"Well done. I mean, wow. Changing your scent. That took a hell of a lot of forethought. I would have never even considered that. That would explain why you never let me touch you. I guess this is where I say touché and that we're even, right?"

"No, we're not damn well even," Nathan growled. "That's not what this was about. Or at least, it's not now."

She raised an eyebrow. "Come on, Nathan, be straight with me at least. You can't tell me you didn't want a little payback for what I did at my salon."

He huffed, his face reddening with either embarrassment or anger, she wasn't sure which.

"Yeah, I did want payback, but more than that, I didn't want strange men fucking you. Damn it, Julie, what the hell were you thinking? You were just setting yourself up to be hurt or raped or God knows what else."

"So you fucked me to save me from these men?" she drawled out. "Really, how self-sacrificing of you, Nathan." She slid her gaze to Micah who leaned against the wall, hands shoved into his pockets. "What's your excuse, Hudson?"

"Do I need an excuse to fuck a beautiful woman?" he asked lazily.

"No, I guess you don't," she said quietly. "If you two will excuse me, it's been a long day, and I'd really like to get home."

"Julie, don't go," Nathan said as he reached for her hand. "You and I need to talk."

Fatigue dragged at every muscle. This was just the icing on an already draining evening. The only thing she wanted to talk about was how fast she could get home and into bed. Her bed. Alone.

"We could probably say a lot and not get anywhere. Let's just chalk it up to experience and call it good, okay? I always knew sex with you would be nothing short of spectacular and you proved me right. I should be thanking you, right? You and your fuck buddy here," she said with another sideways glance in Micah's direction.

"You're tired and just got dealt a hell of a surprise, baby doll," Micah said quietly. "Don't make it worse by lashing out and saying things you don't mean. Go on home and get some rest. Nathan and our apologies will wait."

Her smile warbled, and she finally gave up on trying to pretend it didn't matter. "You're right. I'm being a hysterical female, and worse, I'm not taking as good as I gave. I had it coming. It was amusing when the shoe was on the other foot, so I need to suck it up and take it like a big girl. I do appreciate you two making it so good for me, though. I'm not lying about that. The sex was incredible."

$She walked past, ignoring Nathan's outstretched hand and his growl of protest. She heard Micah tell him to lay off. Willing herself not to react, not to feel, she left The House and got into her little sports car.

The smooth leather cupped her as lovingly as ... well, as lovingly as Nathan had earlier. She loved her car. She'd worked damn hard for it. The leather was as smooth as a baby's bottom. Like buttah.

The engine roared to life and purred like a contented cat. Ideally she'd be in bed purring like that contented cat after the bone-melting sex she'd had, but there were two problems with that scenario now.

It felt disappointingly hollow after watching Damon and Serena together. Which was pretty stupid, because she might never find the sort of love those two shared, and what was she going to do, spend the rest of her life comparing herself and coming up short?

She shifted and accelerated out of the gate and onto the highway. Feeling a sudden need to feel the wind in her hair, she slowed and hit the button to take the top down.

Briefly closing her eyes as the sweet evening air blew over her face, she shoved her hair back and sped up.

The other problem facing what should have been a sated cuddle against her pillows was the fact that the man she'd spent the better part of the last several months lusting over had managed to knock her completely off guard. She didn't like being at a disadvantage, and when she'd scented Nathan and realized the magnitude of the deception he'd managed to pull off, she had no snappy comebacks, no flirty teasing.

"This isn't like you, Julie," she muttered.

Her words were swallowed by the wind, but she may as well have yelled. The thought resonated over and over, followed her home nipping at her heels like a persistent pup.

She whipped into her parking space at her apartment complex and wearily climbed out of her car.

"Sleep. A few hours sleep and you'll be your old self again."

As she let herself into her apartment, she wondered if lying to herself had become her new mantra.

Chapter 21

A knock at her door wrung her from the deep dredges of a dreamless sleep. When the person showed no signs of going away, Julie grumbled and rolled out of bed. She didn't bother trying to make herself presentable because the way she saw it, whoever had the audacity to show up at such an ungodly hour deserved to see her looking like a hungover hag.

She glanced at the clock on her way out of the bedroom. Oops, maybe ten thirty wasn't exactly an ungodly hour, but still, it was Sunday and Julie's only full day off.

Almost to the door, she had the unsettling thought that it could be Nathan here to take up where they'd left off the night before. She already felt like a train wreck. Facing Nathan right now would be like getting backed over by a Mac truck. Repeatedly.

Remembering Nathan's admonishment about opening the door to just anyone, she cracked it, leaving the chain on, and peered out.

"Julie?"

She quickly closed the door and yanked the chain off then opened the door wide. Serena stood there, her expression troubled.

"Can I come in?"

Julie tilted her head in confusion. "Of course. Come in. Why on earth would you need to ask a question like that?"

She turned and led the way into the living room, Serena's soft steps pattering behind her.

"I was worried you might be angry with me. Or with Damon."

Julie stopped and turned in front of the couch. "Do you want something to eat or drink? I just got up, so I'm not my best right now."

Serena took her hands in hers and urged her to sit down with her on the couch.

"Are you angry with us?"

Julie smiled. "No, hon, I'm not angry with you and Damon. Why would I be?"

"Damon said you found out about Nathan and Micah. Nathan's worried about you. So are Micah and Damon. So am I. Nathan said you looked ... well, he said you weren't yourself when you left. I knew this was a bad idea, but I went along with it because you seemed to want Nathan so much, and he wanted you."

Serena gave her an unhappy look as she trailed off.

"You have nothing to feel guilty over, Serena. Damon either. He gave me what I wanted. Anonymous sex."

Serena frowned harder. "So what now?"

Julie laughed and scrubbed a hand over her bleary eyes. "That's a good question. Nothing, I guess. I'd already decided before I met up with Nathan and Micah that I wasn't going back for more."

"You sound remarkably calm about all this," Serena said doubtfully.

"Hmm. Well, to be honest, what am I supposed to get pissed about? I was a little embarrassed when I realized the truth, but that pissed me off more than figuring out I'd been had. I gave as good as I got. I have nothing to be embarrassed over."

Serena grinned. "That's the Julie I know and love. Not this kicked-puppy thing you've got going on."

Julie chuckled. "I sulked a little when I got home, but honestly, it's not some great betrayal. I pulled one over on Nathan. He retaliated. He didn't deceive me, because I asked Damon for anonymity. In hindsight I'm a little relieved that the two guys weren't complete strangers. And it certainly helped that they were so damn good in the sack."

"So what about poor Nathan? Are you going to give the guy a break? He's making himself crazy over you."

"I haven't decided his fate yet," Julie said thoughtfully. "I don't want to let him off lightly. I may not be pissed, but he went to some serious lengths to pull this over on me."

"I don't like that look," Serena said slowly. "You're usually plotting evil when you get that look."

Julie gave her best innocent smile. "Who, me?"

"Sooo, tell me the answer to the million-dollar question."

Julie arched a brow. "Which one is that?"

"How are Faiths leftovers in bed?"

Julie's mouth dropped open. "You bitch. You had to go there, didn't you?"

Serena snickered, her eyes bubbling with mischief. "You're the one who said you'd never sleep with a friend s leftovers."

"In answer to your question, he was damn good. Not as good as Nathan, but still good. At least Faith has never slept with Nathan!"

"Now that you have a threesome out of your system, how was it? All you thought it would be?"

"Who the hell says it's out of my system?"

Serena snorted. "Knowing you, it's not."

"It was . . . exciting. Decadent. Had that edgy, forbidden feel to it."

"But?"

"No but."

"I could swear I heard a 'but' in there."

Julie smiled gently. How could she tell Serena the 'but' was seeing her and Damon? That before she witnessed the absolute beauty of their love she would have said the nights with Nathan and Micah had been the best of her life?

"Maybe I just want more these days than some hot, sweaty sex and mindless bumping and grinding."

Serena looked at her, mouth open. "But that's precisely what you said you wanted. No messy emotion. No expectations."

"I know. Stupid of me, isn't it?"

"It's not stupid, Julie. It just seemed to have come from left field."

"Put it this way. I saw something pretty damn special, and it made me realize what I was missing. Now, I haven't decided if I want it yet. I'm holding out hope that if I give myself enough time to come to my senses that I'll smack myself on the head and stay the course."

"I wish Faith was here. She'd help me pry information out of those clamlike lips of yours."

Julie smiled. "It was sweet of you to come over this morning. I'm sorry I worried you, but you know I'm glad to see you."

"You had Damon worried too. He struggled over the ethics of allowing Nathan to participate in your fantasy. Micah might be his friend, but he's very protective of the women who come to The House."

"Damon is a great guy," Julie said casually. "When are you going to put him out of his misery?"

A peculiar look crossed Serena's face.

"What?" Julie asked, latching onto that look. "What was that look? You aren't taking a page out of Faith's book and dumping the man, are you? Don't make me hurt you."

Serena flopped back on the couch and stared up at the ceiling. "If I tell you this you're going to think I'm the biggest moron on the face of the planet."

"I'm afraid that particular title is mine," Julie said. "So spill."

Serena sighed. "I've been so preoccupied with worrying over whether this whole thing with Damon would last. What if I wouldn't want the type of relationship he wants long term? What if we got to that point and he couldn't accept that I no longer wanted it? What if, what if, what if until I've driven myself crazy with all the what-ifs."

"Recognizing your illness is the first step in your recovery," Julie said sagely.

Serena laughed. "Oh stop, Julie. I'm being serious here."

"Continue on," Julie said with a wave of her hand.

"When he asked me to marry him, all I could think was that in his position of power, how could he ever know why I accepted? Every time he's asked me, the power is weighted toward him. I don't know but it made me uncomfortable. I want... I want our marriage to start out on equal terms even if during the course of it I cede control and power to him."

"You want it to be your choice."

"Exactly! I don't want him to ever look back and doubt that I came to him freely, doubt that I gave myself entirely to him because it was what I wanted. I don't want him to think I was under some spell and would have agreed blindly if he asked me to jump off a bridge."

Julie snickered.

"Oh shut up," Serena grumbled. "I know it sounds ridiculous. Maybe some of what inspired Faith's ninniness rubbed off on me."

"There does seem to be a lot of that going around," Julie said wryly. "I wasn't immune to it, unfortunately."

Serena gave her a quick hug. "Well, we can all be stupid twit females together."