Carly Phillips - Simply Sexy

She'd lost her husband and now she'd lost Colin. She'd just now found herself. She couldn't put that on the line. Especially since his departure was imminent if not guaranteed.

* * *

COLIN SAT AT HIS DESK, tapping a pencil against the old blotter. He'd never known a woman could make herself so busy she didn't have time for one conversation. Monday, Rina had called in sick. Tuesday, she'd come in, worked on her column, wearing a headset, no less. When he'd approached her at lunchtime, she'd said she had a meeting and ran out, probably knowing full well he'd be at the hospital all afternoon. Tuesday evening, she hadn't answered her phone or her doorbell, and by Wednesday morning, he was irritable.

He'd pick her up and carry her over his shoulder and into the back hall if he had to. Today he wasn't taking no for an answer.

Someone tapping on his shoulder startled him and he whipped around, annoyed. "What the hell do you want?" he snapped.

"A minute of your time, if it isn't too much to ask." Rina stood before him, one hand on her hip, acting as distant as his latest assignment in South America.

Now she wanted to talk? "What can I do for you?" he asked, trying to keep things professional in front of the staff, despite his earlier thoughts of acting like an irrational caveman.

But outer calm belied his internal struggle. He wanted to take her into his arms and not just apologize but swear he'd make things right. How, he wasn't certain yet. But he damn well would. Even if she never forgave him, he still had to prove he wasn't another man who'd trampled on her needs and desires.

"I spoke to Corinne about this but she said you're handling personnel now, so I should come to you." Her voice was cold, but her eyes betrayed both pain and what he hoped was a lingering caring beneath the cool veneer.

He wasn't certain where this conversation was headed, but at the word personnel, a distinct tingling he'd always referred to as gut instinct set off warning signals in his brain. "About what?" he asked.

"Referrals. I've taken your advice and submitted résumés to some major magazines in New York. Some smaller ones, as well." She shook her head in a breezy attempt at looking casual.

She failed, he thought. He saw the wounded woman beneath. But he was nowhere near as confident as he had been when this mess had started, and he wondered if he was only imagining the depth of her hurt. Because if she hurt, it meant she still cared.

She drew a deep breath. "So if anyone calls, I'd appreciate you giving me a good reference despite all that's gone on between us personally."

At the thought of losing her, fear shot through him. "The hell I will," he said, rising from his seat so he could tower over her.

"Look, Colin, you may not like what I write, but you can't deny I've done a good job at this paper. And you can't possibly deny me a good reference and the chance to get another job." She clenched and unclenched her fists at her sides.

"Yes I can." As he'd done once before, he grabbed her hand, ignored the stares and pulled her out to the hall and into the darkened stairwell.

"You're being unreasonable," she said, backing up against the wall.

He knew better than to press for an advantage or to attempt to get close to her the way he'd done last time. But damn, he wanted to. She wore an oversize white sweater and a pair of jeans that enhanced her curves, making him itch to pull her closer and push their differences aside. If only it was that easy.

"You don't think packing up and sending out résumés is being a bit unreasonable yourself?"

"Did you or did you not plan to get rid of Corinne's columnists?" She bit down on her glossed lips.

He liked the slight insecurity he sensed because it backed up his hunch, that she wasn't as hardened to him as she wanted him to believe. "That was my plan."

"So why would you think me preparing for my future is unreasonable?"

"Because between Corinne, Joe and myself, we are going to bring the paper back to life by returning to news, but I still hope to save both columns in the process." He had an afternoon appointment with the accountants and Fortune's together.

The number crunchers didn't like being hassled during the week between Christmas and New Year's, but they'd agreed to meet with him anyway.

She shrugged. "There are no guarantees. So can I have your word that you'll give me a good recommendation?"

Not the reaction he'd have hoped for and, grabbing a minute to think, he drew a long breath. The dank smell in the hallway assaulted him, waking him up to the bleak reality confronting him. "Rina, I'm truly sorry. You're the last person on earth I'd ever want to hurt. And I'll do everything I can to save your job."

He reached out to graze her cheek but she turned her head, avoiding his touch. His gut clenched hard.

"You don't get it, do you?" She stared at him wide-eyed. "I'm not hurt or angry because you planned to cut my job. Hard as it is for me to believe, I can understand your need to save the paper, even if it was at my expense." She trembled, wrapping her arms around herself tight. "What I can't understand is how you could lie to me." She pointed to her chest. "After you slept with me, got to know my hopes and dreams, my fears and mistakes, after all that, how could you keep something so important from me?" Her eyes welled up with tears.

Knowing he'd caused them, he wanted to give himself a swift kick. "There was no good way to tell you. I admit, I tried to broach the subject and gauge your reaction a few times."

"At Emma's Christmas party."

He nodded. "We got interrupted by Emma's champagne spill. And by the time I thought I could level with you again, I knew what the column meant to you and why. I realized how devastating the news would be." He wanted to touch her. Instead, he shoved his hands into his back pockets. "If you understand why I did it, can't you forgive me for not telling you?"

She shook her head, and the long ponytail that had grazed his body so lovingly the other night fell over her shoulder.

"I can forgive you but I can't go back to what we had." Her voice cracked on her words. "First, you'll leave anyway, and a break is better off clean. Secondly, when I opened up to you, I trusted my instincts and you proved me wrong."

She let out a laugh that didn't sound funny and his stomach lurched.

"I accept your apology, Colin. But I'm going home to New York." From the look in her eyes, she wasn't joking, nor would she be changing her mind. She ducked beneath his arm and headed for the door.

"Rina," he called out.

She turned. For a brief moment, her heart was in her eyes and everything he felt for her, the love, desire and caring, was obviously reciprocated. Then she schooled her features into a blank mask. One he didn't buy into because he'd seen the feelings beneath.

"What is it?" she asked.

"If I save your job, will you stay? I know you love it here."

She didn't answer.

"Corinne and I will take that as a yes," he said. And then he tossed out his final words. The ones that would be the most difficult for him to live by. "If you do stay, I'll be right beside you. Because my days of running are over." With or without her, Colin knew the time had come to put down roots, accept his family and live again.

"No, you won't. You'll get bored or feel closed in by some difficult situation. You'll take off like you always do." But she didn't meet his gaze, giving him the hope that she didn't really believe her words.

He had a hunch that deep down she trusted him more than she was letting on. He met her gaze and smiled. "The only way to find out is to stick around yourself."

"Just give me a good recommendation, Colin. Please." Then she walked out the door.

He shook his head and leaned back against the cool wall. What a mess he'd created. Why had he thought he could get involved with Rina and easily walk away?

Because he always had before. Ever since he'd lost both his mother and father, he'd kept his distance from everyone and everything, hoping that he'd never again experience that cavernous feeling of loss. Faced with Rina's withdrawal and threatened departure, he was experiencing it again. And he didn't like it worth a damn. Because this was a loss he didn't think he'd bounce back from. One no amount of running would help.

So he'd better start fighting for what he wanted.

FLOWERS ARRIVED at Rina's home. A thick, red, luxurious and obviously expensive bouquet of roses. The card had only two words: Please stay.

Next, she checked her e-mail and discovered a card sent from the office server. Lovers' quarrels are meant to be forgotten, it said.

And then there was the small box she'd found in her desk drawer. An empty velvet jewelry box. The best gifts are meant to be given in person. Forgive me.

The gifts were lovely, all sentimental, all intended to wrap around her heart. But the last one, the empty jewelry box that could only hold a ring, was almost her undoing. Until she reminded herself that none of the presents, the ring box included, could possibly be from Colin. The man had a direct style, and this anonymous note-sending wasn't an approach he'd choose. She couldn't help suspecting somebody else was trying to get her and Colin back together.

The phone rang, distracting her. She picked up the receiver. "Hello?"

"Hi, Rina? It's Cat."

"Cat!" Rina said, glad to hear from the other woman. She loved her outgoing personality and wanted to get to know her better. Then she remembered she wasn't staying in town. A lump rose to her throat.

"I hope you survived the holiday?" Cat asked. "I know that after a party at my place, I want to crawl into bed and stay there for days. It's amazing how I can cater at other people's homes without any problems, but bring the festivities to my house, and I'm a wreck."

Rina laughed. "I know what you mean. But it was so special having everyone share the holiday with me."

"Even if you did look like you'd lost your best friend?"

Rina blinked. "Emma always said you were perceptive."

"And nosy." A tinkling laughter followed Cat's pronouncement. "Is everything better with you and Colin?"

Rina twirled the phone cord around her finger and leaned back into her comfortable couch. "It's settled," she said. But was it? an inner voice asked.

"Forgive me for prying, but it didn't seem that way to me. Colin came for dinner last night and he was miserable."

Rina's heart pounded in her chest. She didn't want him unhappy, yet she couldn't help the lift in her heart that came with knowing he hadn't gotten over her quickly. Because she was nowhere near over him. "It's not something I caused, Cat."

"Well, I didn't cause my problems with Logan before we got married, but it was up to me to decide I could live with who and what he was." Cat cleared her throat. "Actually, I had to decide I could accept who and what I was," she admitted. "But that was me. We're talking about you."

Rina sighed. "Somehow I'm sensing there's not much difference." Colin accepted her for who and what she was. Despite the lies, in her heart, Rina understood that.

She understood that there'd been no honest, graceful way for him to tap her on the shoulder and say, "Hey, Rina, you should know, the paper's in deep financial trouble and the only way out is for me to cut the column you love so much."

Yes, she wished he'd told her. But she understood why he hadn't. She hadn't written an advice column for women without learning a few things herself. And in the days since discovering the truth, she'd put herself in Colin's position and knew the words couldn't possibly come easily for him. Especially after he'd learned how important her work and newly asserted independence were to her, both missing in her past marriage.

Like Robert, Colin wanted to give her what she desired. Unlike Robert, Colin listened to her needs, accepted them, and didn't want to be the man to destroy her dreams. She sighed.

"Hello?" Catherine called into the phone. "You're breathing but not speaking. What's going on?"

Rina smiled and glanced at the flowers and notes strewn on the table. She didn't want to put Catherine in the middle of her messed-up love life. "Does Colin strike you as a guy who'd send flowers and anonymous notes?"

Cat laughed. "No. Are you receiving them?"

"Yes." Rina paused in thought.

"Emma," they said at the same time.

"That's my guess," Cat said. "You can't imagine the lengths she went to in order to get Logan and I back together. She actually sent me fairy dust!"