“I can see that was very traumatic for you,” Jimmy teased her as they sipped their tea, and she complained that she'd had too much to eat. They were like two kids kidding around with each other. “I mean look at you now, you never wear decent clothes anymore. I don't think you own a pair of jeans that's not ripped. You drive a car that looks like you bought it in the junkyard, and from what you tell me, your apartment looks like you furnished it in a dumpster. It's obvious that you have a psychotic phobia about anything decent or expensive.” He didn't realize it, but he could have made the same speech to Maggie, and had often.

“Are you complaining about the way I look?” She looked vastly amused and not the least bit insulted.

“No, you actually look pretty good, considering that you live in hospital pajamas ninety percent of the time. The rest of the time you look great. I'm complaining about your car and your apartment.”

“And my love life, or lack of one. Don't forget that. Anything else you want to complain about, Mr. O'Connor?”

“Yeah,” he said looking into her eyes, and noticing that they looked like brown velvet. “You don't take me seriously, Alex.” His voice sounded strange when he said it.

“What am I supposed to take seriously?” She looked startled.

“I think I'm falling in love with you,” he said softly, not sure of what her reaction would be, and terrified she would hate him for it. His mother had encouraged him to tell her when they'd had a serious conversation about it the night before.

“You're what? Are you crazy?” She looked stunned.

“That's not exactly the response I was hoping for. And yeah, maybe I am. I hated it when you were going out with Coop. I always thought he was the wrong guy for you. I just wasn't ready to be the right guy,” he said honestly as she looked at him in amazement. “And I'm not sure I am yet. But I'd like to be one day. Or at least apply for the job.

“It may be hard for me at first. Because of Maggie. But maybe not as hard as I think. It's kind of like getting the casts off my legs and walking again. Same thing. But you're the only woman I've ever known that I feel about the way I felt about Maggie. She was a hell of a woman, and so are you I don't know what

I'm saying, except that I'm here and I care about you, and I'd like to see what would happen if we both give this a chance. And now you probably think I'm a lunatic, because I'm not making sense, and I sound like a total jerk,” he was stumbling all over the place as Alex stretched out a hand to touch his.

“Hey, it's okay,” she said softly, “I'm scared too… and I like you too… I always did I was terrified when I thought you would die after the accident, and all I wanted was for you to wake up from the coma and come back…and you did…and now Coop's gone. I don't know what'll happen either. Let's just go slow, okay?… And we'll see “

He was sitting there smiling at her, not sure what either of them had said, or what they felt, other than that they liked each other. But maybe it was enough. They were both good people, and they deserved the right person in their lives. Whether or not they proved to be the right ones remained to be seen, but it was a beginning at least. It was a promise to promise to try to promise to maybe if they were lucky fall in love with each other one day. They had each opened their doors, and were standing on the threshold of a new beginning. It was all either of them could have hoped for, or asked for at that point in time. And for now, it was enough. Neither of them was ready for more.

And when she drove him back to the gatehouse after dinner that night, they felt both comfortable and awkward, hopeful and scared. And when she helped him out and up the stairs, he turned to her with a smile, and then leaned down and kissed her. He almost slipped and fell, and she yelled at him as she helped him into bed.

“Are you crazy to kiss me there, you could have fallen down the stairs and killed me, and yourself!” He laughed, watching her. He had always loved everything about her, and even more so now.

“Stop yelling at me!” he tossed back at her good-naturedly.

“Then don't do dumb things like that,” she said as he kissed her again. And a few minutes later, she left, and called back up the stairs from the living room, “Tell your mother I said thank you!” For what she had given them, for encouraging Jimmy to live again, and finally let go of Maggie, at least a little. There were no promises, no guarantees. But there was hope for both of them. They were young and life had everything in store for them. Alex smiled to herself as she drove home, thinking of him. And in his bedroom at the gatehouse, Jimmy looked pensive and smiled too. Life was a perilous road at times, fraught with demons and miseries. But his mother had been right. It was time to give life another chance. Time for a new beginning.





Chapter 24

While Alex and Jimmy were at the Chinese restaurant, Coop was out with Valerie that night. He had promised to take her to L'Orangerie. She had been nursing Jimmy for nearly two months, and Coop thought she deserved at least one decent evening out. And he appreciated her friendship. Besides which, he'd been lonely since Alex left. In the past, he had always rushed into other romances to heal his “chagrins d'amour,” but this time he had wanted to spend some time alone. It was yet another first for him.

It was also the first time he'd been out to a restaurant in a month, and Valerie proved to be excellent company. They seemed to share the same points of view on a multitude of subjects.

They liked the same operas, the same music, the same cities in Europe. He knew Boston almost as well as she did, and they both loved New York. She had spent time in London with her husband before Jimmy was born, and Coop loved going there. They even liked the same food, and the same restaurants.

They shared an easy, relaxing evening, and talked about Taryn and Mark. He told her the story of how Taryn had come into his life. And she talked about Jimmy and his father and how much alike they were. They seemed to touch on everything that mattered to either of them. And he talked about Alex.

“To be honest, Valerie, I was crazy about her, but I don't think it was ever right. I'm not sure she's old enough to realize it yet, but I think we'd have made each other unhappy in the end. I'd been having second thoughts about it for the last month, but I didn't want to give her up, selfishly.” It had actually felt better to him not to be selfish for once, in the end. He and Valerie even talked about Charlene, and what an embarrassing mistake that had been. There was nothing hidden between them. Alex had taught him that. And the honesty was familiar to him now, and comfortable with Valerie. He was even candid about the financial stress he was in. He had sold one of his Rolls-Royces recently, which was a big step for him. At least, for once in his life, he was facing things. Liz would have been proud of him, and Abe nearly was. And his agent said he was chasing an important part for him. But he always said that.

“Maybe it isn't so bad being a grown-up,” he confessed to Valerie, contrary to what he'd said after leaving Alex a month before. “It's a novelty for me. I've never been a grown-up before.” But his lack of responsibility had always been part of his charm. There was just a high price to pay for it at some point. And the piper still had to be paid. “I wanted to go to Europe this summer.” He had talked to Alex about the Hotel du Cap, but she couldn't get away from work. And he couldn't afford it anyway. “But I'm going to stick around and hustle work.”

“Would you like to come to Cape Cod for a few days when I go back, Coop? I have a comfortable old house there. It was my grandmother's, and I don't run it as well as she did. It's a lot harder these days. The place is falling apart, but it has a lot of charm. I've spent my summers there since I was a child.” The house meant a lot to her and she liked the idea of showing it to Coop. She was sure he'd appreciate it.

“I'd like that very much,” he said with a warm smile. He enjoyed being with her. You could see that she was a woman who had suffered a great deal, but at the same time, she had learned from it, and made the best of it. She wasn't sad or depressed or pathetic. She was peaceful, calm, and wise. And it did him good just being with her. He had felt that about her from the first. He enjoyed her as a friend, and could easily imagine their friendship growing into more in time. He had never been attracted to a woman her age, or not in a long time. But he could see a lot of merit in it now. He had developed a strong distaste for women like Charlene, and he didn't want to hurt or disappoint anyone, as he had Alex. It was finally time to play with kids at least a little closer to his age. She was, after all, nearly twenty years younger, but it was a vast improvement over what he'd been doing in recent years, with girls half Valerie's age, or a third of his own.

“Is there anyone in your life, Valerie?” he asked her with gentle curiosity. He wanted to make sure there was no one waiting for her in Boston or Cape Cod before he embarked on anything, or even approached it with her, and she shook her head as she smiled at him.

“I haven't wanted to be involved with anyone since my husband died. It's been ten years.” He looked shocked.

“That's a terrible waste,” he said sympathetically. She was a beautiful woman and she deserved to have someone in her life.

“I'm beginning to think so too,” she admitted, “and I was afraid Jimmy would do the same thing. I've been on his back a lot about that. He needs time, but he can't mourn Maggie forever. She was a wonderful girl, and a great wife for him. But she's gone. He's going to have to face that one day.”

“He will,” Coop said confidently. “Nature will push him, if nothing else does,” he laughed. “It did me. A few too many times, I'm afraid,” and then he looked serious. “But I've never had a great grief like that in my life.” He had enormous respect for both of them. They had come a long way, and in his own way so had he. He just hoped Alex recovered quickly, and wasn't bitter about the disappointment he'd been for her. He knew how badly Carter had hurt her, and he didn't want to add to her scars. He hoped she was finding her way, or would soon.

It was a pleasant, easy evening for both of them. And they walked for a while afterwards, when they got back to The Cottage. The grounds were so peaceful and beautiful on a warm, summer night. They sat next to the pool for a while and talked. They could hear laughter coming from the guest wing. He knew Taryn was there with Mark and the kids, although she was sleeping in the main house again, now that the kids were home.

“I think they'll be good for each other,” Coop said, talking about them, and Valerie agreed. “It's funny how things work out, isn't it? I'm sure he was devastated when his wife left. And now he's got Taryn, and his children want to live with him. I'm sure he never expected any of that to happen. Fate is a wondrous thing sometimes.”

“I was telling Jimmy that tonight. He has to trust that things are going to work out for him. Even if differently than he once thought they would.”

“And what about you, Valerie? Are things working out for you?” he asked her gently, as they held hands, sitting in two chairs by the pool. He could see her blue eyes in the moonlight, and her dark hair shone.

“I have everything I need,” she said, content with her fate. She didn't ask or expect a great deal from life. She had Jimmy. He had lived. That was enough for her for now. She didn't dare ask for more.

“Do you? That's a rare thing. Most people wouldn't say they have everything they need. Maybe you're not asking for enough.”

“I think I am. Maybe someone to share it with. But if not, that's all right too.”

“I'd like to come to Cape Cod to visit you, if you really meant what you said at dinner,” he said quietly.

“I did. And I'd like that too.”

“I love old houses. And I've always liked the Cape. It has a wonderful old-fashioned quality to it. It doesn't have the grandeur of Newport, which has always seemed a little out of place to me, although the houses are magnificent.” He would have liked to see the Madison place, although that was not to be, for now anyway. Maybe one day, when he and Alex had become friends as he hoped they would. But he liked the idea of visiting Valerie on Cape Cod. He was ready for a simple holiday in a comfortable place, with a woman he could talk to, and whom he liked. He couldn't think of anything nicer than visiting her. It was easy for him too, knowing he wanted nothing from her, nor she from him. Whatever they gave each other, if they did, would be from the heart and nothing more. There were no motives to question, nothing to be gained. It was all very clean and very pure.