Elizabeth Eulberg - The Lonely Hearts Club

"Why?"

Diane curled a long, blond strand of hair with her finger. "He just thought that you'd be a true Beatles fan and not want to hear some cheesy tribute band. I know how your parents feel about it."

"Yes, my parents don't understand why people remake anything — even movies. They are very traditional, although the term traditional is probably the last word people would use when thinking of my parents," Diane smiled at me, "Well, I'm sure you guys will have a great time."

"Diane, are you really okay that I'm going?"

She nodded. "Of course. You two are the most important people in my life. Why would I be upset?"

I paused for a moment, "No reason."

"Well, I'm going to warm up — can you tell Ryan I'll meet him at the track?"

"Sure." I instantly felt uncomfortable with the thought of having to deal with Ryan alone.

He came back a few minutes later, "Diane said she'd meet you at the track."

"Okay, thanks."

I started to walk to Tracy's locker.

"Hey, Penny!" Ryan called after me.

"Yeah."

I turned around and saw him smiling at me. "I'm really glad you agreed to go with me to the concert. It will be nice to spend some time together outside of school."

I just stared at him.

"See you tomorrow," he said to me. As he jogged by, he reached out and gently squeezed my arm.

There was no way this was going to end well.

MEG SPENT THAT SATURDAY interviewing the Club members for her article. But she wanted to interview me, Tracy, and Diane separately.

While I was one hundred percent behind the Club and couldn't have been happier about our success, the timing for this interview couldn't have been any worse. The looks we all had been getting from the male population at McKinley High and girl nonmembers had become more and more awkward. Todd had stopped talking to me all together.

"So do you consider yourself a feminist?" Meg asked after I'd given her the background.

"Um, I guess?"

Nice answer.

I knew I had to start focusing on the interview. The Club was too important to me not to, and I really wanted it to be portrayed as something positive.

"You better only be saying nice things about me," Tracy interrupted as she walked into the room. "is it my turn yet?"

Meg shut off the tape recorder. "I just need to grab another tape. I'll be right back."

For over a week I'd been avoiding telling Tracy about the upcoming whatever-it-was with Ryan. With Meg out of the room, it seemed as good a time as any.

After I was done, I asked, "So how do you feel about that?"

"Sounds like fun, Pen, this isn't a date or anything, is it?"

"Are you kidding me? No, Tracy. It's just a concert. No big deal."

"Yeah, I've always liked Ryan. I'm surprised he hasn't started dating someone new."

"Well, he went to Homecoming with Missy — "

"Penny, he's not dating her — he just took her to Homecoming, He is one hundred percent single and available." My heart stopped.

"Man, I should talk to Meg about writing some sort of gossip column for the Monitor, I would hate to think where you'd be without my knowledge of the goings-on of the student body. Anyways, you're not going to believe what those little brats did to me last night while I was babysitting. .."

And like that, the conversation was over. I had nothing to worry about. It was just going to be an evening with two classmates catching a concert. Nothing more.

Diane looked like she was going to be sick.

"Everything is going to be okay," I did my best to reassure her.

"Oh God, oh God, oh God." She paced the hallway, her hands rolled up in tight fists.

Tracy and I exchanged worried looks.

Diane slouched down on the floor. "What was I thinking?"

I sat down next to her. Tracy moved a few feet away with Jen to give us privacy.

"Diane." I put my arm around her, "I can't get over how much you've changed the past few weeks — you should be proud. No matter what happens."

We looked up to see Coach Ramsey open the gymnasium doors and slowly walk toward the bulletin board. A group of girls opened up a narrow passage for her and quickly closed up once she'd posted a single sheet of paper.

"Do you want me to look?" I asked.

Diane looked up as several girls started jumping up and down, cheering. Tracy walked over and scanned the list. Coach Ramsey walked past us on her way back to the gym, paused, and turned around.

"Welcome to the team, Monroe."

Diane's eyes widened. "You mean..."

"Of course you made the team.'" Tracy could no longer contain herself. "You made the flippin' varsity squad, Diane!"

Diane jumped up and rushed over to the bulletin board and studied the team list.

"I… I…" She turned back toward us. "I did it! Holy crap, I did it!"

She rushed over and engulfed me in a giant hug.

"Congratulations, we all knew you could do it!" I was practically screaming, I was so excited for her. "All right, guys, you can come over now!"

A screaming mob with "Congratulations, Diane" signs came rushing from around the corner.

"What's going on?" Diane said in shock.

"You didn't want there to be a big scene in case you didn't make the team, but of course everybody wanted to be here for you."

Laura proudly displayed her "Way to Go, Diane" sign and quickly flipped it over to reveal another option: "Screw 'em, they don't know what they're missing." Laura winked at Diane, "Hey, a girl's gotta be prepared!"

Diane was swarmed by well-wishers, including the rest of her team members.

Tracy put her arm around me. "Our little baby is all grown up! Did you ever imagine this could've happened?" Tracy asked.

I shook my head.

Not even in my wildest dreams.

"Extra! Extra! Read all about us!" Meg greeted me at my locker between classes on Monday and handed me a copy of the McKinley Monitor.

I grabbed the paper, and my eyes went straight to the headline about the Club and a picture of us that was on the front page.

"Oh, I didn't realize it was so big," I remarked as I tried to not have a panic attack.

I raced to the girls' bathroom, checked the stalls to make sure I was alone, and sat down. It was all pretty much the standard story that I fell was already getting pretty old... until we got to the end.

Rumors about the Club have been swirling the last few weeks, especially among the males at McKinley.

"All that estrogen in one place can't be good" said junior Todd Chesney. "I just think all this no-dating stuff is a bunch of crap."

"I really haven't seen too much of a change in the chicks at school, except that they are a little too busy to hang," adds senior Derek Simpson.

Despite some concerns of the male population at McKinley, the Lonely Hearts Club doesn't appear to be slowing down anytime soon.

"I'm really excited to see what happens next, "said Bloom. "there really doesn't seem to be an end in sight."

One thing is for sure. This reporter looks forward to her standing date every Saturday night, thanks to Penny Bloom and her lonely heart."

I just stared at the last words: Penny Bloom and her lonely heart.

My stomach tightened as the realization sank in that the entire school was going to read this. The entire school.

What were people going to think of me after this got around?

I FELT LIKE I'D BEEN CUT open. I was exposed. So I guess it was fitting to be in Bio class dissecting our pig, when my quiet punk-rock lab partner Tyson said, "Um, Penny. There's something, um, I wanted to talk to you about."

He leaned back on the chair and stared at his hands. "Um, I read about that club of yours in the paper. Is it true that you can't date anybody if you're in it?"

"Well, yes, but there's more to the Club than that," I replied.

For the first time ever, Tyson looked me directly in the eyes. "You know, not every guy in this school is a jerk."

I was taken aback "I don't think…"

He tucked his hair behind his ears "Maybe some of us deserve a chance."

I began to nod slowly.

"You know, it's really hard for a guy to get up the courage to ask a girl out."

I looked down at the table, not sure what to say next.

"I was finally going to do it — and then I read the article. Now it's useless, because Morgan can't even go on a date."

My jaw dropped open, and I turned around to where Morgan and her lab partner were reading from the syllabus.

"Don't look!" Tyson said sharply, sinking down in his seat.

Oh. My. God.

Tyson liked Morgan! Why couldn't he have admitted it earlier?

"Just forget that I said anything."

He opened up his notebook and started to vigorously write something down. I peeked over his hunched shoulder and saw that all over the paper were words — most likely lyrics. I wanted to grab the notebook out of his hands and read it. I'd noticed him writing things down before — I just thought he was doodling or writing down his band's name over and over again. Little did I know that he was pouring his heart onto the page.

I walked to the cafeteria in a daze. While I was waiting in line, debating between the pizza and chicken nuggets, I heard that awful high-pitched voice.

"Ohmygod! How pathetic!"

Missy was standing next to me with a couple of Missy wannabes.

I grabbed a slice of pizza and a bottle of water and headed to the cash register. She followed closely behind me.

"Guys, ohmygod look, it's lonely Penny. Where's your group of followers, Penny?" Missy whipped her head from side to side dramatically, looking around the cafeteria. Then she got in my face, her herd giggling behind her. "Do you only let pathetic people into your club?"

I rolled my eyes and tried to move around her, but she moved to block me.

"Are you even being serious?" I asked back. "What exactly is your problem?"

More people were watching now.

Missy opened her eyes wide, trying to look all innocent.

"Problem? Moi? No, no, I just think it's so sad that you're so lonely." The Missy-lites high-fived each other.

"This is ridiculous... "

I tried to turn around, but Missy grabbed my elbow. "What? I can't join your club? Oh, wait — I can't, because guys actually want to date me."

A voice came from behind me. "You can't join because we only allow people who have an IQ."

Missy dropped her grip, and I turned around and saw Diane standing there with her arms folded across her chest. "And, we usually prefer people who have their own sense of self. Nice top, Missy." Diane motioned toward Missy's scoop-neck sweater with a tie at the waist. "That is so me, two years ago."

I thought that would be it, but then Diane leaned in to Missy and said "You can try to be me all you want. He'll never date you."

If humanly possible, I bet smoke would've come from Missy's ears. I was enjoying the moment so much I was a little startled when Diane linked her arm in mine and said, "Let's not waste any more of our time, Pen."

We got a round of applause when we reached our group of tables, Diane curtsied.

"Hey, guys!" A loud voice silenced the group. I looked over my shoulder to see Rosanna Shaw, a senior, with her lunch tray. She put it down in the small space between me and Tracy. "Do you mind moving over?" she said to Tracy.

Tracy shifted over and Rosanna sat down. "I absolutely loved, LOVED the article, guys. What's going on?" Rosanne asked, as if there was something important she was missing.

I shrugged my shoulders. "Nothing, we were just talking about our days — "

"Anyways, you aren't going to believe what happened to me this morning when I was getting ready for school..." Rosanna started telling this overly long story that I think had something to do with her losing the hot water in her shower, but it was getting so drawn out I had to stop paying attention. I looked around the table and saw everybody looking down.

Kara leaned in to say something to Morgan.

"Wait, I'm not finished yet.'" Rosanna exploded.