Too much. Too soon. Panic doused the flames. I tried to smile so that no one would suspect the content of his words, or mine. ‘I cannot. You must see that I cannot. What revenge would Gloucester take if my reputation was besmirched?’

His grip on my hand tightened so much that I winced.

‘You refuse me?’ Extravagantly, his brows winged upwards. ‘How can you, when we were meant to be together?’

‘Yes. Yes, I do refuse. Forgive me.’

‘I warn you—I will not give up.’ His voice was low, but he kissed my fingers with an intensity that left me in no doubt of his passion or the hint of quick anger I had seen in his face. ‘You have set me a hard task. As challenging as a quest set for one of King Arthur’s knights. But I will not give up. I will win you, my lady. I will lay siege to the Castle Impregnable—and I will win. I will never admit defeat, for I cannot live without you.’

Releasing my hand, stepping back in one fluid movement, Edmund bowed. I watched him walk away. When he reached the door, he looked back, and bowed again. The light of battle was in his eye.

When I attended Mass next day, it was to be informed by an impassive-faced Master of Household that Lord Edmund had left Windsor at daybreak. He had given no indication that he would return.

So he had left me. He had left me because I would not go to his bed or invite him to come to mine. He had been furious, taking himself off to London—or anywhere else as far as I knew—simply to punish me, because he had been thwarted.

Had Edmund Beaufort ever been thwarted in his whole life?

I doubted it, but I would not be pushed into a commitment that left me so uncertain. Why would I not sleep with him? I pondered. I was no virgin, but I could not commit myself to so momentous a step. I was not totally lost to good sense, and reason told me that to lay my reputation bare to accusations of lewd scandal would throw me into the hands of Gloucester and the Royal Council. Who knew what measures they might take against me if they thought my actions discredited the Young King in any way? I had done the right thing.

Oh, but I missed him. I longed to feel his arms around me again, his soft words against my throat. Perhaps I had just destroyed my only chance of happiness, a glittering gift offered on Edmund’s outstretched palms. Yet I knew that I had not. I knew that I had not seen the last of Edmund Beaufort. I had become the Holy Grail for him, and I knew he would not give up until I lay in his arms.

Edmund’s unheralded departure had given my damsels much food for speculation and Alice an exhalation of relief. After two days of my being the object of their interest, watched to see if I was languishing from unrequited passion, I informed my household that I planned to visit my dower property at Leeds Castle, once Madam Joanna’s place of imprisonment. I found that the idea of the secluded retreat suited my mood, sequestered as it was, cushioned against the world, a place with no court and no damsels for they would not accompany me.

And if Edmund Beaufort discovered my absence and wished to see me, I knew in my heart that he would follow me.

I gave my orders to Master Tudor, who received them without expression. My small entourage was under way the following day, with my Master of Household and a handful of soldiers providing a stiff-backed and silent escort. Ensconced at Leeds with only Guille to serve my needs I wrapped my solitude around me. Every morning I climbed to the battlement walk and looked north towards London, my heart bright with hope. I was quite as capable of throwing down a challenge as my lover. We would see how strong his love was for me.

‘You left me!’ I accused as he strode with purpose into the entrance hall. I knew the role I would play. I had not had too long to wait—less than a se’ennight, in fact—for Edmund followed, gratifyingly quickly, but it pleased me to be less than conciliatory. It pleased me to see his steps hesitate momentarily as I addressed him with what might have been interpreted as temper. ‘You walked away from me and made me the subject of common gossip,’ I added, in case he did not realise the effect of his rapid departure.

‘You were cruel. You refused my invitation. You rejected my love,’ Edmund responded through gritted teeth. He was hot and sweaty from a fast ride, eyes fierce, russet hair mussed as he pulled off his hood. He was entirely appealing.

‘I could not take the step you asked of me.’ I was adamant.

‘Do you not love me enough? You are happy enough to enjoy my kisses. Is there a limit to your love, my lady?’

Oh, his words were accusatory.

‘There is no limit,’ I responded. ‘You know that I love you, but I no longer know if you love me. I think to reject me so openly was cruel.’

I was astonished at how cool and confident my voice sounded. I knew that I was in the right in my refusal. The thought of Gloucester passing judgement on my moral state still horrified me, so I met Edmund’s furious stare with a steady regard.

‘You are very cold,’ he observed.

‘I am hurt.’

He held out his hand in demand. I thrust my hands behind my back.

And, taking me aback, instead of the frustration or even anger I had expected, his face was illuminated with a smile that made my blood sing. ‘Are you sending me away?’ he asked.

‘Yes.’ But my heart quaked.

‘Do you expect me to make an apology?’ he demanded.

I suspected that he did not know the meaning of the word. ‘Do you think you should?’ I deliberately allowed a little edge to colour my tone. ‘How could you inflict such hurt on me, Edmund? And so thoughtlessly, if you see no need to ask pardon.’

‘Love is not love without hurt.’

‘I don’t believe you.’

Edmund swooped, and captured one of my hands, since I allowed it, falling smoothly into the verse:

‘Love without anxiety and without fear

Is fire without flames and without warmth,

Day without sunlight, hive without honey

Summer without flower, winter without frost’

‘What does that mean?’ I asked, lifting my chin, as if I were in no mood for such complex sentiments. In fact, they thrilled me, but I held firm in my resolve.

‘It means that love must have pain to make the joy more intense.’ Edmund pressed my fingers against his mouth. ‘Come to my bed, my golden one.’

‘I will not.’

‘Must I go away again?’

I lifted a negligent shoulder. ‘I will not be browbeaten, my lord.’

‘I beg of you, my glorious Queen Kat. Have mercy.’

I shook my head. Neither would I be cajoled, though I could not contemplate the thought of never seeing him again, not touching him, not savouring his mouth on mine. But I knew he would not leave me again.

‘Speak to me.’ Edmund pressed his lips to the soft skin of my wrist where my blood beat heavily. ‘Come to my bed, my obstinate love. Who’s to know here?’

‘I will not.’

‘Your mouth provoked me,

Kiss me, kiss sweet!

Every time I see you so it seems to me…’

‘I don’t provoke you.’

‘But you do. Your refusal provokes me to madness.

Give me a sweet, sweet kiss, or two or three!’

Edmund, still clasping my hand, in all his travel-stained boots and hose, sank to one knee, head bent.

‘Don’t ask me again,’ I urged, trying to step away. ‘For I will not.’ And yet I felt that the mood in him had changed, the flirtation a thing of the past. Slowly his gaze lifted to mine.

‘Katherine.’

There was no mockery in his use of my name, neither was there any residue of light in his eyes. I had never seen him so serious. Had he indeed given up on me? Perhaps he would ask forgiveness for his presumption and explain that he had been mistaken after all, that his regard for me had proved to be a finite thing. My hand tensed in his but I regarded him steadily to cover the flutter of nerves in my belly.

‘Will you wed me, Katherine?’

It took my breath. ‘Marriage?’

‘Why not? We love each other. There is no one I would rather wed.’ His brows flattened. ‘Unless you have another man in mind?’

‘No, no.’

‘Then will you?’

I struggled to put my thoughts into words. ‘I must think, Edmund.’

‘Then think of this too.’

He stood, pulled me into his arms and kissed me long and thoroughly. I did not resist. He was mine, and I was his.

That night, alone in my room, curled on the cushions in the window embrasure with a single candle and the lap dog for company, I thought about what it would be like to be married to Edmund Beaufort. There would never be a dull moment, I decided with an unexpected wide smile that was reflected back at me cruelly refracted by the fault lines in the glass. It would be a highly respectable marriage, with a man at the forefront of politics and national events. Edmund would be a man I could be proud of and admire.

And it would be reciprocal. Did he not tell me that he admired me? I was his golden queen. I trembled at the thought of learning physical love in Edmund’s masterful arms.

But would our life continue at this madcap rate? Would he continue to shower me with poetry and extravagant compliments, luring me into breath-stopping kisses in secluded corners? Real life is not like that, I informed my reflection seriously. You cannot be breathless for ever.

But why not? He loved me. He turned my limbs to water.

‘Well? Will you wed me, Queen Kat?’

Edmund was waiting outside my chamber next morning, shoulders propped against the wall. How long he had been waiting I knew not, but of course it would have been no difficulty to discover the pattern of my days at Leeds Castle. He was dressed to perfection, linen pristine, boots polished, thigh-length tunic impressive in its richness, as he had intended. He bowed low, as I knew he would. The peacock feathers in his cap swept the floor.

‘I beg you to put me out of my misery. Wed me and I will be the most attentive husband you could ever desire.’ He cocked his head, his hair gleaming in the morning light. ‘Must I kneel again?’

‘No,’ I replied slowly, all my thoughts of the previous night crystallising in my mind. ‘Don’t kneel.’ I took a little breath. ‘Yes, Edmund. I will. I will wed you.’

His mouth curved in a smile, his eyes glowed, and from the purse at his belt he took out a gold and enamelled brooch, which he pinned to my bodice, where it glittered in blue and red and gold on my breast. Not a jewelled confection such as a man might give to the woman he loved but a coat of arms, a badge of ownership. I did not recognise it.

‘What is it?’ I asked.

‘It is a family piece—a livery badge. The Beaufort escutcheon.’ He traced with his fingertip the portcullis and the lion rampant. ‘I thought I would like you to wear something so personal to me.’

‘It is beautiful. I will gladly wear it.’ And I turned his hand and kissed his palm.

‘I adore you, my beautiful Katherine.’

As we knelt together to hear Mass in the chapel, and my priest, Father Benedict, elevated the host, my blood ran hot with joy. The man at my side adored me. That was what he had said. And what a particular piece of jewellery he had given me, marking me as a Beaufort possession. Wearing it as I did that morning made a very clear statement of my intent. When Mass was complete, Edmund whispered:

‘Can I ask you to be discreet in your wearing of the brooch?’

I looked my surprise.

‘Just for a little time. Until I can announce to the whole world that you will be my wife.’

I agreed. Why would I not? Edmund would need to inform his family. When we returned to Windsor I would be free to wear the Beaufort portcullis and lion as openly as I pleased.

CHAPTER EIGHT

Edmund Beaufort took control with a snap of his impertinent fingers. I had never met anyone with so much inexhaustible energy. Or such a charmingly insolent denial of authority, such wanton disregard for my enforced cold respectability as Queen Dowager and Queen Mother. Or such wilful casting aside of court etiquette. Unleashed on the quiet Court at Windsor, Edmund Beaufort blew the cobwebs from the tapestries and stirred the old rooms into joyful activity, breathing life into rooms that had not seen occupation for years. I found myself at the centre of a whirlwind.

Our staid court became a place of ragingly youthful high spirits, the young courtiers who elected to remain with James and my damsels in no manner reluctant to be drawn into Edmund’s plans. It was as if they were awakened from a long sleep, and I too. I was drawn in whether I wished it or no. And I did. I came alive, my despondency and desolation vanishing like mist under early morning sun. There was no lying abed in those frosty December mornings when the sound of the hunting horn beneath my window blasted me into activity. Neither was I allowed to cry off. We hunted through the days, come fair weather or foul.