“Look!” I say, as she suddenly yawns. “She’s only eight hours old and she can yawn! That’s so clever!”

For a while we both gaze into the crib, awestruck, hoping she might do something else.

“Hey, maybe she’ll be prime minister one day!” I say softly. “Wouldn’t that be cool? We could get her to do all the things we wanted!”

“She won’t, though.” Luke shakes his head. “If we tell her to do them, she’ll do exactly the opposite.”

“She’s such a rebel!” I run a finger down her teeny forehead.

“She has her own mind.” Luke corrects me. “Look at the way she’s ignoring us now.” He sits back on the bed. “So what are we going to call her? Not Grisabella.”

“Not Rhapsody.”

“Not Parsley.” He picks up 1,000 Girls’ Names and starts flicking through it.

Meanwhile I’m just gazing at her sleeping face. This one name keeps popping into my head every time I look at her. It’s almost as if she’s telling it to me.

“Minnie,” I say aloud.

“Minnie,” Luke echoes, experimentally. “Minnie Brandon. You know, I like that.” He looks up with a smile. “I really like it.”

“Minnie Brandon.” I can’t help beaming back. “It sounds good, doesn’t it? Miss Minnie Brandon.”

“Named after…your aunt Ermintrude, obviously?” Luke raises his eyebrows.

Oh my God! That hadn’t even occurred to me.

“Of course!” I can’t help giggling. “Except no one will know that except us.”

The Right Honourable Minnie Brandon QC OBE.

Miss Minnie Brandon looked radiant as she danced with the Prince in a floor-length ball gown by Valentino….

Minnie Brandon has taken the world by storm….

“Yes.” I nod. “That’s her name.” I lean over the cot and watch her chest rising and falling with each breath. Then I smooth back her tuft of hair and kiss her tiny cheek. “Welcome to the world, Minnie Brandon.”


TWENTY-TWO


SO IT’S HAPPENED. The Karlssons have moved in to our flat. All our furniture has been packed up and moved out. We’re officially homeless.

Except not really, because Mum and Dad are having us stay for a while. Like Mum said, they’ve got heaps of room, and Luke can commute from Oxshott station, and Mum can help out with Minnie, and we can play bridge every night after supper. Which is all true, except the playing bridge bit. No way. Uh-uh. Never. Not even with the Tiffany bridge cards Mum bought me as a bribe. She keeps saying it’s “such fun,” and “All the young people are playing bridge these days.” Yeah, right.

Anyway, I’m too busy looking after Minnie to sit around playing bridge. I’m too busy being a mother.

Minnie’s four weeks old already, and is a total party girl. I knew she would be. Her favorite time is one in the morning, when she starts saying “ra ra ra” and you struggle out of bed, feeling like you only fell asleep three seconds ago.

Plus she quite likes three in the morning. And five. And quite a few times in between. To be honest, I feel totally hungover and knackered every morning.

But on the plus side, cable telly is on all night. And Luke often gets up to keep me company. He does his e-mails and I watch Friends with the sound turned low, and Minnie breast-feeds like she’s some starving, deprived baby who wasn’t fed just an hour ago.

The thing about babies is, they really know what they want. Which I do quite respect. Like, it turns out Minnie doesn’t like the handcrafted crib after all. It makes her all cross and squirmy, which is a bit crap considering it cost five hundred quid. Nor is she impressed by the rocking cradle, nor the Moses basket, even with Hollis Franklin four-hundred-thread-count linen sheets. What she likes best is to be cuddled in someone’s arms all day and all night. And second best is my old carry-cot, which Mum got down from the attic. It’s all soft and worn looking but pretty comfy. So I returned all the others and got a refund.

I returned the Circus Tent Changing Station too. And the Bugaboo and the Warrior — in fact, loads of stuff. We don’t need them. We don’t even have a house to put them in. And I gave all the money to Luke, because…well, I wanted to help. Even a little bit.

The good news is, things are looking up a tad for Luke. And the best bit of all is that Iain Wheeler lost his job! Luke didn’t hang around — the day after we had Minnie, he paid a visit to Iain’s bosses, along with his lawyer, and they had a “short conversation,” as Luke put it. The next thing we heard was that Iain Wheeler was announcing his decision to move from Arcodas. It’s nearly a month later and Gary, who knows these things, says he hasn’t had any job offers yet. Which is apparently because everyone has heard the rumor of some incriminating dossier on him. Ha.

Luke won’t work with Arcodas, though, even with Iain gone. He says their attitude is just as obnoxious as ever. And he still hasn’t got any money out of them. He’s just closed down another three European offices and things are still pretty tense. But he’s OK. He’s thinking positive, already planning new pitches, new strategies. We sometimes talk about them at night, and I tell him everything I think. And then somehow the conversation always drifts to Minnie and how amazing and beautiful and gorgeous she is.

And now I’m standing in Mum’s driveway, joggling her in my arms, watching the delivery men unload all our things. Most of our stuff has gone into storage, but obviously there were a few essentials we had to bring with us.

“Becky…” Mum approaches me from across the drive, holding a teetering pile of old magazines. “Where shall I put these, love? In the rubbish?”

“They’re not rubbish!” I protest. “I might want to read them! Can’t they go in our bedroom?”

“It’s getting a little full….” Mum looks at the magazines and seems to make a snap decision. “I think we’ll have to give you the blue bedroom as well.”

“OK.” I nod. “Thanks, Mum.”

We didn’t give up the house without a fight. Luke phoned Fabia to plead with her, and so did I and so did the real estate agent. But they exchanged contracts with the other couple two days after Minnie was born. The only tiny silver lining was that I got my Archie Swann boot back, after I sent Fabia about five threatening e-mails. Otherwise there really would have been trouble.

“More shoes.” A delivery guy comes by, carrying a cardboard packing box. “That fitted wardrobe’s full, you know.”

“It’s all right!” says Mum briskly. “Start filling up the blue bedroom. I’ll show you….”

“How are you doing?” Luke comes by in his shirtsleeves, carrying my Pilates ball and two hatboxes.

“Fine.” I nod, watching a delivery guy carry in my vanity case. “This is weird, isn’t it?”

“It’s pretty weird.” He puts his arm round me and I nestle into his shoulder. Last night was even weirder, with all the furniture packed up in the van and just a big empty flat filled with boxes. At about four A.M., Minnie just wouldn’t sleep, so I wound up her mobile with the Brahms Lullaby and put her in the baby sling. Luke wrapped his arms round us both and we kind of danced around the room in the moonlight.

I never realized that song was a waltz before.

“Luke!” Dad approaches us, holding a pile of post. “You’ve got a letter.”

“Someone’s very efficient,” says Luke in surprise. “I haven’t given this address to many people….” He glances at the logo on the back. “Ah. It’s from Kenneth.”

“Great!” I feign enthusiasm and make a face at Minnie.

Luke rips open the envelope and scans the text. After a second he peers harder. “I don’t believe it,” he says slowly. At last he raises his head and stares at me in disbelief. “It’s about you.”

“Me?”

“There’s a duplicate letter in the post for you too. As Kenneth says, it’s quite a big matter, so he wanted to contact both of us.”

Oh, this is all I need. Letters of complaint from Kenneth.

“He hates me!” I say defensively. “It’s not my fault. All I said was that he was narrow-minded—”

“It’s not that.” Luke’s mouth twitches into a smile. “Becky…it looks like you beat me.”

“What?” I say in astonishment.

“One of your investments has done exceedingly well. I’m not sure Kenneth can quite cope with the news, to be honest.”

I knew it. I knew I’d win.

“What is it?” I demand in excitement. “What did well? It’s the Barbies, isn’t it? No, the Dior coat.”

“The Web site fabbesthandbags.com is going to be floated. You’ll make a stack.”

I seize the letter and run my eyes down it, taking in words here and there. Three thousand percent profit…extraordinary…unforeseen…

Ha-di-ha! I beat Luke!

“So, am I the most financially astute and clever person in this family?” I look up in triumph.

“Your Antiques of the Future are still a worthless pile of crap,” Luke says, but he’s grinning.

“So what? I still beat you! You’ve got lots of lovely money, darling!” I kiss Minnie on the forehead.

“When she’s twenty-one,” Luke puts in.

Honestly. Luke’s so boring. Who wants to wait till they’re twenty-one?

“We’ll see about that,” I murmur into her ear, pulling the blanket over her head so Luke doesn’t hear.

“Right!” Mum appears in the front door, holding a cup of tea. “That’s your bedroom pretty much full. But it’ll take an awful lot of sorting out and tidying, I’m afraid. It’s quite a mess.”

“No problem,” calls Luke. “Thanks, Jane!” Mum disappears inside again and he picks up the Pilates ball. “So, shall we make a start?”

I loathe sorting out. And tidying. How can I get out of this?

“Actually, you know, I thought I might take Minnie for a walk,” I say casually. “I think she needs some fresh air. She’s been stuck inside all day….”

“Good idea.” Luke nods. “I’ll see you later then.”

“See you later! Bye-bye, Daddy!” I wave Minnie’s tiny hand as Luke vanishes into the house.

I never realized it before, but having a baby is just the best excuse. For anything!

I put Minnie in her pram, all wrapped up cozily, and tuck Knotty next to her for company. I think Minnie’s quite fond of Knotty, actually. And Double-Knotty, which Jess gave her.

We’re using the old-fashioned gray pram I got at the baby fair, first of all because I got a bit carried away sending back all the other prams, and secondly because Mum reckons it’s the best one for supporting Minnie’s back, “not like these newfangled buggies.” I’m planning to get it sprayed hot pink as soon as I can — only it’s not that easy to find a custom pram paint-sprayer over the festive season.

I tuck her up in the gorgeous pink-and-white blanket that Luke’s parents gave her when they visited over Christmas. They were so sweet — they brought me a basket of muffins and invited us to stay (only, Devon’s a bit far) and said Minnie was the most beautiful baby they’d ever seen. Which shows what good taste they have. Unlike Elinor, who hasn’t even visited and just sent Minnie this hideous antique china doll with ringlets and spooky eyes, like something out of a horror film. I’m going to auction it on eBay and put the money in Minnie’s account.

I put on my new Marc Jacobs coat which Luke got me for Christmas and tie my Denny and George scarf round my neck. I’ve been wearing it all the time since I got out of hospital. Somehow I don’t feel like wearing any other scarf at the moment.

I always knew it would be a good investment.

There’s a little parade of shops quite near to Mum and Dad, and without quite meaning to, I head that way. Not because I’m planning to go shopping or anything. Just because it’s a nice walk.

As I reach the newsagents it’s all warm and bright and welcoming, and I find myself pushing the pram in. Minnie is fast asleep and I head toward the magazine rack. I could get a magazine for Mum — she’d like that. I’m just reaching for Good Housekeeping when my hand freezes. There’s Vogue.

A brand-new issue of Vogue. With a bright blue cover line shouting, London’s Yummiest Mummies-to-Be.

My hands fumbling in excitement, I pull it down, tear off the free travel supplement, and flick through the pages….

Oh my God! It’s a huge picture of me! I’m standing on the sweeping staircase in the Missoni dress, and the caption reads: “Rebecca Brandon, shopping guru and wife of the PR entrepreneur Luke Brandon, is expecting her first baby.”


Based in Maida Vale, the text below reads, former TV presenter Becky Brandon’s elegant style is obvious throughout her palatial six-bedroom house. She designed the stunning “his” and “hers” nurseries herself, with no expense spared. “Only the best will do for my baby,” she says. “We hand-sourced the furniture from a tribe of artisans living in Mongolia.”