Phyllis Bottome - The Dark Tower

Wherever she wanted him he was; whenever she needed the touch of his hand or his steadiness it was ready for her. They were like the music and words of a song, or like a leaf and the dancing air it rests upon. They were no longer two beings; they had slipped superbly, intolerably into one; they couldn’t go wrong; they couldn’t make a mistake. Where she led he followed, indissolubly a part of her.

They swung together for the final salute. It seemed to Winn that her heart — her happy, swift-beating, exultant heart — was in his breast, and then suddenly, violently he remembered that she wasn’t his, that he had no right to touch her. He moved away from her, leaving her, a little bewildered, to bow alone to the great cheering mass of people.

She found him afterward far back in the crowd, with a white face and inscrutable eyes.

“You must come and see the speed-skaters,” she urged, with her hand on his arm. “It’s the thing I told you about most. And I believe we’ve won the second prize. The Russian and Pole have got the first, of course; They were absolutely perfect, but we were rather good. Why did you rush off, and what are you looking like that for? Is anything the matter? You’re not — ” her voice faltered suddenly — “you’re not angry, are you?”

“No, I’m not angry,” said Winn, recklessly, “and nothing’s the matter, and I’ll go wherever you want and see what you want and do what you want, and I ran away because I was a damned fool and hate a fuss. And I see you’re going to ask me if I liked it awfully. Yes, I did; I liked it awfully. Now are you satisfied?” He still hadn’t said anything, he thought, that mattered.

“Oh, yes,” she said slowly, “of course I’m satisfied. I’m glad you liked it awfully; I liked it awfully myself.”

The valley of the Dischmatal lies between two rather shapeless mountains; it leads nowhere, and there is nothing in it.

Winn gave no reason for his wish to walk there with Lionel except that it was a quiet place for a talk. They had been together for twenty-four hours and so far they had had no talk. Lionel had expected to find a change in Winn; he had braced himself to meet the shock of seeing the strongest man he knew pitilessly weakened under an insidious disease. He had found a change, but not the one he expected. Winn looked younger, more alert, and considerably more vigorous. There was a curious excitement in his eyes which might have passed for happiness if he had not been so restless. He was glad to see Lionel, but that wasn’t enough to account for it. Winn looked ten years younger and he had something up his sleeve.

Lionel had his own theory as to what that something might be, but he wouldn’t have expected it to make Winn look younger. He couldn’t help being afraid that Winn had found out Estelle. There had always been the chance that he might never find her out; he was neither reflective nor analytical, and Lionel was both. Winn might have been content simply to accept her as lovely and delightful, an ideal wife — not a companion, but a beautiful, fluttering creature to be supplied with everything it wanted. If he had done that he wouldn’t have waked up to the fact that the creature gave him nothing whatever back — beyond preening its feathers and forbearing to peck. Lionel respected and loved women, so that he could afford to feel a certain contempt for Estelle, but he had always feared Winn’s feeling any such emotion. Winn would condemn Estelle first and bundle her whole sex after her. Lionel hardly dared to ask him, as he did at last on their way through Dorf, what news he had of his wife.

“What news of Estelle?” Winn asked indifferently. “None particularly. She doesn’t like Peter’s language. My people seem to have taken to him rather, and I hear he’s picked up parts of the Governor’s vocabulary. It’ll be jolly hearing him talk; he couldn’t when I left. Estelle’s taken up religion. It’s funny, my mother said she would, before we were married. My mother’s got a pretty strong head; Estelle hasn’t, she was keen about the Tango when I left; but I dare say religion’s better for her; hers is the high church kind. Up there is the valley — funny sort of place; it’ll remind you of the hills — that’s one reason why I brought you out here — that and the hotel being like a fly paper. Davos is like all the places where our sort of people go — fashion or disease — it don’t matter a penny which — they’re all over the place itself, in and out of each other’s pockets, and yet get a mile or two out and nobody’s in sight. Funny how people like each other. I don’t like ’em, you know. I hate ’em.”

In the early February afternoon the valley lay before them singularly still and white. There were no fir-trees on the sides of the abrupt snow slopes, and it took Winn some time to rediscover a faint pathway half blotted out by recent snow.

A few minutes later the road behind them vanished, everything dropped away from them but the snow, and the low gray skies. A tiny wind slipped along the valley; it was strange not to see it, for it felt like the push of a Presence, in the breathless solitude. A long way off Lionel could hear a faint noise like the sound of some one choking.

It reminded him of the sound behind the green baize doors in the hotel. It was just such a sound, suppressed, faint, but quite audible, that he heard along the passages at night. He looked questioningly at Winn.

“That’s a waterfall,” said Winn; “most of it’s frozen up but it leaks through a little. There’s a story about this place — I didn’t mention it to you before, did I?”

Lionel shook his head. Winn was not in the habit of telling him stories about places. He had informed Lionel on one occasion some years ago, that he thought legends too fanciful, unless they were in the Bible, which was probably true, and none of our business. But Lionel had already wondered if this change in Winn wasn’t on the whole making him more fanciful.

“I dare say,” Winn began, “there’s not a word of truth in it, and it’s perfectly pointless besides; still it’s a queer place, this valley, and what’s particularly odd is, that though you can find it easily enough sometimes, there are days when I’m blessed if it’s there at all! Anyhow I’ve gone wrong times out of number when I’ve looked for it, and you know I don’t usually go wrong about finding places. This is the middle one of three valleys, count ’em backwards or forwards, whichever way you like — but I give you my word, after you’ve passed the first, and take the second turn, you’ll find yourself in the third valley — or take it the other way, you’ll be in the first. It’s made me jumpy before now, looking for it. However, that hasn’t anything to do with the story, such as it is.

“They say that on New Year’s eve, all the dead that have died in Davos (there must be a jolly lot of ’em when you come to think of it) process through the valley to the Waterfall. What their object is, of course, the story doesn’t mention — ghosts, as far as I can see, never have much object, except to make you sit up; but they set out anyhow, scores and scores of ’em.

“If it happens to be moonlight, you can see them slipping over the snow, making for the waterfall as fast as they can hoof it, but none of them look back — and if they were all your dearest friends you couldn’t catch a glimpse of their faces — unless, I suppose, you had the gumption to start off by sitting up at the waterfall and waiting for ’em — which nobody has, of course. The point of the story, if you can call it a point, is that the last man in the procession isn’t dead at all. He’s a sort of false spook of the living — taking his first turn in with them — because as sure as fate he dies before the next year’s out, and when the other chaps have reached the waterfall, he stops short and looks back toward Davos — that’s how he’s been spotted, and he’s always died all right before the end of the year. Rum tale, isn’t it?”

“How did you get hold of it?” Lionel asked curiously. “It’s not much in your line, is it?”

“Well — I don’t know,” said Winn, taking out his pipe and preparing to light it. “The last six months or so, I’ve thought a lot of funny things. I came up here prepared to die; that’s to say, I thought I’d got to, which is as far as you can prepare for most things, but I’m not going to die, as I told you yesterday, but what I didn’t mention to you then was that, on the whole, as it happens now, I’d jolly well rather.”

“You mean,” said Lionel, “that it’s got too thick between you and Estelle? I wish you’d tell me, old chap. I haven’t an idea how it stands, but I’ve been afraid ever since I stayed with you, that you’d made a bit of a mistake over your marriage?”

“As far as that goes,” said Winn, “I swallowed that down all right. It’s no use bothering about a thing that isn’t there. It’s what is that counts. It counts damnably, I can tell you that. Look here, have you ever had any ideas about love?”

“I can’t say that I have,” Lionel admitted cautiously. “Many. I dare say I should like it if it came; and I’ve had fancies for girls, of course, but nothing so far I couldn’t walk off, not what people call the real thing, I suppose. I’ve always liked women more than you have, and I don’t think you get let in so much if you honestly like ’em. I haven’t seen any one I particularly want to marry yet, if that’s what you mean?”

“That’s part of it,” agreed Winn. “I supposed you’d been like that. I shouldn’t wonder if what you say about liking ’em being safer, isn’t true. I never liked ’em. I’ve taken what I could get when I wanted it. I rather wish I hadn’t now, but I can’t say I was ever sorry before. Even — Estelle — well, I don’t want to be nasty about her — but it was only different, I can see that now, because I knew I couldn’t get what I wanted without marrying her — still — I somehow think I’d made a kind of a start that time — only I got pulled up too short. I dare say I quite deserved it. That’s no way of liking a woman. When you do really, you know all the rest’s been half twaddle and half greed. Your father and mother are all right — so are mine really, though they do blow each other’s heads off — still, there’s something there — you know what I mean?”

“Something indestructible and uniting — ” said Lionel quietly. “I’ve often wondered about it.”

“Well, I’ve never wondered about it,” said Winn, firmly, “and I’m not going to begin now. Still, I admit it’s there. What I’m getting at is that there’s something I want you to do for me. You’ll probably think I’m mad, but I can’t help that. It’ll work out all right in the end, if you’ll do it.”

“You can ask me anything you like,” said Lionel, quietly; “any damned thing. I don’t suppose I’ll refuse to do it.”

The water broke into a prolonged gurgle under their feet; it sounded uncannily like some derisive listener. There was nothing in sight at all — not even their shadows on the unlighted snows.

“Well — there’s a girl here,” Winn said in a low voice; “it’s not very easy to explain. I haven’t told her about Estelle; I meant to, but I couldn’t. I’m afraid you’ll think I haven’t played the game, but I haven’t made love to her; only I can’t stay any longer; I’ve got to clear out.”

Lionel nodded. “All right,” he said; “let’s go wherever you like; there are plenty of other snow places jollier than this.”

“That isn’t what I want,” said Winn. “I want you to stay with her. I want you to marry her eventually — d’ you see? It’s quite simple, really.”

“By Jove,” said Lionel, thoughtfully; “simple, d’ you call it? As simple as taking a header into the mid-Atlantic! And what good would it do you, my dear old chap, if I did? It wouldn’t be you that had got her?”

“I dare say not,” said Winn; “you don’t see my point. She’d be all right with you. What I want for the girl is for her to be taken care of. She hasn’t any people to speak of, and she’s up here now with a rotten, unlicked cub of a brother. I fancy she’s the kind of girl that would have a pretty hideous time with the wrong man. I’ve got to know she’s being looked after. D’ you see?”

“But why should she marry?” Lionel persisted. “Isn’t she all right as she is? What do you want to marry her off for?”

“There’ll be a man sooner or later,” Winn explained. “There always is, and she’s — well, I didn’t believe girls were innocent before. By God, when they are, it makes you sit up! I couldn’t run the risk of leaving her alone, and that’s flat! It’s like chucking matches to a child and turning your back on it.

“For after all, if a man cares about a girl the way I care about her, he does chuck her matches. When I go — some one decent ought to be there to take my place.”

“But there isn’t the slightest chance she’ll like me, even if I happened to like her,” Lionel protested. “Honestly, Winn, you haven’t thought the thing out properly. You can’t stick people about in each other’s places — they don’t fit.”