"Here you are."

She turned and saw Jeff holding up her coat for her. As she slipped into it, she accidentally brushed her cheek against his hand. Fire burned from the point of contact. She sighed. It seemed like she wasn't going to have to look for trouble. It was finding her all on its own.


* * *

Four-year-olds found everything about the zoo endlessly fascinating. Jeff watched in amazement as his charges raced toward the giraffe exhibit. The kids were as excited by the drinking fountains and benches as they were by the animals.

"What are you thinking?" Ashley asked. "Having second thoughts?"

"Never."

"I'm glad, because you're great with the kids."

He risked glancing at her, taking in the perfect smoothness of her skin and the laughter lurking in her hazel eyes. She was endlessly pretty, he thought, and more than appealing. He was finding it more and more difficult to spend time with her and not give in to his need. He'd come close a couple of times, compelled by a desire that grew so quickly, it was difficult to contain.

When he'd first brought Ashley home, she wanted to know who he was and what he was doing in her world. Now he wanted to ask her the same question. Who was this woman who had made a place for herself in his cold and empty life?

"Jeff, Jeff, pick me up so I can see 'em!"

The instruction came from a blond little boy named Tommy. For reasons that weren't clear to Jeff, the boy had latched on to him from the second they'd been introduced.

Jeff bent awkwardly and lifted the boy in his arms. "There you go."

The slight weight shifted as the kid squirmed to get a better look at the giraffes strolling through their compound.

"Are the elephants next, Mommy?" a familiar voice asked.

"Yes, Maggie. In just a few minutes. Aren't the giraffes pretty, with their long necks?"

Maggie glanced at him as if to say her mother simply wasn't getting it. Cats and elephants were the only animals that interested Maggie.

"Can I touch 'em?" Tommy asked.

Jeff shrugged. "Do you want to keep all your fingers?"

Tommy's blue eyes widened. His hands curled into fists. "They eat fingers?"

"No, but they bite. Animals in the zoo aren't pets. We have to treat them with respect because they're wild creatures."

The boy regarded him solemnly. Tommy had a stain on the front of his flannel shirt and a cowlick that sent a lock of hair up toward the heavens.

"Are you Maggie's daddy?"

The question caught Jeff off guard. He lowered the boy to the ground. "No."

Two of the kids pushed to get closer to the fence keeping visitors away from the animals. In the process, one of the kids, a girl in pigtails, landed on her butt. Before she more than opened her mouth to scream, one of the mothers pulled her to her feet and distracted her by pointing out the baby giraffe.

Jeff looked at the group of children and parents. They moved and interacted with a grace and rhythm he couldn't understand or copy. He was very much the outsider, but he couldn't decide if he wanted to be anything else.

"Elephants next," Cathy, the preschool teacher called. "Let's go this way."

The children yelped with excitement and hurried after her.

"Not exactly special ops in the jungle, huh?" Ashley said as she stepped next to him. "So, is this more or less challenging than your last security job?"

"It's different."

"Mommy, Uncle Jeff, elephants," Maggie called as she raced past them.

"Don't run, young lady," Ashley instructed. Her daughter slowed marginally.

The late-morning air was cool. There hadn't been any rain in a couple of days and most of the clouds had blown away to the east. Jeff inhaled the scent of the trees and plants around them and tried to ignore the sweet scent that was Ashley alone.

She made him ache with wanting. She made him want to kiss her and touch her, even though he knew he could never do either. Being with her would destroy them both, because she would eventually figure out who and what he was. Then where would they be? Life was easier when he remembered his limitations.

"Why are elephants gray?" one of the boys asked. "Why do they have trunks? Why are they so big? Do they eat people?"

Ashley laughed. "I'll bet we can read all about the elephants when we get there."

The boy wasn't impressed. "Don't you know?"

She turned to Jeff. "What about it, big guy? Want to take the elephant questions?"

"I had to answer questions in the bug house, and that was a lot harder."

"I don't believe you."

They walked toward the re-creation of a tropical forest for the elephants. Other children from a different school were already chattering about the big mammals. Jeff paused to count heads, making sure the entire group was still together. He could-

A sharp cry cut through the morning. Jeff turned and was moving toward the sound before he even understood what he heard. Tommy had fallen and sat cradling his small hand against his chest. As Jeff approached, he saw the child had skinned his palm. Fat tears spilled from his blue eyes.

One of the mothers got there first. She reached for the boy, but Tommy pushed her away. Instead, still crying, he stumbled to his feet and swayed toward Jeff.

"I have disinfectant and stick-on bandages with me," someone said.

Jeff stared as the boy approached. His small body shook with the force of his sobs. Not knowing what else to do, Jeff picked up the child and held him against his chest. Tommy buried his face in Jeff's neck. His tears were hot. The boy hiccupped.

"Let me see," Ashley said softly, gently tugging on the boy's arm so she could free his hand. Tommy shrieked in protest.

"Come on, big guy," Jeff said, feeling awkward as everyone stared at them. "Let's look over the damage. I'm gonna bet we can fix you right up."

The boy raised his head and sniffed, then held out his hand.

Jeff looked over the wound. It was superficial and barely bleeding. There was a bit of dirt in the scrape, along with a couple of small pebbles.

"It needs washing, disinfectant and a bandage," Ashley pronounced. "Want me to take care of him?"

Jeff wanted nothing more, but at her words Tommy shrieked and wrapped his arms around Jeff's neck. "I'll do it," he said and took the supplies from one of the mothers. He found a sign pointing toward the rest rooms and headed in that direction.

"We'll wait here for you," Ashley called after him.

"I hate elephants," Tommy murmured. "They're bad."

"But the elephants didn't make you fall. Sometimes we fall all on our own and it's not anyone's fault."

The boy continued to cling to him. Still feeling like an idiot, and as if he was doing everything wrong, Jeff gently touched the boy's shoulder. The child was so small and fragile. He could span the kid's back with his hand. Confusion filled him. What the hell was he doing here? He didn't know how to take care of a child.

But there wasn't anyone else around and Tommy was depending on him. Jeff figured it couldn't be any worse than taking out a bullet or setting a bone in the field. Except emergency care for his team had never made him feel strange inside. As if something was cracking. But what he didn't know was if the ice around his heart was letting go or if his wall of protection was being breached. Or were they the same? And how long would it take to find out if the change was going to destroy him?

Chapter 8

"But what about the camels that lost their humps?" Maggie asked that night, her eyes wide. "Aren't they sad?"

"Some camels only have one hump. They haven't lost anything. They're just different."

Ashley bit back a smile. After ten minutes of grilling by her daughter, Jeff was still the picture of patience. He put down his fork and leaned toward her daughter.

"Remember the elephants you liked so much? There are two kinds of those, African and Asian elephants. It's the same with camels. Some have one hump and some have two."

They were sitting around the kitchen table at dinner. Ashley tried to ignore how good Jeff looked and the way the meal made her able to think of them as a family. They weren't a family. They barely knew each other. The fact that Jeff had insisted they all eat together was just him being nice.

She frowned. "Nice" didn't exactly describe his actions. Now that she thought about it, why did he want to eat with them? Not that she was complaining. Mealtimes were always interesting when he was around.

"Why are camels different?" her daughter asked.

Jeff hesitated, as if forming an answer. Ashley decided he might need a little help. Four-year-olds were nothing if not persistent.

"It's like dogs," she told Maggie. "There are many different kinds of dogs. Some are big, some are small. But they're all still dogs. There are two different kinds of camels."

"Do the camels with one hump feel sad because they're different?"

Jeff leaned toward her. "Maybe the two-humped camels are the different ones."

Maggie's eyes unexpectedly filled with tears. "I don't want the camels to be sad."

Ashley hadn't seen that one coming. But before she could reach for her daughter and offer comfort, Jeff shocked her down to her toes by gently pulling the little girl onto his lap. He held her securely, as if he'd done it a thousand times before.

"Are you sad because you have brown hair?"

Maggie tilted her head so she could stare into his face. "No," she said slowly. "Mommy says I have pretty hair."

"Mommy's right. So you're not sad about how you look because you look perfect for you. Camels are the same. They know they're exactly what they should be."

The tears disappeared as quickly as they'd arrived. "So camels are happy?"

"Nearly all the time."

Maggie beamed, then scrambled back to her seat where she picked up her spoon and went to work on her carrots. But Jeff didn't resume his own meal. Instead he continued to stare at the little girl.

"Maggie, you must promise me something. You must promise me to always be special and never change."

Maggie paused, her spoon half raised to her mouth. She grinned. "I'm gonna be a big girl soon."

"I know."

Something tightened in Ashley's chest. For the first time since she'd met Jeff Ritter, she knew what he was thinking. He was staring in wonder at her child and wishing life could always be exceptional for her. He wanted to protect her from all the bruises and scrapes she would encounter, both physical and emotional. Somehow little Maggie had found her way past Jeff's protective wall.

How was she supposed to resist a man who adored her daughter? To use her daughter's language, she would be very sad to leave this man. He'd only been a part of their lives for a short time, but he'd made an impact. When she returned to her already-in-progress life, nothing was going to be the same.

"What are you thinking?" Jeff asked, switching his attention to her.

"That Brenda was right. You're an honorable man."

He stiffened. "I'm no one's idea of a hero. Don't make me one."

She knew that there were ghosts in his past, but they didn't matter to her. He was honorable in the ways that counted. He would never leave a woman or a child in a bind. He was dependable. He wouldn't run off with the rent money, or borrow from a loan shark and disappear, leaving his wife to face the consequences. He was nothing like Damian.

Before she could explain what she meant, Jeff rose from the table. She glanced at his still half-full plate. "Aren't you hungry?" she asked. "It's been a long time since lunch."

"I have work."

He left the kitchen without saying anything else. Maggie stared after him.

"Is Uncle Jeff mad?"

"No, honey, he's just busy."

And conflicted. Ashley sensed the battle within him. She knew that they were the reason, but she didn't know why. Part of her wanted to go after him and talk, but a part of her wanted to run in the opposite direction. Jeff might be logistically dependable, but he was still risky in other ways. She was determined to only get involved with a man who could love her unconditionally. Jeff wasn't in a place to love anyone. Not until he'd dealt with his past. Attraction was acceptable-which was good because she couldn't control hers. But anything else was foolhardy. And she'd already been a fool for a man more than once in her life. She wasn't about to do it again.


* * *

"Kirkman is worried about a kidnapping attempt," Zane said the following week when he and Jeff met to discuss their upcoming job in the Mediterranean.