Kody Keplinger - Shut Out

I narrowed my eyes at her "Even when you aren't hooking up?"

Chloe gave me a fierce stare. "Yes, Lissa. Stop being so paranoid. I've stuck to the oath, but… but look at her. Mary. And Finn. Look at him, too. You remember how I told you there are some

good guys out there? He's one of them. I know I'm not an expert on romance, but they are clearly in love, and this is hurting them."

I opened my mouth to say something, but Susan turned to face me, her palms pressed against the window — her boyfriend, Luther, was one of the boys singing up to us. "Lissa," she said, "when can this whole strike thing be over? It's been, like, a month. I thought it would be done by now."

"Yeah," a few of the girls echoed. "I thought you said two weeks."

"Stop," I said, jumping to my feet — I'd been kneeling by the window. "This is what they want. They want us to give in. But we can't. We have to stay strong. We have to win." I pushed Kelsey out of the way and positioned myself in front of the window just as the song ended and the last notes of Finn's guitar were carried off by the October wind.

"Go home," I called down to them. "This won't work — and you'll wake up the neighbors."

"Mary!" Finn called, ignoring me.

I felt Mary come up behind me so she could peer over my shoulder out the window.

"I miss you," he said again. "I — "

Before he could finish, I slammed the window shut.

"Lissa!" Kelsey snapped, annoyed. "Why did you do that?"

"It's a trap." I looked right at Mary then. "You know that, right? This is just another attempt by the boys to make us give in. To make us lose. But we can't. We have to win. You know that, right?"

Mary opened her mouth, paused, then closed it again. Slowly,

she nodded and turned away, her shoulders slumped as she moved toward Ellen's bed.

Both Kelsey and Chloe were giving me the evil eye.

"What?" I asked. "I'm right. This is just a trick. Another one of their games. The same thing happened in Lysistrata."

"In… what?" Kelsey asked.

"It's this Greek play about a group of women who decide to end the war by going on a sex strike," I explained to the puzzled-looking group. "I'd never read it but, um, someone recommended it to me after the strike started. Anyway, the women take over the Acropolis and the men show up and try to lure them out. Just like this."

"And what happens?" Susan asked.

"They stay strong," I told her. "Their leader, Lysistrata, makes them stay inside — just like I'm doing. And they win. We have to win. That's the point."

"I thought the point was ending the rivalry," Kelsey said.

"It was — I mean, it is. It still is. And we will. I was wrong before, when I said we should tease them. We'll have to stop that, but if we just stay strong, keeping to the oath, they'll give up."

I could feel the unsatisfied murmur that rippled around the room, but no one argued with me. Instead, they all just exchanged glances before going back to what they'd been doing before the boys had shown up.

Chloe gave me one last glance — one full of recognizable frustration — before walking across the room and sitting next to Kelsey.

Kelsey? Of all people?

They began to talk in low voices. Like they were friends. Like it was normal for them to speak without screaming at each other. And I knew they were talking about me. It felt like a slap in the face.

But I kept my mouth shut and turned back to the window. I could just make out the boys' retreating backs as they skirted across Ellen's backyard and out toward the gravel back roads of Hamilton. The moonlight framed their silhouettes, and for a moment, one paused. I could see him turning his head back, but he was too far off for me to recognize his face as he looked at the house. At the window. At me.

Somehow, I knew it was Cash.

The next morning, Ellen volunteered to drive me home. Logan had texted and asked me to be back by noon because he had something to tell Dad and me over lunch, so I accepted Ellen's offer because, while Chloe would usually give me the lift, I got the vibe that she was still upset with me about last night. Though I wasn't sure what I'd done to upset her so much.

"So," Ellen said slowly as we drove away from her house. The other girls had left only a few minutes before us, sneaking out as quietly as possible so as not to wake up Ellen's mom, who really liked to sleep in on the weekends. "We need to talk about this whole strike thing."

"What about it?" I asked.

"Lissa, I–Look, it was a good idea. Really, I'm glad we did it because… Well, honestly, I've learned a lot. About what people expect of me and what I expect from myself. And because it brought us back together." She gave me a quick smile before focusing her attention on the road again. "But… I think it's time to end it."

"What? Why? We haven't won yet."

Ellen sighed and switched on the turn signal. "What are we winning, exactly?" she asked.

"We… The rivalry has to end. That's the point."

"Is it?" she asked, her voice very serious but not accusatory. "Think about this, Lissa. Is the rivalry really what the strike is about? Because I don't know if you noticed, but the boys aren't fighting anymore. The group at my house last night was made up of football and soccer players. They were working together."

I didn't say anything.

Didn't know what to say.

But I did know what Ellen was thinking. And then she confirmed my suspicions.

"I think this is about Cash," she said. "I think… Okay, don't get mad at me for saying this, but I think you're using this to get back at him for how he hurt you. It didn't start that way, obviously, but now… Lissa, we all see the way you look at him. All of us. Even Kelsey mentioned it to Chloe and me."

"Wait, you guys talked about me? Behind my back?"

"Not in a bad way," Ellen said quickly. "But we're worried. This strike was a great idea, but it's going too far. They asked me to talk to you about it. They thought you'd listen to me."

I stared out the window, refusing to look at Ellen. I was more than pissed. I was hurt. Angry. Betrayed. I thought these girls were on my side. They'd been on my side from the start and now, suddenly, they were against me. Talking about me when I wasn't around. Trying to think of ways to overthrow me.

Ellen must have guessed what I was thinking because she

quickly added, "We love you, Lissa. It's not like we're mad. But think about this, okay? The strike is tearing apart the guys and the girls. It's becoming its own rivalry. Even you talk about ‘winning' like it's just a game to you. But didn't you start this to end a rivalry? To make peace?"

Yes, I thought, but I didn't respond. I was pushing down all the hurt and anger, falling back into my safe place, the one where I was Little Miss Ice Queen.

"If we let this keep going, it'll turn into another long-lasting rivalry, and no one will know where or why it started," Ellen continued. "I know you don't want that. I know because I know you." She took a breath and let it out slowly. "The end of Lysistrata?"

"What?" I asked coldly. "What about it?"

"The end. The women won, but how? Do you remember?"

"Lysistrata talked to the guy representing the men," I said. "He agreed on their behalf to end the war. You've read it?"

Ellen shrugged. "My mom teaches Greek studies at the community college in Oak Hill. I've learned a lot." She turned onto my street and continued talking. "But think about what you just said. She talked to the leader of the guy's side. Have you thought… Have you tried seriously talking to Cash?"

"Yes — No…. It's complicated, okay?"

"I know." She sighed. "And I'm sorry. I'm sorry things are weird between you two, but you can't let your relationship with Cash run this strike. You need to talk to him so that this can end. So that we can all move on."

I didn't reply. As much as I hated to admit it, I knew she was right.

Ellen's car stopped in my driveway, and we sat listening to the engine idle for a moment before either of us broke the silence.

"Just promise me you'll think about it," she said. "Please. Know that I'll be on your side, no matter what. I'll stand by your decision, but… but you owe me this."

"I know," I said quietly. "I owe it to all the girls. They've stuck by me — all of them — through a lot. Through Randy…" I swallowed hard, unable to keep the emotions back the way I wanted. "I'll talk to Cash. Not sure what I'll say, but I'll talk to him."

I wasn't looking at her, but I felt Ellen's hand slide over the console and squeeze mine. "Thank you," she said. "And remember what I said the other day, okay? If he doesn't see how special you are, he doesn't deserve you."

"Thanks," I said. "I'm going to get going. I just need to think about all of this. I'll call you tonight or something, okay?"

"Okay." She let go of my hand as I slid out of the car.

I paused before slamming the car door shut and poked my head inside for a second. "Hey, Ellen?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks… for putting up with me."

She beamed at me. "No problem," she said. "I'm happy to put up with you, even when you're at your craziest. That won't change."

I didn't deserve her, I realized as I walked up to the front door and let myself into the house. Honestly, I didn't deserve anyone. As much as it killed me to admit it, Ellen was right. I'd been using this strike as a way to fight with Cash. If I hadn't been so blinded,

so obsessed with winning and beating him, I might have noticed the way the rivalry had gone dormant.

I was trying to figure out what I'd say to Cash when I confronted him — how I'd start, what arguments I'd make, whether I should lie about how I felt — when I walked into the kitchen, where my family sat waiting for me at the table. Waiting so that Logan could give me the news. Waiting with one extra person.

"Jenna," I said, not as shocked as I would have liked to be. "What are you doing here?"

But I could have guessed the answer.

"Lissa," Dad said, a laugh still on his lips. "Honey, come in and sit down. Logan has something to tell us."

I was frozen in the kitchen doorway, the bag I'd packed for the night at Ellen's hanging loosely from my fingertips. I didn't want Jenna in my house, in my kitchen, in my space. I didn't want to see the way she smiled, like this was the happiest moment of her life. It wasn't the happiest moment of mine.

"So," I said slowly. "You're… You've been dating Jenna this whole time, right?"

They exchanged a look before my brother focused his attention squarely on me. "Yes," he said. "I have. I didn't want to tell you because — Well, if things didn't work out, I didn't want it to be awkward for you at work."

"I actually asked him to keep it a secret," Jenna interjected. "I mean, you're distracted at work enough as it is. The library couldn't afford having you lose focus because of another personal issue."

"I figured it out a while ago," I said. "I just hoped you'd break up soon."

"Lissa," Dad scolded. "Stop that."

"Sit down," Logan said, his voice losing its cheery edge.

I didn't move, just looked back and forth between them for a minute. I had a sinking suspicion that dating wasn't the reason for this family meeting. Jenna was here, in my kitchen, no longer keeping it secret — no longer letting me live in the land of sweet denial. That meant something must have changed.

"Oh my God," I gasped. "You're pregnant, aren't you?"

"What?" Logan asked, his eyebrows shooting up into his hairline.

"No!" Jenna cried. I saw a hand fly to her stomach. "Why, do I look…?"

Logan shook his head and squeezed her hand on top of the table.

I thought I'd be sick.

"Then why are you telling us this now?" I asked. "If you aren't pregnant, why not continue to keep the whole dating thing a secret?"

"Lissa, honey," Dad said. "Logan has some news for us. Go ahead, Logan."

Logan glanced at Jenna again, and she gave him one forceful nod before he said, "I'm moving out."

I felt a rubber band begin to contract around my lungs. "What?"

Jenna said, "He's moving — "

"I heard him!" I snapped at her, unable to keep my cool. "I… What? Where? When?"