“Ditto!” nodded Mr. Stevens, his glance wandering uneasily to the door again, “ditto with all my ‘eart, sir. If it’s all the same to you, I think p’r’aps I’d better be hopping—you know—”

“Oh, don’t you worry about Young Har; ‘e won’t bother us to-night; ‘e’s off Long Island way to try his newest ‘igh-power racing car—’e’s driving in the Vanderbilt Cup Race next month. To-night ‘e expects to do eighty miles or so, and ‘opes to sleep at one of ‘is clubs. I say ‘e ‘opes an’ expects so to do!”

“Yes,” nodded Mr. Stevens, “certainly, but what do you mean?”

“Sir,” sighed Mr. Brimberly, “if you’d been forced by stern dooty to sit be’ind Young Har in a fast automobile as I ‘ave, you’d know what I mean. Reckless? Speed? Well, there!” and Mr. Brimberly lifted hands and eyes and shook his head until his whiskers vibrated with horror.

“Then you’re pretty sure,” said Mr. Stevens, settling luxurious boots upon a cushioned chair, “you’re pretty sure he won’t come bobbing up when least expected?”

“Pretty sure!” nodded Mr. Brimberly. “You see, this nooest car is the very latest thing in racing cars—cost a fortune, consequently it’s bound to break down—these here expensive cars always do, believe me!”

“Why, then,” said Mr. Stevens, helping himself to one of Mr. Brimberly’s master’s cigars, “I say let joy and ‘armony be unconfined! How about Jenkins and ‘is banjer?”

“I’ll call ‘im up immediate!” nodded Mr. Brimberly, rising. “Mr. Jenkins is a true hartist, equally facetious and soulful, sir!”

So saying, Mr. Brimberly arose and crossed toward the telephone. But scarcely had he taken three steps when he paused suddenly and stood rigid and motionless, his staring gaze fixed upon the nearest window; for from the shadowy world beyond came a sound, faint as yet and far away, but a sound there was no mistaking—the dismal tooting of an automobile horn.

“‘Eavens an’ earth!” exclaimed Mr. Brimberly, and crossing to the window he peered out. Once again the horn was heard, but very much nearer now, and louder, whereupon Mr. Brimberly turned, almost hastily, and his visitor rose hurriedly.

“It’s very annoying, Mr. Stevens,” said he, “but can I trouble you to—to step—er—down—stairs—_with_ the glasses? It’s ‘ighly mortifying, but may I ask you to—er—step a little lively, Mr. Stevens?”

Without a word, Mr. Stevens caught up the tray from the piano and glided away on his toe-points; whereupon Mr. Brimberly (being alone) became astonishingly agile and nimble all at once, diving down to straighten a rug here and there, rearranging chairs and tables; he even opened the window and hurled two half-smoked cigars far out into the night; and his eye was as calm, his brow as placid, his cheek as rosy as ever, only his whiskers—those snowy, telltale whiskers, quivered spasmodically, very much as though endeavouring to do the manifestly impossible and flutter away with Mr. Brimberly altogether; yes, it was all in his whiskers.

Thus did Mr. Brimberly bustle softly to and fro until he paused, all at once, arrested by the sound of a slow, firm step near by. Then Mr. Brimberly coughed, smoothed his winglike whiskers, and—pulled down his waistcoat for the third time. And lo! even as he did so, the door opened, and the hero of this history stood upon the threshold.

CHAPTER II

OF A MOURNFUL MILLIONAIRE WHO LACKED AN OBJECT

Geoffrey Ravenslee was tall and pale and very languid, so languid indeed that the automobile coat he bore across his arm slipped to the floor ere Mr. Brimberly could take it, after which he shed his cap and goggles and dropped them, drew off his gauntlets and dropped them and, crossing to his favourite lounge chair, dropped himself into it, and lay there staring into the fire.

“Ah, Brimberly,” he sighed gently, “making a night of it?”

“Why, sir,” bowed his butler, “indeed, sir—to tell the truth, sir—”

“You needn’t, Brimberly. Excellent cigars you smoke—judging from the smell. May I have one?”

“Sir,” said Brimberly, his whiskers slightly agitated, “cigars, sir?”

“In the cabinet, I think,” and Mr. Ravenslee motioned feebly with one white hand towards the tall, carved cabinet in an adjacent corner.

Mr. Brimberly coughed softly behind plump fingers.

“The—the key, sir?” he suggested.

“Oh, not at all necessary, Brimberly; the lock is faulty, you know.”

“Sir?” said Brimberly, soothing a twitching whisker.

“If you are familiar with the life of the Fourteenth Louis, Brimberly, you will remember that the Grand Monarch hated to be kept waiting—so do I. A cigar—in the cabinet yonder.”

With his whiskers in a high state of agitation, Mr. Brimberly laid by the garments he held clutched in one arm and coming to the cabinet, opened it, and taking thence a box of cigars, very much at random, came back, carrying it rather as though it were a box of highly dangerous explosives, and setting it at his master’s elbow, struck a match.

As Mr. Brimberly watched his master select and light his cigar, it chanced that Young R. raised his eyes and looked at him, and to be sure those eyes were surprisingly piercing and quick for one so very languid. Indeed, Mr. Brimberly seemed to think so, for he coughed again, faint and discreetly, behind his hand, while his whiskers quivered slightly, though perceptibly.

“You’re ‘ome quite—quite unexpected, sir!”

“Brimberly, I’m afraid I am, but I hope I don’t intrude?”

“Intrude, sir!” repeated Mr. Brimberly. “Oh, very facetious, sir, very facetious indeed!” and he laughed, deferentially and soft.

“I blew the horn, but I see he left his hat behind him!” sighed Young R., nodding languidly toward the headgear of Mr. Stevens, which had fallen beneath a chair and thus escaped notice.

“Why, I—indeed, sir,” said Mr. Brimberly, stooping to make a fierce clutch at it, “I took the liberty of showing a friend of mine your—your picters, sir—no offence, I ‘ope, sir?”

“Friend?” murmured his master.

“Name of Stevens, sir, valet to Lord Barberton—a most sooperior person indeed, sir!”

“Barberton? I don’t agree with you, Brimberly.”

“Stevens, sir!”

“Ah! And you showed him my—pictures, did you?”

“Yes, sir, I did take that liberty—no offence, sir, I—”

“Hum! Did he like ‘em?”

“Like them, sir! ‘E were fair overpowered, sir! Brandy and soda, sir?”

“Thanks! Did he like that, too?”

“Why, sir—I—indeed—”

“Oh, never mind—to-night is an occasion, anyway—just a splash of soda! Yes, Brimberly, when the clocks strike midnight I shall be thirty-five years old—”

“Indeed, sir!” exclaimed Brimberly, clasping his plump hands softly and bowing, “then allow me to wish you many, many ‘appy returns, sir, with continued ‘ealth, wealth, and all ‘appiness, sir!”

“Happiness?” repeated Young R., and smiled quite bitterly, as only the truly young can smile. “Happiness!” said he again, “thank you, Brimberly—now take your friend his hat, and have the extreme goodness to make up the fire for me. I love a fire, as you know, but especially when I am mournful. And pray—hurry, Brimberly!”

Forthwith Mr. Brimberly bowed and bustled out, but very soon bustled in again; and now, as he stooped, menial-like, to ply the coal tongs, though his domelike brow preserved all its wonted serenity, no words could possibly express all the mute rebellion of those eloquent whiskers.

“Hanything more, sir?” he enquired, as he rose from his knees.

“Why, yes,” said Young R., glancing up at him, and beneath the quizzical look in those sleepy grey eyes, Mr. Brimberly’s whiskers wilted slightly. “You’re getting a trifle too—er—portly to hop round on your knees, aren’t you, Brimberly? Pray sit down and talk to me.”

Mr. Brimberly bowed and took a chair, sitting very upright and attentive while his master frowned into the fire.

“Thirty-five is a ripe age, Brimberly!” said he at last; “a man should have made something of his life—at thirty-five!”

“Certingly, sir!”

“And I’m getting quite into the sere and yellow leaf, am I not, Brimberly?”

Mr. Brimberly raised a plump, protesting hand.

“‘Ardly that, sir, ‘ardly that!” said he, “we are hall of us getting on, of course—”

“Where to, Brimberly? On where, Brimberly—on what?”

“Why, sir, since you ask me, I should answer—begging your parding—’eavens knows, sir!”

“Precisely! Anyway, I’m going there fast.”

“Where, sir?”

“Heaven knows, Brimberly.”

“Ah—er—certingly, sir!”

“Now, Brimberly, as a hard-headed, matter-of-fact, common-sense being, what would you suggest for a poor devil who is sick and tired of everything and most of all—of himself?”

“Why, sir, I should prescribe for that man change of hair, sir—travel, sir. I should suggest to that man Hafghanistan or Hasia Minor, or both, sir. There’s your noo yacht a-laying in the river, sir—”

His master leant his square chin upon his square fist and still frowning at the fire, gently shook his head.

“My good Brimberly,” he sighed, “haven’t I travelled in most parts of the world?”

“Why, yes, sir, you’ve travelled, sir, very much so indeed, sir—you’ve shot lions and tigers and a helephant or so, and exchanged sentiments with raging ‘eathen—as rage in nothing but a string o’ beads—but what about your noomerous possessions in Europe, sir?”

“Ah, yes,” nodded Young R., “I do possess some shanties and things over there, don’t I, Brimberly?”

“Shanties, sir!” Mr. Brimberly blinked, and his whiskers bristled in horrified reproof. “Shanties!—Oh, dear me, sir!” he murmured. “Shanties—your magnificent town mansion situate in Saint James’s Square, London, as your respected father hacquired from a royal dook, sir! Shanties!—your costly and helegant res-eye-dence in Park Lane, sir!”

“Hum!” said Young R. moodily.

“Then, in Scotland, sir, we ‘ave your castle of Drumlochie, sir—rocks, turrets, battlements, ‘ighly grim and romantic, sir!”

“Ha!” sighed his young master, frowning at his cigar.

“Next, sir,—in Italy we find your ancient Roman villa, sir—halabaster pillows and columns, sir—very historical though a trifle wore with wars and centuries of centoorians, sir, wherefore I would humbly suggest a coat or two of paint, sir, applied beneath your very own eye, sir—”

“No, Brimberly,” murmured Young R., “paint might have attractions—Italy, none!”

“Certingly not, sir, certingly not! Which brings us to your schloss in Germany, sir—”

“Nor Germany! Lord, Brimberly, are there many more?”

“Ho, yes, sir, plenty!” nodded Mr, Brimberly, “your late honoured and respected father, sir, were a rare ‘and at buying palaces, sir; ‘e collected ‘em, as you might say, like some folks collects postage starmps, sir!”

“And a collection of the one is about as useless as a collection of the other, Brimberly!”

“Why, true, sir, one man can’t live in a dozen places all at once, but why not work round ‘em in turn, beginning, say, at your imposing Venetian palazzo—canals, sir, gondoleers—picturesque though dampish? Or your shally in the Tyro-leen Halps, sir, or—”

“Brimberly, have the goodness to—er—shut up!”

“Certingly, sir.”

“To-day is my birthday, Brimberly, and to-night I’ve reached a kind of ‘jumping off’ place in my life, and—between you and me—I’m seriously thinking of—er—jumping off!”

“I crave parding, sir?”

“I’m thirty-five years old,” continued Young R., his frown growing blacker, “and I’ve never done anything really worth while in all my useless life! Have the goodness to look at me, will you?”

“With pleasure, sir!”

“Well, what do I look like?”

“The very hacme of a gentleman, sir!”

“Kind of you, Brimberly, but I know myself for an absolutely useless thing—a purposeless, ambitionless wretch, drifting on to God knows what. I’m a hopeless wreck, a moral derelict, and it has only occurred to me to-night—but”—and here the speaker paused to flick the ash from his cigar—”I fear I’m boring you?”

“No, sir—ho, no, not at all, indeed, sir!”

“You’re very kind, Brimberly—light a cigarette! Ah, no, pardon me, you prefer my cigars, I know.”

“Why—why, sir—” stammered Mr. Brimberly, laying a soothing hand upon his twitching whisker, “indeed, I—I—”

“Oh—help yourself, pray!”

Hereupon Mr. Brimberly took a cigar very much at random, and, while Young R. watched with lazy interest, proceeded to cut it—though with singularly clumsy fingers.

“A light, Mr. Brimberly—allow me!”

So Ravenslee held the light while Mr. Brimberly puffed his cigar to a glow, though to be sure he coughed once and choked, as he met Young R.’s calm grey eye.