Then I had no doubt that someone had been looking through the drawer. Why?

A cold horror had begun to creep over me. There was one drawer which had been locked and in which I kept the papers Cousin Arthur had helped me to get before I left England. They would reveal my true identity.

If someone had seen them I should be betrayed, for whoever found them would know that I was not Anne Ayres but Philippa Ewell—and they would remember that the young woman who had been murdered was Francine Ewell.

I searched frantically for the keys of the drawer. I had left them at the back of one of the other drawers behind some underclothes. They were not in their usual place. I unlocked the drawer and hastily searched. I found the papers but was sure they were not quite as I had left them.

Now I was almost certain that someone had been in my room, had looked for the papers and found them; and then had put the key back in the wrong place. In which case I was betrayed. Who would have done it?

My first thoughts were: Freya. I often felt she was suspicious of me. She had a mischievous way of regarding me. On more than one occasion she had said, "You are not what you seem!" and there had been a calculating look in her eyes.

Could it be that she had determined to find out and had gone through my drawers while she knew I was away?

I would soon find out.

If she had seen the papers, I should have to confess to her. I would tell her the whole story and I knew she would understand.

The thought that it was Freya was comforting in a way.

But of course it could be someone else.

The Discovery

There was to be a thanksgiving service in the cathedral in the centre of the town to celebrate the recovery of the Grand Duke.

Conrad was naturally very much involved with the arrangements and the Graf, the Grafin, Gunther and Tatiana stayed at the Grand Schloss for two days and nights to assist.

Freya and I were together during that time more than we had been lately and I was very wary of her, wondering all the time if she had seen the papers in my drawer. She gave no sign of having done so, which would have been strange with Freya. I should have thought she would have burst out the news of her discovery immediately.

She was a little quiet, it was true. However, I thought that was probably because her marriage was coming nearer.

We rode together into the forest. I avoided both the hunting lodge and the Marmorsaal; and she was in such a reflective mood that she allowed me to lead the way.

When we had ridden for a while we tied up our horses and stretched ourselves on the grass and talked.

"The forest is beautiful," I said. "Listen ... can you hear the cowbells a long way off?"

"No," said Freya firmly. "I am so glad the Grand Duke is better."

"Everyone is. In fact, it is going to be a matter for national rejoicing."

"If he hadn't lived, I should have been married by now."

"Does that alarm you?" I asked cautiously.

"I'd rather wait," she said.

"Of course."

"Why didn't you get married?"

"For one very good reason, that nobody asked me."

"I wonder why. You're quite attractive."

"Thank you."

"And you're not very old—yet."

"Every day I get a little nearer to senility."

"So do I. So does everybody. Even Tatiana ..."

"Why select Tatiana especially?"

"Because she thinks she is different from everyone else —like one of the goddesses."

"I know someone else who had similar ideas about herself."

"Oh, it was just the name with me. What's in a name?"

"'That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.'"

"Poetry again! Really, Anne, you can be the most irritating person. Talking poetry when I want to talk about marriage."

I picked a blade of grass and stared at it. I was afraid she would see the rising colour in my cheeks.

I said slowly: "Are you in love with ... Sigmund?"

She was silent. Then she said, "I think I am in love."

"Well, then you must be happy."

"I am. Yes I am. Do you think I am too young to marry?"

"Well, it won't be for some time yet, will it? In a year's time you'll be of a reasonable age."

"I was thinking about now. How do you know you're in love? Oh ... I forgot ... you wouldn't know. You've never been in love and no one's ever been in love with you."

I was silent.

Then I said, "I think one would know."

"Yes, I think so too."

"So ... are you?" I asked, and felt as though the entire forest was waiting with me for her answer.

"Yes," she said firmly. "I know I am."

Then she threw her arms around me and hugged me. She kissed me lightly. I put my lips against her forehead and even as I did so I thought: the Judas kiss.

I felt utterly depressed and wretched.

The thanksgiving service was to be held on the following Saturday. They were decorating the streets of the town and they had arranged pageants to halt the Grand Duke's progress through the streets, to assure him of their loyalty. There was no doubt that the people very much appreciated their Grand Duke.

Conrad, as the heir, would ride with the Grand Duke in the grand coach, and they would be followed by other members of the royal household and nobility in their own carriages. The army would be out in full force and it would be very impressive.

"I am riding with the Graf and the Grafin," Freya told me. "Tatiana is furious because she will be several carriages behind. Gunther doesn't mind. He doesn't care so much about such things. I don't think Tatiana likes me."

"Why shouldn't she?"

"Oh, she has her reasons."

"Well, do you know them?"

"The main one is she wants to be me. She would like to marry Sigmund and be the Grand Duchess."

"What makes you think so?"

"I just know. I keep my eyes open, you know, dear Anne."

She looked at me quizzically and for a moment I felt sure she had seen those papers.

"Tatiana is ambitious," she went on. "She hates being just the daughter of the Graf. She'll make a very grand marriage, you see. But Tatiana wants the most important one. That, of course, is Sigmund ... for she couldn't very well marry the Grand Duke, could she?"

"Hardly."

"So she wants Sigmund, but he is betrothed to me, so she hasn't a chance. Poor Tatiana."

"Do you think she is in love with ... Sigmund?"

I wished I could stop myself always pausing before I said his name.

"Tatiana is in love with one person—herself. It's not such a bad thing to be in love with yourself. You never get disappointed, do you? And you always make excuses for the loved one. It's the way to have a perfect love affair."

"Freya, you are quite absurd."

"I know. And you like me that way, don't you? Do you think my husband will?"

"I expect so."

"Anne ... has something happened to you?"

"What do you mean?" I asked in alarm.

"You seem different."

"In what way?"

"Well, in one way you seem to be looking over your shoulder as though you are expecting something awful to happen ... and another time you look as if something rather wonderful has happened. It's very disconcerting, you know. It must be one thing or the other. You should make up your mind."

"You're imagining it."

"Am I, Anne? Am I?"

"Of course," I said brusquely.

"Perhaps I am fanciful. I must be in love myself. That makes people a bit odd, I think."

"I daresay it does."

And again I was wondering whether she had seen those papers.

There was another letter from Conrad.

"Dearest," he wrote,

When this thanksgiving business is over, I want you to leave the schloss and come to our home. Make some excuse to Freya, but come. When you are there we will make all sorts of plans. I'm so longing to be with you. All my love now and always.

C.

As usual his letters filled me with delight and apprehension, but as I looked at the seal on this one I had a fancy that it had been broken and resealed before it had reached me.

I wondered if that was possible. Conrad was reckless, I knew that. He had become so accustomed to having his own way and expecting immediate obedience that it might not have occurred to him that he could have a disloyal servant.

If someone had read that letter before it reached me, they would understand at once the relationship between us. Could it be Freya?

No. She could never keep such a matter to herself. But her recent conversations had set me wondering. Why had she talked as she had about love and marriage? It was almost as though her observations were full of innuendoes, that there was some meaning behind her words. Yet, her affection for me did not seem to have abated. She had said she was in love. Then if she had read that letter she must be jealous of me. But she showed no sign of it.

It was disturbing to contemplate that the letter might have been intercepted. I tried to tell myself that I had imagined it because of my guilty conscience, but there was also the indication that my room had been searched.

One of the servants knocked on my door and when I told her to come in she took a letter from her pocket.

"This was given to me to hand to you," she said, "and I was told to give it to no-one else."

I immediately thought of Conrad, but surely he would not have given it to a serving girl. When I looked at the writing on the envelope I did not recognize it.

"A young woman gave it to me. She said you would understand."

"Thank you," I said.

I could scarcely wait for the maid to go before I opened the envelope.

"If you will come to the house," I read, "I will show you something which I think you will want to see. Katia Schwartz."

I was tremendously excited, and I determined to go to the house in the forest as soon as I could.

It was not easy. Freya would demand to know where I was going and want to come with me. I could see nothing for it but to wait for the day of thanksgiving. I should be expected to be there, of course, but I could make some excuse to get away.

Freya told me that I was to ride in the carriage with Fraulein Kratz and perhaps two others.

"Dear Anne," she said, "I am sorry you have to ride with the governess."

"Why be sorry? It's my place."

"But you know you are ... different."

"On the contrary, I am here as the English governess and it is only right and proper that I should be treated as such."

"I spoke to the Grafin about it."

"You shouldn't have done that."

"I shall speak how and when I like."

"I know that, but it was unwise."

"Tatiana was quite angry. She said you were a governess and your place was in the carriage with Fraulein Kratz."

"She was quite right."

"She was not. You are my friend. I keep telling them that."

"Freya, you must remember your position."

"I do. That is why I let them know when I don't approve of something."

"I shall be perfectly all right in the governesses' carriage. It's very kind of them to let us have a carriage in any case."

"Now you are being humble. I always suspect you when you are like that."

"Suspect me of what?"

She narrowed her eyes. "All sorts of things," she said.

"What shall you wear for the service?" I asked.

"Something bright and beautiful. After all, it is a time for rejoicing, isn't it?"

"It certainly is."

The day came. It was warm and the air seemed filled with the scent of pines. It was always like that when the wind blew in a certain direction. I had grown to love it.

What a great occasion it was—and one of those when I realized more poignantly than ever the great gulf between myself and Conrad. What if I succumbed to his wishes? There would be many occasions when he would be attending some ceremony. And I? Where should I be? One of the crowd, I supposed. Or perhaps not present at all. That was not important really. I loved him enough to want to make his life as comfortable as possible, and if that meant taking an obscure role I did not mind that. And yet I found it sordid in a way, unacceptable. ... I was still hovering between my need of him and something within me which was warning me to get away while there was still time, before I became inextricably enmeshed.