“Honestly, yeah,” I tell him as my fingers hook the top of his boxers. “You?”

He slides his hand up my side and then down my arm to my hand. “Honestly, a little, but mainly because I’m worried everyone’s going to freeze their asses off.”

“Are you nervous that I’ll run?” I don’t even know why I ask it. It just sort of slips out and I can’t help but think of the morning after the night on the bridge, when I decided to run and then just a week ago when we were originally supposed to get married. Neither time was because I didn’t love him. Even the night on the bridge, I did love him even though I wouldn’t admit it. And that time I ran because I didn’t love myself.

“Honestly?” he asks and I nod. “No, not really.”

“Not at all?” I ask. “Even considering my past?”

He shakes his head. “I know that you love me, Ella May. Just like I know that emotions freak you out, but deep down you feel more about us than a lot of people feel in their lifetime. Just like I know that you’re scared and excited at the same time. Just like I know that every single day I’ve spent with you, good and bad, has been worth it. And it’s because of those things that I know that you’ll walk up that aisle that Lila’s going to make you walk up, say your vows, kiss me, and then we’ll have our happy, sad, sometimes good, sometimes bad, crazy, bumpy, intense, worth-the-journey ever after.”

His words plunge into my heart and tears well up in my eyes again. “Are you going to say that in your vows tomorrow, because it was pretty perfect.”

He smiles against my forehead. “No, I have something better planned for tomorrow.”

I lean back and look him in the eyes, which are sparkling. “Oh yeah?”

“Yes, yeah.” He lowers his mouth toward mine. “And it’s even better than the lyrics.” And then he kisses me as his hands explore my body. By the time we pull away, we’re exhausted, naked, and sweaty and it’s just after midnight.

“Hey,” I tell Micha as I look at the clock. “It’s officially our wedding day and Christmas.”

“Are you ready to go through with this?” Micha asks as he pins me between his legs and arms.

I nod with my eyes closed, but my heart is knocking inside my chest, wanting to flee. I’m going to get married today. Holy shit! “Yeah.”

“You sound nervous,” he remarks, kissing the top of each of my eyelids.

“I am,” I admit. “But that’s probably normal, right?”

“I’m sure it is.”

“Are you nervous?”

He hesitates. “Yeah, a little.”

I free a breath trapped in my chest and open my eyes. “I’m glad.”

“That I’m nervous?” he questions.

I nod, sliding one of my legs out from between his and hitch it over his hip. “Because it means we’re on the same page and usually that’s not the case.”

He considers what I said and then bends his knee so it’s pressed up between my legs, his body heat blissfully scorching against my skin. “I guess you could look at it that way, at least if it’ll get you up the aisle.”

“I’ll be fine,” I assure him, cringing at the idea of either walking up the aisle alone or with my dad. Neither seems that appealing because alone I’m probably going to freak out, and with my dad, if I do freak out, he won’t be able to calm me down. “Micha… will you… will you walk up the aisle with me or tell Lila we’re just going to skip that part?”

“Can’t you just tell her?” he asks, frowning.

I shake my head. “She’s wedding crazy. Seriously, I think she should consider becoming a wedding planner.”

His arms slip around my waist and then he tastes my mouth with his tongue. “If you want me to walk up the aisle with you, then I will.”

“Thank you,” I whisper and hug him tightly, knowing that if he’s there with me it’ll be so much easier to get through it. Everything is when he’s with me.

It’s quiet for a while, and when Micha speaks again, he sounds a little bit excited.

“So since it’s officially Christmas,” Micha says pulling away from me slightly to look me in the eye, “are you going to give me my Christmas present?”

I frown. “It’s a really silly present.”

“So what?” he says. “Besides, silly presents are the best.”

I sigh and then sit up, slipping from his hold, and then pad over to my duffel bag that’s on the floor in front of the bed. “Okay, but try not to get too disappointed when you open it,” I say, taking out the wrapped-up box with a bow on it. I climb back in to bed and hand it to him.

He grins at the box as he crisscrosses his legs. “Aw, you even wrapped it and put a bow on it and everything,” he says in a teasing voice.

I shake my head and playfully pinch his arm. “Don’t make fun of me. And Lila made me wrap it.”

“I like that you wrapped it,” he says and then rips off the paper like a little kid would. I put the bracelets into a small box, so he has to open that as well. When he gets the lid off, he stares at the thin strips of leather with the words forever engraved on both of them.

When he doesn’t say anything, I start to grow nervous, like he might not get what they are. “They’re like the ones we used to have when we were kids, but I didn’t get the one that says ‘best friends,’ figuring since we were way more than that I’d just get two forevers.”

He glances up at me and I can’t read his expression at all. “I remember. You actually made me wear the one that said ‘best friends’ and it made me sort of feel like girly.”

I frown, regretting the present. “Yet you still wore it.”

“Because you asked me to,” he says. “And we both know I’d do anything for you.”

“Sorry, it’s sappy, right?” I reach for the box to take the bracelets back. “I should have gotten you something better.”

He quickly picks up the box and turns, holding it out of my reach. “Are you kidding me? This is perfect.”

“But you just said they were girly.”

“No, I said that having a bracelet that said ‘best friends’ was girly and that was when I was eight.” He smiles and I start to relax as he takes out one of the bracelets. “This is the perfect present, Ella May, because it means something.”

“It’s kind of a sappy present though,” I say as he slips the bracelet on.

“Which makes you a sap, just like me,” he replies as he takes my wrist and slips the other bracelet on.

“I guess you must be wearing on me,” I joke, and then lean in to kiss him. “But that’s okay.” I fiddle with the bracelet, reducing the size so it’ll fit my wrist, while Micha gets out of bed and starts digging through his dresser drawer. I think he’s looking for a shirt to put on or something, since it’s freezing, so I’m surprised when he returns to the bed still shirtless but with a small wooden box in his hand.

“Now, I didn’t have time to wrap it since I got it for you tonight,” he says, handing the box to me, his hand shaking a little bit, like it did last Christmas when he gave me the engagement ring. “Merry Christmas, Ella May-soon-to-be-Scott.”

I smile, but I’m a little nervous at what the hell he could be giving me that would make him nervous. I take a deep breath as I open the box. Inside is a ribbon necklace with a rose pendant.

“It’s beautiful,” I say with honesty as I run my fingers along the pendant, which feels like porcelain.

Micha lets out a loud breath as he scoots closer to me. “It’s actually from me and your father. It belonged to you mother. He gave it to her on their wedding day and we sort of thought maybe you could wear it at our wedding, as a way to sort of be close to her.”

It’s like he’s pushed this button and without warning I start to cry, tears streaming down my cheeks like a fountain, dripping down my lips, my nose, onto the necklace in the box. I’m not even a crier, yet for some reason, I seem to be crying a lot lately. Usually, I’d fight them back, but I really don’t care at the moment. I just cry. Cry because I’m happy and sad at the same time. Sad because my mom won’t be there, but happy because I’m marrying the love of my life tomorrow.

My head tips down so it takes Micha a second to realize I’m crying. When he does, he cups my face and lifts my head back, immediately wiping the tears away with a worried look on his face.

“I’m sorry,” he says. “I was worried about giving it to you because I thought it’d upset you.”

I press my lips together and shake my head. “I’m not at all.”

“Then why are you crying?”

“Because I’m happy,” I say with a smile as tears continue to pour out.

He still looks unconvinced. “So you like the present?”

“I love the present,” I say and then kiss him with so much passion we collapse back onto the bed, the wooden box still clutched in my hand. We kiss until we’re breathless, and then I pull way only to say, “The present is perfect—you’re perfect.”

And he really, really is.

Chapter 23

Micha

“Oh my God, you two and your fucking crazy-ass ideas.” Ethan paces back and forth, flattening a path in the snow in front of my car with his hands stuffed in the pockets of his jeans, a hoodie pulled over his black button-down shirt. I went for a different look, wearing a pinstriped buttoned shirt Ella picked out for me, black jeans, and boots, along with a dark jacket we borrowed from Thomas. She made me roll up the sleeves and keep my leather bands on my wrists because she said it made me look sexy. Honestly, I don’t really give a shit what I’m wearing just as long as she’s happy.

“What?” I ask, popping the trunk of the Chevelle. The snow was so deep driving up that I had to put chains on the tires and it was still a pain in the ass to get down here so I’m a little worried about going back. “It’s just a little cold air.”

He shakes his head as he glares at me. “We’re all going to be ice statues by the time this is over, buried alive under five feet of snow.”

“Hey, we’ll make great snowmen,” I joke as I glance up at the sky where light, fluffy snowflakes drift toward the ground, landing in the bare branches of the trees and covering the ice-covered lake. Lila came down here a little earlier with my mom and scattered candles around a flattened-out area in snow beneath a canopy of trees, although I have no idea how the hell they’re going to get them lit. They also tied black and red ribbons all over the branches along with silvery Christmas lights that are plugged into an extension cord that’s plugged into an AC adapter in my car, which means I have to leave the engine on the entire wedding. They sprinkled rose petals all over the snow, which I can barely see now because of the fresh layer of snowflakes on top of them. After they did all this, they took off to go check on Ella and help her get ready. I’m glad she’s not alone, because she seemed a little nervous when I left the house.

As I unload a few fold-up chairs from the trunk, I pretend I’m not nervous, even though I am. Not because I want to bail but because I’m fucking getting married and it’s starting to freak me out. Ethan’s responsibility lecture is fresh in my mind and I keep thinking, What if I screw up? I can’t. Not with Ella.

“You okay, man?” Ethan asks, dropping a few chairs onto a growing pile. “You look a little pale.”

“I’m fine.” I put my foot on the bottom bar of a chair and stomp down on it to unfold it, and then I stand it up in the snow.

“Make sure you line them up straight,” Ethan says as he unfolds a chair and lines it up with the one I just set up. “Lila will chew our asses out if we don’t.”

I smile, but keep my head down as I start forming an even row. It doesn’t take more than a minute to get the few chairs set up, since there’s hardly anyone attending the wedding, but it seems like an eternity goes by. By the time we’re done, I’m fidgety and jittery, a bundle of nerves sparking inside me.

Finally I can’t take it anymore. Adrenaline is rushing through me and my pulse is erratic so I go back to my Chevelle and open the glove box. Digging around beneath a stack of papers, I find a pack of cigarettes that I hid in there ages ago for moments just like these.

“Really?” Ethan questions as I sit down in the driver’s seat with the door open and my feet planted in the snow.

“I just need to calm down,” I say and pop one into my mouth. He shakes his head, laughing under his breath as I grab the lighter out of the pack, cup my hand around the end of the cigarette, and light it. As soon as the nicotine enters my lungs, I feel better and my heart rate starts to settle.

Ethan heaves a large Tupperware bin out of the trunk and drops it onto the ground as I suck drag after drag off the cigarette, my heart calming, my skin warming under my coat and shirt.