Alla Kar - Stroke Of Fear

   Tanner grabs my chin and makes me stare at him. “Aubrey, you’re hurt. He hurt you badly. He took away the one thing that you loved more than anything. You’re going to think you see him. You’re going to hurt. But—goddamn it—if I have anything to do with it, it’ll slowly drift away. I’ll help you get rid of him. He won’t have any more control over you, I swear. You’ll be all mine like it’s supposed to be.”

   I grip his hair and bring his mouth to mine. His kiss is demanding, hard and it feels like he’s marking me with it. He’s going to rectify me, just like I’m going to heal him.

* * *

   Tanner’s woodsy scent makes my thighs warm with scolding heat. He’s snoring lightly in my ear, his arm draped over my stomach. Cassie got back a few hours after us. I pretended to be asleep even when she tugged on my leg.

   Now she’s tucked in her bed asleep. It started raining last night, and it’s not supposed to stop until tomorrow night. The camp activities are canceled for tomorrow, and Tanner says he wants to go out to the lake. It’s supposed to rain, but he doesn’t seem bothered by it. I had made progress with him carrying me into the water. But now I’m going to have to get in. Actually get in. My nerves are everywhere. Not only for tomorrow, but because of tonight. I saw him. It was different this time. It wasn’t the ghostly hallucinations I had right after it happened.

   He was full, whole. He seemed so real. My fingers twitch around the covers, and I pull them from me. Tanner moves onto his stomach and smashes his face into the pillow. I grab my cell from the nightstand and go into the bathroom.

   The prison is on my speed dial. I’ve never actually called, but it’s there just in case. A woman answers on the first ring. “Hi, I need to check on an inmate.”

   She clicks around on the computer. “Name?”

   Twisting on the closed toilet seat, I grip the edge with tight fingers. “Michael Powers.”

   More clacking against the keys. “He’s here. You want me to get them to check?”

   A crack of thunder crashes against my ears. “Yes,” I whisper, bringing my knees to my chest.

   “Please hold.”

   I’m on wait for ten minutes. I trail my thumb up and down my shin and fiddle with my loose ponytail holder. “Ma’am are you still there?”

   “Yes.”

   “He’s in his cell asleep. Is there a reason why you called?”

   A sigh escapes from my mouth. Christ, I’m losing my mind. “No, thank you for your time.”

   I press the red END button and hold my hands over my face and cry. It’s not a sad cry but a relieved cry. He’s in prison. Where the fucker needs to be.

Aubrey

   Most of the campers are in the game room by the cafeteria. There’s an X-Box, TV, games and sofas. It’s pretty much like a clubhouse for rainy days. I’m thrilled. Mrs. Jones is watching them so all the counselors get the day off.

   Cassie jumps on my bed, spilling my fingernail polish on my comforter. “Bitch,” I say, trying to clean up the mess.

   She laughs and runs to the bathroom to get some toilet paper. She dabs the sheet until it’s mostly clean. “Sorry,” she says. “So, what’s on the agenda for today?”

   I stiffen. “I’m going somewhere with Tanner.”

   “That’s code for ‘you’re not invited, Cassie.’” She flips me off and scurries over to her bed to make a dramatic scene. “You hate me.”

   I laugh. “Remember that girl who used to say that freshman year?”

   She rolls over holding her stomach. “Yes, she was such a weirdo. She cried all the time for nothing!”

   Finishing my last toe, I stick my foot out to examine it. “So, how come you left so early last night?” Cassie asks over her phone.

   Cassie knows about the incident now but she doesn’t know I hallucinate. I’m not sure if I want to tell her, but she’s only been a good friend to me. “I hallucinate sometimes. I thought I saw him.”

   She frowns. “I’m so sorry, Aubrey. What he did to you is sad. It’s pathetic and crazy. You didn’t deserve it.”

   No one ever deserves being tortured or killed. “I know.”

   Cassie bails and goes to lunch, leaving me alone in the cabin. I’ve been able to move a little better knowing he’s still locked up. I tug on my swim suit and slide some shorts and a tank top over me. Since it’s raining I put a hoodie on, too. Tanner’s supposed to be here any minute, and my nerves are raging.

   I answer my mom’s text and flip through my Facebook for a while. I see a post from Michael’s mother. She’s going to visit him next week. My heart breaks reading her status. She was the nicest woman I’ve ever known. She had no idea Michael had gone off the grid. She loved him so much. I loved her, even after we broke up I communicated with her. She had cried so loudly when they convicted him in the court room. Jesus, the wails broke my heart. But he deserved it. He tried to kill me. I try to tell myself it’s not my fault, because I know it’s not. It’s hard to accept it sometimes. Hard to know out of everyone in the world, he hurt me. Someone who claimed they loved me.

   Three months after the attack I went through the what-ifs. What if I had paid more attention to him? What if my parents hadn’t made me break up with him? What if he’d gotten help before it was too late?

   Slamming my phone down on my bed, I close my eyes and lean back. I’ll never be able to forget what happened, but I’m sure one day it’ll fade.

   Thump. Thump. Thump. “Come in.”

   Tanner steps in. “Sayin’ come in while you’re sittin’ on your bed is never a good thing to do to a guy. He could get the wrong idea.”

   God, his southern drawl make my knees buckle. “Well, maybe said girl wants to be taken advantage of.”

   He rubs his thumb against the side of his mouth and leans down over me to give me a kiss. “You ready to do this?”

   I nod. “As I’ll ever be.”

* * *

   “That’s it, darlin’. One foot at a time.”

   The mud of the bank seeps between each of my toes. The water in the light looks more terrifying. Not to mention the light rain cascading down on me. Tanner is right beside me, his finger gripping my upper arm. The rain has caused his white T-shirt to stick to his chest. His dark hair is fallen into his face, and his lips parted. If I weren’t petrified of the water right now, I’d jump on him.

   Sliding my foot forward the water engulfs my foot, then my ankle, now my calf. It’s so smooth, refreshing. I close my eyes and let myself remember. Let myself try and love it again.

   “Come on! Faster. Faster. Dig,” Coach yelled from the edge of the pool. I was swimming. My arms and legs moved in time with each other. My breathing evened out with each stroke. I was moving faster than the others. I saw them behind me when I turned and shoot of the edge. I was free. Moving quickly. Brilliantly. It was perfect. This was my life.

   I gasped for breath when I plunged from the water. Tearing my cap and goggles off, I tossed them to the side as I crawled up the side of the pool. “Great time, Depp.” Coach Bethany slapped my butt and wrote something down on her clipboard.

Hannah reached over and pushed my shoulder. Her dark hair hung from her ponytail, wet and stuck to her chest. “Bitch, you always beat me. One day—one day, I’m gonna whoop your ass.”

   “You wish,” I said, sitting down on a chair close by. A few other swimmers climbed out and ran toward the locker room. I’m sure they were trying to keep away from Coach Bethany’s wrath.

   “Boy’s turn!” Coach yelled. “Girls, get some rest. Maybe try and think about swimming instead of boys.”

Hannah rolled her eyes. “She’s so nuts. Just because she doesn’t like boys—” I elbowed her and gave her my best shut the hell up look.

“Let’s go get dressed.” I stood up and started to dry my hair. Grabbing my goggles, someone walking my way caught my eye. Michael. He was shirtless, swimming bottoms tight against him. His gray eyes darted toward mine and a smirk crawled up his mouth.

   “Well, someone doesn’t like to let anyone else win, ever.” Michael’s arm wrapped around me and he brought me close to his chest. He had long lean muscles. Swimmer’s muscles.

   “Can’t give them any hope. You taught me that.” He leaned down and kissed the edge of my mouth.

   “I’ve taught you other things, too. Lots of them. And plenty more where that came from.” I laughed and shoved against his chest.

   “Ready for Jason’s party this week?”

He nodded, nuzzling my neck. “Am I ever? We can finally have some alone time. Since coach…” He trailed off and looked over my shoulder. “What the fuck are you looking at?”

   I turned and saw Chase, a guy on the guy’s team, staring at us. “Nothing, man. I just glanced up.”

   “You were staring at my girl’s ass. I saw you!” Michael’s jaw tightened.

   Chase shook his head back and forth. “No, I wasn’t, Michael—”

   “Shut the fuck up. I saw you! You fucking…” He stopped when Coach hits him on the back of the head with her clipboard.

   “Is there a problem here?”

   Michael hadn’t taken his eyes off of Chase. The blue in his eyes was darker. It wasn’t not right. I bit my lip and shook my head back and forth. “I’m leaving,” I said, looking up at Michael. I try to plead with him.

   His eyes darted toward mine and everything was fine. He was…smiling? What. The. Fuck? “See ya later, baby. I love you.”

   “Are you okay?” Tanner asks.

   My eyes focus, and I look up at Tanner. “Yes,” I whisper, my throat hoarse. Why hadn’t I seen it before? He was going crazy in front of me and I didn’t try and stop it. I let him go crazy.

   “Are you sure?” He touches my rib. “We can go slower if you’re not ready.”

   “I’m ready.” Taking another step, the water seeps higher, sloshing around my feet. My toes sink into the mud, but I keep going until the water is at my hips. Tanner’s grip on me tightens. I’m here. You’re safe. Always. His words rattle along in my head. We’re here for each other. To help one another.

   “Darlin’,” Tanner whispers behind me, his arms wrapping firmly around my waist. “You’re in the water.” He nips at my neck, and I feel his erection growing against me. I smile and let my fingers graze the water’s smooth surface.

   “You’re hard.”

   He chokes out a growl and pulls me toward him. “I’m extremely hard. You make me that way.”

   Christ. “Well, why don’t you show me how much you want me?”

   “Oh, I wish I could. But, you know we have that meeting in an hour. And baby girl, it’s gonna take way longer than that. I’ve got plans for you.”

   Goddamn. My swimsuit bottoms are soaking and not from the water.

“I’m so proud of you,” he says.

   “I’m just standing here.”

   “When is the last time you’ve done this?” he asks, pushing my hair away from my neck.

   “Years.”

   Sliding his lips against my skin, he whispers, “Progress.”

   Turning, I grab a handful of him and he lifts his brows in warning. “Progress,” I say.

   His eyes widen but a smile rides along his strong jaw. “You’re a really bad influence. Here I was trying to let you keep your virtue and be a true southern gentleman. Then you go and get me all wired up. Tsk. Tsk.”

   “Right, because we all believe you don’t want to do bad things to me.”

   Tanner grips the back of my neck and forces my face up to his. “You better stop talkin’ to me like that, or I’m going to forget my morals and do what I really what to do to you right here on the fuckin’ dock.”

   Fuck, any chance of me not melting into a puddle just blew out the window.

   “Now,” he whispers. “Let’s get your pretty ass in the truck before I slip my fingers under that swimsuit.”

   Smiling, I let him drag me back toward his truck.

* * *

“Just one more kiss,” he whispers. My back is against the outside door of my cabin. My legs are trembling. If he wasn’t pushing against me, I’d fall onto the ground and quiver like a child. He’s fucking my mouth with his. His tongue grazes mine, then my bottom lip and down my neck.