Susan Mallery - Sweet Trouble

His eyes brightened. “Yeah?”

“Guys are so easy,” she murmured. “Yes. Cram it full of electronics. Make the walls vibrate. But if you’re going to do that, use the top-floor bedroom because it doesn’t have a common wall with anyone and you won’t annoy your neighbors.”

“Good point.”

They toured the kitchen, which was a good size and bright. “Nice appliances,” Jesse said, pointing at the stainless-steal cooktop. “Double ovens. That’s important.”

Matt looked at her. “For all those multi-course dinners I’m going to cook?”

“It could happen.”

They revisited the master.

“Nice shower,” she said, pointing to the frameless enclosure. “Big enough for two.”

“I heard that,” the real-estate agent said as she came into the room. “You’re such a lovely young couple. Are you engaged?”

Jesse had been looking at condos with Matt for the entire afternoon. She’d climbed countless stairs, pointed out pluses and minuses and seen several perfectly acceptable places. But would he pick one?

She was hungry, tired and both happy and frustrated by spending time with him without actually being with him. In his mind, she was his faithful friend. Like a dog. She decided it was time for a little payback.

“Yes,” Jesse said quickly, leaning against Matt. “But it’s a secret.”

The older woman smiled. “Congratulations. You seem very happy.”

“Oh, we are.” Jesse batted her eyes at Matt. If she’d been able to reach, she would have kissed him, but he was a little tall and she didn’t think he would cooperate by bending. “Aren’t we, my little snuggle monkey?”

His gaze narrowed. “Snuggle monkey?” he mouthed, then he leaned down. “You are so going to pay for that,” he whispered.

“You deserve it. This condo is great. So were the others we saw. Pick one or I’ll tell your mother we’re engaged.”

He ignored that, but didn’t pull away when she continued to lean on him.

He felt perfect, she thought. Strong and capable. Someone she could count on. If only…

The real-estate agent glanced at her watch. “I have another appointment, so I need to run. If you want to look around a little more, just lock the door behind you when you leave. There are more condos, if you want to see them.”

Matt shook his head. “I’ve seen enough. Let me pick one this afternoon, then we can get together and fill out the paperwork.”

“Wonderful. You have my cell number. I’ll be available anytime after four.”

She waved and left.

Jesse stepped back. “You’re serious? You’re going to buy one?”

“Probably this one. You’re right. It has everything I need, so why not?”

“But you haven’t wanted to make a decision.”

“I haven’t wanted to make a change,” he corrected. “You were right about that, too. It’s time for me to be on my own. I’ve taken the easy way out, staying with my mom. She isn’t going to like me leaving, but she’ll get over it.”

“Wow. Great. I think this one is the best of them, but it’s your decision. Imagine the fun you’ll have picking out new furniture.” She moved into the bedroom. It was big enough for one of those massive sleigh beds. With the fireplace in the corner and rich bedding, the room could be masculine and romantic.

“The dining room is beautiful, with that coved ceiling. And you can go crazy with your media room.”

She turned and saw him watching her. There was something about the look on his face, something she’d never seen before.

“Matt?”

“I don’t think I realized it until just now,” he said slowly.

“Realized what?”

“That somewhere along the line I became more than a project to you. When did that change?”

She froze, unable to move, barely breathing. Here it was-the one thing she’d wanted to avoid. That moment of total humiliation. Because he wasn’t some poor geek who needed her help anymore. He was masculine and capable and someone she was wildly attracted to. Emotionally, he could crush her like a bug.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said as she started backing out of the room. “Look. It’s late and I should probably be going.”

Except they’d come in the same car. Damn. Now what?

“Jesse.”

The way he spoke her name made her shiver. “What?”

“You didn’t answer my question.”

“I can’t.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m scared.”

There it was. The truth. All of it, leaving her exposed. What if he laughed? What if, even worse, he said he appreciated her feelings but he thought it would be best if they were just friends. What if-

He crossed the space separating them, cupped her face in his large hands and kissed her. Just like that. Mouth on mouth. Lips pressing, touching.

It was a soft kiss, a gentle kiss, as if he was giving her a chance to get used to being close to him. She raised her arms, then lowered them to her sides. For the first time since she was maybe thirteen, she wasn’t sure what to do back. How to respond. What would be right? What would be too much?

He tilted his head slightly, but didn’t deepen the kiss. Seconds ticked by. She was aware of the pounding of her heart and the heat she felt inside. Heat and wanting and fear. Finally she couldn’t stand it anymore and she pulled back.

“I can’t,” she whispered. “I can’t do this.”

“Why not?”

She turned her back on him and folded her arms across her chest. “Because I’m not what you think. I’m not anyone you want to be with.”

He moved behind her and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her against him. She let herself lean on him, just for now. In a second she would be strong again.

“You’re exactly who I want to be with,” he told her. “You’re smart and funny and kind. You’re also sexy as hell.”

“You’re just grateful because I helped you see your potential.”

“I’m a whole lot more than grateful.”

He moved her hair off her shoulder, then leaned in and kissed her neck. Immediately tingles rippled through her. He opened his mouth and licked the spot he’d kissed, then blew on her damp skin. He nipped her earlobe, making her jump. She half turned. He put his hands on her shoulders, bringing her all the way around until she faced him.

“You’re so beautiful,” he murmured between kisses along her jaw. “That’s what I remember from the first time we met. The sun in your hair, how your smile hit me in the gut. It was the best and worst moment of my life. Best because I met you and worst because of what you’d seen.”

“Matt, I never thought badly of you,” she said, barely able to speak. She was on fire, burning everywhere he touched and many places he didn’t.

“I know. It was amazing to me. You saw beyond what I was on the outside. And every time I went out with someone else, all I could think about was that I would rather be with you.”

He kissed her then, hard and hot. She parted because she didn’t have a choice, didn’t want a choice. She welcomed him inside of her mouth, brushing her tongue with his, feeling her breasts swell.

Her nipples ached, as did that place between her legs. She gave herself up to the feeling of being close to him and wrapped her arms around him.

They pressed together everywhere. He was already hard, which thrilled her.

When he nudged her backward, she went willingly. They moved until she bumped into something. Then he picked her up and set her on the bathroom counter.

She parted her thighs and he moved between them. His hardness nestled against her. Then they were kissing again, his hands moving up and down her back.

She touched his shoulders, his chest. He was all muscle and far too much a gentleman. She grabbed his hands and put them on her breasts. His breath caught as he cupped her curves.

It would be so easy, she thought sadly. She knew the drill. She could slip off her jeans and panties. He could be in her in seconds. Here, in the empty house, they could be together. They could fuck. And then what?

Tears burned in her eyes. Regret choked her. She pushed him away, jumped to her feet and ran.

He caught her by the front door, grabbed her arm and held her in place.

“Why are you running away?” he demanded.

She did her best not to cry. “I can’t talk about it. I’m sorry. Let me go.”

“Jess, no. Talk to me. Tell me what’s going on.”

She forced herself to look at him. Maybe it was time to tell the truth. She could get it over with now. It would be like cutting off an arm. One quick slice and it would fall away. Then she could get used to being without him.

She pulled free and thought longingly of the door. Then she squared her shoulders. Time to sharpen the blade.

“You’re right,” she said quietly. “You’re a lot more than a project. I didn’t mean for that to happen. I just wanted to make a difference, you know? To do something right. I saw you and you had so much going for you. Then we started hanging out and I realized you were even better than I thought.”

“You adore me and I like being adored. So where’s the bad?”

Despite everything, she laughed. “It’s not you, Matt. It’s me. I’m not who you think.”

“You’ve said that before and it’s not true. I know you.”

“No, you don’t. You know who I’ve let you see, but that’s not who I am. I’ve always been wild. My sister calls me a professional screwup and she’s right. I started drinking when I was twelve. I got into drugs when I was thirteen. I got bored with both when I was fourteen, mostly because I discovered boys.”

She walked to the window because looking out at the trees was a whole lot easier than staring at him and watching the disappointment fill his eyes.

“I learned very quickly that putting out was an easy way to be popular. I also enjoyed the sex itself. Mostly to be close to someone, to feel like I mattered, even if it was just for a few minutes. I was the school slut all through high school. Nicole found out and put me on the Pill so I didn’t get pregnant. I was lucky, because I never got any diseases. But there were guys, Matt. A lot of guys. There are some I don’t even remember.” She swallowed. “Those guys who call? I sleep with them. All of them.”

She fought tears. “And then I met you and you were great and it was easy and suddenly there I was. Wanting more. Wanting to be different so you would want me. Like me. But so what? You can do a whole lot better than me. I’m completely drifting. I don’t have any direction, I live with my sister, I can’t seem to commit to my future. You don’t need that. You need someone as focused and great as you are.”

There. She’d said it. All of it, or close.

“Are you done with the other guys?”

She bowed her head. “Yes. I don’t want to be that person anymore. I want-a lot of other things.”

He walked toward her. She braced herself for the attack, but he only turned her toward him, then put his arms around her. She kept hers folded protectively across her chest, but he just held her closer.

“Don’t you know none of that matters?”

She stared up at him. “You can’t mean that.”

“Do I look as if I’m lying?”

He looked like a man who was very sure of himself. He looked like someone she could trust.

He touched her face again. “Jess, your past changes nothing. You’re the one I want to be with because of who you are right now.”

He was making it too easy.

“I want to believe you,” she whispered.

“Then try. Give it time. I won’t let you down.” His mouth twisted. “And I won’t push you sexually. Even though I want to.”

She smiled. “If anyone should be holding back, it’s me.”

“You don’t scare me.”

How was that possible? “I mess up a lot. I destroy relationships that matter.”

“No, you don’t.”

“Matt, you have to listen.”

“Jesse, do you want to go out with me? Do you want to be with me?”

“Yes.”

“Then be with me. The rest of it will work itself out. I can handle whatever you throw at me. Do you believe that?”

“I want to.” More than he knew.

“Then trust me. Just a little. I’m not going to let you down. I swear. No matter what. Just give me the chance to prove myself.”

She nodded because she didn’t have a choice. Walking away was impossible to imagine. Maybe he was right. Maybe she could trust him. Wouldn’t that be a miracle?

Present Day…

MATT REMEMBERED GROWING up in small apartments. His mom’s salary as a dental hygienist had only stretched so far. But while they’d struggled financially, he’d never much felt the lack. His mom had made simple moments seem special. She’d always found the money for what mattered…like the computers he’d taken apart, repaired and put back together when he was ten or eleven. Selling those had paid for the next he’d bought, along with the parts, but he’d never considered what she’d had to give up to buy the first broken computers.