"I think some of them knew. It couldn't be otherwise. Their first thought was Freya ... and then when they realized you were not Freya, they pretended that you were."

"Surely not. What would they think?"

"They will smile on us. They do not expect me to give up the society of all other ladies."

"Ah yes," I said slowly. "They will smile and shrug their shoulders ... as they did with Rudolph."

"Cheer up. It was an amusing incident."

"It seemed significant in a way. I can see clearly how well you fit your role."

"I have to accept it. I have to live with it. I have to see the country peaceful. There is no way out of that. The life you and I have together will have its drawbacks—I would not try to pretend otherwise—but we must be together. I refuse to consider anything else. We must take what the gods give us, Pippa ... and enjoy it. Because it will be wonderful. I can promise you that. Just to be together ... that is all I ask."

When he spoke like that I felt limp with pleasure. I was aware of my principles slipping farther and farther away and myself growing closer to my sensual desires which were, in fact, becoming a need. I loved him. Every time I saw him I loved him more. I tried to imagine life without him and I could not bear to look into a future so dismal that it sent me into the depths of depression; and to contemplate the life he was planning for us filled me with a wild exhilaration ... albeit apprehension.

 I knew I was going to fall heavily into temptation. If it were not for Freya ... I kept thinking; and then the enormity of what I had done overwhelmed me and I then thought: I shall have to go away. I dare not continue with this.

How beautiful the forest was! When the trees thinned a little I could see the mountains in the distance. They were covered with spruce fir and in the valleys I could see little houses huddled together; I could smell the smoke rising from those places where the charcoal burners were, and I took deep breaths of the pure mountain air.

"You like this countryside," said Conrad.

"I find it delightful."

"Here will be our home. Oh Pippa, I am so happy to have you here.  You  cannot imagine  how  I  suffered  when  I thought I had lost you. I cursed myself for all sorts of a fool for letting you go. Never again, Pippa. Never again."

I shook my head, but he laughed at me. He was sure of himself, so confident that life would work out the way he wanted it to.

We rode on and were going uphill.

"Listen," he said, "to the sound of the cowbells. You will hear them through the mist. You will love the mist. There is something romantically mysterious about it. I used to call it the blue mist when I was a boy. It seemed always blue to me. You climb high through the forests and you walk into the blue mist ... and then after a while suddenly you are in bright sunshine. I used to come here a great deal. This was one of our houses. Sometimes when it was hot in the town below we would ride up here and spend the day. Perhaps we would stay. We slept out of doors often. It's full of happy memories for me, but they will be nothing compared with what lies in store for us."

"Conrad ..." I began. "I can never call you Sigmund."

"Please don't. Sigmund suggests duty. Conrad is for those I love and who love me."

"Conrad," I went on, "have you always had what you wanted?"

He laughed. "Shall we say I've always made a good attempt to get it—and if you really make up your mind, what you want often comes to you. Dearest Pippa, cast off your fears. Be happy. We are here together. We are going to our home. It is a happy house and we'll make it entirely ours."

The house was enchanting. It was built like a miniature schloss with pepperpot-type towers at the four corners, and it was the size of an English manor house.

"Come," he said. "There is no one here. I arranged that we should be quite alone."

"Who would otherwise be here?" I asked.

"The family who look after it. They have a house close by. Father, mother, two sons and two daughters. It's an excellent arrangement. They provide the entire domestic needs. If we used it for a large party we sent on our servants to help."

"It's beautiful," I said.

"I knew you would like it. It's a favourite place of mine. That's why I thought of it. It is known as Marmorsaal—Marble Hall. You'll see why. It has a rather exquisite floor in the hall, which is the centre of the house really."

There was a gateway leading to the house, surrounded by low bushes. "We keep them low so that it is not too dark," said Conrad. "I don't like darkness, do you? Well, who does? There's something menacing about it. This is always a happy house—so we cut down the trees and planted those small flowering shrubs to look pretty and not shut out the light."

"There is an inscription on the gate," I pointed out.

"Yes, that was put there by one of my ancestors who lived here for a while. He was a ne'er-do-well... the bad boy of the family ... so they sent him off here to live in the forest. His great hobby was hunting the wild boar. He wanted to be alone and resisted all the efforts of the family to bring him back into the fold. He had this inscription put on the gate. Can you read it?"

"'Sie thun mir nichts, ich thue ihnen nichts.' Don't interfere with me and I won't interfere with you."

"An excellent sentiment, don't you agree? No one will interfere with us, I assure you. This is our home, Pippa."

He unlocked the door and picked me up in his arms.

"Is it the custom in England, too, to carry the bride over the threshold?"

"It is," I answered.

"Then here we are, my dear one. The two of us ... in our new home."

It was beautiful, I had to admit. The hall floor was covered in marble slabs of the most delicate shades of blue. I could not help exclaiming at their exquisite beauty.

Pictures hung on the walls; there was a large table in the centre on which stood a bowl of flowers.

He stood there holding me tightly.

"You like it?" he asked.

"It's quite magnificent."

"We are going to be happy here—that is the most important." And when he was there beside me I could believe it.

We explored the house. Everything was in perfect order. That would be on his instructions. I wondered what the people in the forest thought. They would guess that he was bringing a woman here ... his mistress ... and they would know that this was to be her home. They would smile and shrug their shoulders, as Conrad would say.

Should we go through life with people smiling and shrugging their shoulders? What of our children? What would happen to them? Perhaps already I was pregnant.

Oh yes, I had fallen a long way down the slippery slope and I was going to find it hard to climb back to the right way, the honourable way. And it was that. I only had to think of Freya's innocent face to know it.

Nevertheless I found myself exclaiming at the perfections of the house: the dining room with its long narrow windows and its beautifully embroidered chairs; that room which was meant to catch the sun like our solarium at home; the bedrooms which were not large by schloss standards but which were light and prettily furnished. From the windows there were views of the forest and the distant mountains. It was a beautiful house in a perfect setting.

"You like it?" he asked eagerly.

I could only say that it was quite lovely.

"And you'll be happy here?"

I could not answer that. I knew in my heart that I could not be completely happy—neither with him nor away from him—and I could not pretend.

"I will banish all your scruples. I will make you see this as the only way to live."

"One which has been followed by the barons and counts, grafs and margraves before you."

"It is the only way. We are fettered for life if we do not break free. You must understand that, Pippa."

"I wish ... but what is the use of wishing, though."

"Though what?"

"Here, I could imagine anything happening. It is the land of legend, of Grimm and the Pied Piper. There is magic in the air. I feel that in this forest ... anything could happen."

"We'll make our own magic. Come, be happy. Take what is given you. You love me, don't you?"

"With all my heart."

"What else matters?"

"So much, alas."

"Nothing that cannot be overcome."

"I could never overcome my shame at my disloyalty to Freya."

"But she is just a child. When she grows up she'll understand."

I shook my head. "I think that because I am the one, she might not."

"Forget her."

"Can you?"

"I think of nothing but you."

"You are such a practised lover. You say what I most want to hear."

"It will be the aim of my life to please you."

"Please ... please, don't..." I begged.

He held me tightly against him. He was in an unusual mood. It was almost as though he thought that our being in the house like this was sacred in some way. It was almost like a ceremony.

I said: "Is it just possible that you and I could be two ordinary people, that you could be relieved of your responsibilities, so that we could marry and bring up children, and live normal lives?"

"If Rudolph had not died it could have been like that. But he died too young ... without an heir."

I told him about my visit to Katia Schwartz and that I had let her know who I was. That did not alarm him in the least. He brushed aside possible danger.

"If only there had been a child and your sister and Rudolph had married ... well, then we could start thinking on different lines."

"Would you want to marry me?"

"I want it more than anything in the world. If I could marry you instead of Freya I would ask nothing else."

"I have always believed that my sister had a child."

"Even if she had it would be of no consequence, as far as the succession is concerned."

"If she and Rudolph had been married it would."

"But they were not."

I was about to say that I had seen the entry ... but he had seen with his own eyes that it was not there.

"That would make all the difference," I went on, "if they had married and we found there had been a child?"

"But of course. However much the marriage would have been disapproved of, it would still be a marriage."

A sudden wild hope was surging through me. It was the magic of the forest. It was the blue mist, the fir-clad mountains and the feeling that I was in an enchanted land where strange events took place.

So I gave myself up to the joy of being with Conrad in our new home. I had the strange conviction there that I was going to find what I needed.

When I arrived back at the schloss the envoy was still there. I was relieved. It gave me the chance to slip up to my room unnoticed. I was always afraid of seeing Freya immediately after my meeting with Conrad for I felt it might be obvious to her that something had happened to me.

I threw off my riding coat and sat on the bed, thinking over the past few hours, and my eyes strayed to my dressing table. It struck me suddenly that the little pot in which I kept my hairpins was not in its usual position. I looked at it without much interest and wondered when I had moved it. It was a trivial matter, but it did look a little strange as I had never before seen it out of place. I was lost in thought about Conrad—the mood I was usually in after having been with him, alternating between joy and fear. There were times when I gave myself up to dreams. I let myself imagine that Conrad and I were together and everything had turned out right for us. I pretended that I had found Francine's child and he was acclaimed the heir; Conrad was free and we married and lived happily ever after. Fancies ... wild dreams ... How could they ever come true?

I must change from my riding clothes. The envoy must surely be leaving soon and then Freya would come and tell me what sort of day she had had. She seemed to have grown up lately; I supposed that now she was getting closer to marriage, she was becoming interested in the politics of the country in which as Grand Duchess she would have a part to play.

I sometimes fancied that life excited her. Was she perhaps falling in love with Conrad? That would be the easiest thing imaginable for a romantic young girl.

I hung up my coat and took a dress from the cupboard. I took off the scarf I had been wearing and opened a drawer to put it away. I had several scarves which I always kept in the drawer with my gloves and handkerchiefs. It was strange, but the gloves which were usually kept below the handkerchiefs were on top.