'We need to get you both inside the compound. The night air is not good for anyone,' Antonius said. 'We can talk about your exploits later, Julia. But inside first, out of this night air. I'll take Julia; Clodius, you support Valens.'

The few hundred yards to the porter's lodge seemed like climbing Mount Vesuvius to Julia. Without her father's hand under her elbow, she was certain she would have stumbled and fallen. She carefully kept her eyes from Valens, but found it impossible not to wonder if this completely drained feeling was what he felt after a bout in the arena.

At the sight of Clodius's small stool, she sank down. Her feet refused to move any further.

She held her hands over the tiny brazier and tried to get them warm. When she thought she had control of her emotions, she turned towards Valens. He was sitting on the floor. Legs sprawled out in front of him, eyes trained directly on her. At her glance, he gave a small smile and raised his thumb upwards. Julia found her face breaking into a wide smile.

'How are you feeling?' she asked and her hands gripped the edges of the stool to prevent her from hurrying over and exploring his injuries.

'My head feels like it has been hit by a cudgel but other than that I'll live.'

'Good,' Julia breathed. Her eyes met his and she allowed herself to be swallowed up in his deepening pools of brown. The world seemed to narrow down to the two of them. Nobody or nothing else mattered. She half-rose and swayed towards him.

'Clodius, I want you to get me a runner.' Her father's brusque voice cut across Julia's thoughts, making her start. She had forgotten he was there.

Julia felt her cheeks begin to burn. She abruptly sat down and covered her face with her thin mantle, pretending to be overcome once more. She clenched her fist, hoping that her father had not noticed what had just passed between Valens and her.

She risked a glance upwards. Her father's impassive face gave no clues.

'I want that runner now, Clodius,' her father's voice commanded. Grumbling, Clodius left the room. He continued in the same tone of voice. 'And now I would like to know what I am supposed to do about all this?'

'What do you mean all this, Father?' Julia asked, holding her palms upwards. 'Surely it is obvious that you must file suit against Lucius and prevent him from attacking me again.'

Her father waved an impatient hand. 'That is immaterial to what I am talking about, Julia. I want to know what I am supposed to do about you two and your affair. There will be no hushing up the scandal this time. All Rome will know and they will realise that it has been going on for a while.'

Julia's heart stopped. He knew! She glanced up into her father's hard, grizzled face. There was no merriment or sentiment in his countenance.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Valens stand and move closer to her. She only had to reach out her hand to brush his. She tightened her grip until her knuckles shone white against each other.

'Father, you are jumping to conclusions.'

Her father's face contorted. 'I am no fool, Julia, please refrain from treating me like one. If I had not known before to-night, Lucius's actions make it abundantly clear what is going on.'

'Julius Antonius—' Valens started to say.

Her father's face grew beet-red before the words exploded from his mouth.

'You be quiet! Look at the trouble you have caused. Sabina was correct. We should never have had an infamis in the house.'

Julia buried her head in her hands. Her father was treating Valens as if he were some object, as if he were a slave. She felt Valens's reassuring touch on her shoulder.

'How long?' she whispered and raised her head to look at her father. "How long have you known?'

'Long enough.' Her father's face softened and he touched Julia's hand. 'I am neither blind nor an imbecile. You have blossomed ever since this gladiator arrived. When he abruptly left, you wilted like a flower starved of sunshine and water.'

Julia tilted her head and looked at her father. The explosive anger appeared to have vanished.

'Blossomed?' she questioned.

'Became more like the way you were as a child. Not jumping at every noise. Back to being my little Julia.'

'I hadn't realised you noticed.' Julia stared at her father in disbelief. She had thought her father never bothered, that she was an encumbrance, a pawn to be used by Sabina; now she discovered he did care.

'I am your father, Julia,' he said quietly and patted her hand. 'I notice you.'

'Then you approve?'

'Approve?' her father roared, his face growing red again. All tenderness vanished as if it had never been. 'No, I most certainly do not approve. How could I approve? He is a gladiator. I could never approve of such a relationship. While you were discreet, I had no reason to interfere.'

Julia stared at her father's forbidding face. He had to understand. She offered up prayers to Venus to intervene. 'But you like him. You said you liked him. You said you liked the way I have been blossoming.'

'If I did not like him, I would have stopped this much sooner, but, like a sentimental fool, I allowed you to keep seeing him. I thought it had all ended when he left the other day, but now I see it has not. And the incident tonight means I shall have to take action.'

Julia tried to ignore the growing pit in her stomach. 'Why has it changed?'

'Lucius obviously came upon you two and reacted with the appropriate rage. He was well within his rights, Julia. A Roman matron consorting in a public street with an infamis. No jury will convict on such evidence. The story will be all over Rome within hours. Our family and our standing in the community will be ruined!'

'What do you intend to do?' Julia stared her father directly in the eye.

Her father reached out a hand, but she brushed it away.

'You will have to make a choice, Julia—either your life with your family or exile.'

Julia's body trembled from rage. Her father had no wish for her future happiness. Her only use to him was a rung in Sabina's pathetic attempts to climb the social ladder.

'I choose—'

'I refuse to let you make that choice, Julia,' Valens said firmly and put Julia's hand in her father's. 'You stay with your family.'

All the feelings of anger, elation and rage disappeared from Julia's body. She drew her hand out of her father's and turned to stare at Valens. Had she mistaken everything? Her lips still ached from his kiss.

'I understand,' she said quietly, summoning her last reserves of dignity. 'I thought we had something, but obviously I was mistaken.'

'Julia, I do have feelings for you, but I know you love your family. And I also know what it is like to lose your family, to become one of the damned.'

'But I—'

'Hear me out, Julia, and you too, Julius Antonius. We could be happy, very happy at first, but there will come a time when regret like a snake grows and coils around your heart, poisoning it with its whispers. You would grow to resent me.'

'I could never resent you!' Julia cried wildly. She had to make him see. 'I care nothing for my life here.'

Valens shook his head. His eyes looked grave.

'You have no idea what your father is asking you, Julia. You will not leave your family, your home, your life because of me. I forbid it. I refuse to let what we have shared become mired in bitterness and resentment.'

'Most impressive, young man,' her father said. 'Spoken like a true Roman.'

Valens made an ironic bow and his eyes warned Julia to keep silent. Julia pressed her fists into her mouth. She wanted to hate Valens for taking away the decision from her, but a little part of her argued he was right. She was not ready for exile.

'Will you give me a little time alone with Julia to say my goodbyes?' Valens asked. 'The games begin in a few hours' time and I wish to bid her farewell.'

'Yes, of course.' Her father turned to go. 'I can give you that much, but no more.'

'Julius Antonius, one other thing before you go… Had I not been a gladiator, what would you have felt about my suit?'

Her father turned with his hand on the doorknob,

'You are an honourable man, Valens, despite your profession. I will answer the question when the time comes, should Julia Antonia still be free. I feel obliged to warn you though— I have had several other offers for her hand. Offers that would advance this family's standing considerably.'

He strode from the room.

Julia looked at Valens. She wanted to weep, but all the tears had long since fled. She felt numb. It was ending here. This was the last time she would see him alone. And he had refused her father's offer to let her go into exile.

Valens drew her into his arms and she felt his lips nuzzle her forehead. At his touch, she looked up.

'You must not weep, Julia,' he said with a tender smile.

'You are about to go out of my life, to fight in the arena. You refused to let me make my decision.' Julia Lifted her chin. She was determined that nothing should show on her face.

Valens reached out and smoothed tendrils of hair off her face. The gesture nearly caused her bottom lip to tremble. She forced her mouth to smile as she tucked her hair behind her ears.

'Your father has not said no. He has said not right now. You must believe in his words.'

'Valens—'

'Julia, I have to fight tomorrow. I need to know you are safe.' He rubbed a hand over the back of his head. 'I cannot be worrying about you and fighting at the same time.'

Julia stared at his pale face and her heart constricted. His injuries were too great. Claudia had warned her that he needed to be in top physical condition to make some of those rolls and parries with his sword.

'But you are hurt. Surely they won't make you fight with your injuries.'

'I have received worse knocks in training practice.' He knelt by Julia's side. 'Strabo would never excuse me from the games for such a minor thing. I would never ask.'

'But—'

'I am doing this for both of us, Julia.' He lowered his head to hers and touched her mouth with his lips. 'If I win the rudius, your father will welcome me into the family, you will see.'


Chapter Seventeen


Julia shivered in the pale rose light of dawn as she waited with Claudia, Poppea, and a small group of other onlookers and well-wishers, just outside the Aventine baths. The square had been deserted when they arrived, but now it was rapidly beginning to fill up with excited boys hanging on their fathers' hands and vendors selling all sorts of gladiatorial memorabilia.

It felt as if Julia had barely closed her eyes before Claudia had banged on her door this morning. She was pleased she had left Bato with Clodius. The old porter seemed to have a genuine affection for the dog.

She had also breathed a sigh of relief that neither her father nor stepmother was about when Claudia came to collect her. Her father had not actually forbidden the games, and she knew in her heart that she would have disobeyed him in any case. She had to go. She had to watch. She had to be there for Valens. She had to know what happened when it happened.

'Explain to me again why we are here?' Julia asked Claudia as the crowd started cheering and stamping its feet.

'We are here to see the start of the gladiatorial parade. The gladiators will ride through the streets of Rome in their chariots with the servants marching behind, carrying their armour. It starts here and then winds it way across Rome through the Forum and down to the Circus Maximus where they will arrive at about four hours.' Claudia waved a scroll under Julia's nose. 'You see the whole timetable is in here—from parade route to starting times for each of the events.'

'Events?' Julia looked blankly at the document. 'I thought there were just the games.'

Poppea gave a hoot of laughter. 'This is entertainment on the grand scale, my novice supporter. After the parade, there is the grand entrance, the warm-up matches, the fights with wooden swords by gladiatorial hopefuls.'

Julia unrolled her scroll and peered at the long list of events. 'When are those fights? Before or after midday? I don't see them listed.'

'Julia, Poppea means the lusio. They are listed just here.' Claudia unrolled the scroll and showed Julia the spot. 'They give the illusion of fighting. After one or two matches to warm up the crowd, the beast fights are at midday. After the midday interval, the real fun begins—there is the drawing of the names, the testing of the swords and finally the games themselves. I understand Caesar has thrown in everything from chariot fights to a pair of gladiatorix from Gaul.'