Nina Levine - Storm

J was watching me intently; his pissed off mood somewhat abated.  He now knelt in front of Crystal.  “How would you like us to stay for dinner tonight, angel?” he asked as he gently ran his hand over her hair in a soothing gesture, “We could order in your favourite.”

He was gentle with her and my heart skipped a beat.  It reminded me that there was a softer side to J; in there somewhere, under all that rough biker bullshit.

Crystal nodded at him, “My favourite is pizza,” she said in a timid little voice.

J smiled at her and said, “Okay, I’ll order that.  You go and sit with Madison while Brooke and I organise dinner.”  His tenderness was killing me.  He was so hot and cold; one minute so angry with me that he was saying shit I didn’t know he had in him, and now this; this sweet talk to a child.

He stood and motioned for Brooke to follow him into the kitchen, leaving Crystal and I alone to talk.  I hadn’t seen her in over three years but before that we had been almost as close as a mother and daughter.  Bec had been raising her kids on her own and I was her support, helping her out with money, babysitting and anything else she needed.  Coming back into Crystal’s life now, after three years, I had been worried that she might not remember me but I was relieved that she did.

I took her hand and led her to the couch.  “Sweetheart, I’m so sorry that I haven’t been here for you.  Not only now but also for the last couple of years.  Things happened, and your Mum and I...”

She cut me off, “Mum told me that she never wanted to see you again.  I know it wasn’t you that didn’t want to see me.”  Her big green eyes looked so sad and I could tell that she was close to tears.

I nodded, “I need you to know that I am here for you now, baby.  I won’t leave you alone.  Do you understand that?”

She started crying and I used every ounce of control to stay strong for her.  The last thing she needed now was me crying with her; she needed to know that I was strong enough for the both of us, that I would get her through this.  I pulled her to me and hugged her, letting her cry.  Crystal had always been a tough little girl, fiercely independent and I hadn’t seen her cry much over the years.  She tended to bottle her feelings up and tried not to let us see what she was going through.  I think it was her way of coping with all the crazy shit she had witnessed in her life.  Bec had been as good a mother as she could be, but the men she had gotten herself involved with had often brought the crazy to her life and as a result the kids felt it too.  Having grown up in the club lifestyle myself, I could always see why Crystal shut herself off like that because I had done the same as a child.

We sat there quietly, me holding her while she sobbed.  I wondered if this was the first time she had let herself feel her grief.  A week ago she had her family.  Now she had no one.  No one but me and a club of bikers who would, I guessed, do anything to protect her.  In that moment, I knew that I would make damn sure they protected her.  Even if it meant moving back here; the place I had sworn never to return to.

* * *

Dinner was strained but Brooke, J and I did our best to keep it friendly for Crystal’s sake.  After dinner we moved back to the living room and watched some television.  Crystal was subdued and fairly exhausted so Brooke suggested she have a shower and go to bed early.  She agreed and headed off to the bathroom while Brooke went to clean up the kitchen.  This left J and I alone, and we sat in silence watching the television.  I had no idea what we were watching because my mind was racing with so many questions; not only about Crystal but also about him and me.  He had totally confused me with his angry outburst earlier.

I looked over at him and found that he was watching me.  He didn’t break eye contact, just continued to watch me.  It unsettled me; I didn’t know what he was thinking anymore.  When we were together I used to be able to read him most of the time but now, over two years later, I had no idea what was running through his mind.  Hell, maybe I never knew him as well as I thought I did.  He had, after all, told me to leave just when I thought we had a chance to be together again.

I finally broke the silence.  “Have you guys found Nix yet?”  I went with an easy question.

“No, but Scott’s got a lead so he is chasing that up tonight,” he answered.

“What’s the plan for Crystal?  Do you think she is safe here?”

He dragged his hand through his hair and sighed, “We’ve got two guys watching the house.  We’re doing what we can to keep her safe.”

“How long will she stay here with Brooke?”

“She will be living with Brooke now.  It was what Bec wanted,” he said quietly, keeping a steady gaze on me.  He was watching for my reaction because he knew it wouldn’t be pretty.

I shot out of the chair and turned my angry glare on him.  “What the fuck, J?  Why would she do that?” I yelled at him.

He reacted sharply, standing and grabbing my arm. “Keep your voice down, Madison,” he snapped, “Bec and Brooke were close after you left, it’s definitely what she wanted.”

I yanked my arm out of his grip. “Well, I’m going to be around to help so Brooke will just have to deal with that.”

He looked stunned.  “You’re staying?  For good?”

I nodded, still coming to grips with my decision.  “Yes.”

J just stood there, not saying anything, but I could feel the tension thick in the air.  Again, I could not work out what he was thinking but my heart was seizing up because I was pretty sure he didn’t want me to stay.  And it pissed me off at the same time.  I didn’t want to feel this way; we were done and I had moved on.  Caring what he thought wasn’t in my best interest.  It was time to shut these feelings down.

“Yes, J, like it or not, I am staying so you had better get used to it.  And, first order of fucking business is for my father and brother to tell me what the hell has been going on around here while I’ve been gone.  I’m sick of all this secrecy bullshit.” I turned and stormed out of the house, in desperate need of a smoke.

* * *

Ten minutes later I was considerably calmer, having had two cigarettes and some time to give myself a pep talk.  J was smart enough to give me that space to get my head together and I was just about to head back inside when he stepped outside.

“You’ve missed a call,” he said, handing me my phone before going back inside.

I checked to see who had called and smiled when I saw it was Serena.  Shit, I was supposed to call her when we arrived.  I called her back and waited for her to answer.

“Bitch, I was worried!” she screeched.

“Honey, calm down.  I’m sorry I didn’t call.  I got sidetracked by Scott and Dad who are being their usual bossy selves.  And, god, don’t get me started on J.”

“Oh, please do get started on J,” she quipped.

I laughed and just like that, she had broken through my anger and hurt and reminded me just how much I needed her in my life.  “He is making me crazy!”

“Mmmm, what is he doing?  Besides getting your girl bits in a tizz?”

“He basically said that if I hadn’t dated Nix, none of this would be happening.  He blames me for Bec and Georgie’s deaths,” I answered her, the words tearing at my heart.

“Wow.  Holy shit.  He might be a hot guy but what an asshole,” she said, “I hope you told him where to go.”

“He caught me off guard.  I never expected him to say something like that to me.  He is confusing the hell out of me.  One minute he says horrible things like that, but at other times it feels like he still cares.  I just don’t know what to make of it.”

“Just keep him at a distance, okay.  Do what you went there to do, and then you can come home and forget all about him again,” she suggested, not realising that this option wasn’t possible anymore.

I sighed.  “I wish I could, honey, but I’ve made a decision.  I’m going to move back here to be close to Crystal and look out for her.”

“I thought you might decide to do that.  You’re a good woman, Madison Cole, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, especially not J,” she said, and I loved her a little more for her unconditional support.

“I’m going to miss you.  Maybe you should move here too,” I said, meaning every word.

“Never say never, huh. Gonna visit you real soon, though,” she replied, “And I’ll kick J’s ass if he is being a fucker to you.”

I had no doubt about that.  “Okay, I’d better go.  Can you tell Blake I will call him tomorrow?  I love you, honey,” I ended the phone call.

“Will do.  Love you too, girl,” she said and hung up.

I took a deep breath and went back inside, hoping to say goodbye to Crystal and convince J to take me back to the clubhouse.  I didn’t want to hang around here for much longer.

Brooke and Crystal were back in the living room with J, and they were all laughing at something on the television.  J looked over at me and then tapped Crystal on the shoulder.  “Say goodnight to Madison, angel.  We have to go in a minute,” he said, and I was relieved that he had the same plans as I did.

Crystal gave me a long hug and I whispered in her ear, “I love you, baby girl, and I’ll be back to see you soon.”

She kissed me and then left with Brooke to go to bed.  Brooke nodded at me as they left the room.  I wasn’t sure what that meant but she didn’t seem to be as hostile towards me as I thought she would be.

“You ready to go?” J asked, without as much as a glance in my direction.  He was already heading towards the front door, my answer clearly not even important.

I didn’t bother answering him, simply followed him out to his bike.  Without uttering a word to each other we rode back to the clubhouse and my resolve to stay away from him was strengthened.

Jason

I collapsed onto the bed, thankful as fuck that today was over.  I didn’t have it in me to bother heading home so I was just crashing in my room at the clubhouse.  The ride home from Coffs Harbour had been long, probably because I couldn’t concentrate with my dick doing the fucking happy dance that Madison’s tits and pussy were pressed tight to me.  It had been just over three hours of torturous bliss; her on the back of my bike again was something I had never thought would happen, but I was sure as fuck glad that it did.

And then she had gone and pissed me off, and I had said stuff I wish I could take back because I didn’t really mean it.  Fuck, I had really hurt her; I could see it in her eyes and hear it in her voice.  Maybe it was my way of pushing her away.  There was that old familiar pull to her and I wasn’t sure it was a good idea to even consider getting close again.  But, fuck, I just had to be in the same room as her, and I wanted to touch her and bury my dick as far in her as I fucking could.

Watching her get into an argument with Scott and then listening to her tell me off had been both infuriating and a relief.  It was good to see the old Madison back.  She had slowly disappeared on me after the incident with Rob all those years ago and the drinking had only made it worse.  It had fucking killed me to see her lose her spark.  Madison was the kind of woman who didn’t let any man walk all over her, and after we broke up, I had been horrified watching her allow Nix to control her.

The night I had found her beaten up was one of the worst nights of my life.  If I hadn’t let her go, hadn’t given up on us, she wouldn’t have ended up with Nix and he wouldn’t have laid a finger on her.  I had sworn death after that and had meant it.  Scott and her father had been with me on this, but then club politics got in the way.  If we had followed through on our threat it would have ended in all out war between Storm and the Black Deeds, and our club wasn’t ready for that back then.  We’d spent the last two years getting our shit in order, getting ready to strike and take the fucker down.  Getting Madison out of the picture had been an important part of this plan even though I hadn’t agreed with it at first.  I had wanted her back with me, where she belonged, but Scott had ordered me to make sure she left town.  I had done this alright; I’d killed any love she might have had left for me the day I told her to get the fuck out; the day I had told her I didn’t love her anymore.

Looking at her now I knew we had done the right thing.  When she left, she had been drowning in alcohol.  I hated watching her do that to herself; I felt useless, unable to make her see what she was doing.  My mother had done the same thing and it was like watching re-runs of shitty television; seeing the same old crap over and over, hating it more each time.  Now, Madison had her life together so it made the last couple of years worth it, even if she didn’t want anything to do with me now.