Ryan Michele - Seduce Me

“Shit.” Pops voice says coming closer to me. “Boy… Boy can you hear me?”

My throat is raw and stuck. Trying to clear it, I make some unusual sounds and grunts. Finally, I open both my eyes and blink repeatedly trying to focus them on the blurry figures in front of me. I know who they are by their voices, but they are one big grainy blob. As they slowly come into focus, Pops stands next to me, arms crossed over his chest, his breathing heavy. Looking into his eyes, pain is ripping through them. “Diamond,” I croak out my voice nothing like its normal self.

“He’s gone brother.” The pain in Pops voice is deep.

“Shit.” I groan. The weight of what happened begins to crush me. I didn’t push him out of the way quick enough. I didn’t fucking save him. It’s my fucking fault.

“How are you feeling?” Ma asks standing on the other side of me, knocking me out of my thoughts. Her hand sweeps the hair away from my eyes.

“Like shit.” I croak out like a damn frog.

“You scared the shit out of us!” Princess yells from the end of the bed, but I’m unable to lift my head to see her.

“Nice to see you too sis.” Fighting with her is not on the top of my to-do list at the moment, but knowing her, she won’t give me much of a choice.

Glancing over at Pops and ignoring Princess, “What’s the plan?”

“You get better then we’ll talk.” He dismisses.

“You Prez?” Pops nods his head but doesn’t say a word. I grunt turning away mumbling to whoever would listen and answer. “How long am I down?”

Princess cuts in. “Don’t know yet you stubborn asshole. But you mark my fucking words, while you’re lying here; we talk and get this shit taken care of.” I close my eyes silently wishing for Princess to disappear. “No getting out of talking this time.” The finality in her words is annoying as hell because there is no fucking way I’m telling her shit, especially while I’m lying here and can’t get the fuck away from her.

“I’m proud of you.” Bella’s stormy eyes focus on mine and I stare blankly back wondering what the hell she’s talking about. Since my baby died, I’ve been a walking zombie. “You are an amazing woman.”

I chuckled softly. “No. I’m not. If I were amazing as you put it, I would have known how to save my baby.”

“Babe. There was nothing you could have done. Nothing and it is not your fault.” The sincerity in her eyes is too much. I grunt and turn away from her. This past week has sped by so fast, but I did go to class several times and I have gotten caught up on all the assignments that I missed. It’s been nice to focus on something other than my baby being gone.

I’m being a total bitch to both Bella and Jace, but I can’t seem to help myself. The anger inside of me keeps bubbling over, splashing to the floor like hot lava. I want my baby back. Over this past week, I determined that my baby was a girl and I’ve named her Mia. When I told Bella and Jace, they turned and looked at each other, but neither of them said a word to me about it.

Mia was a person, she was my person and I refuse to sweep her under the rug as if she never existed.

Bella places a hand on my shoulder, my body tenses. “Casey. You are an unbelievably strong woman. You’ve made choices that I don’t know if I could have made, to make your life better with your baby. Life dealt you a shit blow, but your strength will get you through this.”

Tears brim my eyes, I turn into Bella’s arms and silently cry. Wishing the pain to go away, I release her, head to my room and pull the covers over my head.

When I awake, the sun is beginning to lower, casting shadows out on the world, exactly like I’m feeling, dark and shadowed. I walk into the kitchen the smell of basil invades my nose. Bella is moving around the kitchen, moving from place to place quickly grabbing utensils and ingredients out of the cabinet like a well-oiled machine. I breathe in deep again this time the smell of tomatoes or sauce flowing through me, my stomach growling reminding me that it’s been a long time since I’ve really eaten. “How ya doing?” She asks stirring something in a pot.

“Alright. Sorry about earlier.”

Bella comes over and wraps her arms around me tightly. “No need. That’s what I’m here for. We will get through this together.” I nod and embrace her tightly.

“Whatcha making? I’m hungry.” Bella pulls away from me, looking into my face questioningly.

“Really? I think that’s the first time you’ve said that in weeks.” She smiles. “Spaghetti.”

“Sounds good.” I slide up to the kitchen island grabbing a napkin. I begin tearing it into very small pieces without even thinking about it. My appetite is slowly coming back, but I can only handle small bits of food or I feel like I’ll puke.

“Your phone over there has been going off like crazy. I put it on silent ‘cause I didn’t want it to wake you.” She points over to my pre-pay and only one person calls me on it.

My stomach hits the floor. There is no way that I want to talk to Harlow right now. Just hearing about her family, guts me. I want to be happy for her. She deserves it. But just hearing about how perfect Cooper and Cruz are kills me on the inside. I don’t want to be jealous of my best friend, but I can’t help it. She has everything that I’ve ever wanted and I’m totally alone, again. But if I don’t call her soon, Harlow will send out the cavalry to hunt me down.

“What’s wrong?” Bella asks, looking away from her pot.

“I just don’t know if I can talk to Harlow. Does it make me a horrible person to not want to hear about how perfect her family is?”

Bella puts the spoon down and sits next to me at the island. “You need to tell her what happened Casey.” I gasp and she reaches for my hand squeezing it softly. “No, really. You need to tell her. She’s been your best friend for years and from what you’ve told me she sounds like an understanding woman. You also need to tell the baby’s father.”

“I had every intention of telling them both. I wanted to wait until I knew if it was a boy or a girl. Harlow was just going through so much I didn’t want to add to her problems. And G.T., he wanted nothing to do with me.” I look down at the shredded napkin in front of me. “I’ve known him my whole life and part of me was so terrified that he’d reject the baby, now it just doesn’t matter.” Bella squeezes harder.

“It does matter.”

“He sees me as just another piece of ass and I can’t do that to myself. It kills me. I’ve been in love with him for so long that the thought of having a part of him growing inside of me made me stronger. How pathetic is that?” I shake my head.

“It’s not pathetic. You are strong with or without the baby. You have to know that.”

I give her a small smile, not totally believing her words. “I came to school to make something of myself for Mia and me. Now, I don’t know what I need to do. I’m kinda lost.”

“It’s okay to not know. You put one foot in front of the other and move. That’s all you can do right now.”

I look over at the phone. “How many times did it go off?” I ask.

“Probably ten or more.”

I jump from my seat. There is no way that Harlow would call that many times in a row unless something is wrong. Grabbing the phone, I look and there are thirteen missed calls and the voicemail button is flashing. I don’t bother checking the messages, I just call her back.

Harlow answers on the first ring.

“What’s wrong?” I ask immediately.

“Get your shit and get home now.” Harlow’s voice is panicked.

“What’s going on Low?” I ask using the nickname I gave her when we were kids.

“Diamond’s dead.” Everything stops. I grab the closest chair I can find and sit down, hard on it. The air in my body gushes out of me while I try to process the words that just came out of her mouth. He was getting up there in age, but he was still so full of life.

“How?” I whisper into the phone as my trembling hand tried to hold it steady.

“Shot.”

“Oh. God.” I clutch my chest the ache coming hard and fast. Diamond has always kept his eye on me since Bam died. He’d come to the shop and ask me how I was doing, but never in that overprotective sort of way. Just in a casual grandfather way.

They’re all gone. Dad, Mia and Diamond. The dark cloud of sadness I’ve felt over the last couple of weeks gets darker and I feel myself getting more lost in it.

“There’s more.” Her voice cracks at her words.

“Shit. Who else?” I ask not knowing if I can handle the answer, but needing to know.

“G.T.” All-encompassing panic floods through my body eating every cell it can find. Somehow my body left the chair, falling to the floor with a loud thunk, the phone in my hand begins to shake and I clutch it trying not to drop it. Immediately, Bella comes rushing to my side.

“Are you okay?” Bella asks and I shake my head, but can’t move from this spot.

“Casey!” I hear Harlow scream into the phone, but I cannot seem to formulate words. “Casey! Answer me dammit. He’s not dead!” She screams louder.

Not dead. She just said not dead, right? “What?” My voice mutters.

“Shit. Don’t fucking do that! Do you know how much shit I’m under and you not answering scared the living hell out of me.”

“What about G.T., Harlow?” I bite out quickly.

“He was shot twice. Once in the shoulder and once in the chest. Doc sewed him up, said he’s gonna be okay. He was out of it for a couple of days. Still pretty out of it.”

“So this happened two days ago and you’re just now calling me?” I yell, my anger peaks. How in the hell could she keep this from me for so long?

“It was really touch and go. I was taking care of him around the clock and when I wasn’t I had my boys. It’s just been crazy. And I wanted to make sure he was okay.”

“And what if he wouldn’t have been? Don’t you think I would have wanted to say goodbye, Harlow!” I bark even louder into the phone unable to control my anger. I rise from the floor and begin pacing quickly.

“I didn’t think about that.” The sheepishness in her voice normally would have me calming down, but I am not in a forgiving mood.

“No! You didn’t. Is he awake and talking?” My body tenses not knowing if she’s about to totally shatter me.

“Yeah. He’s his stubborn ass self. Look, you need to get your shit and get home.”

“When’s the service?” I know I’m being rude, but I don’t give a damn. How dare she not tell me?

“End of the week they’re thinking. But it’s more. All the guys got shot at. They’re not talking about it only to say that someone is gunning for them. We’re on lockdown and that includes you.”

“No. I can’t. I have my life here. I’ll come to the services, but I’m not doing lockdown.” I will hold my ground on this one. I mean nothing to any of them except Harlow. I will not subject myself to a lockdown or to be in a confined space with all of them.

“You don’t have a fucking choice. Buzz is on his way up there now to help you with your shit and follow you back since I know you won’t leave your car. Start packing and plan on staying for a while.”

“No. I’m not coming Harlow. Like I said, I’ll be there for Diamond, but I will not do a lockdown.” I argue.

Harlow screams in the phone, forcing me to pull the phone away from my ear. “Fuck you! Yes, you will! You’re part of this fucking family and so help me God if I have to leave here right now to come and drag your ass here, I fucking will. My head’s in a lot of different places right now Casey and I will not be worrying about your fucking ass! Pack and be ready when Buzz gets there!”

While Harlow definitely has a temper, she’s never really gone off on me like this before. And even though I’m still pissed at her, the desperation in her voice has me tap down my hurt and all the swirling emotions plaguing me. She is scared shitless and has no control over anything. This is her way of getting some control, even if it is bossing me around. I know what I have to do even if I don’t want to.

“I’ve gotta talk to my professors. I’ll try for two weeks, after that I can’t promise anything.”

“Thank you.” She blew out an exasperated breath into the phone. “I’m sorry.” She whispers. I’m not sure if it’s about her blow up or not calling about G.T., but I’m not ready to forgive yet.

“I know, but you should have called me as soon as it happened.” I’m not stupid and know I have no claim to G.T., but Harlow knows better. I decide to change the subject. “Pops move up?”