Lucy Gordon - The Italian’s Rightful Bride

‘Ciao,’ he said softly.

‘How did you-?’

‘How did I get here so quickly? I came down the back stairs. It was you in the corridor, wasn’t it?’

‘Yes, I’m sorry. I wasn’t prying. I’d just been in to say goodnight to Billy and-’

‘It’s all right. You need not explain. I hoped that since I’d been away she might-well…’ He shrugged.

Now she could see better in the darkness and she realised there was a low table with a bottle of wine and two fluted glasses. He filled one and handed it to her.

‘Were you expecting someone?’ she asked.

‘Yes. You.’

She didn’t waste time with arch questions. Of course he had known she would be here.

‘It was so hot inside that I had to come out for some fresh air.’

Gustavo nodded. ‘I come out here every night to sit quietly and let the cares and strains of the day fall away. They’re always there again tomorrow, but this gets them into perspective.’

‘Renata blames you for everything, doesn’t she?’

‘Is that a guess or do you have inside information?’

‘Well, she talks to Billy a lot-’

‘I thought that might be it, from the wary way he looked at me.’

‘I’m sorry, he doesn’t mean to be rude-’

‘Don’t be sorry. If she’s got a friend she can talk to that’s the best thing that could happen. I know she doesn’t talk to anyone else, even Laura. And she needs someone because her life has been turned upside down in so many ways. I expect you know all about it by now.’

‘I’d heard that you and Crystal weren’t together any more.’

‘Did you also hear that she bore a son by another man?’

‘Yes,’ she admitted.

‘Well, then, you know everything,’ he said heavily.

‘Gustavo, I wish I knew what to say. It must have been terrible for you-’

But he shook his head. ‘I don’t matter. Renata loved her little brother. A lot of children would have been jealous, but she has a loving heart and she adored him. Then it was all taken away, mother, brother, the home life she’d known. She has to lash out at someone, and I’m the nearest, so I’ve become the biggest monster in creation. What am I supposed to have done?’

‘Prevented Renata’s mother taking her when she left,’ Joanna said sympathetically.

Gustavo’s lips twisted in mockery, perhaps of his ex-wife, perhaps of himself.

‘Did Crystal plead with me to release her darling child, and I cruelly broke off all contact between them?’

‘Something like that.’

‘God, what a mess! Do I have to tell you that Crystal could have taken her if she’d wished, but she didn’t? The clown she’s living with doesn’t want Renata hanging around, and Crystal didn’t put up a fight. She dumped her daughter and left without a backward glance.

‘She doesn’t even keep in touch. She’s supposed to call Renata, but she doesn’t bother. If I call her she makes an excuse and hangs up.’

‘I see,’ she said slowly. ‘It’s just that Renata told me-’

‘What? It’s best if I know. What has the poor little soul told herself now?’

‘She says Crystal bought her a cellphone and they talk every day.’

Gustavo dropped his head into his hands.

‘She does have a cellphone,’ he said at last. ‘I bought it to help them stay in touch. And I can tell you, Crystal never calls on it. What’s more, she keeps her own cellphone switched off, so Renata can’t get through. I get the phone records sent to me every week so that I can tell what’s happening.’

He gave a grunt of harsh laughter, then said with terrible bitterness, ‘It would be nice if my child confided in me, but since she doesn’t, the phone records keep me up-to-date.’

‘Oh, heavens!’ she breathed. ‘I wish I knew what to say.’

‘Saying things is useless. It doesn’t make anything better. I found that out long ago.’

‘And Renata blames you for all this?’

‘Of course. It’s that or admit that her mother doesn’t want her. What is the poor little thing to do? I long to help her, but I seem to be the one person who can’t. I’m floundering.’

He gave her a painful smile.

‘This is quite like old times. Do you remember how I used to confide in you?’

She almost gave an exclamation of shock. He’d confided in her? Had he? She searched her brain for anything that could have given him such memories, but although she could remember long talks as they rode or walked together, she could recall nothing she would have described as personal confidences. And yet that was what he remembered.

‘I know we talked a lot,’ she said cautiously. ‘Especially when we were here.’

‘I used to enjoy those talks,’ he said. ‘I always felt that I could tell you everything I was thinking, and you would understand. I’d never felt that with anyone before. Or since.’

‘But the things we talked about-’ she stammered ‘-they were just-’

‘It didn’t matter what we talked about. Your mind was always there with mine. Or at least, that was what you made me feel. It was a good feeling.’

She was stunned. Had she been so absorbed by her own feelings that she’d failed to appreciate that Gustavo placed his own value on their relationship, a different one from hers?

For the first time it struck her that there had been something self-centred in her love. She’d fallen for Prince Charming, but she’d had no insight into the thoughts of the real man.

‘Of course,’ he added, ‘years spent living with a woman who couldn’t have cared less what I was thinking may have heightened my impression of you. Joanna, I can’t tell you what it’s like seeing you again. When Carlo told me he’d made an arrangement with Mrs Manton I had no idea it would be you.’

‘And you’re not sorry that it is?’

‘Of course not. It’s marvellous to me that we should have met again like this. I’ve thought of you so often through the years.’

Joanna turned a wry, disbelieving face towards him, making him ask, ‘Why do you look at me like that?’

‘I should think I’m the last person you’d want to remember.’

‘Why? We had no quarrel. I have only the kindest memories of you. Unless you’re referring to the fact that I behaved badly.’

‘You didn’t. You behaved honestly. And ending our engagement suited me too. You know that.’

‘But not the way it happened, surely?’

‘You mean with me looking like a jilted wallflower?’ she teased. ‘Come on! I was never that. You should have seen me dancing at your wedding?’

‘Yes, I did. Dance after dance with the same man. Who was he, by the way? Nobody I asked seemed to know him.’

She was almost knocked breathless by the discovery that Gustavo had noticed her that day and enquired about her partner. She had thought him oblivious.

‘He was a friend of a friend. He dropped a lot of names, and acted like he belonged there. That’s his style, charming his way through life and being so convincing that nobody challenges him.’

‘You talk as though you know him well.’

‘His name is Freddy Manton,’ she said with the air of a conjurer producing a rabbit from a hat.

‘You mean-?’

‘I married him.’

There was a slight clatter as he set his glass down sharply.

‘Were you in love with him all the time? You jumped at the chance to break up with me because of him?’

‘No way. That was our first meeting. After that I didn’t see him again for a year. Then we bumped into each other again and things happened. It had nothing to do with what happened to you and me.’

‘I see,’ he said slowly, and she couldn’t tell if he was glad or disappointed.

She drained her glass, and Gustavo immediately refilled it for her.

‘Careful,’ she said. ‘I don’t want to get tipsy.’

‘You won’t. I remember what a good head you always had.’

She gave a crack of laughter. ‘What a thing to be remembered for!’

‘I remember everything,’ he said quietly. ‘Everything. Don’t you?’

DID she remember everything? she wondered. What about the things she’d tried so hard to blot out?

‘Yes, I suppose I do,’ she said.

‘One thing that always puzzled me is why you ever let yourself be part of that merry-go-round.’

‘Blame Aunt Lilian,’ she said. ‘She really belonged in the nineteenth century, when things were done that way. I suppose I just got on board and didn’t know how to get off.’

‘Until the last moment, when you jumped off in a panic. Forgive me, Joanna. I never realised that you were being forced.’

‘It wasn’t quite like that,’ she said quickly.

‘I wish I knew exactly how it was. After we broke up I wanted to talk to you before the wedding, but I didn’t know what to say.’

‘There was nothing. It had all been said.’

‘Had it?’ he asked in a low voice. ‘Or could it never be said?’

‘Both, of course. Look-’ she set her glass down, leaned forward and gripped his hands ‘-what’s the point of being wise all these years later? It’s over. It happened. We’re different people now.’

He nodded. ‘It’s strange. I once knew you so well, and now I know nothing about you.’

You’re mistaken, she thought. You never knew the most important thing about me.

‘I’m glad you married,’ he said. ‘I hope you had some good years before your divorce. You deserve the best.’

‘That’s nice of you.’

‘I’m not just saying it. I still remember your generosity. If you only knew how much I admired you at that time. You were strong and I was-’ he shrugged ‘-I just had to put myself in your hands.’

‘And you hated that,’ she said wryly.

‘Now you make me sound churlish. But a man doesn’t like to think of himself as hiding behind a woman’s skirts like a weakling.’

‘Does it make you a weakling to accept help? I was simply better placed to do the talking. Besides, isn’t love supposed to make strong men weak? And heaven knows, you were madly in love with Crystal.’

‘Yes,’ he said solemnly.

She waited to see if he would say more, but a heaviness seemed to have come down on him.

She sat on the stone railing, raising one leg to rest her arm against the knee, and looked out over the scene.

Looking at her confused him. She was Joanna and yet not Joanna. The girl of long ago was still there, but only as a faint ghost. The woman of today had a glamour and confidence that girl had never dreamed of.

He’d watched her over dinner, fascinated by the way she had turned into a beauty, her light tan emphasising her large grey eyes and making her smile flash.

But it was more than that, more than the silk and velvet of her clothes or the real gold in her ears. She had made a success of her life, donning authority like a cloak and walking through the world with a superior air.

They called her ‘Boss!’ and it was only half a joke. She had earned the title, not inherited it. He felt at a disadvantage, and that brought a memory back.

‘Do you remember the night you came out here before?’ he asked.

‘Maybe,’ she said dreamily.

‘I saw you here, sitting just where you are now, and I wanted to come and talk to you but you seemed so absorbed in your own world that I couldn’t bear to disturb you.’

‘Oh,’ she said softly.

‘I did come out in the end-but it was all wrong.’

‘I remember that we didn’t say much.’

‘I had an odd feeling that you wanted to tell me something, but you never did, so I guess I was mistaken.’

She was silent, recalling that night and how awkward their conversation had been. How astute of him to have sensed that there were words she longed to say! How blind not to have realised that they were words of love!

From deep in the woods the owl hooted again.

‘There was an owl that night too,’ she said, smiling. ‘That one’s probably descended from it. Nothing ever really changes here, does it? That was one of the things I loved about the place.’

‘Nothing changes,’ he agreed. ‘And everything changes.’

‘Yes,’ she said after a moment. ‘Everything changes.’

Then, for a while, there was nothing more to say.

Joanna found herself pervaded by an unexpected sense of peace and contentment. She felt that she could sit here forever.

Gustavo remained in a chair, watching her as she looked out over the darkened landscape, her hair lifted by the slight breeze that was so welcome at the end of a hot day.

Once she turned her head towards him and smiled, but they did not speak. Time seemed to slip past without her noticing, and she was startled to see the first streaks of light in the sky.

‘Is that the dawn?’ she asked.

‘Yes, but it’s only about four o’clock.’

‘That’s right. I used to stand at my bedroom window and watch it happen. It was glorious.’

‘I expect you were dreaming of the great lost palace even then,’ he said with a smile.