Maya Banks - Sweet Surrender

“Faith, baby, look at me,” he said. But she refused and closed her eyes.

“This isn’t a good time,” Connor said evenly. “She’s had enough for today. She needs to get home and rest.”

He started forward, but Gray couldn’t let it go like this.

“Faith, I love you. That’s all that damn well matters. Nothing else.”

She turned her gaze on him, and all the breath was sucked right out of his chest at the raw pain he saw there. She opened her mouth but closed it just as rapidly. He could see her retreat, fold in on herself. Her shoulders sagged, and he could see the utter fatigue draped over her like a mantle.

Connor’s arm tightened around her as though he feared she might crumble. But it was Gray who was crumbling. Connor pressed his lips together and ushered Faith past him. Gray turned and watched her walk slowly out of the hospital entrance where Pop had pulled his SUV around.

Micah strode up then, and he stopped in front of Faith. He bent down and kissed her cheek. “How are you, baby doll?”

Gray didn’t hear her answer, but he saw Micah’s reaction. Worry narrowed his eyes, and he reached out to touch her face.

“You go on home and get some rest. Let Pop and Connor take care of you for a while.”

When Connor helped Faith into Pop’s SUV, Micah approached Gray, a look of sympathy on his face.

“I fucked up,” Gray said in a low voice. “I should have told her the truth. If I had, none of this would have happened. She’d be in my arms, in my bed, safe.”

Micah shook his head. “You can’t think like that, man. Give it a day or two. Let her come down from all the emotional turmoil.”

“I can’t let her go,” Gray said simply. “Not when I’ve finally found her.”

Faith accepted Damon’s hand as he helped her out of the car. She closed her eyes and allowed the ocean breeze to wash soothingly over her face. The sun beat down on her, warming her skin, but she still felt cold on the inside.

“I don’t like leaving you here alone, Faith,” Damon said, worry evident in his voice.

She sighed. Pop and Connor hadn’t been thrilled with her wanting to leave so soon after her hospital stay either, but she desperately needed some time away from everything. She had to think. Collect her thoughts. Do something other than lie around while Pop and Connor fussed over her.

“I’ll be fine, Damon. You’re so sweet to do this for me.”

He inserted the key into the front door lock then opened the door. “You know all you have to do is ask. If it’s in my power, you can be sure I’ll do it.”

He walked in ahead of her and dropped her suitcase in the foyer. The beach house he owned was wrapped in police tape and would be cordoned off for the investigation for months to come. When Faith had called, in need of a getaway, he’d rented a similar beach house close to Galveston.

Part of her felt bad for taking advantage of his generosity, knowing full well she couldn’t return his interest. But he’d offered her his friendship, and friendship was something she was currently in bad need of.

“I’ve hired someone to come look in on you twice a day,” Damon said. He held up his hand when she would have protested. “Your meals will be delivered. I don’t want you to overexert yourself. You need to rest and recover. If there is anything you need, anything at all, pick up the phone and call me.”

“Thank you,” she said softly.

He leaned forward and kissed her forehead. “I just want you to smile again.”

She complied and gave him the best one she could muster. “I just need a few days to regroup. Sort some things out in my head. Pop told me everything that happened, but it’s hard to process. I just wish everyone hadn’t been so determined to keep me in the dark.”

He cupped her cheek and rubbed his thumb in a soothing motion over her skin. “You can’t blame them for wanting to protect you, Faith. I would have done the same.”

She went into his arms and hugged him tight. “I wish…”

“Yeah, I know,” he said as he pulled away. He smiled down at her and nudged her nose with his knuckle. “I’ll get on out of here and leave you alone. Call me if you need anything.”

She nodded and watched as he left through the front door.

When she was alone, she found the couch and sank gratefully down onto the cushions. What she really wanted to do was pop a painkiller and zone out for about twelve hours. But that was cowardly, and it solved nothing.

A regular nap sounded damn good though. Not bothering to move from the couch, she curled into the soft cushions and closed her eyes.

A tear slid down her cheek, and she squeezed her eyes tighter shut.

Of everything that had happened, the part she was having the most trouble reconciling was her feelings for Gray. She loved him. Or what she thought was him. But how could she be sure?

The idea that she’d fallen in love with a fantasy filled her with despair. She’d never felt so alone in her entire life. She couldn’t run from the situation forever. She knew that. But she needed time, needed to be less emotional when she eventually faced Gray and the truth of what was between them.

Gray swore as he caught yet another traffic light on Seawall Boulevard. His free hand curled tightly around the steering wheel as he waited impatiently for it to turn green again. His other hand rested on his lap. He’d torn the heavy bandages off his shoulder, freeing his arm, despite medical warnings not to. It was still tender as hell, and he kept a smaller bandage over the stitches, but enough was enough. He couldn’t go around one-armed.

After spending a frustrating couple of days trying to see Faith, he was ready to put his fist through a wall. And then, when he’d gone back to Pop’s with no intention of taking no for an answer, he’d been told that she was gone.

In the hours that ensued, he’d felt like peeling his skin off and turning himself inside out. The absolute helplessness he felt not being able to talk to her, to see for himself how she was—it was about to send him right over the edge. Not that he needed much at the moment.

When he’d discovered where she’d gone and how she’d gotten there, his hopes had plummeted. He knew damn well that Damon Roche was interested in Faith, and that if she gave him the slightest bit of encouragement, he’d be all over her.

The sun was sinking over the horizon when he pulled into the driveway of the beach house. He got out and walked as quickly as he could up the stairs to the front door. He debated for a moment about whether to knock, but he shrugged off the urge. It was door-die time. The worst she could do was tell him to fuck off.

He tried the knob and found it unlocked, so he opened the door and walked in. As he walked into the living room, his gaze fell on the couch where she was asleep.

His mouth went dry. His heart beat a little faster, and he clenched his hands into fists at his sides.

He moved quietly and dropped to his knees beside the couch as he drank in her appearance. She looked unbelievably fragile, like she required tender handling. He was almost afraid to touch her. Almost.

Unable to resist the softness of her cheek, he trailed a finger down her jawline to the corner of her mouth then eased it over her velvet lips.

A painful surge rushed through his chest when he saw the tearstains on her face. He leaned down and kissed each reddened spot.

She stirred beneath him, and her eyes fluttered open. “Gray?” she whispered.

“Yes, baby, it’s me.”

Shadows fell over her eyes, and he could sense her withdrawal. As though she was steeling herself against him.

It damn near broke his heart.

Not wanting her to withdraw even further, he reached for her and pulled her gently into his embrace. He held her close, absorbing the fact that she was safe and alive. She felt fragile and oh so very precious in his arms.

“I couldn’t bear to lose you,” he said, his voice catching with emotion. “These last few days have been hell, when all I’ve wanted to do is hold you, touch you, tell you how much I love you.”

She went still against him. Then she pulled slightly away until their gazes met. “I needed some time to think,” she said quietly.

He reached out to cup her face in his hand. “Faith, I didn’t use you as bait. I didn’t set up our time at the beach house to lure Samuels out. I would never do that to you.”

She put a finger over his lips. “I know, Gray. Pop told me what happened. I understand. He told me that he asked you not to tell me about the potential danger I was in. He feels terrible.”

His brows drew together in confusion. “Then why…I don’t understand. If you know…” He stopped and started over again. “Why are you upset?” he finally spit out.

Deep sadness welled in her eyes. His heart dropped to his stomach. God, he’d do anything to take that sadness away.

She looked away as a tear slipped down her cheek. He reached up and thumbed it away. “Oh, baby, don’t cry. Tell me what’s wrong so I can fix it.”

She looked back at him. “You can’t.” She took a deep, shuddering breath. “Gray, I understand why you did what you did. I’m not angry. I accept that you didn’t come to the beach house in order to draw your partner’s killer out. What I can’t accept is the fact that nothing that happened was real. I can’t live with the fact that you only gave me what you knew I wanted in order to get close to me, in order to get information and then ultimately to protect me. You were so sure I was playing games and only wanted a fantasy, but what were you doing if not providing a facade for me?”

“Faith, oh my God—”

She shook her head. “No, let me finish. I want you. God, I want you. But only if it’s real. I can’t live with the fact that I’ve found exactly what I want and need so badly if it’s all an act. I don’t want it if it’s not real.”

He framed her face in both hands, urgent, his need to make her hear him, his heart, all consuming. “Listen to me, Faith. And listen good. I love you. You. Not some idea of what I’ve always wanted. Not some fantasy that I think I need to give you. I. Love. You. You.

“God almighty, it was never a game. Never. It couldn’t have been more real for me. I hated having to deceive you. I was determined to tell you the truth, even though Pop wanted me to remain silent. But when I got here, and you looked so vulnerable, all I could think about was protecting you. I didn’t want you to hurt. Ever. And I paid for that. I paid dearly.

“I love you, baby. I love you so damn much it hurts. I ache.

I’ve never loved another person as much as I love you. I want you. But I want it all. Love, marriage, your complete and utter surrender. I will spend the rest of my life taking care of you and never give you another reason not to trust me. If only you’ll offer me that trust again.

“I need you, Faith.”

She looked faintly shell-shocked as she stared back at him. There was so much emotion reflected in her wide eyes. Love. Fear. Hope. Uncertainty.

He found himself holding his breath as he waited for her response. An eternity passed before slowly she nodded.

“Oh, yes,” she said softly. “I’ll give you my trust. And my love.” She threw herself into his arms.

He gathered her tight and buried his face in her hair. His fingers grazed across the bandage at the base of her skull, and he closed his eyes.

“What about your job?” she asked, her voice muffled by his chest.

He gently pulled her away and touched her face, unable to keep his hands away from her. “I have to go back to Dallas and take care of a few things. Attend Mick’s funeral…and give the department notice. But then I’m coming back. There’s nothing for me there anymore. Pop wants me to stay on and work for him here.”

Joy radiated from her face. She smiled, and for the first time in days, the sun shone on his heart.

“I love you, Faith. I need you. There will never be another woman who completes the other half of my soul the way you do.”

“I love you too,” she said. “No one will ever understand me the way you do.”

He leaned forward to kiss her. Lightly, reverently, their lips touched.

“Can we go home now?” he asked. “I want you with me, next to me, touching me, in my bed.”

She smiled. “Yes, take me home.”