Chris was trying to concentrate, looking for any evidence, but her mind kept wandering back to the night before. She had handled it poorly, she knew, but it was too late for that. She could have just ignored the whole thing and gone on like they had been. Have a little fun while Jessie was here, someone to have dinner with, maybe more, she thought. But she liked Annie too much. The woman didn't deserve to suffer any more. And Chris knew that if Jessie would just go talk to Annie, get everything out in the open, maybe they could repair the damage that had been done all those years ago. But what damage? Even Jessie didn't know the answer to that.

They walked until noon, then stopped to rest and eat the lunch they had brought. She and Matt sat on a downed tree and Roger leaned against a rock.

"We're not going to find anything. I can feel it," Matt said.

"Yeah. I agree," Chris said. But they were just following orders.

"We'll be out of it after today," Roger said. "The senator has the FBI on it. Then we can get back to our menial duties of managing the forest."

Chris noticed the bitterness in his voice and knew he hated the fact that his office had been taken over. She did, too.

"Where the hell is Hatcher, Roger? Why isn't he out here?"

"McKenna, don't start with me. You know damn well where he is."

"You know he doesn't like to get dirty, McKenna," Matt said with a grin.

"Somebody had to stay at the office, the phone was ringing off the hook," Roger said. "Might as well be him."

Chris just shook her head, remembering how Robert Hatcher had nearly fallen over himself when the FBI showed up.

"Kay said that his father and the senator are friends. You'd think he would be out here looking, too," she said.

It was another couple of hours before they met up with the other search group. No one had found a thing.

They all stood in a group as the sheriff addressed them.

"I want to thank you all for helping out. Roger, thanks for lending your SAR team. The senator has asked the FBI to take over the investigation so we'll just be assisting them if they need us."

Chris and Roger exchanged glances. So, even the sheriff was being dismissed.


It was after five o'clock when Chris got back. She wanted a shower and a cold beer. She had told Matt she would meet him at the Rock for dinner. Anything was better than sitting in her cabin alone, even one of Dave's surprises. Dillon met her at the door and she scooped him up and kissed him before filling his bowl with food. She took a beer from the fridge on her way past and undressed as she went. Her clothes were scratched, stained and sweaty and she piled them in the clothesbasket in the corner of her room. It was time to hit Roger up for dinner so she could do laundry, she thought. She stood naked in the bathroom, downing her beer before stepping under the hot spray.

With her head tilted back and the water pounding against her breasts, she thought of Jessie and wondered what kind of day she had. Chris was tempted to drive to her cabin and check on her but she didn't want to take a chance on getting thrown out again.

She changed into clean jeans and a long-sleeved T-shirt. Her hair was still wet and she opened the Jeep window and let the cool breeze dry it as she drove. It was too long, she noted. The bangs were hanging in her eyes and she brushed them away impatiently.

The Rock House was busy for a Tuesday night and she spotted Matt and Bobby sitting at a table with Roger.

"Hey guys."

"McKenna."

She caught Martha's eye before she sat down and raised her hand. "A beer, Martha. Please," she called.

"Yeah, yeah, you and everybody else. Keep your shirt on, McKenna."

"Why does she abuse me?" she asked.

"Abuse? Hell, she's being nice tonight," Roger said.

"But she's not sweet like Donna," Bobby said.

Chris flicked her eyes at Matt and grinned and he pleased her by blushing slightly. But she stopped her teasing there. Matt still had not worked up the nerve to ask Donna to dinner.

Martha brought her a draft beer, sloshing some on the table as she usually did.

"Dave wants to know what you want tonight," she said.

"Look, let's just be safe, okay. How about a baked potato? A little sour cream and cheese?"

Martha grinned. "You're learning, McKenna."

"Bring us another round, too."

"I only have two hands, Roger. Wait your turn."

"If she knew how many damn miles we walked today," Roger mumbled.

Chris laughed. "And you're the jogger in the bunch."

"Jogging is not climbing over boulders and around trees."

"I think you're getting soft in your old age," she teased.

"Soft my ass. I can still run circles around you, McKenna."

"Sure you can."

Chris suffered through three men going on and on about their steaks as she ate her baked potato, trying her best to ignore them.

"Why are you a vegetarian, McKenna?" Bobby asked.

She opened her mouth to give a politically correct statement when Roger chimed in.

"A woman," he said. "I think she was trying to impress her."

"Girlfriend?" Matt asked.

"Wow, McKenna. You'd give up steak for a woman?"

Chris glared at Roger before addressing the questions.

"She was a girlfriend at one time, years ago. And yes, I did give up steak for her, Bobby." Then she grinned. "It was well worth it."

"And where is she now?" Roger asked.

"You know damn well where she is."

"Where?" Matt and Bobby asked in unison.

"She decided she liked a millionaire's son better and married him," Chris said.

"Guess she liked meat after all," Bobby said innocently.

Chris nearly spit her beer out for laughing.


Chapter Eighteen

Jessie grabbed a blanket and a bottle of wine and headed out. The trail would be treacherous at night, but she didn't care. She couldn't escape her thoughts and she desperately needed answers. It was only when the moon went behind a cloud that she remembered she had no flashlight. But it didn't matter. She didn't care.

She stumbled along the trail, her boots hitting unseen rocks and she would have walked into a tree had the moon not shown itself again. She finally found the ledge and blindly jumped across the break, landing only feet from the edge.

So many years ago, her father's life ended right here. She stared out over the canyon into the darkness below. Why had he jumped?

She sat down and let her feet dangle over the edge, part of her knowing she was far too close but she didn't move back. Instead, she reached into her bag for the bottle of wine.

"What happened?" she whispered.

She took a swallow from the bottle and shoved it between her legs, letting childhood memories flood her. Camping. Just the two of them in the tent. Fishing, him teaching her to tie flies. Hiking the trails, she running ahead of him, then him chasing her, finally catching her and swinging her around. Annie was never there. She wasn't there for either of them. Jessie closed her eyes. Annie didn't love him. She remembered him telling her that. Annie wasn't there for him.

Then the tent. It was so hot, he told her she didn't have to put her pajamas on. Jessie took another swallow from the bottle. Annie wasn't there for him. But Jessie was. She was always there.

"Oh God," she whispered.

"Jessie, you’re my best girl, aren’t you?"

How many times had she heard those words? The best girl. And because Annie wasn't there, she had to be.

"No."

"Its okay, Jessie. It'll be our little secret."

"Oh, no," she sobbed and clutched the wine bottle to her. "No."

Forgotten memories hit her full force and she cried for her lost innocence. The tent. It was so hot. Oh God, and it hurt. It hurt so bad. But he had soothed her, told her it would be better the next time. It wouldn't hurt so much. She was such a good girl.

"Goddamn son of a bitch!" she screamed through her tears. She rocked back and forth, the bottle of wine her only comfort on this dark, dark night.


Chapter Nineteen

Chris drove back to her cabin with the Jeep window open. The night was cool, but the fresh air felt good after sitting in cigarette smoke for the last few hours. She glanced toward the parking area for Ridge Trail like she always did and slammed on her brakes. Jessie's rental car shone in the moonlight.

"Jesus! What the hell is she doing?"

She parked beside the car and felt the hood. It was cold. She let out a heavy sigh.

"Oh, man."

After hiking all day, the last thing she wanted was a quick trip up Ridge Trail. It took her nearly thirty minutes to negotiate the trail in the dark, even with her flashlight. She topped the ridge and stopped to catch her breath and relief washed over her as she saw the lone figure sitting on the ledge. The moon cast enough light for her to see Jessie huddled in a blanket, a bottle of wine sitting next to her. She turned the flashlight off and walked over to her.

"Jessie?" she called softly. There was no answer. No movement. "Can I sit with you?" Still nothing.

Chris took one long stride across the crack in the ledge and sat down behind her, moving the nearly empty bottle of wine away. She spread her legs on either side of Jessie and put her arms around her, pulling her back against her chest. Jessie didn't resist, instead laid her head back against Chris. Chris felt her take a deep breath, then release it slowly.

"You okay?" Chris whispered.

"No."

"Want to talk?"

"No."

Chris only nodded and held Jessie to her, rocking her gently in her arms. After a few moments, she felt rather than heard Jessie crying. Chris kissed the back of her head gently and tightened her hold.

Jessie relaxed into the comfort of Chris's arms, letting her tears fall silently. She had thought that she was cried out, but for the first time in so many, many years, secure arms held her, offering solace, nothing more. And it felt good. But she knew she didn't deserve it. She had nothing to give back. She was just an empty shell of a woman. And emptiness was something she was very used to.

She felt Chris kiss her hair, felt her arms tighten and she squeezed her eyes shut against the feelings that seethed over her. She didn't deserve this. No, she deserved to hurt, to feel pain.

She turned her head suddenly, pressing her lips into Chris's neck, then moving to her lips, kissing them hard.

"No, don't say anything," she whispered. "Please. I know you want me. I can see it in your eyes."

She pushed Chris back on the ledge and straddled her, her hands roughly cupping Chris's breasts before her mouth claimed Chris again.

Chris didn't know what was happening, but she had no time for thoughts as her mouth opened and Jessie's tongue entered, driving out all resistance.

Jessie took what she wanted and Chris became a nameless, faceless woman, like so many before her. Just someone she could use to drive out her thoughts. She laid her full weight on top of Chris, pressing her hips hard into the soft body beneath hers, hearing Chris's low moan as her kiss turned hungry. She refused to think, letting her body take over as her hands moved between them, unbuttoning Chris's jeans and slipping easily inside. Her fingers found their target, only briefly acknowledging the wetness she knew she would find. She shook off the hands that cupped her face, denying the tender kiss that Chris placed on her lips.

"No."

The eyes that Chris found in the moonlight were hard, dark, emotionless.

"Jessie ..."

"No."

Jessie covered her mouth again then roughly grabbed Chris's hand and shoved it inside her own jeans. She rolled over, pulling Chris on top of her, opening her legs.

"Please, take me," she whispered before guiding Chris's mouth back to her own.

Chris tried to pull away, her mind fighting with her body over her desire for this woman. She could take her, right now. But for pleasure? No, it would just be a quick fuck. Jessie's eyes were blank. There was no pleasure there. But Jessie grabbed her hand again, pushing it inside her jeans. Fingers felt wetness and Chris moaned, wanting to be inside her, and she let her body win.

Jessie raised her hips, shoving fingers deep inside her. Her eyes closed as familiar feelings gripped painfully at her heart. Her hips moved roughly against fingers that tried to give her pleasure. She didn't want pleasure. She wanted to hurt.