We make plans to go out and then I take shower, change into a clean shirt and jeans and clip on my leather band with “redemption” written on it. Then I spend the rest of the day cleaning the house, while she stays in the room, organizing her stuff. I try to keep it light on the drinks for three reasons: (1) I have to be sober enough to drive; (2) I want to be aware of everything that happens, feel it, live it, because if I’m going to do this, be with her, I’m going to make it worth it; and (3) I don’t want to have to make her check my insulin and help me with pills because I can’t go without my Jack Daniel’s for the night.

Although, I’m not going to just quit cold turkey. I stick to beers, and am only on my second one when Seth comes out around three or four o’clock, looking hungover, but at the same time amused.

“Have fun last night?” he asks with speculation in his voice as he gets a jug of orange juice out of the fridge.

“As much as I ever do,” I say, moving a box of books no one’s bothered to unpack from the floor to the coffee table.

“Yeah, but usually you go after girls who are easy.” He twists the cap off the orange juice. “You were going after the vixen last night.”

I tear the tape off the top of the box. “I really wish you’d stop calling her that.”

He takes a gulp and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. “And you’re defending her.” He puts the lid back on and opens the fridge door. “If I didn’t know better, I’d guess you have feelings for the vixen.”

“Her name is Violet,” I say defensively as I open the box. “I don’t know exactly how I feel about Violet yet, but it’s enough that I don’t want you to call her that.”

That stuns him, his jaw dropping. “Jesus, you’re being serious.”

I fidget under his judging gaze as I remove a stack of books from a moving box. “Can we just drop it? I’m already confused enough and the last thing I want to do is talk about it.”

He puts the orange juice back in the fridge and shuts the door. “So what are you going to do about it?”

I drop a stack of books onto the table. “About what?”

“About your feelings for her.”

I shake my head, wishing he’d drop it. “I’m taking her on a date.”

I hear him chuckle under his breath. “Well, that’s normal of you.”

“Yeah, I thought I’d give it a try. See if I like it.”

“I’m sure you will,” he teases. He walks into the living room, raking his fingers through his hair. “Okay, so since I know for a fact that you’re an idiot when it comes to relationships and dating, I’m going to give you some advice. Take her somewhere nice and don’t try to fuck her in your truck.”

“I’m not a complete moron,” I say. “I get that.”

He leans against the entertainment center with his arms folded. “I know you’re not a moron, but I’ve witnessed over the last year how much you like to just screw any girl that walks and how most of them are very willing to give you exactly what you want. And normally, in a normal datelike situation, that’s not how things work. You have to put effort into it.”

I scratch the back of my neck. “How much effort?”

He hitches his thumb toward the bedroom door. “With her, probably a lot.”

“I thought you were so sure she was a slut,” I remind him.

“Well, I might have been a little overdramatic. And Greyson told me last night to lay off her because he thinks she’s vulnerable.” He raises his hands as he backs away. “I don’t get why and he wouldn’t tell me, but as a good boyfriend, I’m going to oblige.” He pauses at the doorway. “You should make a note of that.”

I roll my eyes. “Thanks.”

“No problem.” He leaves me alone to unpack boxes and the more I do it, the more relaxed I feel about stepping out of my normal comfort zone tonight.

I continue to clean and organize the house until around five o’clock, stopping at the second beer, and by the time I knock on the door to see if Violet is ready, my head is alarmingly clear. Part of me is hoping she’ll bail on our date because I’m nervous and I hate it. Everything Seth said is running through my head like a train about to crash. I’m going against everything I’ve ever believed about relationships and I’m going into it with a girl that has problems. I’ve seen the vulnerable side of her that Seth was talking about, the helpless side that lives underneath her toughness, and getting involved with her means taking that on.

Can I do it?

When she opens the door, however, all thoughts of bailing out, terror, and confusion float from my head. “I was going to ask you if you were ready, but I think I have my answer.”

“I thought I’d put a little effort into getting ready, seeing how it’s my first date and all,” she smiles, her red-stained lips ridiculously sexy, along with her hair that runs down her bare shoulders in curls. Her green eyes are framed with black and the short, red and black dress that she’s wearing hugs her body so tightly I seriously almost shove her back onto the bed and skip straight to the end of the date. But that sort of defeats the purpose of keeping things simple.

So instead I offer her my elbow and, in response, she laughs.

“I thought you said you weren’t a gentleman,” she says, looping her arm through mine.

“You’re seriously wounding my ego,” I joke as I guide her out into the hallway, both of us in way too cheery of a mood for my taste, but I’m blaming mine on my momentary sobriety. “Here I am putting myself out there and you laugh at me.”

This only makes her laugh harder. “Put yourself out there. How brave of you.”

“It’s extremely brave of me, especially with what I’m going up against.” I open the door and walk outside, steering her down the stairs with me.

The sky is a pale pink as the sun sets behind the mountains. The air is warm, but I’m nervous and it’s strange. I don’t know what to do other than keep going forward, with her.

Deciding to keep the whole gentleman thing going, I open the door for her. This only makes her laugh more as she climbs in, not bothering to hold her dress down and I get a glimpse of her ass, barely covered by a thin piece of lacy fabric. Clenching my hand, I shut the door and hop into the truck, telling myself to calm down. That that’s not what tonight’s about. I start the truck and back up as she begins going through the tape collection in my truck, helping herself to my stuff. She completely ruins my organization, but I let her be, and it’s complicated how easy it is.

“ ‘My Fuck Tape.’ ” She reads the label with humor in her expression as she glances up at me and covers her mouth with her hands, laughing under her breath.

I grab the tape and toss it on the floor beneath my seat. “I should probably throw that one away.”

“Why?” She slouches back against the door. “Are you planning never to fuck again?”

I roll my tongue along my teeth, my restraint to not fuck her in the truck right now crumbling. “That all depends.”

“On what?”

Don’t say it. “On how tonight goes.”

“So are you saying that you’re only going to fuck me if things go well,” she says biting back a grin. “Or that if tonight doesn’t go well, you’ll go back to fucking every skank in a short dress.”

I shake my head, my body vibrating with the urge to pull the truck over, throw her down on the seat, and do what I’m good at. “You know, it’s saying things like that that made me think you weren’t a virgin.”

She rests her elbow on the seat back and rests her head against her hand, playing with her hair as she continues to chew on her bottom lip. “Maybe I only say them to get you all riled up so I can see that intense look in your eyes.”

I grip the steering wheel tighter as I turn my truck onto the busy street that runs alongside our apartment. Streetlights shine down on the sidewalks, houses, and trees that border the road. The shallow mountains are shadows in the distances and the city lights flicker in the heart of the town. I drive in that direction as I turn up the music, unable to think of a response to her blunt remark.

“Oh, did Mr. Stoically Aloof just give up?” She twirls a lock of her hair around her finger with the most beautiful real smile on her lips that I’ve ever seen and it makes letting her get the upper hand worth it.

“I guess I did,” I say submissively. “You should be proud of yourself.”

Her lips turn downward. “I’m not, though.”

I’m taken back. “I thought you liked winning.” I press on the brakes to slow down for a stoplight.

“I do for the most part,” she tells me with this flirty look in her eyes that makes me wonder how she’s managed to stay single for so long. Sure she may try to stay away from people, but it’s nearly impossible not to be drawn to her. “But I was kind of hoping you’d keep going and bring that intense look out.”

My cock starts to harden inside my jeans. I’m out of my element, but I dig my dusty flirting skills out, the ones I used when I first hooked up with girls.

“It’s going to take a whole lot more than a few teasing remarks to get that look to come out of me,” I say, turning my head toward her and flashing her a cocky grin. “A lot, lot more.”

She sucks her lip up between her teeth, suppressing a laugh. “Okay.” She drums her finger on her lip like she’s thinking deeply and then her eyes light up with an idea. She scoots across the seat and I wait in anticipation for whatever she’s going to do to win this thing she started.

She kneels up, sweeping her hair to the side, her chest at my eye level. “Light’s green,” she says with an arrogant smile.

I drive forward, trying to pay attention to the road, but as she leans her body toward mine I get distracted by her body heat. Then she slants her face toward my shoulder and her hair falls against my cheek. Just that alone makes my fingers tighten on the wheel. I hear the intakes of her breath as she leans down and plants a kiss on my neck. It’s soft, hardly a kiss, yet it make a sweltering need blast through my body.

“Violet, I…” I trail off as she starts sucking on my neck, tracing her tongue on my skin as her fingers slide across the front of my chest. I work to keep my eyes open, on the road, at the traffic in front of me, to the side of me, but then her fingers drift downward and encounter my dick and I’m seriously about lose it. “God damn it,” I curse and she starts to retreat. I swerve the truck to the side as she pulls back, her eyes wide as she peers over at the houses beside the curb where we’re parked.

“What are you doing?” she asks, looking back at me, her hair falling down across her heaving chest.

I shove the gearshift in park and reach for her waist. “All right, you win.” It’s all I say and then I lean over, cup the back of her head, and kiss her. So much for waiting until the end of the date.

She laughs against my lips and I shake my head, unable to pull my mouth back from hers. I keep kissing her until the sky completely blackens, until she ends up straddling my lap. I kiss her like she’s the only girl I’ve kissed before and she sort of is, at least with any meaning behind it. I don’t let my hands wander anywhere under her clothes, only over because I know once I cross that line, the date will be over. I won’t be able to stop myself… Jesus I don’t want to stop myself. But eventually, after my lips are numb, and the heat of her body blends with mine, we pull back.

Her arms are fastened around my neck and she peers into my eyes. She looks strangely alive at the moment and I feel strangely happy that I’m the one who put the look there.

“So where are you taking us on our date?” she asks with hilarity in her voice like the word “date” is the funniest word she’s ever said.

“It’s a surprise.” I can’t help but grin when she frowns in disappointment.

“Fine, but just for future reference, I don’t like surprises.” She climbs off my lap and sits down beside me in the middle of the bench seat.

She leans into me as I merge back onto the road, my heart constricting in my chest. I drive down the road lost in my thoughts on how she referred to our future and how much I actually liked it.

Violet

We pick up fast food from this little dive place at the edge of the town that has the best burger, then Luke drives up to the mountains and parks his truck. At first I think he brought us here because he wants to make out more, which seems like a wonderful idea to me, especially since making out in the truck was more thrilling than standing on the edge of the cliff, debating how easy it’d be to tip forward and fall to the jagged rocks below. But then he tells me he wants to hike up a little ways, so I follow him out into the darkness, carrying our take-out bag, while he carries a flashlight from the glove box.