Lucy Gordon - The Italian’s Wife by Sunset

‘Mum-’

‘You won’t let him in here, will you?’

‘But I thought you still-’

‘Thought I what?’

‘You know,’ he said, uneasy and embarrassed.

‘Still love him?’

‘Yeah. That.’

In the doorway Carlo tensed, waiting for her answer. The silence seemed to go on for ever.

‘Of course I love him,’ Della said softly. ‘And I always will. But it’s too late. I couldn’t bear him to see me like this. You haven’t let him in, have you?’

Faced with her mounting agitation Sol had no choice but to say, ‘No, I swear I haven’t.’ He saw Carlo’s hands raised in protest and gave him a desperate shrug as if to say, What else could I do?

‘He mustn’t see me.’ Della’s voice rose to a cry. ‘Promise me-promise me-’

‘I promise-Mum, I promise. But I think you’re wrong. The guy loves you, for Pete’s sake.’

‘He loved me as I was then, but he’s never seen me like this, and I don’t want him to.’

Carlo had recovered enough to mouth, Makes no difference.

‘Maybe it wouldn’t make any difference,’ Sol recited obediently.

‘That’s what he’d say,’ Della murmured. ‘And he’d mean it, because he’s kind and generous, but I couldn’t put such a burden on him. It wouldn’t be fair.’

‘Maybe love isn’t fair,’ Sol replied, repeating Carlo’s silent message.

‘It isn’t. If it were-if love was fair-I could find a way not to love him so much. I’ve tried not to-I thought I could forget-be strong-but he’s always there. No, it’s not fair-’

Sol looked up again, expecting some direction, but Carlo was leaning against the wall, his face distorted, his hands hanging helplessly by his sides. It was as if Della last words had knocked the strength out of him.

‘Perhaps you don’t really want him to go?’ Sol suggested, dragging some inspiration from inside himself.

‘That’s very clever of you, darling. It’s true, I don’t want to lose what we had, but I can only keep it now by letting it go and remembering.’

‘Let me bring him here,’ Sol urged.

‘No-no! You mustn’t do that. Sol, I’m trusting you. I can trust you, can’t I? You wouldn’t deceive me about this?’

‘No, I-Of course you can trust me, Mum.’

‘Don’t you see why I could never let Carlo see me this way? I want him to remember me as I was the last time he saw me.’ Her lips curved in a sudden smile. ‘It was the awards night. I was dressed to kill and I know I looked good-you saw the tape-my best ever. He was there, and he saw me. I’ll never look as good as that again. But it doesn’t matter because he’ll never know. He’ll remember me as I was that night, and that’s what I want.’

‘But think of all your life-’ Sol began to argue.

‘I can manage if I know he’s all right. What I couldn’t bear is to tie him down when he should be flying.’

‘Flying?’

‘On the first day he told me about his ambitions, how he wanted to do something that could send him soaring. No nine-to-five job or collar and tie for him. That’s what I want for him, too. I couldn’t bear to be the one to take it away.’

‘Can you really live on memories for ever?’ Sol asked.

Again she smiled-an incredible smile, breathtaking in its happiness.

‘I have the very best memories,’ she said softly.

After that there was silence. When Sol looked at the door again, Carlo had gone.

DOWN the side of the hospital ran a narrow street, lined with small shops and cafés, some with outside tables. At one of them sat Carlo, drinking coffee, staring fiercely at the floor.

‘Well, look who’s here!’

He looked up to see Ruggiero pulling out chairs for Hope and himself. His brother called the waiter and ordered prosecco all round.

‘Is that her window up there?’ Hope asked, pointing to the hospital.

‘That’s right. The third one along. How did you know I was here?’

‘We’ve been spying on you, of course,’ Ruggiero said. ‘What else?’

‘Why aren’t you with her?’ Hope demanded. ‘That’s where you belong.’

‘So I thought,’ he said heavily. ‘But I was wrong. She doesn’t want to see me. The mere idea upsets her.’

‘Because she no longer loves you?’

‘Because she thinks I won’t want her now she’s injured.’

‘Perhaps she’s right?’ Hope said carefully. ‘She’ll be a heavy responsibility.’

His eyes flashed. ‘Do you think I’m afraid of that?’

Hope looked at him thoughtfully for a moment.

‘No,’ she said at last. ‘I don’t think so.’

‘But she does.’

‘Then you must convince her otherwise. It should be easy, since she loves you so much. After all, she came back to find you.’

‘Yes, I think she did. But the crash has changed everything-not for me, but for her.

‘Nonsense. She still wants you. Nothing has changed,’ Hope said robustly. ‘Your mother says so, and your mother is always right.’

He gave a faint smile, but looked at her curiously. ‘At one time you were against her.’

‘In those days I was a stupid woman. I didn’t understand her, but most of all I didn’t understand you. I see more clearly now.’

She saw Carlo glance up at the window, to where a young man stood, signalling to him.

‘Sol,’ he explained.

‘You two have become friends?’ Ruggiero demanded sceptically.

‘Not quite that, but we’re managing to work together. He’s not so bad.’ He rose and kissed her cheek. ‘Thank you, Mamma, for everything.’

‘Give Della my love.’

He found Sol in the corridor, agitated.

‘Now we’re in the soup,’ he said. ‘Why did you tell that doctor that you were her husband?’

‘What’s happened?’

‘He told her about it, didn’t he? Only she didn’t know, and she asked me a lot of questions, and now she’s all worked up and I don’t know what to do.’

‘But I do. Stay here, and don’t come in.’

He found the doctor beside Della’s bed, trying to soothe her.

‘Please leave,’ Carlo said.

‘Signore, I don’t know who you are, but I cannot allow-’

‘I am her husband and I tell you to leave.’

The doctor departed quickly. There was something about Carlo that he didn’t want to argue with.

Carlo paid him no attention. He’d heard Della’s horrified gasp and he dropped down beside the bed, taking her hands in his and kissing them.

‘No, don’t struggle,’ he said. ‘Or we’ll both get tangled up in your machines. Hush, be still.’

Either his voice or the feel of his hands seemed to get through to her, and at last she lay quiet.

‘Is it you?’ she whispered.

‘Who else should it be? Della, my love-my love-’

She grew still, knowing she should fight this, but also knowing that she had no strength left to fight. She had come to the end, and he was there, waiting for her.

Then she felt the sensation that had haunted her dreams: the gentle pressure of his head against her, so that her hands moved instinctively to enfold and caress him possessively. It wasn’t what she’d meant to do, but the choice was no longer hers. As her fingers clasped him she felt him move a little closer, as though seeking a long-lost refuge.

‘Do you think you could keep me away?’ he whispered. ‘You never could and you never will. Don’t try to leave me again, my darling. I couldn’t bear it.’

‘But look at me,’ she said huskily. ‘I’m crippled and half blind-or maybe completely blind-’

He raised his head, looking down at what he could see of her wan face, half covered in bandages.

‘It doesn’t matter,’ he said, ‘as long as we love each other.’

‘But-’

‘No.’ He laid a gentle finger over her lips. ‘No more words. They only get in the way.’

This time they held each other in silence for a long time.

‘You told them you were my husband?’ she said after a while.

‘Yes, because I am. I won’t let anyone deny me-not even you. Only tell me this. Why did you come back?’

‘To find you. I should never have gone away, and I wanted to tell you that. Even if you didn’t want me any more-’

‘Hush,’ he said, silencing her mouth tenderly with his own. ‘I could never stop wanting you. If you knew how hard I’ve hoped that you came back for me. When I saw the pictures I dared to let myself believe, but I needed to hear you say it.’

‘Even now that I’m like this?’

‘I see no difference in you,’ he said simply. ‘Except that you are hurt, and need me at last.’

Before such total commitment there was nothing for her to say. She began to weep, the tears pouring out from under the bandages until he kissed them away.

From then they had to be patient as Della progressed by slow inches. Painful life returned to her leg, the bandages were removed from her head, although not from her eyes, and her hair began to grow again.

‘It isn’t grey, is it?’ she asked Carlo anxiously.

‘No, it’s not grey,’ he said, laughing. ‘It’s fair and soft, in little tight curls, like a shorn lamb. You’ll start a new fashion.’

‘I can’t bear not knowing what I look like. How long before they remove these bandages?’

‘Be patient until-Hey what are you doing?’

He moved to stop her, but Della was too fast, taking the edge of the bandage, lifting it just a little, then dropping it at once.

‘What is it?’ he asked, full of dread. ‘My darling, don’t panic-’

‘I think I can see,’ she said breathlessly. ‘My right eye is fuzzy, but I can make out shapes and colours. I’m going to see.’

They flung themselves into each other’s arms and stayed that way for a while, unable to speak. Then Della, inspired by sudden determination, raised her hands to her head. But Carlo caught them.

‘No, cara. We’ll ask the doctor before we do anything rash.’

‘But he’ll just tell me to be patient, and I’m tired of that.’

‘One step at a time.’

‘I’m sorry,’ she said grumpily, resting her head on his shoulder. ‘But I’m fed up. I’m fed up with being here, with not being able to move properly, with not knowing what’s happening. I’m fed up.’

He laughed, caressing her.

‘I can see you’re going to be a handful to look after.’

‘You won’t have to look after me.’

‘Yes, I will. As soon as you can leave here I’m taking you home, to nurse you until you’re well enough for us to be married.’

A noise outside made them pull apart. It was the doctor.

‘I can see,’ Della told him at once. ‘Just out of one eye, but I can.’

‘In that case, let’s have a look.’

They held their breath as he removed the bandages. Della blinked rapidly.

‘I’ve got the right one back,’ she said joyfully. ‘It’s getting clearer all the time.’

‘And the left?’

‘Nothing.’

‘Well, we may be able to do something about that later.’

‘Just one eye makes all the difference,’ she said fervently.

The doctor asked some more questions, and went away looking pleased.

‘It’s so good to see you again,’ she said, meaning it. ‘I thought I never would.’ She blinked again. ‘It’s getting better all the time. I’ll be able to work again.’

‘Will you wait until the rest of you has recovered?’ He was almost tearing his hair.

‘Sorry. I can’t help it.’

Seeing that she was on a high of delight, he gave up trying to calm her down and joined in her pleasure. His own heart was rejoicing at her happiness, content to forget the future in the first good news they’d had.

Sol arrived, already exulting.

‘I met the doctor on the way in,’ he said, producing a bottle of champagne, ‘and turned back to get this.’

They drank it out of paper cups, toasting each other cheerfully, until Della said, ‘Darling, it’s wonderful that you’re here, but now I’m so much better I want you to go home. Your exams must be coming up soon.’

He nodded. ‘And I really must pass them this time,’ he said. ‘I’ve got to get a job and start sending Gina money. Her grandmother says I can visit them as soon as the baby’s born.’

‘You’ve been in touch?’

‘I found Mrs Burton’s phone number in your things, and-well, I thought I should do something. It’s my kid, after all.’

‘Good for you,’ Carlo said.

Next day he drove Sol to the airport. Now on easy terms, they had a coffee while they waited for the flight to be called.

‘You know,’ Sol said, considering, ‘you didn’t handle it very cleverly last year.’

‘Handle what?’ Carlo asked.

‘Everything. “Marry me now or it’s all off.” I ask you!’

‘She told you about that?’ Carlo asked, horrified.

‘No, of course not. She told Jackie, her secretary. They’re friendly.’

‘And Jackie told you?’

‘Nah, I was eavesdropping.’

‘Why didn’t I think of that?’

‘Dunno. Usually you assume the worst of me on instinct-’

‘Maybe I don’t any more. A lot of things have changed. Go on with what you were saying.’