Maya Banks - Sweet Addiction

“You get me. Really get me. It’s not all about you as a lot of people would assume a relationship where dominance is a factor would be about your needs and wants above all else.”

“Your happiness is important to me,” he said by way of agreement.

She sighed. “In all my other relationships, except one, it’s been more about the man. Not always or all the time but mostly. In all but one, my partner never had my complete trust. In all but one, I was never …home. You’re home to me, Lucas. I feel safe and cherished with you. I trust you.”

He seemed pleased by her heartfelt declaration. He squeezed her warmly and she could feel the pleasure seeping through him. That made her happy. She wanted him to know how much he meant to her. How much his protection meant to her.

“You said except one. Do you mean Cole?”

She took in a deep breath. “Yes. I was happy with Cole. My relationship with him mimicked a lot of the things I value most about my relationship with you. Only ours is a more grown-up version of what I had with him. I like to think if only Cole and I had had time that we could have grown into something like what you and I have now.”

“And yet the idea of me giving you to him distresses you,” Lucas murmured.

“I’m scared,” she admitted. “And confused. Maybe a little threatened, you know?”

He brushed his mouth over her temple, a simple gesture she felt all the way to her soul.

“Why, Lucas? Why are you doing it? I don’t understand. I’m afraid to dig too deeply for the answer.”

Before she hadn’t been willing to ask, but now she had to know. Was it a test? She wasn’t sure she could do this. He hadn’t done it to hurt her. She’d never believe Lucas would be that cruel. Which meant he had a specific reason for sending her back into the arms of the man who’d broken her heart.

He pulled her back just enough that he could touch her jaw, cup her chin, rub his thumb gently across her lips. So comforting. So very real.

“You say you trust me.”

She nodded without hesitation.

“Then trust me that this is what I feel is best for you. I think this is something you need. I would not do it if I thought it would hurt you. It may make you uncomfortable, but I think when all is said and done, this is for the best.”

The calm in his voice soothed her frayed nerves. She did trust him. Implicitly. He’d never steered her wrong. He’d never done anything without her best interests at heart.

And the truth was that she did want to see Cole again. She’d imagined what it would be like to have him touch her as he’d once done. Wondered if he’d even want to. She hadn’t been able to stop thinking about him since the night she and Lucas had gone to The House.

What had rattled her far more than her encounter with her first love was the guilt she’d felt for thinking of him ever since. Lucas was everything to her and yet she couldn’t stop thinking about a man who shouldn’t occupy her thoughts or her fantasies.

The fact that Lucas seemed to understand only made the guilt burn more brightly. That he’d gone as far as to make an arrangement with Cole because he thought it was something she needed made her want to curl into a ball of shame.

“Ren.”

Lucas’s soft admonishment had her looking up and tears gathered once more when she saw the understanding reflected in his eyes.

“Do you think I would be angry for you being human enough to feel emotion when confronted with someone you used to love? Do you think I would punish you for being honest enough with yourself and me to admit these feelings?”

He smoothed his hand down her cheek, wiping at the trail of moisture leaking down the side of her face.

“I’m angry at myself,” she choked out. “You don’t deserve this. I feel so disloyal.”

He smiled then. “Do you get angry when I glance fondly at a former lover when she comes my way?”

She frowned and shook her head.

“Why is that?”

“Because I know you feel nothing more than a passing affection for her now.”

Lucas nodded. “Exactly. Now, perhaps I do this so that it can be determined what exactly you feel for Cole Madison. I think it’s important, don’t you?”

Slowly she nodded, marveling at how logical and in control he was. She was a blubbering mess and he was a rock. Always her rock. She sighed and went into his arms again, rubbing her cheek against his chest.

“Thank you,” she whispered. “For understanding me.” For knowing when to be gentle and when to be hard and forceful. She left the last unspoken but he knew. He always knew.

Lucas reached up to lower the divider so he could speak to the driver. “You may take us to our destination now.”

Judging by the length of time they’d been riding, Ren assumed that Lucas had given the direction to just drive.

After the divider slid back up, Lucas leaned down to retrieve her clothing that was strewn on the floor.

“Get dressed and straighten your appearance. I’m sure you’ll want to look your best when you face your past.”

He touched her cheek then ran a finger over her still quivering lips.

“Show no fear, Ren. Show him the woman I know so well. The woman you’ve become. You have nothing to be ashamed of. If you do nothing else, show him just how big of a mistake he made by walking away from you.”

She smiled then and felt the warm brush of her confidence as it slid neatly back into place. Maybe Lucas was right. Maybe she did need to face Cole before she could move ahead to her future. A future she hoped with everything she had would include Lucas.

By the time they slowed to turn into Cole’s driveway, Ren had regained her composure—mostly—and repaired her makeup and straightened her clothing. If it weren’t for her rapid pulse, she could fool herself into thinking this was just another exciting sexual venture for her and Lucas.

But it wasn’t and no amount of telling herself would change the fact that for tonight, she was Cole Madison’s.

Edgy excitement cut through the guilt and worry. Her body hummed with sharp arousal—and curiosity. Would she even respond to his commands now? Did he possess the knowledge to give her what she needed?

They slowed at the gate and her eyebrows rose when the driver had to stop and press the intercom button. She glanced out the window into the darkness but couldn’t see the house from where they were parked.

A moment later, the gate slowly swung open and the limousine proceeded onto the grounds. The driveway was long and winding and only after several seconds did the house come into view.

It was beautiful. Light was cast onto the house from an array of ground lighting. The front was composed of stone instead of brick. Rustic and rugged looking. Exactly how she imagined Cole would have his house.

From what she could see of the grounds, they were exquisitely rendered and professionally maintained. Nothing seemed out of place.

The driver pulled to a stop in front of the circle drive of the house and before Lucas could open the door, Cole appeared at the top of the steps just outside the front entryway.

Ren scooted to the edge of the seat as Lucas got out in front of her. For a moment her view of Cole was blocked but then Lucas shifted to the side and extended his hand to help her out.

Cole was focused solely on her, his gaze locked. As her hand slid into Lucas’s she prayed she wouldn’t betray her nervousness by shaking.

No matter what Lucas had arranged, she was here as Lucas’s possession and she would not bring shame to him by acting anything but calm and measured. Everything she did reflected on Lucas. She represented him in all things.

She stood gracefully as Lucas pulled her the remaining way out. The door closed behind her and she dimly heard Lucas give his driver instructions.

She ate Cole up with her gaze. He leaned against one of the columns decorating his front porch, hands in the pockets of his slacks. The pose was deceptively relaxed because she could see the tension in his eyes. She could feel it.

Dear God, this was real. She was walking up the sidewalk to Cole Madison’s front door. She was here to belong to him for the evening. Maybe even the night. She had no idea of Lucas’s plans. Only that she was to give herself unreservedly.

Butterflies scuttled around her stomach, but this time they weren’t because of nerves. Excitement danced its way through her veins. Desire. Lust. All there at the idea of this man possessing her even for a short period of time.

Lucas assisted her up the steps and they stopped in front of Cole.

Cole tore his gaze from Ren as if loath to even acknowledge Lucas, but he stuck to protocol and addressed the man who owned her first.

“Lucas, I’m glad you and Ren could make it.”

Lucas extended his hand and Cole shook it as the two men exchanged polite greetings.

Then Cole reached for her hand and Lucas released it. An electric charge singed over her skin as soon as Cole curled his fingers around hers. He pulled it up in a formal gesture and pressed a kiss to her knuckles.

“Ren, you look beautiful.”

She blushed. Actually blushed, her face warm with pleasure. Cole slowly lowered her hand and then motioned toward the door.

“Please come in.”

As soon as Ren stepped inside she noted the innate comfort that oozed from every corner. There was nothing cold or sterile about this house. It was warm and inviting. Decorated and furnished for comfort.

The couches and chairs were sumptuous, plush leather. The artwork wasn’t modern, inexplicable renderings of God only knew what. Instead there was a rustic theme both in décor and color scheme that she loved.

It looked—and felt—like Cole. The Cole she remembered. The Cole he always wanted to be.

Sadness and regret welled inside her. Perhaps this would have been their home. Or maybe she needed to accept that they weren’t meant to be.

For a moment she lost herself and nearly went to sit when Cole made a motion for Lucas to get comfortable. After a half step, she froze and went instead to the middle of the living room to await instruction.

Lucas had already told her. Tonight she was Cole’s to command.

She glanced Lucas’s way, just insecure enough to want his reassurance. He gave it with a slight nod. Approval flashed in his eyes, eyes that were usually closely guarded in front of others, but he knew how on edge she was.

Carefully she turned in Cole’s direction and raised her gaze until she met his. The intensity in his expression sent shivers down her back. It was a delicious sensation of knowing she was hunted. There was no mistaking the naked desire in those brilliant blue eyes.

She caught her breath, suddenly nervous, giddy, excited to hear what his first command would be.

Cole stared at Ren, his chest so tight it threatened to split open. She was here. In his living room, his home, where she belonged. Where she’d always belonged.

She was here but she belonged to another man, and Cole was expected to perform in front of him so he could be judged. Deemed worthy of Ren. Hell, this sucked. He didn’t want to share Ren with anyone. He wanted her where no one else could see her, where he could lavish her with attention. Spoil her endlessly.

Lucas’s words flashed in his mind. She needed strength. She liked the hard edges. She craved them, needed them. Whatever happened between them for the rest of their time together, tonight he had to convince Lucas Holt that he could leave knowing Ren would be taken care of.

“Come to me,” he said, not making a move toward her. It took a lot of discipline not to charge over, throw her over his shoulder and carry her off to his bedroom. Fuck Lucas Holt and his damn expectations.

But he forced himself to maintain the tight discipline he held in all other areas of his life. Apparently when it came to Ren, everything he knew deserted him. She stripped him bare.

Ren walked on soft feet the few steps to where he stood. She was so close he could smell her. Sweet, a little exotic and infinitely mysterious.

Their gazes caught and held. He could drown in those oddly colored green eyes of hers.