‘I’m surprised, given your low opinion of men.’

‘What does that mean?’

‘I remember hearing you talk about Salvatore Ramirez after that evening you spent with him and his wife. You said he was mostly window dressing-like most men.’

‘Did I really say that?’

‘You know you did. Your voice had a scathing note that made me curious.’

‘I wasn’t scathing,’ she protested.

‘You certainly didn’t sound as though the male sex had greatly impressed you.’

‘I can’t think why.’

‘Is that a real lapse of memory or a diplomatic one?’

‘I think I must have been going more by my instincts than my experience,’ she said, recalling his words of another time.

‘So it’s your instincts that tell you not to bother with men because we’re all hopeless?’

‘Mmm!’ She considered. ‘The idea occasionally strolls through my mind.’

‘Shall I tell you what strolls through my mind?’ he asked satirically. ‘That when I found you in the rain that night I should have left you out there.’

‘You wouldn’t have done that. If I’d knocked on your door full of self-confidence and dressed in expensive clothes, you’d have sent me away with a flea in my ear, rain or no rain.’

He glared. ‘I hope you’re not suggesting that I’m a soft-hearted do-gooder who actually prefers creatures who need protecting.’

‘Of course not,’ she said, sounding shocked. ‘I wouldn’t dream of insulting you like that.’

‘Because, to my mind, that’s just another sort of arrogance.’

‘Perhaps you are arrogant, in your own way,’ she mused. ‘Maybe I will insult you, just a little. Admit it. You took me in for the same reason you took Toni in.’

‘Sure, you’re just another lost dog. I look at you and Toni and I can hardly tell the difference.’

‘That’s easy. I’m hairier,’ she said at once.

‘Don’t make me laugh while I’m eating,’ he begged.

Not for the first time with Pietro, she discovered that the roads to a serious truth could lead through laughter. It was in his big, generous nature to reach out to the weak and vulnerable, and then be grumpy about it afterwards.

It was only recently that she had fully understood that she was made the same way. Where others saw his money and status, she saw his need, and longed to care for him as he cared for her. But this too had to be half concealed behind amusement. He was touchy.

‘I love this,’ she said suddenly. ‘When the evening began, I had no idea it would end this way. That’s the best kind of evening. Life should be unexpected.’

Right on cue the waiter appeared with the menu so that she could look through a series of dishes that she’d never seen before.

‘They all look very unexpected,’ she mused.

‘The plain and simple ice cream is the best. My friends here make it themselves.’

‘You choose for me.’

He selected a chocolate ice cream straight out of heaven, topped off with nuts, and ordered a bottle of champagne.

‘Are we celebrating something?’ she asked.

‘I feel as if we ought to be,’ he said enigmatically.

‘You’re right. We’ll think of something later.’

They clinked glasses with an air of triumph.

‘I feel as though Carnival has started already.’ Ruth sighed happily. ‘The time when people forget common sense and go wild. Ah, well!’ She raised her champagne glass and intoned, ‘There’s always Lent to repent.’

‘I can’t imagine you ever repenting,’ he mused. ‘I think if you decided on something you’d go for it and accept the consequences.’

An echo skittered through her brain. Somewhere, quite recently, she’d heard that before. But then it was gone and she had no time to brood.

‘I think I would,’ she agreed. ‘Whatever they were. If you don’t reach out and seize life-you’d never know, would you? And that could be the most painful thing in the world, not knowing. That could be the worst thing that might ever happen to you, to go through life, wondering-’

So preoccupied was she with the thought that she was barely aware of him watching her from dark eyes, until he said, ‘That won’t happen, Ruth, I promise you. I’ll get him back here, and make him help you.’

‘Oh, yes, Gino!’ For a moment she’d completely forgotten about him.

‘Weren’t you talking about him?’

‘He’s not the only thing in life,’ she prevaricated. ‘There are other things to wonder about, things it would be sad never to know.’

‘Were you thinking of anything in particular?’ he asked, watching her closely.

She thought for a moment. ‘I’m not sure.’ Then a brilliant smile illuminated her eyes. ‘Is there any more champagne?’

CHAPTER TEN

AS THEY left the restaurant Pietro asked, ‘Do you know where you are?’

‘No,’ Ruth said softly. ‘I have no idea where I am. I’m completely lost.’

But being lost didn’t seem so very terrible just now.

‘Let’s walk home,’ she said. ‘I don’t care how far it is.’

‘But it’s no distance. A few corners and we’re there.’

Even as he spoke she saw the top of the Rialto Bridge appear over the roofs.

‘Oh,’ she said, disappointed, for she had looked forward to the walk.

‘We just have to cross the bridge and we’re home.’

Shops lined the bridge on both sides and by day it was a hive of activity. Now the shops were shut, the lights were dimmed and couples huddled in the doorways. Some of them looked up to inspect the newcomers, and offered a murmured greeting, for they all knew him.

‘You should be ashamed,’ he told them. ‘Carnival hasn’t started yet.’

The voices floated back. ‘Just getting a little practice-We want to be ready-The honour of Venice-’

Ruth reached up and slid an arm about his neck.

‘Just doing my bit for the honour of Venice,’ she murmured as she drew his mouth down to hers.

Now she was taking charge, telling him that they would do it her way because she’d been patient long enough. But how long was that? All her life, surely. It was strange how all the mystifying questions answered themselves when you were with the right man. Or perhaps it wasn’t strange at all.

She was consumed with a sense of having come to the right place, standing here in the heart of Venice. She’d always been headed for this bridge, with this man. And wherever the road led afterwards, that too was her true destination.

Neither knew who made the first move, but in the next moment they were moving slowly over the bridge and into the little side street where he had first seen her.

They made almost no noise as they slipped into the building and up the stairs. Toni looked up as they came in, then settled back to sleep, so there was nobody to watch them as they went again into each other’s arms, or to see his sudden moment of doubt.

‘Ruth…Ruth…I don’t know-’

‘It doesn’t matter,’ she whispered. ‘Don’t try to think.’

As she spoke she drew her fingers gently down his face, looking up at him with eyes that loved everything she saw. She wondered if it could be the same for him, but for the moment it was enough that he held her, raining kisses on her lips, her eyes, her throat.

She had never experienced such feelings in her life before. Even with gaps in her memory she knew that. Instinct, stronger than reason, more powerful than memory, took over, telling her this man was unique, his effect on her was once in a lifetime, and she was going to open her heart to it, or live bereft for ever.

‘Perhaps I ought to think,’ he murmured. ‘I’m looking after you. How can you be safe if I-?’

‘Who says I want to be safe? Do you want that?’

He made an inarticulate sound that might have been a groan at his own helplessness. He tried to speak but, whatever he wanted to say, his hands had their own message, touching her feverishly, seeking her response despite the doubts that troubled him.

‘Isn’t this better than safety?’ she murmured against his mouth.

‘Yes!’

If she’d wanted to escape him then she couldn’t have done. His arms suddenly became like chains, forbidding her to leave him, his hands were possessive, now holding her, now releasing her so that he could pull off her coat, tossing it away, then seeking her buttons, working on them, discovering the soft skin beneath.

Her bedroom door was just close enough for her to reach behind and turn the knob. A small step back and they were gliding through almost without realising.

Pietro guided her so that she was sitting, then lying on the bed, and he could rest his face against her exposed breasts. What was happening to him now shook him to the core. Not just desire, not just emotion, but the mystic combination of the two that was worth any sacrifice. If it had been in his power he would have made it last for ever, and counted the world well lost.

But the world wouldn’t let itself be lost. It clung on to the edge of his consciousness, reminding him of the last time he’d come to the bed and felt her arms around him and her whisper of ‘Te voja ben,’ in his ears.

He tensed as the unwelcome knowledge invaded him. That had been on the first night, when she’d been half-unconscious, and she’d kissed him, thinking he was Gino. She had awoken directly afterwards and hadn’t seemed to react. He’d sworn then never to let her know the truth, and until now he’d kept his vow.

But now-

‘What is it?’ Ruth asked, distressed as he gave a sudden heave. ‘What’s the matter?’

‘How can you ask?’ he choked, pulling away from her, ‘Am I mad to be doing this?’

He got to his feet, almost staggering with the violence of his revulsion for himself.

‘How can it be mad if it’s what you want?’ Ruth asked. ‘What we both want?’

‘Is that all that matters? What we want at this moment? What about later, the regrets?’

‘Will you regret?’ she asked quietly.

He had himself under control now, and said, ‘I’ll regret anything I do that hurts you.’

‘I’m not worried about that-’

‘But I have to be. You’re not well, that’s why you’re here. You came to me for help and I-’

‘Pietro, I’m not an invalid.’

‘But neither are you completely well. It was only a few hours ago that you set off for the railway station to meet Gino, thinking of nothing but him. If he’d been there-what would you have felt?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘Exactly. Maybe you love him, maybe not, but you don’t know. And until you’ve had a chance to find out the answer to that, I have no right to-’ He shuddered. ‘What was I thinking of?’

‘Perhaps you wanted me,’ she said with a quick spurt of anger, doing up her buttons quickly. She knew now that he wouldn’t return to her.

‘Of course I want you. If there was nothing else standing between us I could go back to my bad old ways and take-’

‘Don’t you dare say it,’ she interrupted him. ‘Don’t you dare say “take advantage of me” like I was a wimp who couldn’t speak for herself.’

‘That’s not what I meant.’

‘I think it is,’ she said fiercely.

‘I meant only that you’re vulnerable. We both know why. For me to take-take what you have to give,’ he amended hastily, seeing murder in her eyes, ‘would be unforgivable.’ He added in a low voice, ‘And I’ve done enough unforgivable things in my life.’

She wanted to say, ‘Would it be unforgivable to love me?’ but she wouldn’t let herself do that. Love was the word she didn’t dare to use, although the conviction of it was growing in her own heart. He wasn’t ready to love her. He might never be ready. But she could wait.

‘I don’t believe you’ve ever done anything unforgivable,’ she said.

‘What the hell do you know about it?’

Ruth jumped at the sound of his voice, not merely the sudden volume but at the note of ferocity. It cut through her like a razor and gave her a terrifying sensation, as though he’d turned on her the same look he’d turned on Franco.

‘What do you know?’ he repeated in a voice that was less harsh but still biting. ‘Do you know about my life, what my experience has been? Do you know me?’

‘I thought I did,’ she said softly.

‘You know no more of me than I do of you. We play this little game in which you’re three people, but it’s not a game. There’s a tragic reality beneath it, and what would you think of me if I betrayed your trust? Do you know how vulnerable you are here, with me?’

‘I never feel that way. I trust you-’

‘Why? What reason have I ever given you to trust me?’

‘All this time you’ve cared for me, and never harmed me-’

He gave a crack of mirthless laughter.

‘I was biding my time, waiting to pounce at the right moment. Can you be sure that’s not the truth?’

Dumbly she shook her head. The pain that was rising in her was too great for words.