“I'm sorry, Mom,” she whispered through her tears, and Liz turned and clung to her, grateful for the bond between them.

“I love you, Meg.” Mother and daughter cried as they held each other, and the others were crying too by the time the car was full.

“I love you too, Mom,” Megan said softly, and the others came to hug her.

She was taking the clothes to a local charity drop, and Peter offered to drive her.

“I'm okay. I can do it alone,” she reassured him. He was wearing a smaller neck brace by then, and had just begun to drive again, and he insisted on driving her. She was too upset to drive the car and she knew it. And together, they drove slowly out of the driveway, with the car piled high with his father's things, as the others watched.

They were back half an hour later, and Liz looked ravaged, and when she walked back into her closet that afternoon and saw the empty space, her heart gave a little tug, remembering what had been there, but she felt freer. It had taken her a long time, but she knew she had been right to wait until she was ready, despite the endless advice she'd been given about when to put away Jack's clothes.

She sat in her room for a long time, staring out the window, and thinking of him, and when Bill called late that afternoon, he could hear in her voice that something had happened.

“Are you okay?” He sounded worried.

“More or less.” She told him what she had done that day, and how hard it had been, and his heart ached as he listened. In the past two months, he had come to care about her deeply.

“I'm sorry, Liz.” He knew it was a sign of some kind, a symbol of the fact that she was slowly letting go of the past, and saying a last good-bye to her husband. He would always be a part of her, and their children were his legacy, but she was loosing her grip on his reality and daily presence. “Can I do anything?”

“No,” she said sadly, they both knew it was a private agony, and a solitary moment.

“I was going to ask you if you wanted to go out tonight, but maybe that's not such a great idea.” She agreed with him, and he said he'd call her in the morning. In the end, he called her again later that night, just to see how she was. She still sounded sad, but a little better, and she'd spent a quiet evening with the children. They had all calmed down after the sorrow of the morning. And only Liz was left with her memories, and her sense of loss. The others seemed to have come to terms with it long before she had.

The next day when he called, she sounded more herself again, and he was pleased when she agreed to see him that evening. She seemed quieter than usual, and more subdued, but after they talked for a while, she was laughing again, and seemed in better spirits.

They went for a long, quiet walk, and held hands, and when he kissed her this time, they both knew it was different. She was ready to face the future, to let go of the past, and move forward.

“I love you, Liz,” he said, as he held her close to him, and she smelled his now-familiar aftershave. He was so different from Jack in so many ways, and she cared for him, but she could not bring herself to say the words. Not yet. And maybe never.

“I know,” was all she said, and he didn't expect more of her. It was enough for both of them for now that he had said it.





Chapter 10

By Halloween, they both knew it was serious. Neither of them had come to terms with it, or figured out what it meant for their future, but Bill was obviously in love with her, and although she didn't admit it to him yet, she knew that she loved him. It was a dilemma for her, because she didn't know what to do about it, or what to tell her children. She had talked to Victoria about it more than once, and her only advice had been to go slow and let things “unfold,” which sounded sensible to Liz, and it was what she thought too. She knew that in time, they'd both know how they felt, and what to do.

Bill came to the house and they took Rachel and Jamie trick-or-treating. Annie and Megan said they were “too old” to go trick-or-treating, and stayed home to hand out candy at the door with Carole. Peter was at his new girlfriend's house, handing out trick-or-treat candy there.

And late that night, when the children were in bed, Bill looked at her quietly, and asked her if she would go away with him for the weekend. She hesitated for a long time, and he was suddenly terrified that he had ruined everything, but they had been dating for two months, and their passion had become harder and harder to restrain. He knew that he hadn't misinterpreted what she felt for him, and his own feelings were clear, at least to him. And he felt like a kid again when she quietly said she'd go to the Napa Valley with him the following weekend. They agreed not to tell the kids, and he said he'd make reservations for them. He wanted to take her to the Auberge du Soleil, because it was the most romantic place he could think of for their first weekend together.

Bill picked her up late Friday afternoon, he had been working since the night before, but he was so happy and excited that he wasn't tired. And Liz had made lots of plans for the children that weekend to keep them busy. She had told them she was going to stay with a friend from law school, and she had arranged a time with Bill to pick her up when she knew everyone would be out. Only Carole knew where she was really going. And Bill was faintly amused by her modesty and discretion, but he also knew that it was easier for them both that way. There was no need to upset her kids. Although Peter and Jamie might have been pleased to know they were going away together, the girls most certainly wouldn't. There was still plenty of resistance among them being generated by Megan. She was civil to him by then, but barely more than that, and there was no reason to antagonize her further.

The scenery was beautiful along the way, the leaves had turned a variety of coppery colors, and the grass was still green, as it always was in winter. It was an odd combination of East and West, the fall colors of New England, combined with the evergreen of California. And they chatted all the way to Saint Helena. Liz was quiet from time to time, and he didn't want to ask her what she was thinking. He knew that being with him was still an adjustment for her, and she had told him more than once that there were times when she felt as though she were betraying Jack. He knew that in some ways, this weekend wouldn't be easy for her. And as they drove along, Liz glanced at the wedding ring she was still wearing.

They checked into the room close to dinnertime, and Liz was touched when she saw how elegant it was. He had gone all out to spoil her and make her happy. And the view of the valley stretching endlessly before her at dusk took her breath away. She went into the bathroom to change after Bill poured them both some wine, and came out in a new black dress for dinner.

They ate in the hotel's dining room, and afterwards went to sit in front of the fireplace at the bar, while a woman sang at the piano. And they were both comfortable and relaxed as they wandered slowly back to their room. They held hands, and as soon as they walked in, Bill kissed her. It was a kiss that told her everything she meant to him, and within minutes, they were both swept away by their passion for each other. There was a fire burning in the fireplace, the lights were low, and Bill lit the candles on the coffee table, and then they sat down on the couch with their arms around each other. And slowly, he peeled the black dress away, as she unbuttoned his shirt. It was wonderful to be there alone, and have the freedom to do whatever they wanted. And then gently, he led her toward the bed. He undressed her slowly and sensually, and they slipped into the clean sheets naked and lay there for a long minute, just holding each other.

“I love you so much, Liz. …”

“I love you too …” she whispered to him. It was the first time she had actually said the words to him, but this time they came easily to her, as easily as what came next, as they kissed and then finally gave in to their passion. She was swept away by him and the longing she had felt for him, and suddenly all the sorrow and loneliness and fear seemed to fall away, like a cocoon she had wrapped herself in and no longer needed to protect her. She needed no protection from him, there was no place to hide, nothing she held back from him, as she gave herself to him. And afterwards, they lay breathless and sated and she smiled at him, but there was something bittersweet and nostalgic in her eyes, and he knew that the past and the memories still had their fingertips on her heart. It would have been impossible for it to be any different, and they both knew that.

“Are you okay?” he asked gently, worried about her, and sorry that she still looked so sad. But no matter what he saw in her eyes, she was smiling at him.

“I'm fine … better than that … you make me so happy.”

It was almost true, as true as it could be at the moment.

He saw that there were tears in her eyes. It was hard not to think of Jack at moments like this, as she gave herself to someone else. It was another important step away from him, a step she had postponed for as long as possible, but that she wanted to take now. It was like walking across a bridge from one life to the next. But she felt safe with Bill, and she could tell him anything. He wasn't wounded or upset because she admitted that it wasn't easy for her.

They lay side by side in bed for a long time, talking about things, and he admitted that he had never loved anyone as he loved her. And she lay peacefully beside him, enjoying being with him, and trying to force herself not to think of Jack. But it was hard not to think of him, and Bill was sensitive to her feelings.

As the weekend unfolded, she was less and less aware of Jack, and more and more aware of Bill and all that she shared with him. They went for long walks, and talked about a variety of things, their work, her children, their dreams. They avoided talking about the past as much as possible, and inevitably on Sunday morning, as they sat on the deck of their room, looking out over the Napa Valley, their conversation drifted slowly toward the future.

He was wearing a sweatshirt and jeans, and she was wearing a cozy wool bathrobe in the cool November morning. The day was warm, and it was pleasant just sitting there, basking in the sun, as they shared the paper. And when Liz glanced up at him and handed him the sports section, he was smiling at her.

“What are you looking so happy about, Dr. Webster?” She smiled at him as he took the paper from her.

“You. This.” He gestured toward the valley. The whole weekend had had the feeling of a honeymoon to both of them, and in some of the more important ways, she was his now. Jack was drifting slowly into the mists behind her. And although part of her still wanted to hold on to him, and always would, she knew she had to move on. And Bill was a wonderful companion to her. “What are we going to do about us?” he asked her gently.

“What does that mean?” She looked suddenly worried as he said it. They were words she was not yet ready to hear, and he knew that, but he couldn't help it. It had been on his mind since they started dating. “We don't have to do anything,” she said, sounding nervous.

“It might be nice though. Is it too soon to talk about that, Liz?” They had made love again the day before, and at night in front of the fire, and again that morning. They were amazingly compatible, and it was hard to believe they had never made love before that weekend. Everything about them seemed to mesh and blend, and be just what they both needed and wanted. It was hard to ignore that. “I never thought I'd be saying this to you,” he went on, suddenly feeling young and awkward, but he was so in love with her he didn't want to lose her. “But I think eventually we ought to get married.” She was shocked when he actually said it. She had never expected him to say that, it was completely out of character for him.

“I thought you didn't believe in marriage.” She looked as though she wanted a recount, and he could see that she was frightened by what he had said.

“I didn't, until I met you. I guess this is why, because somewhere in my heart, I hoped it could be like this one day, and I didn't want to waste my tickets with someone it wouldn't work with, like my first wife. We damn near annihilated each other.” But in his eyes at least, this was perfect. And she could see being with him for a long time, maybe forever, but she was not yet ready to say it. It was too soon for her, and the memories of Jack were still too fresh. It hadn't been a year yet, although it was close to it. “I don't want to blow anything by talking about this too soon, Liz, but I wanted you to know that this is the direction I'm headed.” She wasn't a woman one took lightly, and there were her kids to think of. He had thought about them a lot, and knew he could come to love them. He already did love Jamie, and had a strong bond with Peter. And he figured the girls would come around eventually. He had never had a problem winning over women and children, when he cared to, and in this case he did.