“It’s no trouble, love! I enjoy knitting. Of course, I always hoped that Tom and Lucy might…” Janice trails off with a brave, bright smile. “But that wasn’t to be.”

“How is Tom?” I ask cautiously.

Tom is Janice’s son. He’s about the same age as me, and got married three years ago, in this big, fancy wedding. But then it all went a bit wrong. His wife, Lucy, got a tattoo and ran off with a guy who lived in a caravan, and Tom turned very weird and started building a summerhouse in his parents’ back garden.

“Oh, Tom’s very well! He lives mainly in the summerhouse now. We leave him food on trays.” Janice looks a little beleaguered. “He says he’s writing a book.”

“Oh, right!” I say encouragingly. “About what?”

“The state of society.” She swallows. “Apparently.”

There’s silence as we all digest this.

“What sort of state does he think society’s in?” asks Suze.

“Not very good,” whispers Janice.

“Have another cup of tea, Janice, love.” Mum pats her hand comfortingly. “Or a sherry?”

“Just a small sherry,” says Janice after a pause. “I’ll help myself.”

As she heads across the room to the drinks cabinet, Mum puts down her cup. “Now, Becky,” she says. “Did you bring all your catalogs?”

“Here!” I reach for the bag I brought in with me. “I’ve got Blooming Marvellous, Great Little Trading Company, The Little White Company….”

“I brought JoJo Maman Bébé,” chimes in Suze. “And Italian Baby Cashmere.”

“I’ve got all of those.” Mum nods, reaching for a stack of catalogs in the magazine rack. “Have you got Funky Baba?” She waves a catalog bearing a picture of a baby in a clown costume.

“Ooh!” says Suze. “I haven’t seen that one!”

“You take that,” I say. “I’ll take Petit Enfant. Mum, you do Luxury Baby.”

With a happy sigh we all settle down to flicking through images of infants on playmats and wearing cute Tshirts and being toted in stylish baby carriers. Honestly, it’s worth having a baby just for all the gorgeous stuff.

“I’ll turn down the corner of the page if I see something you should get,” says Mum in a businesslike way.

“OK, me too,” I say, fixated on a spread of babies dressed up as animals. We have to get the baby a polar bear snowsuit. I turn down the corner and flip to the next page, which is full of adorable miniature ski-wear. And look at the tiny pom-pom hats!

“Luke, I think we should take the baby skiing from really early on,” I say as he enters the room. “It’ll help its development.”

“Skiing?” He looks taken aback. “Becky, I thought you hated skiing.”

I do hate skiing.

Maybe we could go to Val d’lsère or somewhere and wear the cool clothes and just not ski.

“Becky!” Mum interrupts my thoughts. “Look at this crib. It has a built-in temperature control, lullaby light show, and soothing vibrating action.”

“Wow,” I breathe, looking at the picture. “That’s amazing! How much is it?”

“The deluxe version is…twelve hundred pounds,” says Mum, consulting the text.

“Twelve hundred pounds?” Luke nearly chokes on his cup of tea. “For a crib? Are you serious?”

“It’s state of the art,” points out Suze. “It uses NASA technology.”

“NASA technology?” He gives an incredulous snort. “Are we planning to send the baby into space?”

“Don’t you want the best for your child, Luke?” I retort. “What do you think, Janice?”

I look across the room, but Janice hasn’t heard me. She’s looking at the scan pictures and dabbing at her eyes with a hanky.

“Janice…are you OK?”

“I’m sorry, dear.” She blows her nose, then takes a swig of sherry, draining the glass. “Might I top this up, Jane?”

“Go ahead, dear!” says Mum encouragingly. “Poor Janice,” she adds to me and Suze in a whisper. “She’s desperate for a grandchild. But Tom never even comes out of his summerhouse. And when he does…” She lowers her voice further. “He can’t have had a haircut in months! And talk about shaving! I said to her, ‘He’ll never find a nice girl if he doesn’t spruce up his appearance!’ But—” She breaks off as the doorbell rings. “That’ll be the caterers. I’ve told them to use the kitchen door!”

“I’ll go.” Dad gets up, and we all turn back to the catalogs.

“D’you think we should get a bath seat and a bath support?” I peer at the page. “And an inflatable travel bath?”

“Get this.” Suze shows me a picture of a padded baby nest. “They’re fab. Wilfie lives in his.”

“Definitely!” I nod. “Fold the corner down!”

“These corners are getting a bit bulky.” Mum looks consideringly at the catalog. “Maybe we should fold down if we’re not interested in the page.”

“Why don’t you just order the entire catalog and then send back the very few things you don’t want?” suggests Luke.

Now that’s a good—

Oh. He’s being funny. Ha-di-ha. I’m about to come up with a crushing retort, when Dad’s voice rings out from the hall. “Come on through, Jess. Everyone’s having tea.”

Jess is here!

Oh God. Jess is here.

“Quick, hide the catalogs!” I hiss, and start shoving them behind cushions in a nervous scrabble. “You know what Jess is like.”

“But she might want to have a look, love!” Mum objects.

Mum doesn’t really get Jess and her whole thriftiness thing. She thinks Jess is just going through a “phase,” like when Suze was a committed vegan for about three weeks before totally caving in and stuffing her face with a bacon sandwich.

“She won’t,” says Suze, who has stayed in Jess’s house and knows what she’s like. She grabs Mum’s copy of Funky Baba and pushes it under Wilfrid’s bouncy chair just as Dad and Jess appear at the door.

“Hi, Jess!” I begin brightly, then stop in amazement. I haven’t seen Jess for a couple of months and she looks absolutely spectacular!

She’s all tanned and skinny and wearing cargo shorts that show off her long, toned legs. Her cropped hair has been bleached by the sun and her green sleeveless T-shirt brings out her hazel eyes.

“Hi!” she says, putting down her backpack. “Hi, Auntie Jane. Becky, how are you?”

“I’m fine!” I can’t stop goggling at her. “You look great! You’re so tanned!”

“Oh.” Jess glances down at herself with zero interest, then reaches in her backpack. “I brought some maize biscuits. They’re made by a local cooperative in northern Guatemala.” She hands Mum a box made out of rough cardboard, and Mum turns it in her fingers, perplexed.

“Lovely, dear,” she says at last, and puts it down next to the teapot. “Have a fondant fancy!”

“Wow.” Jess sits down on the ottoman. “Look at Clem—” She stops as I mouth “Wilfie!” behind Suze’s back.

“Sorry?” says Suze.

“I was just going to ask…where’s Clementine?” Jess amends. “And I can’t believe Wilfie! He’s huge!”

I give her a tiny grin over my cup of tea as Suze replies. God, who would have thought it? My sister and my best friend, chatting away together.

There was a time when I thought I’d lost both of them for good. Jess, because we had a great big row, and called each other names which make me wince even now to remember them. And Suze because she made a new friend called Lulu, who rides horses and has four children and thinks she’s superior to everyone. I still can’t understand why Suze likes her; in fact, it’s the one subject we don’t see eye-to-eye on.

“I’ve got something for you too, Becky.” Jess delves into her backpack and produces a bunch of grubby rags. Janice recoils with a little cry of dismay.

“What’s that, dear?”

“Becky and I are going to make baby wipes,” says Jess.

“Make baby wipes?” Mum looks uncomprehending. “But love, Boots do them. You can get them in the three-for-two.”

“They look a little…used,” ventures Janice.

“We just need to boil them and soak them in a solution of oil and soap,” Jess informs her. “It’s far kinder to the environment. And to the baby’s skin. And they’re reusable. You’ll save pounds in the long run.”

“Er…fab.” I gulp, and finger the rags, one of which has HM WANDSWORTH PRISON printed faintly down the side. There is no way on earth I’m having a bucket of grotty old rags in my baby’s nursery. But Jess seems so enthusiastic. I don’t want to hurt her feelings.

“I’ll help you make a baby carrier too,” she says. “Out of a pair of Luke’s old jeans. It’s really simple.”

“Good idea!” I manage. I daren’t look at Luke.

“And I’ve had another idea.” Jess swivels on the ottoman to face me. “You don’t have to say yes, but maybe you could think about it?”

“Right,” I say nervously. “What is it?”

“Would you give a talk?”

“A talk?” I’m taken aback. “On what?”

“On how you kicked your spending addiction.” Jess leans forward, her face all warm and sisterly. “I have a friend who’s a counselor and I was telling her about you and how much you’ve changed. She said she thought you’d be an inspiration to a lot of the addicts in her group.”

There’s silence in the room. I can feel my face going puce.

“Go on, Bex.” Suze nudges my foot. “You’d be great!”

“I’ll come,” says Luke. “When is it?”

“It wouldn’t need to be formal,” says Jess. “Just a friendly chat about resisting consumer pressure. Especially now that you’re pregnant.” She shakes her head. “It’s ridiculous, the amount of rubbish people feel compelled to buy for their children.”

“I blame the catalogs,” says Luke gravely.

“So, what do you think, Becky?” persists Jess.

“I don’t really…” I clear my throat feebly. “I’m not sure…”

“Don’t be embarrassed!” Jess gets up from the ottoman and comes to sit beside me on the sofa. “I’m really proud of you, Becky. And you should be proud of yourself—” Her expression changes and she shifts on the sofa. “What am I sitting on? What’s this?” She reaches behind her and pulls out two glossy catalogs, with all the corners folded down.

Shit. And she would have picked out Luxury Baby, which has a cover picture of a baby dressed in Ralph Lauren, holding a Dior bottle and sitting in a miniature Rolls-Royce.

“Becky wasn’t looking at those,” says Suze in a rush. “They’re not even hers. They’re mine. I brought them.”

I really love Suze.

Jess is leafing through Luxury Baby and flinching. “It’s shocking. I mean, what baby needs an inflatable bath? Or a designer crib?”

“Oh, I know.” I try to match her tones of disdain. “It’s terrible. Although I probably will buy, you know, a few things….”

“Have a look, Jess, love!” says Mum helpfully. “Becky’s already found a super crib for the baby!” She rummages among the catalogs. “Where is it, now? It’s got a light show…and vibrating action….”

I stiffen in horror.

Do not show Jess the £1,200 crib.

“Here it is!” Mum holds out Funky Baba.

“Jess doesn’t want to see that!” I try to grab the catalog, but Jess gets there first.

“Which page?” she says.

“Mum?” A voice interrupts us and we all look round. Standing in the doorway is a frowning guy with disheveled dark hair and stubble. He’s tall and rangy and he’s holding a beaten-up old paperback and I have no idea who he—

Hang on. Is that Tom?

Blimey. I barely recognize him. Mum’s right about the shaving: he doesn’t seem to have seen a razor for days.

“Dad needs help with one of his magic tricks,” he says abruptly to Janice. “The rabbit’s got stuck or something.”

“Oh dear!” says Janice, putting down her cup. “I’d better go. Tom, say hello nicely, love.”

“Hi, everyone.” Tom shoots a cursory glower round the room.

“You know Suze, Becky’s friend, don’t you?” twitters Janice. “And have you ever met Becky’s sister, Jess?”

“Hi, Tom!” says Suze cheerfully.

“Hi,” says Jess.

I glance nervously over at her, all ready for some lecture about how spending a thousand pounds on a crib is a mark of the evil, decadent times we live in. But to my surprise she’s not even looking at the catalog. She’s let it drop onto her lap and is gazing at Tom, transfixed.

And Tom is staring back at her.

Her eyes drop to the book he’s holding. “Is that The Consumer Society: Myths and Structures?”

“Yeah. Have you read it?”

“No, but I’ve read some of Baudrillard’s other work. The System of Objects.”

“I have it!” Tom takes a step toward her. “What did you think?”

Hang on a minute.

“His concept of simulacra and simulation is pretty interesting, I thought.”

Jess fiddles with the Tiffany bean I gave her. She never fiddles with that Tiffany bean. Oh my God. She fancies him!