She picks up the photo and studies it. “That’s not my point. I’ve been with Carter for two years now — shouldn’t they recognize me already? And we’re seniors now, so time is running out.”

I know how much pressure senior year is going to be. I never thought it would get to Sophie, but she seems more stressed out than usual.

Sophie puts the articles back in her bag. “I really need my name out there. It’s only a matter of time before I start working with talent scouts.”

I don’t say anything. I don’t agree with Sophie’s decision to avoid college and immediately dive into the world of Broadway and record contracts. It’s not that I doubt her talent; it’s just such a hard business.

“Anyway.” Sophie lays her head on my shoulder. “I’m so sorry to dump that on you. How are things with the guys? Do you know what you’re going to do for the audition?”

“Oh, it’s fine. We’re debating which of Ethan’s songs to do.” I feel a slight stab in my stomach as I say his name. When he returned to the table, we started talking about what songs to perform and mapped out a practice schedule. I tried to talk to him afterward, but he rushed off to the subway. I guess maybe it’s better to let it go. I said my peace. Well, I said a lot of things. It was more like I was declaring war, but I had to do it.

“Hello?” Sophie waves her hand in front of my face. “Earth to Emme.”

“Sorry.”

She tilts her head. “Is everything all right?”

I nod. I’m glad to have Sophie back, and not just from Maryland, but back in my life. Each year it seems like she slips away from me. I know I carry the blame since I have to dedicate so much time to the band. But between homework, rehearsals, school performances, and band gigs, I don’t have a lot of time for anything. Still, there will always be time for Sophie. We’re a team. We’re best friends.

I pull out the sheet music with my scribbles over it.

Sophie straightens up. “I’ve been warming up my voice. Tell me everything about it!”

“I’ve been working on this one idea for a while. It’s about searching. The song is about searching for that person, the one who completes you. Sort of like ‘Where are you already?’ but I think it also works with where we are right now. Searching for our future, where we belong.”

Sophie nods at me while she studies my lyrics. “Amazing, Emme. Really amazing.”

I sit down at the keyboard in my room and begin to play the song for Sophie. After a few run-throughs, she begins to sing along. I love this stage of the writing process, when the song is like an intimate secret shared between us. It’s a bond that can’t be broken by school or by anyone. It’s only the two of us.

After we practice for a while, I type out the reworked lyrics. (Hearing Sophie sing always inspires me to make a few changes.) She hesitates before taking the sheet.

“Um, Em, I was hoping you could do me a huge favor.” She begins to curl a long brunette strand of hair between her fingers. She does this when she waits for a callback list to be posted or when she thinks she’s going to say something that will upset me.

I wish I wasn’t so sensitive. I’ve never been tough like her. She’s center stage. I’m background. That’s just the way it has been and always will be.

She sits down next to me on the piano bench and grabs my hand. “I know how extremely busy you’re going to be, and I was hoping you could write out the accompanying part so I could practice with Amanda.”

“Oh.” I try to not sound hurt. Amanda is a junior music student who has been practicing Sophie’s other vocal department songs with her. But the songs I write have always been between the two of us.

“You know that Amanda is nowhere near the pianist that you are, but I really want to do well. It’s senior year and it’s hard for you and me to find the time with our schedules. You understand, don’t you?”

What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t give Sophie every advantage to nail her audition for the performance?

“Of course. I’ll write it up tonight and send it to you.”

“Oh, Emme.” Sophie hugs me. “You’re the greatest friend ever! I’m eternally indebted to you. You are so getting an entire paragraph in the liner notes for my first album. To Emme, who has been my biggest supporter and friend since day one.”

I know that Amanda could never replace me. Really, when I think about it, she’s helping me out. Senior year is going to be busy and I need to let go a little. I don’t have the time and I can’t do it all. If I keep trying to juggle everything, someone is going to end up getting shortchanged and I don’t want to do that to Sophie and the guys, not to mention to my sanity.

After Sophie leaves, something registers in what she said. Her album. We used to discuss how I was going to write and produce her albums. But she hasn’t said anything about me being part of her album in months.

Wow, Emme, needy much? I think.

Senior year hasn’t even started, but I’m already worried about not being a part of an album that doesn’t even exist yet.

I know how much I mean to Sophie. I’ve got to remember her Plan. I’ve always been part of it, a big part of it. And nothing will change that.


“I seriously can’t believe you let her do that,” Ethan whispers to me a week later at the auditions for the freshman welcome program. We’re all lined up in the hallway waiting our turn.

I try to look content as I watch Sophie walk into her audition with Amanda. “She’s been practicing the song more with Amanda than with me,” I explain. “Do I need to remind you that I’ve been a little busy rehearsing with you guys?”

Jack stops twirling his drumsticks for a second. “Yeah, for two hours a day. You’ve got twenty-two other hours for Sophie. But apparently that isn’t enough for the wanna-diva.”

It’s an argument we’ve had a lot. Ever since freshman year, there has been this pull on me between the guys and Sophie. Sophie thinks I spend too much time with them and they — well, they don’t like her.

Ethan motions toward the door to the auditorium stage. “She’s in there right now singing your song. Do you really think you’re going to get the credit for it? You have to remember that this audition is also about you. You are being judged right now … if she even bothers to mention that it’s one of your songs.”

“She would never …” I know there’s no way Sophie would take credit for the song. Everybody knows I write her songs. And she’s been practicing with Amanda more than me, so am I supposed to punish her because I’m the one who’s not available?

They don’t get it. And they never have.

Ethan shakes his head. “She’s already done the unforgivable, if you ask me.”

“Yeah, well, I didn’t ask.”

Ben gets up and crouches next to us. “Hey, guys, we’ve got our audition coming up, so can we just concentrate on that, please?”

We both nod.

“Hey, Emme.” Carter comes up to me. “Where’s Sophie?”

I point to the door. “Oh,” he says. “Why aren’t you in there?”

Ethan gets up and walks away. Carter takes his seat.

“She’s in with Amanda.”

“Oh.” Carter looks upset. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

He gives me a look that says No, it’s not. And maybe it isn’t, but there’s nothing I can do about it now. Ben’s right; I’ve got to get my head into our audition. That I can do something about.

I gesture toward the script rolled up in Carter’s hand. “What are you doing?”

He looks at it. “Oh, I’m doing a monologue from Death of a Salesman, but this is the script for tomorrow’s scene.”

I don’t know how Carter balances everything we do with school and acts in a soap opera at the same time. I know his mom worked out some arrangement so he only works about ten hours a week, but still.

He flips through the pages. “You don’t even want to know what shenanigans Chase Proctor is up to now.” He laughs and messes up his overly styled blond hair.

Oddly enough, I haven’t really watched Our Lives, Our Loves since I’ve known him. Sophie was always obsessed with it, so I get updates every now and then about Carter’s character, Chase Proctor, the good guy who turned bad after his parents got a divorce when his father started cheating with his mother’s twin sister, who everybody thought was dead after she was trapped in a house that was set on fire by Chase’s estranged grandmother, who … oh, never mind.

Sophie and Amanda emerge from the audition, and Sophie heads straight for Carter. “You weren’t here to wish me luck.”

“But you don’t need luck when you have a song by Emme,” he says, grinning at me.

“Oh, hey, Emme!” Sophie gives me a big hug. “The song was great. I could tell they loved it.” Amanda hangs behind her. She won’t even talk to me. I don’t know what she has against me since we’ve only ever exchanged a handful of words in the past. She’s the only junior here, so she should show me some gratitude for being such an unreliable friend that it got her into the audition.

I debate thanking her for helping out, but then I hear our names being called. “Emme Connelly, Jack Coombs, Benjamin McWilliams, and Ethan Quinn.”

“Good luck, Emme,” Carter calls out. I turn my back on them just as I hear Sophie reply, “Sure, you wish her luck.”

Ethan can tell something’s wrong. He grabs me by the shoulder. “Please don’t do this right now.”

I look at him. “Do what?”

“Question yourself, your friendship, whether you belong here. Because you do belong here. You’re one of the best students here. I know it, the teachers know it, everybody knows it. She knows it. I wish you did.”

He walks to the center of the stage, picks up a guitar, and pulls the microphone stand up to match his height. Jack goes behind the kit while Ben grabs the bass. I stand there for a second before I instinctively pick up the other guitar and stand to Ethan’s left.

This stage, one I used to admire as a kid going to CPA productions, is so familiar to me now. But what I feel isn’t familiar. Usually I get nervous doing the walk from the hallway to the stage to audition each semester. But this time I don’t feel nerves at all. Because I’m with the guys. I don’t get nervous performing with them. Sure, I used to, but we’re a team, a musical family. We’ve grown up together.

“Hello, we’re Teenage Kicks and we’ll be performing an original song that I wrote,” Ethan says into the microphone.

I remember the first time we performed together. Ethan wouldn’t even look out into the audience, let alone speak to them. He stared down at the floor the entire time. I’m not sure he’s ever forgiven us for making him be the lead singer, but he has the most incredible voice. The second we heard him sing, we knew we had our front man.

He turns back and looks at each one of us. When he gets to me, he asks, “Ready?”

I’m not sure how prepared I am for senior year, the showcase, and college applications, but in this moment, I know that with these three guys behind me, I can do anything.

I look at him and smile. “Ready.”

Carter

We’re about to find out who made the cut. I can see the tension in all the students walking into CPA. Everybody but me. It’s not like I’m some hugely confident person, but I’ve been dealing with rejection like this for so long, it’s not even a big deal to me.