“Let’s get you off this ladder.” Luke’s strong fingers weave round mine, and I squeeze them back.

“By the way, what did you mean just now when you said you were frugal?” he asks as he helps me edge down the steps. “Was it a joke?”

“No! I’m frugal! Jess taught me. Like Yoda.”

“What exactly did she teach you?” says Luke, looking a bit wary.

“How to make a water sprinkler out of a milk carton,” I say proudly. “And gift wrap out of old plastic bags. Also, you should always write a birthday card in pencil so the person can rub out your message and use it again. It saves ninety pence!”

Luke looks at me wordlessly for a few moments.

“I think I need to get you back to London,” he says at last, then helps me down the stepladder, holding my crutch under his arm. “Danny called, by the way.”

“Danny called?” In my excitement I miss the last step of the ladder. As I land on the grass, everything goes a little swirly.

“Ooh!” I clutch on to Luke. “I’m all dizzy.”

“Are you OK?” says Luke in alarm. “Is it the concussion? You shouldn’t have been climbing ladders… ”

“It’s all right,” I say, a little breathless. “I’ll sit down.”

“God, I always used to get like that!” says Suze, passing by. “When I was pregnant.”

Everything seems to empty from my mind.

I dart a startled glance at Luke. He looks equally jolted.

No. I mean… I couldn’t…

I couldn’t be—

All of a sudden my brain is doing frantic sums. I haven’t even thought about… But the last time I… it must have been… It’s been at least…

Oh my God.

“Becky?” says Luke in a strange voice.

“Um… Luke…”

I take a deep breath, trying to keep cool.

OK. Don’t panic. Do not panic…


WEST CUMBRIA BANK

45 STERNDALE STREET

COGGENTHWAITE

CUMBRIA


Ms Jessica Bertram

12 Hill Rise

Scully

Cumbria CA19 1BD


12 June 2003


Dear Ms Bertram,

I was surprised to see today that a sum of one thousand pounds has been taken from your account.

This is most unusual activity for your account and for this reason I am contacting you to ensure that a mistake has not been made.

Yours sincerely,


Howard Shawcross

Customer Account Manager



WEST CUMBRIA BANK

45 STERNDALE STREET

COGGENTHWAITE

CUMBRIA


Ms Jessica Bertram

12 Hill Rise

Scully

Cumbria CA19 1 BD


22 June 2003


Dear Ms Bertram,

I was shocked and grieved by the tone of your last letter.

I do “have a life” as you put it.

Yours sincerely,


Howard Shawcross

Customer Account Manager



Rebecca Brandon

37 Maida Vale Mansions

Maida Vale

London NW6 0YF


Manager

Harvey Nichols

109Ð125 Knightsbridge

London SW1X 7RJ


25 June 2003


Dear Sir,

I am doing a piece of hypothetical research. I was wondering whether it is true that if you give birth in Harvey Nichols (accidentally, of course!) you are entitled to free clothes for life.

I would be very grateful if you could let me know.

Obviously, as I have mentioned, this is a completely hypothetical inquiry.

Yours sincerely,


Rebecca Brandon (née Bloomwood)


Acknowledgments


Hugest gratitude to the endlessly wise and supportive Susan Kamil, to Irwyn Applebaum, Nita Taublib, Barb Burg, Sharon Propson, Susan Corcoran, Cathy Paine, and Margo Lipschultz.

Thanks as ever to the fabulous Araminta Whitley, Celia Hayley, Kim Witherspoon, and David Forrer. A special thank-you to Joy Terekiev and Chiara Scaglioni for a wonderful welcome in Milan and some essential Italian!

Thanks to the members of the Board. To Henry, for everything. To Freddy and Hugo for suggesting I write about pirates instead (maybe next time).

And a big thank-you to my parents for taking me in off the streets so I could finish writing this…