Maya Banks - Shades of Gray

Cole’s brow furrowed. “Administrative leave? What the fuck does that mean?”

“It means you’re out of action with pay for the next two months,” Donovan said, a twinkle in his eye.

“Steele, you’ll report to the KGI facilities five days from now with Dolphin, Renshaw and Baker and you’ll head training of the newest KGI team until we’re satisfied they’re capable of working on their own,” Sam continued. “They’re good. But good isn’t acceptable. We want the best.”

P.J. stared between the brothers, her eyes narrowing suspiciously. Two months’ paid leave? Steele reporting to train new recruits? This all sounded like talking out the other side of their mouths. We have to sanction you, but oh, here’s your cushy punishment.

It sounded an awful lot like a way for her and Cole to recover with full pay and not feel pressured to return to the job too soon.

Her eyes stung and she hastily wiped at one with the back of her hand, embarrassed as hell that she was all choked up with emotion.

Damn but she loved working for these guys.

Even Steele wore a smirk that said he saw right through Sam’s bullshit.

Sam turned his gaze on Cole and P.J.

“I don’t want to see either of you for the next two months. I don’t even want to know you exist. For the next two months you’re straight civilians and I better not have to bail your asses out of trouble. Got it?”

P.J. and Cole both nodded at the same time, and Cole squeezed P.J.’s shoulders. She didn’t dare try to say anything, because she didn’t trust herself not to do something completely stupid like get all choked up or, God forbid, start hugging people.

“That’s all I have to say,” Sam said. “You’re all dismissed. Steele, I’ll see you and your guys in five days. P.J. and Cole, I better not see you period.”

Grinning, her team turned to walk out the door. They all knew the entire disciplinary action was bullshit. As P.J. turned to walk out with Cole, Sam called out to her.

“P.J., a word if you don’t mind.”

She paused and then said to Cole, “Wait for me outside?”

Cole surprised her by kissing her right there in front of God and everybody. But then he had less of a problem with public displays of affection than P.J. did. She wasn’t as comfortable letting everyone in the world see into her personal life.

“I’ll be right outside,” he said as he walked behind Steele.

P.J. turned to Sam, feeling nervous now that it was just her and the Kelly brothers. But Garrett walked past her, evidently not hanging around for whatever Sam wanted to say to her. Donovan also left Sam’s side, but he stopped in front of P.J. and then pulled her into a hug.

“I’m very proud of you, P.J.,” he murmured against her ear. “And I’m damn glad you’re back where you belong.”

Her stomach dropped. She returned his hug fiercely, not even realizing until that moment just how much she needed to hear that.

He let her go, touched a finger to her bruised face and then followed Garrett out.

It was just her and Sam in the room and she bravely faced him, determined to take whatever it was he would say. She deserved his censure. Deserved it publicly, though she was grateful he seemed inclined to do it privately.

“How are you, really, P.J?” Sam asked quietly.

Startled, she could only stare at him. She didn’t even know how to answer his question, because in truth, she didn’t know how she was. She hadn’t had time to evaluate her situation or how she felt about anything at all, because her entire focus had been on Cole and his recovery.

“I think I’m okay,” she said truthfully. And maybe she was. She felt lighter. Not as weighed down. Not as angry.

“I’m glad to hear it. We’ve—I’ve—been worried about you. I don’t want to lose you. You’re too good. You’re family.”

Her mouth wobbled and she steeled herself, determined to be professional.

He blew out a long breath. “Officially I can’t sanction what you did. But off the record? I’m glad you kicked the ever-loving shit out of Brumley and his cronies, and I want you to know that officially or unofficially, I and KGI have your back. One hundred percent. Always. And don’t ever doubt it.”

Oh goddamn, she was never going to make it through this.

Sam leveled a stare at her that was so full of understanding and concern that her chest tightened and her throat swelled.

“When we went in and rescued Rachel, I had every intention of going back myself. For revenge. For information. I had every intention of doing whatever it took to get the information I needed and wanted so that I would know my family was safe.

“I understand how you feel, P.J., and I want you to know that I’m not judging you, because in your shoes, I would have done the exact same thing if what happened to you had happened to any member of my family. And you are family. In the future you should be willing, and I will demand that you be willing, to rely more heavily on your family instead of going it alone.

“I’m not pissed because you did what you did. I’m pissed because you thought you had to do it alone and that you couldn’t come to us for help. I would have used every resource available to KGI and to me personally to track that bastard down and make him pay. Never believe for one moment that you’re alone. Are we understood?”

Silent tears slipped down P.J.’s cheeks. It was too much. For too long she’d carried her burden alone, and now there were multiple people only too willing to share in that load.

“Thank you,” she whispered.

He walked hesitantly toward her and then wrapped his arms around her in a gentle hug.

“You just looked like you needed one,” he said. “Now get your ass out of here before Cole gets impatient and worried and comes back in after you. And I want you two to take it easy for the next two months and come back completely recovered.”

“Thank you,” she said as she pulled away. “For everything, Sam. For understanding.”

He smiled. “Just remember that you have people who care about you. And don’t be afraid to ask those people for help. You could have saved yourself a whole hell of a lot of trouble if you’d just stuck around.”

She nodded, not disputing his statement. Even though she didn’t regret the track she’d taken. She was at peace with her decisions. She was at peace with the choices she’d made. Now she just wanted to put it all behind her and move ahead with Cole.

She walked out into the sunlight, squinting at the wash of sunshine. Then she breathed in the sweet scent of honeysuckle she so associated with the lake and the KGI compound.

She didn’t have to look far to see Cole. He was waiting for her just a few feet away, and his whole face changed when he saw her.

He’d been talking with Dolphin, but as soon as he looked her way, his eyes softened with so much love that it made her weak. And a little scared.

Knowing someone cared about her that much meant she had the power to hurt them, and she’d do anything at all never to hurt Cole again.

As if sensing her inner turmoil, he broke away from Dolphin and walked slowly in her direction.

“Hey, everything okay?” he asked.

She leaned into him even though he hadn’t initiated contact. She just wanted that closeness and to be near him. She wrapped her arms around his waist and laid her head on his chest, surprising him with her spontaneity.

He was likely thinking she was on the verge of meltdown because she’d just hugged him in front of everyone and didn’t give a shit who was looking on.

“I’m perfect now that I’m with you,” she said. “And now we have two whole months of nothing to do.”

Cole smiled. “Oh, I’m sure I can think of something.”

WARM hands slid sensuously over P.J.’s bare back, and she moaned softly, arching into Cole’s touch. Damn but the man was spoiling her sinfully.

His mouth soon followed and he kissed a line up her spine until he reached the sensitive skin at her nape. A full-body shiver overtook her despite the sun beating down on the both of them.

“I’m back,” he murmured against her ear.

She rolled on the beach towel, loving how his eyes darkened when he saw her breasts. “I noticed. What’d you bring me back?”

“Mmmm, depends on how good you’ve been,” he teased.

“I haven’t shown anyone my boobs but you,” she said.

He laughed. “Well, there is that, I guess.”

He stretched out on the towel next to her and handed her a yummy, fruity drink with one of those cute little umbrellas in it.

Then he extended his arms upward and made a big show of putting his hands behind his head.

“You know, as suspensions go, this one is pretty damn awesome,” Cole said.

P.J. chuckled. “You know as well as I do, they didn’t suspend us.”

“They’re good people,” Cole said seriously. He rolled to his side and rested his hand possessively on her naked hip. “So tell me something.”

“Something,” she replied quickly.

He gave her a light smack on the ass.

She grinned. “Okay, okay, what do you want to know?”

“You going to be okay working? I mean you and me. Same team. Like before?”

For a moment she was alarmed. Was he trying to say he had a problem with it?

He put a finger to her lips. “Don’t get all worked up, P.J. You’ve got to learn to stop jumping to conclusions. This is a conversation. Something two people who love each other have. It’s not the end of the world. There are things we need to talk about. Work being one of them.”

She let out her breath, feeling like an idiot. “Yeah, yeah, I get it. And yeah, of course I’ll be okay working with you. I mean God, you gave me a heart attack. I thought you were going to suggest that one of us transfer to Rio’s team since he’s a man short.”

Cole’s expression darkened. “Hell no. I want you right where I can see you all the time. And as I’ve told you before, I like the idea of you guarding my six. I trust you more than I do anyone else and I know you’ll never let me down.”

She scooted in close and then rotated so she was staring down at him. Then she kissed him, long, hard and lusty.

“Damn straight I’ll never let you down,” she said huskily.

“Now on to the other things we need to talk about.”

She lifted an eyebrow.

He slid his hand over her ass and up her spine, rubbing back and forth. She didn’t even wonder if anyone could see. For one thing they were on a very private beach in Bora-Bora. They’d only run into two other people in all the time they’d spent in this particular little haven, and she knew for a fact Cole had coughed up a lot of money for exclusivity.

Right now she was thinking it was well worth whatever he’d had to pay.

“We’ve done everything in this relationship pretty much bass-ackward, so I figure a honeymoon before the wedding is pretty much par for the course, and this definitely should count as a honeymoon.”

Her eyes widened and she stared down. “Whoa, wait a minute, Coletrane. Are you proposing to me?”

“Well I would if you’d let me finish,” he grumbled.

She lowered her mouth and proceeded to pepper every inch of his face with kisses. He laughed and finally pulled her away.

“Okay, okay, ask!” she said.

His eyes went soft and he touched her now-healed face, smoothing some of the sand off. “Will you marry me, Penelope Jane Rutherford?”

“Yes! Yes, yes, yes!”

“I like your enthusiasm,” he said with a grin.

But then her face fell and she glanced away.

He nudged her back to look at him, frowning as he caressed the line of her jaw. “What’s going through your head now?”

“You said we’d had the honeymoon before the wedding, but Cole, this hasn’t been a real honeymoon and you know it.”

He looked pissed and so damn loving all at the same time she wasn’t sure how he pulled it off.

He grasped her face in both hands, forcing her to look directly at him.

“Do you think love and marriage and a honeymoon is all about sex? Do you think we don’t have anything unless we’re fucking like monkeys?”

She would have shaken her head but he was holding her too tightly.

“I love you, P.J. You. And that’s not conditional on us having sex yet, or even tomorrow, or next month. We’ll get there. And I plan on having fun every step of the way. But you know, I’m an old-fashioned guy, and I kind of like the idea of having paperwork that says you belong to me and I belong to you. So what do you say we hop a plane to Vegas after we’re done here and get hitched before our two months is up?”