And I thought it was my fault,” she said softly. “I’d been through something similar once before and it just reinforced the feelings. A man couldn’t want me, just what I could give him or do for him.”

Doug’s journalistic instincts kicked in, telling him he was seconds away from the truth. She could very well admit her secrets, yet the adrenaline flowing through his system had nothing to do with his ultimate goal and everything to do with her distant, hurt expression.

He touched her cheek. “You have to know I want you.”

“I do.” A smile lifted her lips and lightened her eyes. An honest, grateful, trusting kind of smile. “And since we’re admitting fantasies, you have to know you’ve been fulfilling mine. And it’s been an incredible gift.”

“How’s that?”

“You’ve given me back my faith in myself,” she said simply. Without warning, she refocused on her original task and grabbed onto the waistband of his jeans.

He had seconds to make a choice. Doug wasn’t an indecisive man. He went after his goals, consequences be damned. Hell, the newspaper article and his busted career were proof of that. But when it came to Juliette Stanton, all his intentions and resolutions to go no further were constantly shot to hell the minute she came within touching distance. Kissing distance. Any distance.

He grasped her wrists, stilling their determined movements and giving himself something to do with his restless hands-hands that would rather be roaming her supple curves. “If I’ve restored your faith in yourself, does that mean you believe in me?”

“Of course.”

That simple, he thought. And that complicated. “And you believe I want you.”

She nodded. A light blush stained her cheeks as she gestured with a tip of her head. “Hard evidence, like you said.”

Twining their hands together, he eased himself closer, so he could cradle her in his arms and resist temptation at the same time. “Then can you believe that I want to know you better more than I…” he cleared his throat, “want you to reciprocate. Right now, anyway.”