* * *

Sometime later, I heard a knock on the door. I had been playing my guitar on the couch, but stopped as I stood up to see who it was. I could still feel the effects of the cocaine in my system as I stumbled to the door. The knock came again just as I reached for the knob and opened the door. Jade was standing on the porch, holding a bag of food from the Mexican restaurant by her house. My stomach growled loudly as I smelled the food. I hadn’t realized just how hungry I was until then.

She looked concerned as she took in my appearance. “You okay?”

Between the coke and finding out that Chloe had moved all of her things out, I knew I had to look like shit. “I’m fine. I was just messing around with my guitar.”

“Oh, okay then.” She held up the bag. “I come bearing food. Consider it a peace offering.”

I swung open the door to let her pass by me. I followed as she walked past the living room and straight into the kitchen. After setting the bag on the counter, she pulled out two to-go boxes and handed one to me while stashing the other one in my refrigerator. I grabbed a fork from a drawer and sat down at the kitchen table.

“Thanks.” I opened my container to see two enchiladas and rice waiting for me. Compared to the peaches I had earlier, this was heaven in a box.

“No problem. I figured you wouldn’t have much to eat, so I thought I’d bring you something.”

“I appreciate it.” I waited for her to tell me why she was really here.

Three. Two. One.

“And I kind of wanted to talk to you about earlier.” She said as she watched me devour my food.

Bingo. I remained silent as I shoved food into my mouth.

“I just feel bad for how we acted earlier. You’re like my brother, and I’m worried about you. I don’t want to lose you.”

My stomach clenched as I watched her eyes fill with tears. Jade was not an emotional person, and I felt like an ass for bringing her to tears.

“Don’t cry, Jade. I’m not mad at you. Honest. I promise that you aren’t going to lose me.”

She sniffled as she wiped away the tears that had fallen down her cheeks. “You’re not my Drake anymore. I’m not sure who you are, but I know that I don’t like him. I want my Drake back.”

“I’m right here, Jade. Please don’t cry. You’re killing me.”

She laughed. “You always did suck with emotions.”

“You’re telling me,” I grumbled.

“Anyway, will you please just think about getting help? Don’t do it for me or the guys or even Chloe. Do it for yourself. You’re better than this.”

I sighed as I put my fork down. “I know. I’m working on it, okay? I refuse to go to rehab, but I’ll get my shit together for you guys. I promise.”

She stood and walked around the table to stand beside me. “I hope so, Drake. If not, you’re going to rip the band apart.” She leaned down and kissed me on the cheek. “I’m going home, but I’ll see you tomorrow. Call me if you need anything, okay?”

“Thanks, Jade. I will.”

I stared at the food in front of me as she let herself out. What was I doing? How had I become this person? I hated myself for being weak. I was better than this. I shoved the food away from me. My appetite was gone. My leg started bouncing up and down as anger and disgust flooded my body. I stood up and kicked the chair away from me. It crashed to the floor, but I ignored it as I walked to the front door and threw it open. I couldn’t stay here by myself tonight, or I’d go mad.

Instead of taking my car, I decided to walk to wherever my destination might be. I ended up standing in Gold’s parking lot, staring at the building that I’d spent countless hours in. Maybe going back to my roots would help clear my head. My home wasn’t really my home anyway. It was my uncle’s house, and without Chloe there, it was nothing more than a shell of a life that I’d never have.

I shook my head to clear it and walked across the lot to the door. The usual bouncer, Jerry, was standing just inside the entrance, and he smiled when he saw me.

“Well, look who decided to grace us with his presence. Where’s the rest of the band?”

“Good to see you, too, Jerry. I’m assuming they’re at home, sleeping off our summer,” I said as I shook his hand.

“Ah, gotcha. What brings you in here by yourself then? Where’s that pretty girl of yours?”

My stomach clenched at the mention of Chloe. When I decided to come in here, it hadn’t crossed my mind that the regulars wouldn’t know Chloe and I weren’t together anymore. That was something I didn’t want to repeat over and over again.

I sighed as I ran my hand through my hair. “We’re not together anymore.”

Jerry’s mouth dropped open. “Wait…what? Why? I figured you two would run off and get married this summer or some crazy shit like that. It seemed like you two were meant to be together.”

I snorted. “Yeah, I thought so, too, until I fucked everything up.”

“Dude, tell me you didn’t cheat on her. If you did, I will personally kick your ass. Chloe is such a sweet girl.”

“I didn’t, and she is. It’s complicated, and I don’t want to talk about it.”

He nodded. “Sorry. I didn’t know. I wouldn’t have brought it up if I had.”

“It’s fine. Listen, I’m going to grab a beer. I’ll catch ya later.”

“It’s good to see you again. Don’t be a stranger, all right?”

I nodded and turned to head to my usual table. When I found no one sitting there, I guessed it was permanently claimed by Breaking the Hunger, even after we’d been gone for months. I had barely sat down when a waitress I didn’t recognize appeared beside me.

“What can I get for you?” she asked cheerfully, looking me over.

I could tell from her expression that she liked what she saw, but I wasn’t interested. She was pretty, but she wasn’t Chloe. I mentally smacked myself as I compared the two of them in my head. They both had platinum blonde hair and blue eyes, but that was where the similarities ended. This girl was several inches taller with an athletic build whereas Chloe was all soft edges and beautiful curves.

Who was I kidding? No one would ever compare to Chloe, physically or mentally. I’d never met someone with her spark or her love of life. Her excitement over the smallest things had always made me smile. Even now, I couldn’t fight the grin turning up the corners of my lips.

The waitress apparently thought my smile was for her. Her grin widened as she leaned in closer to me. “See something you like?”

I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, I see a bar full of alcohol behind you. Bring me a beer. I don’t care what kind.”

She seemed a bit annoyed with me, but she kept it to herself. “Sure. Coming right up.”

As she walked toward the bar, I turned my attention to the band on stage, and I immediately wished I hadn’t. They sounded horrible, and that was putting it lightly. While the guy playing the guitar wasn’t bad, the rest of them were. The drummer was playing faster than everyone else, and it clashed with the singer’s slightly off-key singing.

I groaned as I listened to them. It was depressing to see one of our replacements. If Breaking the Hunger were playing, the bar would be packed, but tonight, there were several open tables. I wasn’t being conceited, but I knew that we’d brought in a lot of business for Gold’s.

A few minutes later, the waitress returned with my beer, and I sipped on it as I continued to watch the band. Someone seriously needed to remove them from the stage before people started throwing beer bottles at them. I glanced around the bar and noticed Jerry watching me with a grin on his face. I waved him over, and he laughed as he headed my way.

“They’re fucking awful, aren’t they?” He sat down in the chair beside me.

“Who the hell are they?” I asked.

“Some local band just starting out. I don’t think any of them are older than eighteen, and they need some serious work.” He paused long enough to grin at me. “Unlike you, of course. Why don’t you do something acoustic when they finish up? Hopefully, this is their last song, or I’m going to stab myself in the eardrum.”

I laughed at the look on his face. “I didn’t bring my guitar with me.”

“So? Use one of theirs. It’s the least they could do after making us suffer through this.”

I shrugged. “Sure. Why not?”

I needed something to help soothe my nerves, and music always served as my release when I had too much shit on my mind. Maybe it could help me now since my head was one big clusterfuck.

Sure enough, a few minutes later, the band finished their last song.

I stood and walked to the end of the stage. “Hey, do you have an acoustic guitar with you?” I asked the guitarist.

He seemed surprised, but he nodded. “Yeah, I have one out in the van.”

“Do you think I could borrow it for one song?”

“Um, sure. Let me take my stuff out, and I’ll bring it in for you.”

I went back to my table and waited as the band packed up and carried their instruments out of the bar.

A few minutes later, the guy returned with his acoustic guitar.

“Thanks.” I took the case from him and pulled out the guitar. I strummed a chord and found the instrument was horribly out of tune. I spent a couple of minutes adjusting it until I was satisfied. These guys had a lot to learn.

The bar was quiet as I left my table and went on stage. I pulled up a stool in front of the mic and sat down. “Evening, guys. I’m sure most of you know me, but for those of you who don’t, I’m Drake from Breaking the Hunger. I thought I’d play something since I’m just sitting on my ass in here.”

A few people laughed, and then I started playing “Fine Again” by Seether. It seemed like the perfect song for my life right now, and I wanted to share it even if the audience wouldn’t understand the meaning behind it. I let the music take over as I poured my soul into the song. This was the release I needed to deal with all the bullshit in my life. When everyone left me, music was always there to soothe me.

I finished the song and exited the stage. The room was dead silent as I handed the guitar back to its rightful owner and walked back to my table. I knew they had to be wondering what that little performance was about, and I didn’t want to hang around for the questions that were sure to follow. I threw a couple of bills on the table, and without a backward glance, I left the bar to return to my own personal hell.

3

“This is unfuckingbelievable!” Adam shouted as he boarded the label’s private plane.

Jade laughed as she followed him up the steps and onto the plane. I followed behind her, and Eric entered last. We all stood in awe as we looked around the interior of the plane. The last time I had been on a plane was years ago, and it was nothing compared to this. This one was surprisingly roomy for being so small. There were five seats on each side, and in the back, two couches were situated directly in front of two flat-screen televisions mounted to the wall.

Adam ran to one of the couches and flopped down onto it. “If this is the life of a big time musician, then I never want to leave. This couch has to be worth more than my car!”

I couldn’t help but grin as I slid down into one of the seats. I could always count on Adam to cheer me up when I was having a shitty day. Jade sat down in the aisle across from me, and Eric took the seat in front of me.

“I have to admit that this is pretty cool,” Eric said as he looked at me.

“Yeah, it is. I could get used to this,” Jade said.

After spending over an hour and a half in Eric’s cramped car on the drive to the Pittsburgh International Airport, these seats felt like heaven on earth. I stretched my legs out in front of me and reclined the seat.

“It is a pretty nice setup,” I said before yawning.

I’d tossed and turned most of the night before as Chloe had constantly filled my mind. I’d wondered how close was she to me? What would she do if I called her and asked to come over? Would she hang up on me? Would she let me spend the night with her? Of course she wouldn’t. That was a stupid question. She’d made her decision very clear. As long as I was using, she didn’t want anything to do with me. I wasn’t sure if she would even talk to me once I was clean.

When she wasn’t consuming my thoughts, I was thinking about how many hours had passed since I used last. This was the longest I’d gone without coke for a while, and I felt like I was going crazy. I was determined to stop using though. I was tired of hurting everyone around me, but I wasn’t sure how long I could handle it.