Get out of here. Now.

He shrugs again, but something in his demeanor changes—grows anxious. “You told me I could watch you that night, so when I wasn’t near you, I studied you from up here.”

I don’t trust him, Lily says.

Neither do I… I want to, but I can’t.

We need a plan. To get you out of here and away from him for a while, at least until you figure some stuff out.

Yes... I guess we do… but how?

Handcuffs, she entices.

Even though it makes me feel sick to my stomach, I decide that it’s time to get the out of here and away from River without him being able to follow me and insist he’s helping me. I need to figure some stuff out before I can go around trusting people. And the route I’m going to take is definitely stemming from my bad girl side—from Lily. I think about the knife and how she convinced me to slit her wrist. Deep down, a small part of me wanted to give into her so easily, just like I’m going to do right now.

“Are you watching me now?” I ask River, gliding my hands up the front of his chest and almost smiling when he shudders under my touch.

“What do you mean?” His voice is raspy as desire blazes in his eyes. “Of course I am. You’re right in front of me.”

“Clever.” I slant toward him and he doesn’t move back.

His eyes flick to my lips. “I know.”

“I’m sure you do,” I say in my most seductive voice then move closer to him. “You sure you want to help me?”

“Positive.” He wets his lips with his tongue.

“Okay then.” I press my lips to his and give him a soft kiss.

I’m not a good girl. I don’t care what they say. This is me. This is all I can be. I can’t fight who I am anymore. I’m a bad girl. I do whatever it takes to protect myself. Be a whore. Be whatever you need to be to survive, otherwise you won’t.

River kisses me for a moment, slipping his tongue deep inside my mouth. He tastes like cherries and smells like rain. It’s delicious and intoxicating, but ends too quickly.

He pulls back, his lips leaving mine. “Maddie, just relax.” He holds me back by the shoulders. “We could go to my place and talk for a little while, if you want.”

That’s the last thing I want to do, go somewhere alone with him. So instead of responding, I slant forward again and taste him deliberately.

“Maddie… we should… talk…” He’s reluctant at first, but then gives in, letting his arms bend and allowing my body closer to his. I kiss him, run my fingers through his hair, while his hands travel all over my body. It feels mind-numbingly good, makes me feel alive at the moment, makes it easier to push away the dirt inside me, the voice that shouts at me I’m being the whore the unknown man always told me I was. I wish it were that easy. That I could kiss him and just enjoy it, instead of worrying if I’m going to snap and kill him.

So that’s what I tell myself to get through this. That I’m doing him a favor by what I’m going to do to him. Protecting him from me. Getting to my feet, I guide him with me, making sure to keep our lips sealed as I back us around the desk, bumping into the corner and knocking over a picture on his desk. I bite at his lip then gently push him into the chair. He gazes up at me, eyes glossy, lips parting to say something. But I silence him by tugging his shirt off and discarding it to the side. My movements are reckless, rough, almost violent and it frightens me so much how I feel inside that I’m shaking. I trace my fingers up his lean muscles covered in tattoos, allowing them to slowly wander to the base of his neck, my fingertips quivering when I feel his erratic pulse. I feel him stiffen and I wonder if he’s afraid of me. But as if answering my silent question, he grabs me by the hips and jerks me forward so I land on his lap. Then he crashes his lips against mine. I slide my hands around his shoulders and to his back, scratching at his flesh, feeling something unravel inside me. I’m not Maddie at the moment. Nor Lily. I’m just a confused person who’s trying to survive the madness. Maybe that’s why I take it as far as I do. I could have just stolen the handcuffs before our clothes came off, but I don’t want to. I want to go further. I want to unfold. Shed my skin and just feel something other than fear for one goddamn moment. I want to become the person that I’m always fighting not to be. So I let him rip my clothes off and I do the same to him. Then he touches me, inside and out, his fingers wander over my nipples, my thighs, in me while he devours his lips. It feels so wrong, yet right at the same time.

After I explore him, a condom goes on and before I know it, he’s sinking deep inside me. I try not to think about if Lily went this far with him. It’s so fucked up and I don’t want to think about it—I don’t want to think.

So I don’t.

We rock together in rhythm, driving each other to the edge, fingers delving into each other’s flesh, crying out each other’s names, begging for more. River is as equally rough as me and I start to understand a little, why he might have not cared when Lily hurt him. I think he might like the pain as much as I do. It makes me wonder why. But not for very long because then we’re coming. Together, nails scratching his skin apart, panting, breathless, covered in sweat. It takes me a little while to return to reality and realize what I did. How rough I was. How sickened I am because I liked it, how alarmed and subdued I feel at the moment.

I knew you had it in you. You’re becoming so much like me anymore. Soon you’ll only be me.

She’s right. I do have it in me. The bad. I can admit that now. And it’s terrifying and enthralling. As River’s trying to settle down, I climb off his lap and reach for the drawer, ready to push my bad out some more.

“What are you doing?” he asks, breathless, I pick up a set of handcuffs and the key to them.

His brows knit and his lips part in protest, but before he can do anything, I clip one to a handle on a filing cabinet right by the chair and one to his wrist. At first I think he thinks I want a kinky round two, but when I pick up my skirt and put the keys into my pocket, his amusement turns to alarm.

“What are you doing?” he asks as I collect up my bra and panties from the floor and put them on.

“I’m leaving,” I say, slipping on my shirt and skirt, noting there’s music playing downstairs. The bar must have opened.

He glances down at his wrist and then jiggles it, causing one of the drawers to the filing cabinet to jerk open. “Why did you handcuff me then?”

I shrug, picking up his pants and chucking them to him. “You might want to put those on, so when you’re found, it’ll make the situation a little less awkward.”

He glares at me. “Maddie, unlock me now.”

I shake my head, flipping my hair out of the collar of my shirt. “I’m sorry, but I have to go.”

“Where the fuck could you possibly be going that you would have to cuff me up?” He wrenches his arm, the metal making a loud band, and I can tell that he’ll probably break the handle before too long.

I back toward the door, picking up my shoes from the floor. “Somewhere.”

“Please let me go,” he begs, tugging on the handcuff again and nearly tipping the cabinet over. “I’m worried about you and I want to help… just let me go and I’ll help.”

I slip on one of my boots as I keep walking backward, my eyes fastened on him. “I can take care of myself.”

“No you can’t,” he says firmly, struggling to get to his feet but manages to and the filing leans foward. “And locking me up isn’t going to stop me from wanting to help you.”

“I don’t take help from anyone,” I say, putting my other boot on, but I trip in the process and stumble into another filing cabinet in the corner, causing a huge stack of papers to fall to the floor. “And I think you’ll get the picture after this,” I say, starting to kick some of the papers out of the way, but freeze when I see my name on a lot of them.

This is what you were looking at, weren’t you?

Pick it up and see.

I bend down and pick one up. Rivers handwriting is scrawled over it, lines and lines of rushed notes.

“Maddie, don’t touch that,” River pleads, pulling hard on the handcuff and the cabinet shifts again, almost toppling over. “Please, it’s for your own good.”

I read the paper that’s in my hand. “Maddie’s Asherford is an interesting girl. One I’d like to get to know and crack open and that’s why I’m choosing to do my thesis on her.” I stare at the paper, not even glancing up when I hear a loud thud from in front of me. “She doesn’t quite fit into society and the other day when I was talking to her, she zoned out for a very long time and start whispering something about hearing voices. When she came to, she couldn’t remember doing it and carried on the conversation as if nothing happened.”

“Maddie, please don’t—”

“She referred to herself the other day in the third person and there was a moment where it seemed like she’d turned into someone else. Her posture changed. Her voice did as well. She looked at me different too, but then she must have snapped out of it. I did a little research on her and her past is very interesting—very scarred and dark. She’s done some time in an institution. I’m not even sure if she knows half the stuff she’s been through, but I want to find out if she does.” River calls my name, but it’s faint, barely existent as I turn the page over. “I found out last night that Maddie has multiple personality disorder. I met her alter ego who goes by the name of Lily. She was only out for a while, but she seemed very different from Maddie. More cold and uncaring. Darker, probably created because of her horrible past. In fact, I was a little bit afraid of her. I’d really like to study her, too and see how she acts in society compared to Maddie herself. I just need to get close to her, but it’s complicated when she’s so guarded. But I have a few experiments I’m going to try with her, too see how Lily comes out, who she is and how she differs from Maddie. I’m also getting some outside help and if this all works out, I should have a fairly good paper in the end.”

“This is why you want to help me?” I look up at him, gripping the paper tightly in my hand. “Because I’m insane and you want to study me and do experiments on me.” My voice burns with anger and I’m tremulous, not with fear but with wrath.

He’s managed to drag the filing cabinet over far enough that he’s close enough to me I can see the horror in his eyes. “You’re not insane. I don’t believe that for one minute otherwise I wouldn’t be in here with you.”

“Why are you in here with me?” I ball up the paper and chuck it to the floor. “To study me some more?” I step forward, ready to hurt him. Make him pay in ways I didn’t even know where possible. I discover in this moment just how sickening my mind is. Pain, it can come from more ways than my mind can grasp. “Did you even tell the police what you said you did or was that a lie? Were you hoping to get me here so I’d confess that I killed Sydney or something and you could write it in your paper?” My eyes widen. “Did you break into my house the other night, hoping to see her?” Was that what happened? Was it him?

“Break into your house… what the hell are you talking about?” He looks baffled, but River might be just as good as a liar as I am.

Told you.

You did. I should have listened to you.

River shakes his head as he moves toward me, reducing the space between us and dragging the filing cabinet with him. His wrist is starting to bleed from the cuff but he seems unbothered by it. “I don’t think for one second you did anything to Sydney. It’s not in your nature.”

“And what about Lily?” I challenge, stepping back toward the doorway otherwise I’m going to go toward him and do something I’ll regret.

His brows dip together. “What about her?”

I reach the doorway. “Is it in her nature?”

He doesn’t answer, staring at me as if he’s trying to unravel my thoughts. “I’m not sure yet, but I want to help you find out…. You know it’s not your fault—what she does. You’re two different people, just stuck in the same body. And the things that happened to you in your past… it’s totally understandable.”

“You know nothing about my past!” I shout, surprising the both of us.

“Yes I do,” he insists, giving the cuff another tug. “And if you’ll just uncuff me, I’ll tell you everything I know.”

“You really think I’m stupid enough to believe you?” I shake my head, turning my back on him and rushing out the doorway before I can act out on my need to hurt him. Or worse, trust him.