The fact is I am now a married woman. Philippe and I are married. He had been asking me for some time and I was a bit cautious . strange for me . but I had that experience with Carlton, you remember. Look how I got myself into that and how hard it was to extricate myself. I didn’t want to make another faux pas. So I hesitated and then said Yes and then No. And then the time came for departure and I thought: If I go now I won’t see him again. You don’t sometimes when long distances separate you. So I just had to stay and wrestle with myself.
Dr. Adair was very kind. He advised me about a good many things. He knows the language and the customs and all that. What a man! I still think he is the most fascinating creature I ever saw. I don’t tell Philippe this but I think he knows it. He has the most enormous admiration for Dr. Adair, as a lot have. He is just someone apart. If you know what I mean.
Well, the fact is, I finally decided I could not leave Philippe and so we were married. We’re in Constantinople now until Philippe clears up his job here. It is all very important and secret, working for the French authorities and all that, and he’ll have to be here for a while. Peace treaties and such like. Philippe is really quite an important man. Then we shall live in Paris. Won’t that be fun? You will come and stay with us. We’ll have a lovely time.
Have you see Dr. Fenwick yet? I hope all goes well in that direction.
Anna, my dearest friend, do forgive me for being such a beastly little deserter, but it had to be, and I’m very happy now. I know it was right for me to marry Philippe. As soon as we leave here I shall let you know. Perhaps we shall come to England for a visit, and you will, of course, come to Paris.
I do miss having you to talk to and tell things to.
I may be pregnant. It’s too soon to say yet. Won’t that be glorious?
You shall be the first one to know.
My love to you, my dear, dear friend.
Henrietta.
I smiled. How typical other! She must be happy. I felt as though a great burden had dropped from me. She was not with Damien Adair; she was with Philippe. She had never gone away with him. It was all so understandable, so natural. He had seen her on the caique and had crossed with her. Philippe must have been waiting for her on the other side.
And he had been helpful. He knew the language and the customs . I should never have listened to Eliza. What grief we bring ourselves by listening to the ignorant, however well-meaning.
I felt a great sense of relief and a deep pleasure.
In the excitement of hearing from Henrietta I had forgotten the other letter. It was from Germany. I opened it and read it.
g me in her rather stilted English if I would consider coming to Kaiserwald for a brief visit. She knew of my stay in Scutari and she remembered well the excellent work I had done in Kaiserwald. She begged me to come and bring my friend Miss Marlington with me. I could be sure of a warm welcome. Of all the nurses who had spent short spells at her hospital, she had the greatest respect for me.
I read it through and through again.
I felt I needed something to lift me out of this emptiness, this feeling of living in limbo, this quiet uneventful way of life which had followed on those horrifying days at Scutari.
I knew that I should go to Kaiserwald.
I talked to Eliza about it but first I told her about Henrietta.
“You see,” I said, ‘it was Philippe after all. How wrong we were about Dr. Adair. “
“Well, she’s married this Philippe now.”
“You still think …”
“That she went to him first… Yes, I do. I think she went to him, and then got frightened and that Philippe came along and she took him as a way out.”
“Oh, Eliza, no! She would have told me.”
“Told you? When she knew the way you was about him?”
“What do you mean … how I was?”
“Well, it’s as plain as a pikestaff… to me.”
“You sometimes read something that’s not there, Eliza.”
“Not me. You wasn’t exactly indifferent to him, was you?”
“Nobody could be indifferent to him. Look at you. You’re not.”
“Oh, I see right through him, I do.”
“Don’t you think, Eliza, that sometimes you see something that isn’t there? You’ve taken a violent dislike to him.”
“I hate all men who do what he does to women, that’s what, I’ve seen too much of it. ^ome of them think we’re just there for their convenience. He’s one of them. I hate the lot of ‘em.”
“Well, let me tell you my piece of news. I’ve had an invitation to go to Germany.”
She was startled and I told her of the letter from the Head Deaconess.
“Well,” she said, ‘she must have thought something of you. Will you go? “
“It’s rather a pressing invitation.”
“You want to go, don’t you?”
“I’m getting restive here. Nothing happens. I thought we should go into nursing, but everything is so slow.”
“I feel the same.”
“Oh, Eliza, you’ve no idea how beautiful it is in the forest. There’s a strangeness about it. You can feel that the trolls and the giants and the people from the fairy stories are not far off. I’ve never known a place like it. Would you like to come with me?”
“I’m not asked.”
“The Head Deaconess doesn’t know you’re with me, that’s why. Henrietta went with me before. I don’t see why you shouldn’t come. You’re a nurse. You’d make yourself useful. It’s very hard work. She would be expecting Henrietta and you would come instead.”
“I’m used to the hard work.”
“It’s not as hard as Scutari, of course.”
“Do you think I could come?”
“Why not? Henrietta is invited. Why shouldn’t you come in her place.
Oh, Eliza, I am going to take you to Germany with me. “
Within a few days Eliza and I were on our way. I had had some difficulty in persuading her that she would be welcome there.
“After all,” I said, ‘the Head Deaconess is expecting me to take Henrietta and she would not want me to travel all that way alone.
Strictly between ourselves, you are a better nurse than Henrietta and that will interest them at Kaiserwald. “
In spite of her apprehension she was excited by the project.
The carriage was waiting for us when we reached the little station and I was immediately aware of the redolent smell of the pines as the mystic aura of the forest closed round me. I glanced at Eliza and saw that she was entranced and that the forest was beginning to cast its spell on her, too.
And there was Kaiserwald itself, and as the turrets and towers rose up before me memories came flooding back: Gerda the goose girl Klaus the pedlar; Frau Leiben. Poor Gerda, how ill she had been. But she had recovered and no doubt she was wiser now. All that had happened before I had met Damien Adair and my suspicions had rested on him.
How foolish that seemed now! But was it?
I must forget my Demon Doctor. I could not really be at peace until he was right out of my mind. But that was easier said than done. I must be sensible. The chances were that I should never see him again.
We were met by the same Deaconess who had greeted us when I had arrived with Henrietta the one who spoke a little English. She looked at Eliza with faint surprise and I told her that Miss Marlington was now married and that Eliza had come in her place. She nodded, and said that the Head Deaconess was awaiting my arrival and that I was requested to go to her as soon as I came.
We were taken at once to her room and she came to greet me with arms outstretched.
“Miss Pleydell, how delighted I am that you have come. It was good of you to give me such a quick response.”
“I was indeed honoured to be asked,” I replied.
“Miss Marlington is now married and not in England. This is Miss Eliza Flynn, who was nursing with me in the Crimea. I trust you do not mind.”
“Mind? I am delighted. Welcome, Miss Flynn. It is a pleasure to meet anyone who did such good work. We shall have much to talk of.”
She bade us sit down and went on: “You will have had so many experiences. There is going to be a change in hospitals and the care of the sick throughout the world. It seems that attention is at last being given to this important work … thanks to Miss Nightingale.”
“I believe that to be so,” I said.
“There are training schemes afoot.”
“And what are you doing now?”
“We are waiting, Eliza and I, to see what there will be for us.”
The Head Deaconess smiled from me to Eliza.
“You have worked together,” she said.
“Oh yes, and we hope to continue to do so. Eliza Miss Flynn is dedicated to nursing.”
“Yes,” said Eliza.
“I know it is what I want to do.”
“That is the spirit we need. And the nurse who came with you on your last visit, Miss Pleydell, is now married?”
“She is in Constantinople. She married a Frenchman connected with the French Legation out there.”
“Ah yes … our allies. A very pleasant personality but I do not think a dedicated nurse. It’s a hard profession, as you have had reason to know.”
“It is and all,” Eliza agreed.
“And we have to be devoted enough to accept hardships. I have arranged for you to have a room to yourselves. I dare say you would like to go to it now. We will talk more later.”
“Thank you,” I said; and the Deaconess who had received us when we arrived was summoned and showed us to the room.
It was very small resembling a cell. There were two beds in it, a chair and a cupboard and a small table. The walls were bare except for a crucifix.
“What a woman,” Eliza said, ‘and she runs this place! “
I nodded.
“Eliza, you don’t understand how honoured we are. A room to ourselves! Henrietta and I slept in a sort of dormitory, divided into cubicles. This is luxury.”
“It’s lovely,” said Eliza.
“Fancy running a place like this! I want to see the wards. I want to see how it’s done. And with that forest all round you and the trees and all that…”
“I’m glad you like it, Eliza. I’m glad you’ve come. She might have something to offer us. If she did … oh, but it’s early days yet.
Let’s wait and see. “
Later we talked again with the Head Deaconess. She questioned us at length about the methods used at Scutari. We told her of the horrendous lack of equipment, the diseases with which we had had to cope, and which had proved to be more disastrous than the wounds received in battle. She admitted that she was very concerned with sanitation and she believed that if it were not adequate it could be the major cause of death.
It was very interesting to talk to her and I was immensely flattered by the manner in which she took me into her confidence. I was also grateful for her acceptance of Eliza, for she included her in the talk, and listened attentively when she expressed an opinion.
I had rarely seen Eliza so greatly pleased; she was obviously enjoying the visit.
That night I lay in my bed, with Eliza in the other one and I was so glad she was with me. I was so fond other, and I did want life to be happy for her. She was such a good woman in spite of her attempts to prove otherwise.
Dear Eliza, I really was as capable of taking care of myself as she was of herself. Yet was I? I had, in spite of myself, become involved with someone who could never bring me happiness. I lay there thinking of my previous visit here. That was in the days before I had met Dr. Adair. It was strange how my life seemed divided into sections; the time before I had been aware of his existence, followed by those years when he had been a shadowy figure of menace; and then the actual confrontation.
At length I slept and dreamed of him. I was in the forest and Gerda the goose girl was there. It was all muddled and I was glad to awake from it.
Eliza was in high spirits.
“What lovely air!” she cried.
“Oh, I love the smell of them trees.
It’s peaceful here. I’m glad I came. It’ll be good to work here for a bit. “
I smiled at her. It was so wonderful to see her happy.
How well I remembered the long wooden table at which we sat down to oatmeal and rye bread, and the drink of ground rye. The Deaconesses remembered me and showed their pleasure in seeing me again. They were welcoming to Eliza. So much had happened since I had been here; but in some ways it felt as though I had never left.
After breakfast we were taken round the wards. After that we went to the Head Deaconess’s sanctum for more talks.
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