Janet Evanovich - Smitten

Matt unwrapped the box. "Hey, it's a waffle iron. This is great. You know how to make waffles?"

Lizabeth sat on her big new bed all by herself. She had the oak chest of drawers pushed in front of her door, but so far it was unnecessary. Matt hadn't shown any interest in breaking her door down. He'd gone off to the job site shortly after the waffle iron was delivered and hadn't returned until six o'clock, when he'd arrived with bags of burgers and French fries. He'd made polite conversation and gone to work in the kitchen, pulling out the old cabinets. It was after twelve now, and the house was quiet. Lizabeth thought it felt lonely. She thought it wasn't a house that was comfortable with quiet. It needed noisy children and dogs that stole pot roasts. Even Ferguson seemed subdued today. And the flasher had moved on to greener pastures. He hadn't shown up last night, for the first time in five days. Probably because word got out that she was married.

She smoothed the new quilt and wiggled her toes. She couldn't sleep. She wasn't tired, and she was afraid if she turned the light off the sadness would overwhelm her, and she'd burst into tears. She had to keep busy. That was the clue to surviving, she'd decided. She could watch television, but the television and the VCR were downstairs, on the other side of the blocked door. She picked up the book she'd been reading. A love story. Not tonight. She got up and looked out the window. Her yard was dark and empty. She paced in the room. Okay, so suppose she wasn't locked up in her room. What would she do? For the first time in ten years she was alone with time on her hands. She needed a hobby. She used to knit when she was in college, but it no longer appealed to her. Gardening was good, but it was too dark to garden now. It was pretty much wasted effort. anyway, since Ferguson dug everything up. She cracked her knuckles and paced faster. Maybe athletics was the answer. She began to jog in place. This wasn't so bad. She'd planned to get into shape this summer anyway. She checked her clock. Five minutes. She was barely sweating. Not enough of a challenge. She needed to get out on the road. She pulled a pair of jogging shorts from her bottom drawer and three minutes later was lacing up her running shoes. She pushed the chest away from the door and carefully, quietly tiptoed down the hall. She was at the top of the stairs when she heard Matt's door open.

"Going somewhere?"

"Running."

Matt grinned at her. "Got excess energy?"

'I've decided to get into shape."

"At one o'clock in the morning?"

"One o'clock in the morning is a great time to run," Lizabeth said. "It's cooler, and you don't have to wear sunscreen, and there isn't any traffic."

"I don't think this is a good idea. There are weird people out there."

"This is a family neighborhood. Ill be perfectly safe."

Matt groaned. This was from the woman who thought the flasher was a nice guy. "Wait a minute, and I'll run with you."

"I don't want you to run with me."

Half an hour later Lizabeth's shirt was soaked through. Her hair hung in wet ringlets and her cheeks were flushed as she plodded beside Matt. "Are we almost home?"

"Three more blocks," Matt said. "You want to stop and walk a while?"

"Why aren't you tired? Why am I the only one sweating?"

"Guess I'm in better shape than you."

Lizabeth wiped her face with the sleeve of her T-shirt. "Yeah, baking cookies isn't exactly a heavy aerobic workout."

"Maybe not, but I bet it's fun."

There was something about his voice that caught her attention. "Haven't you ever baked cookies?"

"Nope. My cookies come already baked. Hey, I have a terrific idea. Maybe we could work out a talent trade. You could teach me to bake cookies, and I could help you exercise."

Lizabeth stopped running. She put her hands at her hips and bent forward, trying to catch her breath. "You'd do that?"

"I'd like to learn how to make pancakes too. I tried once, but they stuck to the pan. And mashed potatoes…"

"You don't know how to make mashed potatoes?" It was hard for her to believe he'd been on his own for ten years and never learned how to mash potatoes. She was beginning to understand all the fast-food bags in his bedroom,

"Learning how to cook is sort of like losing your virginity," he said. "You reach an age where it's embarrassing to ask someone to teach you how to go about it."

"I've never thought of it exactly that way, but I suppose you're right." She took a couple of deep breaths. "I think I'm ready. Let's try some more running."

They turned onto Gainsborough and Matt put a restraining hand on Lizabeth's arm, holding her back. "There's someone in the side yard of that gray Cape Cod."

"That's the Hoopers' house." Lizabeth looked In the direction of the Cape Cod just in time to see a flashlight blink on and sweep a second-story window. "Omigod."

Matt could clearly see the man. He was dressed in dark sweatpants, was wearing a paper bag mask, and was climbing up the side of the house on a ladder. Matt felt himself tense, felt his adrenaline kick in. "I'm gonna get this guy," he whispered.

He moved forward like a large eat, running noiselessly, and Lizabeth wondered where he'd learned to move with such stealth and power. He was across the street in seconds. The man was about to enter the window when he saw Matt charging. The man shrieked, jumped from the ladder, and ran. Matt chased after him, Lizabeth following.

"What's going on?" Mabel Hooper called from her bedroom window. "Who's out there?"

Lizabeth could hear the men crashing through bushes in front of her. They were running through backyards, trampling hedges of forsythia, leveling an occasional tomato plant. Dogs barked. House lights blazed up and down the street. The two men broke out into a stretch of open grass. Lizabeth saw Matt leap forward and tackle the fleeing man. She reached them just as Matt shone the flashlight in his face. "Oh dear," Lizabeth said; "It's Mr. Hooper."

"He was robbing his own house?"

Ed Hooper scrambled to his feet. "Who do you think you are anyway, Rambo?" He put his hand to his heart. "Scared me half to death. Jeez, don't you have anything better to do than run around the neighborhood in the middle of the night? Why aren't you home in bed like a normal person?"

Matt grabbed him. "What the hell were you doing climbing the ladder with a bag over your head?"

"It was my wife's idea. She took one of those magazine quizzes and only got two out of twenty points for sexual excitement. She figured it might be exciting if I pretended to be the flasher. She figured this would push her into the top ten percent."

Matt clapped his hand on Ed Hooper's shoulder. "Mr. Hooper, this is a family neighborhood. I don't think you should be playing games in your backyard. Keep It in the bedroom, okay?"

"I guess you're right," Ed Hooper said. "You need an extra grill for Saturday?"

"I feel a little silly," Matt said on the way home.

"I thought you handled that very nicely. You know, you're pretty conservative for a guy who has a tattoo and a motorcycle."

When they got back to the house a taxi was parked at the curb and the driver was unloading suitcases. Elsie and the boys stood on the sidewalk.

Jason was the first to see Lizabeth. "Mom!" he shouted. "Look at us. We're home!"

"Six hours in a taxi cab," Elsie said. "I feel like Humpty Dumpty when he fell off the wall. All the king's horses and all the king's men ain't never gonna get me back together again." She squinted at Lizabeth. "You two sure worked up a sweat. What are you doing out here?"

"Running," Lizabeth said. "Great cardiovascular exercise."

"It's two o'clock in the morning."

"No traffic this time of the night," Matt said.

Elsie grabbed her suitcase and headed for the house. "I just want to go to bed. I'm going to have a nice tall glass of cold milk and go to bed and sleep for a thousand years."

Lizabeth ran after her. "There's something I should explain to you about the kitchen."

"Tomorrow. I'm too tired to listen tonight." She hauled her suitcase through the front door and came to an abrupt halt when she saw the new refrigerator, gently defrosting in the living room. "What the devil?"

"It's only temporary," Lizabeth said. "We're remodeling."

Jason ran on ahead. "Oh man, look at this! Someone trashed the kitchen.".

Billy was right behind him. "Boy, I'm glad I didn't do this. We're talking Cinder City here."

"It was a meteor," Matt said. "It came right through the window. I was standing there, minding my own business, cooking bacon, and this meteor landed on the frying pan and set the bacon on fire."

Lizabeth hugged Billy and Jason. "I'm glad to see you, but why are you home so soon?"

Elsie snorted. "Turned out Paul wanted the boys down there because they were having this big picnic to kick off his candidacy for governor. Paul thought it would look good if he had a family image. You know, Mr. Mom sort of thing."

"It was supposed to be Saturday, and it would have been boring," Jason said. "Everything Dad does is boring."

"You were only there for one day!" Lizabeth poured a glass of juice for her son. "How could everything be so boring in just one day?"

Jason giggled. "Dad said it was the longest day of his life."

"You don't seem too upset by it."

"It was kinda fun," Billy said. "First of all, Jason got air-sick and threw up on Dad in the airport, and there were all these photographers who took their picture. Then when we got to the house, someone put a sweat sock in the toilet…"

"It wasn't me," Jason said. "I swear it wasn't me."

"Anyway, the toilet overflowed, and there was toilet water everywhere. Dad yelled at Aunt Elsie and said she was incompetent, and Aunt Elsie told Dad what she thought he should do with the sock when he got it out of the toilet. It was great, Mom. You should have been there."

"Anything else?"

"It sort of went downhill after that," Elsie said.

Jason drank his juice and wiped his mouth on the back of his hand. "Billy and I were going to get up early and make Dad breakfast in bed, but Dad didn't have any good cereal. He didn't have Fruit Loops or Cap'n Crunch or anything."

Elsie had her lips pressed tight together, trying not to laugh. "So they made him an egg. In the microwave. Just put the raw egg in there and exploded it! Lord, what a mess. I've never seen anything like It."

"I didn't know it would explode," Jason said. "I swear I didn't know it would explode."

Lizabeth looked at her younger son and raised an eyebrow. "Did you get to go swimming?"

"Yeah, but they have all these rules. You can't swim here and you can't swim there. And you have to stand still while you're waiting in line. And you can't run. They don't let you take any toys into the water. Not even a ball. And they make you practice swimming the whole time. You never get to have any fun."

Billy grinned at his brother. "It was fun when you dumped Dad in the pool!"

"Oh yeah!" Jason said. "Mom, he did the most awesome belly flop!"

"He was swimming with you?" Lizabeth asked. Didn't sound like the Paul she knew.

"No," Billy said. "He came to see how we were doing, and he had on this white suit and blue shirt with a red tie, and Jason dumped him in the water. Man, was he mad! And there were all these photographers there who took their picture."

"It was an accident," Jason said. "I slipped getting out of the pool and grabbed Dad's pants leg."

Lizabeth smiled at Jason. "I'm afraid to ask about the tennis lesson."

'The tennis lesson wasn't so bad," Elsie said. "But you probably want to get some rest before you hear about dinner."

"I can't believe he sent you home after just one day."

Elsie headed for the stairs. "Paul said he could see things weren't going to work out like he planned."

"Well, I'm sorry your vacation was cut short, but it's nice to have you back," Lizabeth said.

"We would have been home sooner," Billy told her, "but we missed the plane because Dad smashed his thumb in the car door. He had to go to the emergency room and have a hole drilled in his thumbnail. Boy, can he cuss!"

"That’s when he called a cab," Jason said. "He said he didn't care what it cost, he was going to make sure we got back to Pennsylvania."

"This here's one heck of a barbecue," Elsie said to Lizabeth. "Must be a hundred people here." She rolled a hot dog over on the grill. "You spot the flasher yet?"

"No. This is harder than I thought. Half the men in the neighborhood fit his description." She wasn't so sure she wanted to identify him, anyway. He'd stopped flashing her, and he'd never really done any harm to anyone.