Susan Mallery - Sweet Trouble

She desperately wanted to believe that he’d accepted their situation and was dealing with it, but she wasn’t sure. He’d been so angry before. Still, he was Gabe’s father and she wanted the two of them to figure out a relationship.

“Gabe is very easygoing,” she began. “He likes everybody. He’s got a great sense of humor, which is fun to watch develop. He likes doing things outside. In Spokane, we go for long walks in the summer. There’s a trail along the river that he enjoys. We play in the snow in winter.”

“Has he been skiing?”

“A sport you enjoy?” she asked.

Matt nodded.

And he wouldn’t even think twice about how much it would cost. “No, but I’m sure he could learn. He’s pretty athletic. He’s about average size for his age and he’s always been healthy.” Given the fact that she’d barely been able to afford basic health insurance for him, she’d been really lucky.

“My mom said he knew his letters.”

“A requirement for most kindergarten classes these days, so he’s ahead of that,” Jesse said. “He can count to twenty and he’s just starting to recognize words.” She stared at him. “Matt, he wants you in his life. That’s not a question. He’ll be interested in whatever you’re interested in. You could show him how to play a game on a computer or talk about your work. He’d listen. As for getting involved in his life, just be interactive. He likes board games and playing with his toys. Or just go for a walk and talk about what you see.”

“You make it sound easy.”

She wanted to say it was easy, but she had the advantage of familiarity. “It’ll take practice and time together. Next time you come over, we’ll all play a couple of games. Then there will be less pressure. You can just be yourself and get to know each other.”

“Okay. Thanks.”

Their beers arrived, along with a plate of dumplings. As she scooped two onto her plate, she said, “So I’m guessing none of the women you’ve dated have had children.”

“No.” He frowned. “Maybe. I don’t know.”

“How could you not know?”

“I didn’t ask. I go out. I don’t get involved.”

“How can you not get involved with someone you’re seeing?”

“I don’t do relationships. After three or four dates, I move on. I’m not interested in anything long-term.”

A twinge of guilt flickered inside her chest. “Why not?”

“I don’t see the point. I like variety. In my position, I can have anyone I want. Settling down isn’t very interesting.”

That was new, she thought. The Matt she’d known wanted someone he could care about. “Doesn’t it get boring, going from woman to woman?”

He picked up his beer. “Never.”

“And none of them try to make you stay longer?”

He grinned. “They try.”

“So you don’t ever invest yourself emotionally. It’s just about having fun and getting laid.”

“Pretty much.”

She’d done that before she met Matt and knew how empty it could be. “Don’t you want more?”

“No.”

She hated hearing that. Hated thinking she might have done this to him. “You used to be a nice guy. What happened?”

“Nice is a lot less fun. Come on, Jess. You didn’t think I’d stay that ignorant kid forever, did you?”

“You were never ignorant.” Inexperienced, maybe. Lacking in confidence. “I hoped you’d stay honorable.”

“Have I violated some moral code? The women I see are very clear on my terms. I’m not exclusive and I don’t do relationships. If they don’t like that, they don’t have to accept the invitation.”

It sounded fair, but Matt’s dating philosophy left her with a sick feeling in her stomach. She’d come back to Seattle for a lot of reasons, the biggest being to help Gabe connect with his father. She’d also secretly hoped to find something still alive between herself and Matt.

While the passion lived on, she wasn’t sure about the man across from her. Was that really him? Knowing what she did about his past and how he’d loved her, she wanted to say no. But it had been a long time. People changed.

“I need to use the restroom,” she said and slid out of the booth.

She walked into the bathroom and pulled out her cell phone. Paula picked up on the first ring.

“Can you do me a favor?” Jesse asked quietly. “Can you call back in five minutes and tell me Gabe has a fever?”

Paula knew where she was and whom she was with. Jesse expected a lot of questions. Instead the other woman just sighed, then said she would.

Jesse returned to the table. Matt talked more about the new game his company was launching. As she listened, Jesse wondered how she could be so attracted to him and so sad at the same time. Who was he, really? Was he this new and not-improved version of himself or did the other Matt still exist? How was she supposed to find out?

She didn’t have any answers when her phone rang.

“RED OR WHITE?” Paula asked, holding up a bottle of each.

“I’m not in a place where I’m going to be picky,” Jesse said.

She’d just put Gabe to bed. Being with him had helped shake some of her mood after her aborted dinner with Matt, but not all of it.

“Red then.” Paula opened the bottle and poured them each a glass. “The tannins are supposed to be good for us.”

“I need something that is.”

They went into the family room. Paula settled on the sofa while Jesse curled up in a wing chair.

“I’m so confused,” Jesse admitted. “I know he’s angry. Part of me wants to understand and part of me wants to point out that I did try to tell him the truth. I can’t figure out what he’s thinking or what he’s after.”

“He was totally out of his element with Gabe,” Paula told her. “I probably should have helped, but I was too angry. I can’t believe he let you go, knowing you were pregnant.”

“He never thought the baby was his.”

“Still. He should have been sure.”

Jesse agreed, but that didn’t change the past. “I know this is all a surprise to him and that his son is a stranger. Matt is trying, but there’s still so much anger. Does he really want a relationship with Gabe? Can he get past wanting to punish me?” And, Jesse added silently, had his kisses meant anything?

“A lot of this is my fault,” Paula said. “I never expected to have kids. I grew up poor and always had terrible taste in men. If they weren’t hitting me, they were running off with my money. I knew I wanted more. I wanted to be respectable, so I worked three jobs to save the money to learn how to be a dental hygienist.”

“That can’t have been easy,” Jesse said, trying not to react to Paula’s confessions. She’d had no idea the other woman had struggled so much when she’d been younger.

“It wasn’t, but I made it. On my thirty-fifth birthday I met my last deadbeat. He ran off with my savings and left me pregnant. I knew I hit bottom and I was done trying. It was too much. I went out for a drive and when a truck crossed the double yellow line and headed right for me, I didn’t bother trying to swerve. I was going to take the easy way out.”

Jesse held in a gasp. “I had no idea.”

“It’s not something I’m proud of. I figured I’d be dead and all my troubles would be over.” She took a sip of her wine. “Except I didn’t die. I don’t remember anything about the crash. I woke up on the side of the road. The car was totaled and there wasn’t a scratch on me. I decided God had sent me a message and I was going to listen. I’d been given a second chance and I was going to make the most of it.”

Jesse understood, because she’d been given that same second chance. “Your baby.”

Paula nodded. “I vowed to be the best mother I could, no matter what. I did everything I could think of for Matthew. Maybe too much. I know I kept him too close to me. I liked that I was the most important person in his life and I didn’t want that to change. I was lonely and he was all I had.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Jesse told her.

“You’re lovely to say that, but we both know I made plenty of mistakes. I kept him dependent. I didn’t push him to try new things. I held on too tight.”

Jesse sighed. “We do the best we can with what we have. Didn’t Maya Angelou say that? And when we know better, we do better.”

“I wish I’d known better sooner. I might not have lost him. That’s the irony. I thought I was losing him to you, but in the end, I pushed him away myself.”

“I never wanted to take him from you. Not the way you thought. I just wanted him to be the best he could be.”

“I should have seen that. Instead, I reacted. Matthew’s right. I was happy when I went to see you and Nicole said those things. I knew he would never forgive you. I’m so ashamed of that.”

Jesse knew she could be angry at Paula and justify the emotion. But to what end? “We both made mistakes. Maybe I shouldn’t have left. Except I needed to stand on my own. I guess I had to grow up, too. But I wasn’t deliberately trying to cut you out of Gabe’s life. I honestly never thought you’d be interested.”

“I know,” Paula told her. “With all that happened, what else would you think?”

Jesse felt bad. “I want us to be friends now. I really appreciate you letting Gabe and me stay here. And I know it’s important for Gabe to know his family.”

“I’m happy to have you. As for Matthew, maybe he just needs time.”

Jesse wasn’t sure. “I can’t figure out who he is. The good guy or the bastard.”

“Maybe he’s both.”

Maybe. But where did that leave her?

HEATH WALKED INTO MATT’S office and tossed a folder onto his desk. “The DNA test results are back.”

Matt didn’t bother picking up the papers. “He’s mine.”

Heath nodded and sank into a chair. “You already guessed that.”

“Now we’re both sure.”

“This means you can move forward with the paperwork anytime you’re ready. It’s ready to file.”

“Good to know.”

He could set the wheels in motion with just a phone call. Threaten what Jesse cared about most. Take her son from her.

But Gabe wasn’t just her son. Matt was his father.

It had been a week since the disastrous visit to his mother’s and he’d been unable to forget the sound of Gabe crying. He’d disappointed the boy and he didn’t have a clue as to what had gone wrong. He just knew he never wanted to feel that bad again. He never wanted to make his son cry.

“You know much about kids?” he asked his lawyer.

Heath raised his eyebrows. “Hell, no. Why would I want to?”

“You’ll have them someday.”

“I guess. I’m not the family type. Just like you.”

Matt nodded slowly. These days he avoided entanglements, but years ago, he’d seen himself married, with a family. He’d wanted that in his life.

It had been the usual vague fantasies, him teaching some faceless child to ride a bike. Which he could do now, with Gabe. Assuming Uncle Bill didn’t get there first.

“What about the investigation?” he asked.

Heath shrugged. “I have a preliminary report.” He nodded at the folder. “It’s early yet, but so far, there’s nothing incriminating. Jesse lives quietly in a small rented house in a typical neighborhood. There’s no evidence of a boyfriend. She doesn’t party, doesn’t go out at all. She worked, went to college, took care of her kid.”

That wasn’t possible, Matt thought. “What about Bill?”

“He’s her boss at the bar. Old guy. The investigator is still digging, but so far he hasn’t found anything on the two of them. Looks like Bill was just her boss and a friend.”

Heath’s expression turned sympathetic. “We haven’t found anything we can use against her in court. There’s the fact that she had the kid without telling you. The judge won’t like that.”

Except they didn’t have that, Matt thought angrily. She had told him and he hadn’t believed her. Wouldn’t have believed her. She had to know that. When he’d found out about Drew, it was as if he’d found out she’d been mocking him the whole time.

“How far back can we go?” he asked. “What about who she was before she got pregnant?”

“You know something?”

“I might.” Enough to leave her bleeding on the side of the road.

“Let me know if you want me to use it.”

Matt nodded, knowing there was plenty to be found. Jesse had told him herself. But while he could remember exactly how she’d looked as she’d confessed her past to him all those years ago, he couldn’t imagine sharing her secret. Not when she’d been so broken and ashamed in the telling.

He’d promised her the past didn’t matter. Back then, it hadn’t. Now? Now he wasn’t so sure, except for one thing. He was never going to be the nice guy again.

“Tell your PI to keep digging,” he said. “There has to be something.”

“Will do.” Heath rose. “And then what?”

Interesting question. “Hell if I know,” Matt admitted. “I guess I win.”