Maya Banks - The Darkest Hour

“I don’t like the idea of leaving you behind,” Sam muttered.

“I’ll stay.”

Ethan and Sam looked up to see Garrett standing in the doorway.

Sam shook his head.

“You don’t get to make all the decisions,” Garrett said evenly. “I’ll stay with Ethan and Rachel. You can take the others back. Cole, Dolphin and Steele need medical care beyond what they’re getting here. You and Donovan can break the news to the family. Whenever Rachel is well enough, Ethan and I will take her home.”

Ethan nodded. “I think it’s best. If I call Mom and Dad, it’s just going to upset them. They’ll never believe I’m not delusional. They’ll have time to process the news before Rachel gets home. I don’t want her overwhelmed. This is going to be hard enough on her as it is.”

Sam frowned. “I don’t like leaving either of you behind.”

“Ethan and I can handle it,” Garrett said.

Sam let out his breath. “Okay,” he conceded. “That’s what we’ll do. If Maren gives the okay to transport the injured men, we’ll leave in the morning. I want a report every three hours. I’ll have a chopper return for you as soon as Rachel can leave.”

“And what about Maren?” Garrett asked. “I don’t think we should just pack up and leave her without protection.”

“She hasn’t been without protection since we got her out of Africa,” Sam said. “She’s watched. She just doesn’t know it.”

Ethan nodded. And suddenly the thought of going home didn’t hold the comfort it had before.

“Something wrong, Ethan?”

Ethan looked up at Garrett. His brothers always picked up on his moods. Any change or shift no matter how small. At times it was like living under a microscope.

His hands shook, betraying him as he fought to remain steady and unaffected. How was he supposed to be Rachel’s rock when a good stiff wind would blow him right over?

The words stuck in his throat, refusing to roll off his tongue. He was a man who’d seen and experienced the worst the world had to offer, and he’d done it stoically and without fear.

He closed his eyes. “I’m afraid.”

“You have every right to be,” Sam said evenly.

Ethan shook his head. “No. It’s time for me to step up to the plate. Man up and be the husband Rachel deserves. I may not have been afraid in the past, but I was a fucking coward.”

His brothers looked at each other and Garrett shrugged. No, they wouldn’t know what he was talking about. His marriage to Rachel was a study in secrets. Secrets she would have never divulged. She would have never gone to his family with their problems. He’d known it and taken advantage of it.

“I’m afraid she’ll never remember. And then I’m afraid she will,” he said quietly.

A distinct, uncomfortable silence ensued. Ethan looked down. He’d said too much. It was harder to keep quiet now, and maybe in a twisted way, he was seeking absolution from past sins. But only Rachel could grant him that. It was her he had to make restitution to.

Garrett cleared his throat. “The best thing you can do, man, is to take her home and surround her with as much love and support as you can. We’ll all help. You won’t be doing this alone.”

Sam leaned forward, his expression intense. “The important thing is, you have her back. Nothing else matters.”

“You’re right. I know you’re right. I just feel like I’m going to wake up and be back home in our bed. Alone. And this will have all been a dream.”

“I know this year hasn’t been easy for you, but you’ve been given another chance that many would kill for. Don’t waste your time borrowing trouble. Enjoy each and every moment, because you of all people know how fast it can all be snatched away.”

Ethan raised his haunted gaze to his brother. “Yeah, I do. And I’m not going to let it happen again. I won’t lose her. Not twice.”

THE next morning, an hour before dawn, Maren’s clinic was buzzing with activity. Cole and Dolphin were propped against the wall in the waiting area as they waited for the chopper to arrive that would carry them into Mexico. Maren had given Cole a pair of crutches, but he’d promptly discarded them with a few choice words.

Sam, Donovan and Garrett met with Ethan inside Rachel’s room. She was resting comfortably for the first time in hours, and they spoke in hushed tones so they wouldn’t disturb her.

“Maren’s right about one thing. It’s better for us to go ahead and pop the surprise so that everyone has a chance to get used to the idea before Rachel comes home. It’s going to be overwhelming enough as it is,” Donovan murmured.

“Hell, our family intimidates me half the time,” Garrett grumbled.

Ethan thrust his hands into his pockets. “I don’t want this just thrust on Mom and Dad. They loved her like a daughter. I know they’re going to be happy, but I don’t know what kind of shock this is going to be for them.”

“You let us worry about that,” Sam said. “You just take care of Rachel and get her home as soon as possible.”

He slapped his hand on Ethan’s back. “This is the best news this family has gotten in a long time. Just think about how great Christmas is going to be this year.”

For a moment Ethan couldn’t even speak. Christmas. Rachel was crazy about the holidays. She and his mom drove everyone nuts every year decorating, shopping, making everyone else join in on cutesy family celebrations. He hadn’t realized just how much he enjoyed that time of year until last year, the first Christmas Rachel missed. It had been a solemn, gut-wrenching holiday.

He’d spent Christmas Eve alone at home with a bottle of cheap liquor. In the dark. No festive lights or Christmas music that predated his grandparents. Only the memory of Rachel’s smile and the way she tore into presents on Christmas morning.

He would have given anything for just one more Christmas with her, and now his wish had been granted.

“God help us,” Donovan said in amusement. “Between Rachel and Mom, no one will escape with their sanity intact.”

Garrett rolled his eyes. “Or without one of those stupid Santa hats.”

“Which reminds me, it’s your turn to play Santa,” Sam told Garrett.

They all burst out laughing at the deer in the headlights look that flashed on Garrett’s face. God, it felt good to laugh again. To not feel like nothing good would ever happen.

Ethan grinned broadly as he stared at his brothers. He’d missed them as well. The last year had been painful enough without Rachel, but he’d closed himself off from his family as well. This would be a homecoming for him as much as Rachel.

“I’ll let them dress me like Rudolph if it puts a smile on their faces,” Garrett said after he stole a quick look at Rachel who was still sleeping soundly.

“Amen to that,” Donovan muttered.

Sam’s expression grew serious as he looked at Garrett and Ethan. “We need to get on out of here. You two stay in touch and be careful. Donovan and I will break the news to Mom and Dad and get things ready for Rachel to come home.”

Ethan stared back at Sam and then glanced at Donovan and then Garrett.

“Thanks.”

“Come on, Van. Let’s go before Ethan gets mushy again,” Sam said.

Ethan slugged Sam in the gut as he walked by and Sam bent over in an exaggerated grimace.

“Pussy,” Garrett muttered.

Ethan turned to Garrett. “Will you hang out here in case Rachel wakes up? I want to see them out.”

“Yeah sure. Go ahead. Give them a kiss for me while you’re at it.”

Ethan grinned and shook his head. Then he flipped up his middle finger as he walked out behind his brothers.

RACHEL stirred and sleepily opened her eyes. Then she remembered the things . . . the bugs that had crawled over her body, and she yanked her gaze down to her arms, her belly. But all she saw was bloodstained clothing.

She frowned as she struggled to remember all that had happened in her hysteria. And then as she looked beyond the bed, she saw Garrett slouched in a chair by the window.

When he saw she was awake, he immediately got up and moved to stand beside the bed. His smile was gentle, and his voice low and soothing.

“Hey, sweet pea. How you doing?”

She tried to smile, but she felt more like crying.

Garrett sat down on the edge of the bed like Ethan had done the night before. “Hey now, don’t look like that.”

“I’m losing my mind.”

Her voice came out as a sob, and she despised it.

He touched her cheek and smoothed hair from her face.“You’re not losing your mind, Rachel. You’re getting it back. There’s a difference. You’ve been through a very tough time. Most people wouldn’t have survived it, but you did. Don’t sell yourself short.”

Tears gathered in her eyes, and he gently thumbed one away as it trickled down her cheek.

“Where’s Ethan?”

“He’ll be back soon. Want me to go get him?”

She shook her head. She did want him, but she hated the way she seemed to cling to him. Surely she could survive a few moments alone. But then she wasn’t alone. Garrett was here, and he’d been her friend. She knew that much.

“You gave me away at my wedding,” she whispered.

He smiled. “I did. It was a toss-up, really. Dad very much wanted the honor.”

She cocked her head to the side. “Then why didn’t he?”

“Because you asked me to,” he said simply.

“Ethan said I had no family, that I was a part of his before we ever married.” It was voiced as a question rather than the statement she’d intended.

“That’s true. Mom taught you in school. You were always one of her favorite students. After your parents died, she pretty much adopted you into the Kelly fold.”

“So Ethan and I knew each other? I mean before we got involved?” Then she frowned. “Involved” sounded so . . . impersonal.

Garrett smiled. “I’m pretty certain he always noticed you, but it wasn’t until he came home on leave and discovered that our younger brother Joe had asked you out that he got his ass in gear.”

Her brow furrowed in concentration. Try as she might she couldn’t summon a mental picture of Joe or Nathan. “Ethan told me that Nathan and Joe were twins, but I can’t remember either of them.”

“Maybe when you see them it will all come back, and if it doesn’t, there’s no hurry,” he said easily.

“Why don’t I remember them? Or Sam or Donovan?” She shook her head in confusion. “I don’t remember your parents either, and it sounds like I was close to your mom.”

“Give it time, sweet pea. You’ve got all the time in the world now. You have nothing to worry about other than resting and letting us all take care of you.”

“They aren’t...” She trailed off and looked down.

“They aren’t what?”

“Sam isn’t mad because I can’t remember him? Or Donovan?”

Garrett took her hand in his, letting her fingers lie over his much larger ones. “No one is angry with you. We all love you. Sam and Donovan too. They just want you home where you’re safe and healthy.”

“I want to go home. It’s so hard for me to believe I have a home. I used to dream. I thought I made the memories up but now I know they really happened.”

“What kinds of things?” Garrett asked.

She pursed her lips, concentrating on the haphazard images dancing in her mind. “There’s a lake and a dock. I’m barefooted and wearing shorts. You’re standing in front of me and Ethan is behind. I run to you thinking that you’ll save me from Ethan, but you pick me up and toss me into the water.”

A warm smile transformed the darkness of his features. She stared at him in fascination.

“You don’t smile much.”

He gave her a startled look.

“I know that,” she said, “and I also know that you smile for me. I remember that. I remember that I can make you laugh and that everyone teases you about being so grouchy.”

He chuckled lightly. “Yes, I’m grouchy and yes you can always make me laugh. Yes, I threw you in the water when I was supposed to be saving you from Ethan. You paid me back later, though.”

“Oh?” She leaned up in the bed in her excitement. Information. Details. She craved them as much as her body craved the drugs.

“You conned Sam, Donovan, Joe and Nathan into ganging up on me and tossing me into the lake. It took all four I might add, but you got your revenge. I took two in with me,” he added smugly.

She smiled, feeling the wonder of his words clear to her soul. It did sound like she had family, like they were all a family.