Джорджетт Хейер - The Grand Sophy

“Most unjust,” said Mr. Goldhanger. “There is also a little matter of the interest, my lady.”

Sophy shook her head. “No, I shan’t pay you a penny in interest, which may perhaps teach you a lesson to be more careful in future. I have with me five hundred pounds in bills, and when you have handed me the bond and the ring I will give them to you.”

Mr. Goldhanger could not help laughing a little at this, for although he had not very much sense of humor he could not but be tickled at the thought that he would forego his interest at the command of a young lady. “I think I prefer to keep the bond and the ring,” he said.

“I expect you would prefer it,” said Sophy.

“You should consider, my lady, that I could do Mr. Rivenhall a great deal of harm,” Mr. Goldhanger pointed out. “He is up at Oxford, isn’t he? Yes, I don’t think they would be pleased there if they knew of his little transaction with me. Or — ”

“They would not be at all pleased,” said Sophy. “It would be a trifle awkward for you, though, would it not? But perhaps you could persuade them that you had no notion that Mr. Rivenhall was under age.”

“Such a clever young lady!” smiled Mr. Goldhanger.

“No, but I have a great deal of common sense, which tells me that if you refuse to give up the bond and the ring the best course for me to pursue would be to drive at once to Bow Street and lay the whole matter before the magistrate there.”

The smile faded; Mr. Goldhanger watched her through narrowed eyelids. “I don’t think you would be wise to do that,” he said.

“Don’t you? Well, I think it is the wisest thing I could possibly do, and I have a strong feeling that they would like to have news of you in Bow Street.”

Mr. Goldhanger shared this feeling. But he did not believe that Sophy meant what she said, his clients having the most providential dislike of publicity. He said, “I think my Lord Ombersley would prefer to pay me my money.”

“I daresay he would, and that is why I have told him nothing about it, for I think it nonsensical to be blackmailed by such a creature as you all for the want of a little courage.”

This unprecedented point of view began to engender in Mr. Goldhanger a dislike for his guest. Women, he knew, were unpredictable. He leaned forward in his chair, and tried to explain to her some of the more disagreeable consequences that would befall Mr. Rivenhall if he repudiated any part of his debt. He spoke well, and it was a sinister little speech that seldom failed to impress its hearers. It failed today.

“All this,” said Sophy, cutting him short, “is nonsense, and you must know that as well as I do. All that would happen to Mr. Rivenhall would be that he would get a great scold and be in disgrace with his father for a while, and as for being sent down from Oxford, no such thing! They will never know anything about it there, because it is my belief that you do worse things than lending money at extortionate rates to young men, and once I have been to Bow Street, ten to one they will contrive to put you in prison on quite another charge! What is more, the instant it becomes known to the law officers that you lent money to a minor you will be unable to recover a penny of it. So pray do not talk any more to me in that absurd way! I am not in the least afraid of you or of anything you can do.”

“You are very courageous,” said Mr. Goldhanger gently. “Also you have much common sense, as you told me. But I too have common sense, my lady, and I do not think that you came to see me with the consent, or even the knowledge, of your parents, or your maid, or even of Mr. Hubert Rivenhall. Perhaps you would indeed inform against me at Bow Street. I do not know, but perhaps you may never be grant the opportunity. Now, I should not like to be harsh to such a beautiful young lady, so shall we agree to a little compromise? You will give me the five hundred pounds you have brought with you, and those pretty pearls you wear in your ears, and I will hand you Mr. Rivenhall’s bond, and we shall both of us be satisfied.”

Sophy laughed. “I imagine you would be more than satisfied!” she said. “I will give you five hundred pounds for the bond and the ring, and nothing more.”

“But perhaps you have loving parents who would be willing to give me much, much more to have you restored to them, alive, my lady, and unhurt?”

He rose from his chair as he spoke, but his objectionable guest, instead of displaying decent alarm, merely withdrew her right hand from her muff. In it she held a small but eminently serviceable pistol. “Pray sit down again, Mr. Goldhanger!” she said.

Mr. Goldhanger sat down. He believed that no female could stand loud reports, much less pull triggers, but he had seen quite enough of Sophy to be reluctant to put this belief to the test. He begged her not to be foolish.

“You must not be afraid that I don’t know how to handle guns,” Sophy told him reassuringly. “Indeed, I am a very fair shot. Perhaps I ought to tell you that I have lived for some time in Spain, where of course they have a great many unpleasant people, such as bandits. My father taught me to shoot. I am not such a fine shot as he is, but at this range I would engage to put a bullet through any part of you I chose.”

“You are trying to frighten me,” said Mr. Goldhanger querulously, “but I am not frightened of guns in women’s hands, and I know very well it is unloaded!”

“Well, if you move out of that chair you will discover that it is loaded,” said Sophy. “At least, you will be dead, but I expect you will know how it happened.”

Mr. Goldhanger gave an uneasy laugh. “And what would happen to you, my lady?” he asked.

“I don’t suppose that anything very much would happen to me,” she replied. “And I cannot conceive how that should interest you when you were dead. However, if it does, I will tell you just what I should say to the law officers.”

Mr. Goldhanger, forgetting his urbanity, said testily that he did not desire to hear it.

“You know,” said Sophy, frowning slightly, “I cannot help thinking that it might be a very good thing if I were to shoot you in any event. I did not mean to when I first came, because naturally I cannot approve of murder, but I see that you are a very evil man, and I cannot help wondering if a really courageous person would not shoot now and so rid the world of someone who has done a great deal of harm in it.”

“Put that silly gun away, and we will talk business!” Mr. Goldhanger besought her.

“There is nothing more to talk about, and I feel much more comfortable with the gun in my hand. Are you going to give me what I came for, or shall I go to Bow Street and inform them there that you tried to kidnap me?”

“My lady,” said Mr. Goldhanger, on a whining note, “I am only a poor man! You — ”

“You will be much richer when I have paid you back your five hundred pounds,” Sophy pointed out.

He brightened, for it had really seemed for a few minutes as though he might be forced to forgo even this sum. “Very well,” he said. “I do not wish any unpleasantness, so I will give back the bond. The ring I cannot give back, for it was stolen from me.”

“In that event,” said Sophy, “I shall certainly go to Bow Street, because I am persuaded they will not believe there, any more than I do, that it was stolen. If you have not got it, you must have sold it, and that means you may be prosecuted. I inquired of a most respectable jeweler only this morning what the law is with regard to pledged articles.”

Mr. Goldhanger, revolted by this unwomanly knowledge of the law, cast her a glance of loathing, and said, “I have not sold it!”

“No, and it was not stolen from you, either. I expect it is in one of the drawers of this desk, together with the bond, for I can’t imagine why you should have bought such a handsome piece of furniture, unless it was to lock valuables away in it. And it may even be that you keep a gun of your own in it, so perhaps I should warn you that if you pulled the trigger quicker than I did, I left a letter at my home to inform my parents precisely where I had gone to and what my purpose was.”

“If I had a daughter like you, I would be ashamed to own her!” said Mr. Goldhanger, with real feeling.

“Nonsense!” said Sophy. “You would probably be very proud of me, and would have taught me how to pick pockets. And if you had a daughter like me she would have scrubbed your floors for you and washed your shirt, so you would have been a deal better off than you are now. Pray do not keep me waiting any longer, for I am quite tired of talking to you, and, indeed, have found you a dead bore from the outset!”

Mr. Goldhanger had been called a villain, a bloodsucker, a cheat, a devil, a ghoul, and innumerable other hard names, but never had anyone told him that he was a dead bore, and never had any of his victims looked at him with such amused contempt. He would have liked to have closed his long, bony fingers round Sophy’s throat and choked the life slowly out of her. But Sophy held a gun, so instead he unlocked a drawer in his desk, and sought in it with a trembling hand for what he wanted. He thrust a ring and a scrap of paper across the desk, and said, “The money! Give me my money!”

Sophy picked the bond up, and read it; then she put it, with the ring, into her muff, and withdrew from this convenient receptacle a wad of bills and laid it on the desk. “There it is,” she said.

Mechanically, he began to count the bills. Sophy rose. “And now, if you please, will you be so obliging as to turn your chair round with its back to the door?”

Mr. Goldhanger almost snarled at her, but he complied with this request, saying over his shoulder, “You need not be afraid! I am very glad to see you go!” He added, quivering with fury, “Doxy!”

Sophy chuckled. Fitting the key into the lock and turning it, she said, “Well, I really believe I would rather be a doxy than a turnip dressed up in a sheet to frighten silly boys!”

“Turnip?” repeated Mr. Goldhanger. “Turnip — ?”

But his unwelcome guest had gone.

HUBERT WAS on his way upstairs to his room that evening when he met his cousin, coming down from the schoolroom. She said, “Hubert! The very person I wanted! Wait, I have something for you!” She then went into her own room, and came back in a minute or two, looking mischievous, and said, “Shut your eyes, and stretch out your hand!”

“Now, Sophy, is this something horrid?” he demanded suspiciously.

“Of course it is not!”

“Well, you look as though you meant to hoax me,” he said, but he obediently shut his eyes and held out one hand. Sophy placed his ring and his bond in it, and told him he might now open his eyes. He did so, and suffered so severe a shock that he dropped the ring. “Sophy!”

“What a careless creature you are!” she remarked. “Don’t neglect to burn that silly piece of paper! I very nearly did it myself, for I am sure it would be just like you to leave it in your pocket, but then I thought you would like to see for yourself that it really has been recovered.”

He bent to pick the ring up. “Bbut, Sophy, how — who — how came this into your hands?”

“I had it from your Mr. Goldhanger, of course.”

He gave a gasp. “Had it from — You did not go to that old devil’s house! You could not have done so!”

“Yes, I did. What should stop me?”

“Good God!” he ejaculated. He grasped her wrist, and said sharply, “Why did he give it up to you? Do you tell me you paid him the money I owed him?”

“Oh, don’t give that a thought! I happened to have five hundred pounds by me, and you will pay me back sometime, I expect. There is no need to look so shocked, you silly boy!”

“Sophy, I cannot bear it!” he said, in a strangled voice. “Besides, he lent it to me at fifteen per cent per month, and I know well he would never have parted with my bond for a penny less than was his due! Sophy, tell me the truth!”

“I have done so. Of course, he did not like it very much, but he was obliged to do what I wanted, because I told him I should go to Bow Street if he refused. I think you were very right about him, Hubert! He is probably in league with every thief in London, for the instant I made that threat I could see how uneasy I had made him, so very likely he does not at all wish to be brought under the notice of the magistrates.”

“Goldhanger allowed himself to be frightened into giving up these things? Goldhanger?” he said incredulously.