“Anna!”

“And I had a child.”

“Where is your husband?”

“He is dead.”

“I see. And the child?”

“He died, too. It became an unhappy marriage. My husband was addicted to drugs which in the end killed him. My child died when he was not quite two years old.”

The tears pricked my eyes. He saw them and put his arm about me.

“My poor Anna,” he said.

“I have not yet grown away from it,” I told him.

“I understand.”

“I took my maiden name and started out again as a single woman. I felt that was best. I could not bear to talk of my marriage and the death of my child, but I tell you because it will help you understand why I cannot think of marrying anyone.”

“You will… in time.”

“I don’t know. It seems so recent. I don’t think I shall ever recover from the death of my child.”

“There is one way to recover from such a tragedy,” he said, ‘and that is to have another child. “

I was silent.

“Anna,” he went on, ‘don’t say no yet. Just think about it. Think what it would mean. It would be something for us to plan for when we get out of this . hell. It can’t last, I know. The end is in sight.

You and I, and the children we shall have. This is the best way to lay the ghost of the past. You can’t go on grieving. “

He kissed my hands and I felt a great affection for him. I knew he was a good man and he would make me see a way out of my unhappiness. It was a different way from that of revenge which I had followed so far.

I saw myself on that country lawn, the doctor’s wife, with her family growing up around her, her children who might look a little like Julian children whom I would love and cherish . children who would soothe that aching void which had never left me since I had lost him.

I was suddenly aware of the passing of time. One always felt guilty when one snatched moments from hours of duty.

“I must go,” I said.

“Think about it,” Charles insisted.

I shook my head, but I knew I should.

He kissed me gently.

“Anna,” he said.

“I love you.”

I did not tell Henrietta of Charles’s proposal. I could not bring myself to speak of it. I felt she would urge me to accept him. She liked him very much and she had said she thought he was a good doctor and a good man. There were times when I thought marriage to him would be the best thing for me. Was I going to spend the whole of my life as a lonely woman? True, I wished to nurse in one of the new hospitals which Miss Nightingale would attempt to set up in England on our return, but was that enough for me? I had experienced motherhood, and my overwhelming love for my child had taught me that I should feel my life was wasted if I did not have children.

Like so many people, I had an admiration for Florence Nightingale which was near idolatry. There was something about her indomitable spirit, her single-minded dedication, her quiet, almost ruthless efficiency which had impressed even those men who had in the beginning been most sceptical about her endeavours. She had turned her back on marriage and motherhood for a cause; but she had never experienced the joy of holding her child in her arms. I had; and that had convinced me that nothing else could ever take the place of that joy with me.

Here was a new path for me. I could marry Charles. I could be a wife and mother. I could turn my back on the past. I could forget those futile longings for revenge. The new prospect opening for me made me see them for what they really were. Childish anger. Little children tried to soothe their hurt by turning on some inanimate object. Aubrey had been weak; he had been easily led; a strong man would never have succumbed to drugs as he had. I had blamed Dr. Adair for his downfall and he was in part responsible but people’s fate was in their own hands.

And while I thought of my Eden in England the country practice, the children round me, I saw the Demon, as I had always called him in my thoughts, laughing at me.

I would forget him, I told myself.

But somehow I knew I never would. He had some devilish quality. He could put a spell on one. I believed he had on Henrietta. Had he on me? “

He had travelled through the East as a native. He had discovered all manner of strange secrets and customs. Perhaps mysterious ones . the occult, even. He was not like other men. One could not judge him by the same standards. What had he been doing in that house in Constantinople dressed in that fashion? What did it mean?

I brought my thoughts back to Charles and his proposal, but I could not get the demon doctor out of my mind.

And one day I came face to face with him.

He was walking the wards in his white coat as though he had never been away. He gave me a curt nod which implied there was nothing unusual in his sudden appearance.

But he was soon making his presence felt. He found signs of inefficiency in the wards. He blamed the nurses. Patients had been neglected, he said. As if he did not know that the poor girls were worn out after hours without rest. And this from the man who would absent himself for a few weeks’ respite when he felt like it!

My anger against him was fierce and I felt more alive than when I had last seen him.

He thought that nurses should not be too long in one place and he wanted some of them sent to the Barrack Hospital and others brought in from there to replace them.

Henrietta and Ethel were among those chosen to go to the Barrack. We were dismayed, although we were not so far apart, but one did not see nurses so often if they were in a different hospital.

Henrietta was resigned. Not so Ethel. She was in great distress.

“You see,” she explained to Eliza and me, “I won’t be seeing Tom.

We’ll never see each other. “

“You’ll be able to come here and see him,” I comforted her.

“It’s not the same. I look after him. I haven’t told him. It’ll kill him.”

“What’s all this potty idea about moving people?” demanded Eliza.

“It’s that Dr. Adair,” said Ethel.

“He says we’ve been neglecting our duties. I was with Tom when he come through the ward the other day. He must have noticed.”

I said angrily: “It’s so stupid. The nurses are overworked. Of course they are going to forget things now and then. He’s just trying to make trouble.”

Ethel was in despair.

Eliza sought me out afterwards.

“This isn’t half going to upset young Ethel. I reckon it could blight the budding romance. Do you think you could do something about it?”

“How?”

“Speak to him … the almighty one.”

“Do you think he would listen to me?”

She looked at me shrewdly.

“He just might … to you.”

“He despises us all. And I haven’t done anything to make myself especially acceptable in his eyes.”

“I think he knows you. What I mean is … the rest of us is just bits of furniture to him, not useful pieces either.”

“Oh, even he must see what the nurses are doing here.”

“Perhaps he does but he won’t let himself see. He is the high and mighty doctor and nurses is just skivvies to go here and come there at his command.”

“And you think could change him?”p>

Eliza nodded.

“It would be worth a try.”

I couldn’t help laughing at the prospect, but in that moment I decided to make the attempt.

The opportunity occurred that very afternoon. I saw him go into that room where Charles had proposed to me and I followed him.

“Dr. Adair.”

He swung round and as he looked at me, I felt all the anger and resentment I had harboured against him flare up.

“Miss er ” I know you are thinking I have great temerity in daring to address you . ” I paused and he did not deny it.

“But there is something I have to say to you. I believe it is your idea to move some nurses from the General to the Barrack and vice ” Am I expected to discuss my plans with you? ” he asked almost pleasantly.

“I am asking you to discuss this particular plan with me.”

“May I know why?”

“Yes. You are moving nurses willy-nilly without considering what work they may be doing.”

“I know what work they are doing.”

“And despise those menial tasks. But Dr. Adair, I assure you they have to be done and doctors should be grateful to Miss Nightingale for all she has achieved.”

“Thank you. Miss er for reminding me of my duty.”

“There is one nurse, Ethel Carter. She is being moved. She must not be.”

He raised his eyebrows and those dark luminous eyes surveyed me. I could not fathom what they expressed. Cynical amusement, perhaps.

“Let me explain,” I said.

“I must beg you to.”

“She has formed an attachment with a young soldier. His condition has improved greatly and she herself is much better. They cannot be separated.”

“This is a hospital, not a marriage bureau. Miss erAs you seem to have such difficulty with my name, let me tell you it is Pleydell.”

“Ah … Miss Pleydell.”

“And I do not think this place is a marriage bureau. I have been here long enough to know what it is. It is a place of great suffering.” I was furious with myself because my voice broke. I had to fight hard not to show my emotion.

“If a soldier can be made happier isn’t that part of his recovery? Of course, I suppose that is something you do not believe in.”

“How do you know what I believe? You take a great deal upon yourself.

Miss Pleydell. “

“Is it a great deal to ask? Just that this nurse should not be moved?”

“If her name is on the list for the Barrack she should go.”

“And what about this soldier who would have given his life for his country and perhaps has … what of him? Is he to have no consideration because some demi-god has made out a list? “

His lips curled faintly. I think he rather liked the idea of being called a demi-god, seeing himself supreme, no doubt.

“Listen to me,” I went on, growing more and more angry every moment. I had my enemy before me, the man I had planned to destroy, and how I wanted to! I hated his supercilious smile. He was taunting me, amused by my passion, urging me to hurl more and more abuse at him, which he believed I would regret later.

“I can hardly do anything else,” he reminded me, ‘short of leaving you, which might be considered somewhat impolite. “

I went on: “The soldier was brought in from Sebastopol. He was almost frozen to death. It was believed he could not last more than a few days. Ethel Carter looked after him and a special relationship grew up between them. Since then he has started to recover. I can tell you that she has had an unhappy life. She lost a child.” My voice faltered again.

“They are planning to make a life together. They are helping each other. They cannot be separated. Oh, I know you don’t understand this. You are far too clever to understand the simple things in life.

When you are tired of it you just go off . you leave others to carry on while you indulge yourself in fancy costumes in some . “

“Yes?” he said.

“Do go on. Where do I indulge myself?”

“You know very well. I, fortunately, am ignorant of these places and wish to remain so.”

“Ignorance is not something the wise desire.”

“It is a joke to you. But there are other means of healing than those you practise. There is happiness … contentment, hope for the future. They are as effective as medicines. Oh, I know it is foolish to appeal to you, and over something which you would consider of no importance. You are hard and ruthless and human suffering means nothing to you.”

“I did not know we were so well acquainted,” he said.

“I don’t understand you.”

“And yet you have given a detailed account of my character.”

I felt numb with dismay, horror and frustration. What had I done? Just succeeded in making a fool of myself.

I turned and went from the room.

I returned to my duties, my cheeks burning and my eyes blazing. I was near to tears.

Why had I said all that? All the hatred had come tumbling out and he had stood there laughing at me. He was wicked. He was cruel. He cared nothing for people’s feelings. They were objects to be used; their bodies were to be experimented on so that he could acquire experience and astonish the world with his knowledge. If only I could bring him crashing from his pedestal. If only I could show the world what he really was!

It was the next day when I saw Eliza in the kitchens.